Day-1 Before Wedding……….

Ultimately, it was Ryeowook’s decision.

Leeteuk and Heechul had agreed with the others that in the end, it was Ryeowook’s call. Ryeowook was Donghae’s fiancé, no, in their words, they have already Ryeowook as Donghae’s husband. The thought of what was supposed to be their wedding day the next day made it more excruciating. Ryeowook knew that he had to gather himself together, make some phone calls, cancel the wedding or inform his guests about the wedding. But…. How could he when just by saying Donghae’s name brought him over the edge of new found tears. How could he cancel the wedding when Ryeowook wanted to believe that there still was hope, when all he wanted over the past few months was to get married with the love of his life?  

When the doctor deemed that Donghae was finally allowed visitors after being brought out from the operation theatre, Ryeowook found everyone glancing at him, waiting. Everyone knew that Ryeowook deserved this, that Ryeowook should be the first to be reunited with Donghae.  

Ryeowook pushed himself shakily up from his seat and with every step that he took, Ryeowook’s chest heaved as more tears welled up in his eyes. Just trying to breathe felt difficult all of a sudden as Ryeowook clenched his hands above the left side of his chest, as if he could feel the pain right through the skin of his chest. He dragged himself towards the room Donghae was in and then stopped right outside, staring straight into the door. His hands gripped onto the handles of the door, knuckles white and pale as he gripped it with all the strength he was left with.

His felt his insides breaking down and Ryeowook stood frozen there, unable to push down the handle and step into the hospital room. The image of his lover behind this door made itself visible in Ryeowook’s head and Ryeowook didn’t think he could do it, face Donghae like this. He wasn’t strong enough. He knew that the moment he stepped into the room, nothing would ever be the same ever again.

A hand suddenly patted Ryeowook’s shoulder, lightly giving him a gentle squeeze.

“Ryeowook,”

“Go in there,” Kyuhyun offered the smaller man a small smile, “He’s waiting for you.”

Ryeowook sniffled, nodding his head. Somehow, what Kyuhyun said gave him a little strength and encouragement. He was right. Ryeowook and Donghae had been apart for days now and Ryeowook knew that Donghae must have been waiting for him. With a shaky grip, Ryeowook pushed down on the handle and pushed the door opened.

Kyuhyun didn’t follow Ryeowook in and Ryeowook was thankful for that. He closed the door behind him before taking a deep breath and finally, finally, turned around.

There he was, the love of his life.

Donghae still looked the same as he did before. Bruises and scars over his face and body. This time however, there were a little more tubes connected to him. There was a machine next to him that was helping him to breathe. Ryeowook wiped the tears away from his face with the back of his hands, and then run his hand through his hair, straightening down the messy locks. He wanted to look presentable in front of Donghae, he always wanted to look the best for his lover.

Ryeowook slipped into the chair next to Donghae’s bed and found his hand on the side of his body. Ryeowook gingerly brought it up, careful of the tubes connected to it and then kissed each finger and then took his time as he placed a soft kiss on the tattoo on Donghae’s wrist.

“A plane?”

 “I want to travel the world with you. It has always been a part of my dream ever since we got together.”

“If that’s the case then shouldn’t I get one as well?”

Ryeowook didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to in front of Donghae but once the first tear broke out, the rest followed, gushing down his face as Ryeowook hugged Donghae’s body tight and sobbed his heart out.   

“Donghae,” Ryeowook sobbed quietly, trying hard to wipe away the endless tears, “W-Wake… Wake up…. Hae. We’re… We’re supposed to get married tomorrow… We… We’re… We’re going to New York, aren’t… Aren’t we? For our… Honeymoon? Donghae… Please… Wake… Wake up… I… You can’t… Leave… Me….”

The silence was suffocating him and Ryeowook shivered as he realized that he would never hear Donghae’s warm voice ever again. The beeps on the machine echoed through the room and for as long as Donghae was dependant on this, that would be the only response Ryeowook would ever get – The assurance that Donghae was still breathing. There would be no lame jokes, warm compliments, y whispers, sweet good mornings and hearwarming I love yous from Donghae any longer.

Fat tears rolled down his cheeks as Ryeowook traced Donghae’s face with his fingers. His long eyelashes, his soft skin, his long nose, his full lips…. Even despite the scars and bruises, the very word perfection fitted well for Donghae. Ryeowook’s fingers trailed down Donghae’s face onto his neck and then to his chest, placing his hand on the left side of Donghae’s chest, feeling Donghae’s heart beating slowly against his chest. Donghae’s precious heart….

“You don’t deserve this,” Ryeowook whispered, one hand still placed on Donghae’s chest while another was caressing Donghae’s cheeks. “You… Don’t.”

“I’m… I’m just not the person you think I am. I’m… I’m bad for you, Ryeowook and… I think you deserve a really good guy.”

Despite the tears running down his face, Ryeowook managed a strained chuckle as he thought of the first time they had met and very few things Donghae had first said to him. It might have been a long time ago, but memories with Donghae would always be fresh in Ryeowook’s mind.   

“Pabo,” Ryeowook affectionately whispered, thinking of how silly his fiancé could be. “You’re one of the kindest person I’ve met.”

And indeed, it was the truth. Donghae was a good-hearted man. Donghae poured his whole heart and soul out to Ryeowook, always loving him with all that he could offer to the point where Ryeowook always felt like the luckiest man on earth. Donghae had a way of making Ryeowook feel special and Ryeowook wondered if he had ever made Donghae felt that way. Ryeowook gazed at Donghae’s unmoving face as softly traced the scars on his cheeks.

“Does it hurt, honey?” Ryeowook softly spoke, voice breaking at every voice, “Would… Would it… Be… Okay if… I asked you to… Stay?”

“Would it… Be fair for you?” Ryeowook desperately tried to catch his breath as the words were becoming harder to say out loud because they hurt, they hurt really bad. “I… I don’t want to… Say…. Goodbye to you… Hae.”

Ryeowook sniffled, “But… I don’t… Want you… To hurt… Anymore too.”

As the realization hit him straight in his heart that this was Donghae- the love of his life, the person who never failed to put Ryeowook first before himself, the person that brought happiness into Ryeowook’s and a bunch of other people’s life, the person that had the heart of gold - that Ryeowook was making the decision for, he started to weep.

Ryeowook clung onto Donghae’s arms as he softly sobbed, unable to handle the pain he felt in his chest. Donghae didn’t deserve this and deep down, Ryeowook knew all of that. 

***

In the midst of blurred vision and overwhelmed emotions, Ryeowook swallowed a stubborn lump in his throat, braced himself for reality to hit him full on and sobbed out his decision, with each word that rolled off his tongue piercing right through his heart.