“Fany, you’re going to reject me again right?”

I don’t know what I should say right now. Everything seems to be wrong. Not that I don’t love him. I do love him, but I just don’t think I can forget my past just like that. It’s too impossible.

He laughed. A forced laugh for me. “I knew it,” he slowly said.

“Hyukkie,” I tried to say something but only that came out. Hyukkie, Hyukjae, Lee Hyukjae. How do I comfort him now when I was the one who keeps on letting him down?

“It’s okay. I think I’m getting used to it now, Fany. Maybe it’s time for me to move on too. You should move on too. I will be there to help you... As a friend,” he replied back. I know he forced himself to say that.

I took a step forward to him, and he back away. Hurts, this hurts so much.

“I have to go now,” and with that, he just left. Not even turning back to wave at me like what he used to do before.

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To be honest, I do love him. But I don’t how much I love him. Maybe not as much as I love Siwon. Aish, that guy. I just can’t seem to forget him. After all of this time, I keep on wishing that someday Siwon will come back to me and we’ll lead a happy life together, just like before.

But I can’t actually deny my feeling towards Hyukjae too. He was the one who helped me a lot during those hard times. He was the only guy who can make me laugh and smile back after the tragedy. I do feel comfortable around him.

I don’t know why I can’t give him a chance. It’s not the first time, it’s the third time and still I keep on rejecting him. I do feel sorry for him. But Hyukjae being himself, he never give up. I wish he will just walk away and not turning back at all. But I know, if he did that, that will be another day when my life will be that dull again.

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“Oh my God! For God’s sake Tiff, why can’t you just accept him?”

That is Jessica. I can see that she’s mad at me. She’s always mad at me when it comes to rejecting Hyukjae. I know she cares so much about me, and that is the reason why she’s acting like this.

Jessica don’t really believe in guys. And the only guy who she believed in was Hyukjae. Only him. Not even Siwon. Sigh. It’s not that Jessica have a feeling for Hyukjae, I doubt it. She already have a boyfriend and surprisingly she don’t even trust her boyfriend as much as she trusts Hyukjae.

She believed that Hyukjae can make me happy. She believed that I can be the cheerful and happy Tiffany again when I’m with Hyukjae. She believed that Hyukjae is the perfect guy for me. She believed in everything about Hyukjae.

“Can you say something to me please? I’m talking to you, Tiff!” Jessica shouted. I was startled. I look up to meet her eyes and smiled.

“Don’t give me that eyesmiles please, Tiff. It’s not helping me,” she added. I chuckled. I know she’s getting tired of my eyesmiles whenever we are having a deep conversation like this. Well it’s not really a deep conversation. Why? Because she do most of the talking!

“Can’t we stop it? I don’t feel like talking about Hyukjae,” I replied at last. I stood up and entered my room. I locked myself in my room, just like the way I used to do it after the tragedy.

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It’s midnight now. I was sleeping just now but I just woke up. I had a nightmare and it turns out that I woke up crying. I don’t really remember what the nightmare was about though. But I’m pretty sure it’s about Siwon. He was the one who keeps on visiting me in my dreams.

I was lying in my bed and looking at the wall silently. Siwon’s face keeps on coming into my mind. I miss him, I miss him so much. I can’t forget him and that’s the main problem here. I closed my heart from other guy just because I’m not over Siwon yet.

Suddenly Hyukjae’s face appeared in my mind. His gummy smile. His innocent look. It is as if I can feel his hug right now. I miss the warmth of his hug. I miss Hyukjae. Breaking his heart is the last thing that I wanted to do in my life. But it seems impossible too. I keep on breaking his heart and I don’t know where did he got all the strengths to stay strong. He used to be a crybaby before. Even the smallest things can make him cry, but now, he’s so strong. I wish I can be like him.

I keep on thinking about them. Siwon and Hyukjae. One from my past and one from my present. One left me and one keeps on staying with me. I don’t know. And there it goes, I fell asleep after hours of thinking and fighting with my own feelings. 

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So, this is bad though. I don't feel like posting this here anymore but yeah, I'll still do it. Lol. As you guys can see sometimes I explained too much on the feelings, so yeah. And uhm, sorry for the grammar mistake too because I tried to correct some but in the end I'm blank and just give up -__- I'll update soon. It'll be in 4 chapters or 3 chapters. though. Not that many chapters. I'll update real soon, well, once I got the time ^^

Have a great day ahead :D