DEUX 

Kibum isn’t expecting it when Minho texts him 1 month later and asks him if he can please pick up Yoojin after school. He needs someone to look after her because he has to stay late at work. As much as he trusts his 7-year-old daughter he doesn’t want her to be alone. So Kibum soon finds himself outside her school. Yoojin is talking with a couple of friends when she spots Kibum and tilts her head confused. She turns around to talk to her friends before she runs over to meet Kibum.

“What are you doing here Kibum?” she asks confused and Kibum sends her a smile.

“Your dad had to work late so he asked me to pick you up.”

Yoojin turns to look nervously at her friends before she turns back to Kibum.

“You’re my uncle if they ask, okay?”

Her friends are making their way over to them and Kibum doesn’t get to ask what the act is for before two other girls have joined them.

“Who’s that Yoojin?” the one with the longest hair asks. Yoojin sends her a big smile and Kibum gets the feeling that something is very wrong.

“My uncle,” she says. Then she grabs Kibum’s hand. “Come, let’s go home in your awesome Mercedes.”

Yoojin drags Kibum with her before he even gets to ask and when they’re far enough away she hunches her shoulders and Kibum stops her.

“What was all that about?” he asks and Yoojin shrugs and kicks to a stone on the pavement. “Hey, Yoojin, you know I don’t have a car.”

His voice is calm and comforting.

“Yeah, why don’t you? You’re a vet!”

Her voice is venomous and it takes Kibum by surprise. She doesn’t elaborate on it though when she sits on a bench and kicks her feet against the concrete. Kibum sits beside her on the bench.

“What’s wrong, Yoojin?” he asks instead of asking to the car he doesn’t own. He’s almost certain there’s something else bothering her. She sighs heavily.

“Yewon and Jihyun always brag about their rich parents and …” There’s silence between them. “Minwoo has two mothers and everybody teases him a lot but I really don’t want them to know that you and dad are soulmates because what if they start teasing me?” It’s a whisper but Kibum feels his heart sink in his chest. “Like Yewon and Jihyun doesn’t have enough things to bully me with.”

He gently places his arm around her shoulder and Yoojin tries to hide in his side.

“What do they bully you with?”

Kibum hopes the question doesn’t make her feel like she needs to defend herself because he really wants to know what Yewon and Jihyun say that makes her feel even more scared to let the world know her father has a male soulmate. It’s not like he and Minho are dating anyway. Yoojin just sighs again and kicks at another stone.

“My height,” she sniffs and Kibum realizes she’s crying. He gently lets his hand run through her hair in a soothing motion. He’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do, it’s not often he gets to comfort crying children, so he does what he finds natural and just holds her close.

“Your height is going to make you a model,” he says and she blinks up at him. Kibum can’t help the small smile that spreads across his lips.

“I’m not pretty enough to be a model,” she mumbles and Kibum gasps a little.

“Don’t tell me Yewon and Jihyun told you that?” When she nods, Kibum feels something akin to anger in his chest. “They’re not right. You’re beautiful. And they’re just jealous because you’re taller than them.”

“They also say girls shouldn’t play soccer,” Yoojin says timidly and Kibum pulls her closer in an embrace.

“You shouldn’t be listening to them; they obviously don’t know that girls can do whatever they want to do.”

They sit in silence for another 30 seconds before Kibum asks whether or not Minho knows all about this. Yoojin quickly scoots away from him so she can glare at him.

“You can’t tell dad!” she says. “Seriously, you can’t tell him I said anything!”

She gets up from the bench and starts walking towards the bus stop and Kibum has to hurry a little before he reaches her.

“Yoojin,” he tries but the girl just glares at him again.

“No, please don’t tell dad. He’s going to think he’s done something wrong and I don’t want him to blame himself more. I can handle it.”

Kibum stops in his tracks as he watches the small girl walk in front of him. She’s much more aware of what goes around her than he would have predicted. Kibum isn’t even sure Minho himself is aware of how much his daughter actually knows but he decides to fulfill Yoojin’s wish and not tell her father. At least unless the bullying becomes so severe that it slowly tears her apart.

She turns around when she reaches the bus stop only to find Kibum 25 meters behind her and she giggles before she shouts after him. Kibum sends her a smile and feels lucky, a feeling he later buries deep within his chest and locks away in his heart.

Yoojin throws her jacket and her bag where she leaves her shoes in the middle of the hallway and hurries into the house. Kibum picks it up after her and shakes his head lightly. The girl emerges into the living room with Dangun in her hands and plops down on the couch. The snake settles in her lap and almost goes to sleep and she looks at it with fond eyes. Kibum places himself on the other couch as he looks at her.

“Dangun seems to love you,” he says and Yoojin looks up and nods proudly.

“Dad said I had to handle him often so he would be safe with me but I’ve had him a year already so I think he’s safe with me.” She turns to look dreamily towards the green snake in the living room. “I still can’t handle Seondeok.”

Kibum chuckles a little and nods.

“But Dangun seems like a wonderful snake.”

This has Yoojin nodding firmly.

“He is!”

Then she seems to remember something and pouts a little towards Kibum.

“Can’t you find my bag?” she asks and points towards the hallway where she has thrown it earlier. Kibum raises an eyebrow. “Homework…” she elaborates and Kibum has a strange feeling that she’s using him because she doesn’t want to get up. He gets up to find her bag, though, and she starts reading with Dangun in her lap.

Kibum settles in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. He finds himself staring at Yoojin on the couch and wonders who she resembles more, her mother or her father? He can see Minho’s traits in her, his love for sports and his height but he can’t help himself but wonder what her mother looks like.

