Chapter 1
Scintilla (Spark)

“Reminiscence (noun),
is the act of recollecting past experiences or events.”

A normal noisy and vibrating atmosphere inside the studio as one of their songs’ instrumentals that’s going to be released on May comes on. The members of the band would get in and out of the recording booth depending on Jiyong’s instructions on how to sing and what to do with the melodies, harmonies and adlibs or when they think they have to do something with their lines to make it much more perfect than it already was. Perfectionist? Yes, that’s BIGBANG.

 “Hyung, your turn.” Jiyong said without turning his head nor his body around.

Seunghyun grabs his lyrics sheet as he makes his way inside the booth. Fixes his headphone and himself in front of the recording mic as he waits for the music to play and his cue to start rapping.

“Banbokdoeneun yeojadeulgwaui nae silsu. Harutbameul saranghago hae tteumyeon siljeung.”
“It’s a cycle of girls and mistakes. Love them for one night and hate them when morning comes.”

Those moments when lust and despair take place all at once where the times Seunghyun feels so vulnerable yet desperate. He had his own share of women and of one night stands from the past years, few of them were intentional and few were not.

Waking up next to a woman he bumped in a bar the night before with a nasty hangover wasn’t a new scenario or neither a shock to him. Politely wakes the woman he’d shared the night with, asks her to leave but there were also those rare times where he would rudely tell the woman to leave and only to receive a “ you.” in return. Does he care? No, his hangover is much more painful than those words.

Chaegimjijimot hal naui igijeogin gippeum, hana ttaeme modeun geosi manggajyeobeorin jigeum. Meomchul jul moreudeo naui wiheomhan jilju.”
“I can’t own up to it because of my selfish pleasure, everything is being ruined. I can’t stop this full speed run.”

They were times that he would stand under the shower, letting the pressure of the water relax him, thinking why did he do the same thing again. He always tell himself that he would stop the one night stand escapades, that we would not let himself wake up next to a different woman in an another hotel room. He doesn’t even know how they somehow ended up being up there and if a paparazzi caught them.

In all honesty, he’s tired of the routine but he couldn’t stop himself, the desire would just occur and he becomes bold in flirting especially when he’s very intoxicated with alcohol. It but loneliness even more.

“Ijen amureon gamhengdo jaemido eomneun gibun.”
“Now I have no interest, no fun anymore.”

Years passed by so easily and quickly so does the early adult stage escapades. His ual activities had stopped for more than a year and he couldn’t be even more proud of himself and diverted his attention to arts, acting and Japan Concert Tours while their group was in hiatus.

He would still let himself get drunk but successfully manages himself not to flirt or bring any woman in a hotel. Interests are all gone, it’s just how it is.

“Na byeorang kkeute honja inne, I’m going home. Na dasi doragallae yejeonui jejariro”
“I’m standing alone at the edge of a cliff, I’m going home. I wanna go back to how it was before.”

Have you ever found yourself in the brink of breaking apart? Seunghyun’s been there and still there. He may be popular, a lot of women screaming for his name, bringing cards with “Marry me, TOP” and other things a fangirl could do or write but he’s lonely.

How he wish he could immediately go back from those years when he was so happ