“Ye-Yesung?”

Happy? Scared? Relieved? Yesung can’t describe his feelings right now. To see his older brother that he has been longing to see for years now is standing with shock on his face is unexplainable. He slowly gets up from his seat and steps closer to reach his brother. He hopes it’s not just his imagination. He hopes that his Hyung won’t disappear when he touches him like in his dream.

“Hyung? Kibum Hyung?” Yesung stutters. It’s been a long time since he can say those words. He misses his brother so much that it feels that the person in front of him isn’t real.

Kibum is still not moving. He is too shocked to do anything and only stare at Yesung who comes closer to him. On the other side, Siwon is confused with their interaction. Do they know each other? What’s going on? He wants to ask those questions but he doesn’t want to interrupt their reunion.

“I miss you so much, Hyung.” Yesung is finally standing in front of his brother. So close that Yesung can see that his brother has changed. He still looks handsome like he used to be but his features are sharper now without the baby fats. He is bit taller than him and his body is slightly muscular, judging from the uniform that hugs his body. Slowly, he raises his hand to touch Kibum’s face. He wants to make sure that he is real.

Kibum flinches when a small hand lands on his cheeks. The familiar small hand that he used to hold. He closes his eyes to feel the warm hands. Yesung chokes on his sob when he realizes that his Hyung is real. It’s really his Kibum Hyung. He hugs his older brother tightly, sneaking his thin arms around his hyung’s waist. He is finally crying when Kibum returns the hug and his back gently. There is no doubt that this person is his Kibum Hyung.

“I miss you, Hyung. I don’t even know that you are back to Korea already.” Yesung sobs into Kibum’s shoulder.

The on Yesung’s back stops abruptly. Suddenly, Kibum pulls away from the hug and pushes Yesung shoulders, forcing him to release the arms that wrap around his Hyung’s waist. Kibum’s eyes look hard and cold as he stares at Yesung.

“Hyung?” Yesung is confused with his brother’s reaction. Did he say something wrong?

“Of course you don’t know. You don’t need to know anyway.”

Yesung flinches when he hears how cold and angry his brother’s voice sounds. His eyes change. There is flash of anger and hurt on his expression. What’s wrong?

“You know what? Let’s just forget that we are brothers. Don’t we have our own life now?”

Those words hit Yesung very hard. It feels like Kibum is breaking his heart with a hammer. What’s happening? Did he miss something? Kibum sounds angry but he has no idea about the reason. Is it possible that he’s still angry because Yesung didn’t want to move out with him?

“H-hyung? I don’t.. I don’t.. I don’t understand.” Yesung stutters in fear. What does it mean? “I- I am your brother. How can we just forget each other?  Hyung?”

“I am not your Hyung anymore. Go back to your own life, Yesung. I am already happy with mine.” With that, Kibum walks out of the library, leaving Yesung broken hearted. Tears are falling from his almond shapes eyes. He feels numb. His hyung doesn’t want him back in his life.

“Yesung.” Siwon’s gentle voice draws his attention. He forgets that his handsome senior is still with him. “I don’t really know what’s going on but if you need a shoulder to lean on, I am here.”

Yesung smiles but sadness is still evident on his face. “I-am okay, Hyung. I am o..kay?” He isn’t even sure that it’s a statement or question.

Siwon’s face softens and he walks closer towards Yesung. He gently pulls Yesung into his embrace. “I don’t know if you are okay or not but I am very sure that I don’t mind that my shirt gets wet.”

The gentleness in Siwon’s voice finally breaks Yesung’s barrier. He starts crying and sobs into his senior’s chest. It hurts, to hear your brother doesn’t want you in his life.

“Kibum Hyung doesn’t want me anymore. I am sorry Kibum Hyung, please take me back in your life.” Yesung cries in agony.

Siwon feels his heart clenched at the sight. The usually cheerful and sassy Yesung looks really miserable now. He finally remembers where he had seen the same photo from Yesung’s journal. He saw it when he visited Kibum’s house. The same photo is in small frame on Kibum’s desk.

“Oy, Kibum who is this?” Siwon holds the frame to see the photo better.

Kibum’s face looks sad. “My brother. Our parents got divorced and he lives with my father.”

“Oh… He is cute. Don’t you miss him?”

“Miss him?” Kibum asks back like he isn’t sure what to answer.

The conversation gets interrupted when Kibum’s mother comes in with a tray of snacks. Siwon decides to change the topic and eventually both of them forgets about it.

The world is sure small, to think that Yesung is Kibum’s brother. Siwon closes his eyes. He also doesn’t understand why his best friend reacts like that. He is sure that Kibum misses his brother too but why he said he wants to break the tie with Yesung?

“Hey, maybe Kibum doesn’t really mean it.” Siwon says when Yesung is calming down. He isn’t as histeric as before since Siwon only hears some sniffs. “I will try to talk to him, okay?”

Yesung looks up, the shedding tears are still visible on his eyes. “Thank you, Hyung.”

Siwon sighs as Yesung snuggles his face into his chest. His heart starts beating so fast that he is afraid Yesung will hear it. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He never thinks that he will have soft spot for his hoobae. His intention was just to play around with Yesung but seems like his heart says otherwise. He wants to smack himself for thinking about it right now.

“Feeling better?” Siwon slightly push Yesung’s away. He doesn’t want Yesung to hear his heartbeat.

Yesung nods. He does feel better after crying but everytime he thinks about his brother’s words. He can’t help to feel hurt. Can his brother forget him that easily? His brother’s life must be so good that he doesn’t want a burden like him. Yesung wonders if there is still spot for him in his brother’s life. He feels like his purpose to live is not there anymore. It’s sad that the thing that keeps him hanging on with life now crashing him down.

**

The sky is really dark this morning, just like Yesung’s feeling right now. When he reached home yesterday, he started crying again until he fell asleep. Siwon said that he can take absent if he wants since exam is already over. But Yesung refused. Now that he knows that his brother goes to same school with him, he doesn’t want to miss the chance to see and talk with him. His brother’s absence for 5 years can’t erase the 11 years time he spent with him. Every single day he always thinks about