My body trembled as I silently began to cry. What had driven me to be so foolish?! What would Jepp think of me now? Why had I hugged him just like that? What would he think of me? Would I ever be able to face him again? Would he judge me for my behaviour and for not getting him professional help a.k.a the nurses? What had made me think I could be able to really help him? I stumbled towards my bed and heaved myself on top of it, curling into a human ball, not caring for the neatly folded blanket underneath. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to dissolve into thin air so that nobody would ever have to cope with my incompetence and thoughtlessness ever again. It must have been so awkward for him to be hugged by a (almost) stranger in such a situation.
I started pinching my wrist again and then stared at the large plaster covering most of it. What if I would just reopen the cut? It shouldn’t be too difficult as the healing process had just started. But just scratching with fingers would probably not work all too well. Also I were not allowed to have any sharp objects in my room..

I looked around for a little bit until my eyes fell onto a USB-stick filled with music by a friend. I took a closer look at it. The edges were kind of sharp. Maybe that would work. I picked up the small USB with my still shaking right hand and slowly, slowly lifted it up to my wrist, that now had the cut openly displayed as I had previously removed the plaster which had cover the cut for the last days. I could still see some remains of the plasters sticky layer but I didn’t care. In a few minutes I wouldn’t have to care for anything anymore. I placed the USB at the left hand ending of the still young scar and started pressing down.

I looked at my right hand. It was still in the same position. Still pressing downwards but not forwards as if it had suddenly developed its own consciousness and was now refusing to do what its owner wanted. And then a thought flooded my head. What if the friend who gave the USB to me heard of the cause of my new cut? Would she blame herself? Would she be miserable? I never wanted to make anybody’s life worse.. How could I do that to a friend that cared so much about that she made a mixtape for me? How egoistic had I gotten?
With as much force as I could muster I flung the device in one corner of the room only to hurl after it a second later because it was still a present for me and I didn’t want it to break.

I took a deep breath and went to the small sink in another corner of the room to wash my hands and run my wrists under the water so I could tell the nurses that the plaster had become loose because of the water. I really didn’t want them to know about the last minutes in my room. Nothing had happened and I wasn’t too keen on extending the use of the cloud-medication. After a while of running water over my hands and wrists I turned off the water again, took a last deep calming breath and opened my door… and promptly made contact with a solid chest. When I looked up I was met with deep, dark eyes and instantly knew who it was.

“Hey… I was just about to knock.” He said, showcasing his charming, gummy smile. It didn’t prevent me from noticing his pale skin and tired appearance though. I cautiously looked at the floor. I was still too ashamed of my actions to face him or look straight at him.

“Really? How can I help you? “ It sounded as stiff and anxious as I felt and I mentally cursed myself for not being able to keep my voice steady.

“Let’s have a coffee or tea and sit down, okay? It might take a while and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Again, Jepp smiled at me. This time it was a smile that made me feel warm inside and think of family and love… How could a guy as good and tough looking as him also look so gentle and affectionate?

Slowly I nodded and followed him out and into the big group/meal room.

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Hello again~ I hope you feel good and the chapter wasn't too angsty and dark... I tried to make the ending a little lighter and the next chapter too. I feel bad about sucha dark chapter.. Still I hope you had a nice week and a great weekend and let me know if you have any wishes for the proceeding of this story!!!