Kibum doesn’t mean to snoop around when he gets up from the chair and enters the door to Minho’s bedroom. He doesn’t mean to look through his private belongings but when he finds a picture hidden away in his bed table, he feels his heart sink. The man on the picture is obviously a younger Minho and the woman can’t be anyone but his ex-wife with the way she smiles to the baby in her arms who can’t be anyone but Yoojin.

Kibum feels jealous and he doesn’t like that at all. He shouldn’t feel jealous. He knew Minho had someone before him, hell, he shouldn’t feel jealous because he has someone who isn’t Minho. He feels angry at himself for feeling jealous but looking at the picture only fuels his anger. The woman shouldn’t have been standing beside Minho like that, the pain she caused unknown to the happy couple portrayed in the photo. Then he scolds himself because he has no right to talk about the pain she caused when he doesn’t know exactly what pain she caused.

Kibum puts the photo down and exits the bedroom just as he hears Yoojin exclaim ‘dad’. He can hear Minho’s chuckles before he can see the pair in the hallway, Dangun hiding under a couch pillow at the sudden noise. Guilt surges through his veins when he remembers the photograph he was looking at only moments earlier. Yoojin runs passed him so she can find Dangun in the couch and Minho sends him a smile.

“Thanks for picking her up and looking after her. I hope she didn’t cause you too many troubles,” Minho says and when he walks passed Kibum he leans down and pecks Kibum’s cheek. Time stands still for a second before Kibum registers what have just happened. Then his heart picks up speed and he feels his stomach flip violently.

“I’m sorry,” Minho says. Kibum doesn’t even know how he’s able to wave it away but he does and sends Minho a smile.

“It’s fine. I should get going.”

Kibum only slips on his shoes before he turns around to find Yoojin in the living room.

“I’ll see you later Yoojin,” he says and she nods and Kibum exits the front door.

Kibum feels so horribly conflicted as he steps onto the pavement and flees from Minho’s house. He has an overwhelming urge to go back to Minho and kiss him hungrily yet he’s also horrified by his own reaction to the kiss on his cheek. He’s not falling in love with Minho, though, because that would be wrong and he can’t cheat on Jinki like that. Minho doesn’t love him either, of that he is fairly sure. They’re friends. Platonic soulmates. He’s engaged to Jinki. He can’t be in love with someone else, fate doesn’t play cruel tricks like that. Except the flutters of his heart seem to speak of love and he hates himself because of it. He can’t possibly be falling in love with Minho.

The only solution he finds is to establish distance. Go on vacation with Jinki and be so far away from Minho as possible. Stop it before it gets too late because he must not develop feelings.

Jinki is working when Kibum enters their apartment and the first thing Kibum does is turn on his computer and order flight tickets to Fiji. It isn’t until he has actually booked the flight that he realizes what he has done. It’s necessary, though. He needs to get away from Minho because he cannot simply fall in love with the other man.

When Jinki comes home at 11 pm he looks exhausted and he smells of food. On any other day, his stench would have had Kibum scrunching up his nose and asking Jinki to shower but today he flings himself at the other man so he can embrace him. Jinki looks surprised as he slowly wraps his arms around Kibum as well.

“What happened?” he asks but Kibum doesn’t say anything. He’s just happy that he feels his own heart beat faster in Jinki’s company as well and that the feeling of home hasn’t left the other. “You’re acting strange, baby,” Jinki says. Kibum gets eye contact with him.

“Shut up and enjoy it when I’m clingy.” Jinki chuckles at that and presses his lips to Kibum’s. “But you taste like five million different kinds of food and the combination is gross so at least brush your teeth. I have a surprise for you!”

Then he pushes Jinki towards the bathroom and laughs when the older man stumbles over his own feet. Jinki looks at Kibum one last time with a confused gaze before he disappears into the bathroom. Kibum can hear as the water in the shower starts running and he sighs. He really hadn’t wanted Jinki to shower but now that the other is obviously doing just that, Kibum decides he can surprise him in other ways.

Instead of walking into the kitchen he turns around on his heel and enters the bathroom. Jinki is in the shower, humming some English song which title Kibum can’t remember but he recognizes the melody instantly as one Jinki has sung many times before. He undresses and sneaks in behind Jinki before he presses close to the other man’s back.

Jinki squeals with surprise and then swears and Kibum can’t help laughing. The water is making them both wet and Kibum is still clinging onto his fiancé.

“Imagine a hot sun and a white beach and saltwater instead of the shower,” Kibum says and presses a kiss to Jinki’s shoulder. Jinki turns around in his embrace and looks at him confused.

“What did you do?” he asks and Kibum gasps in mock-offense.

“I’m just the best boyfriend of the year, excuse you.” Jinki isn’t that easily convinced. “Can you get two weeks off from … say 12th September?”

Kibum sends him a shy smile and Jinki exhales deeply.

“That’s two weeks from now. Kibum, what did you do?”

Kibum rolls his eyes and lets his hand slide over Jinki’s wet chest.

“Maybe I booked tickets to Fiji for us… Just maybe…” Jinki tilts his head and Kibum succumbs. “Okay, I did book the tickets. Happy early honeymoon or something.” Jinki is just still looking at him so Kibum lets go of him, crosses his arms in front of his chest and glares at him. “Are you seriously not even happy?”

This has Jinki lighting up in a smile and he wraps his arms around Kibum and pulls him closer.

“Of course I am, baby.”

Jinki’s warmth makes Kibum calm down and he lets the water cover both of them as he gets closer. He has a feeling that there is something else on Jinki’s mind however, when Jinki only soaps him up and doesn’t leave any lingering hands on his cheeks. He doesn’t voice this to Jinki. As they step out of the shower, Jinki gets dressed in his bathrobe and Kibum decides to dry himself with a towel and just wrap it around his waist.

It’s a couple of hours later when Jinki finds him in the living room in front of the TV. Kibum hasn’t been following the variety show but he still protests when Jinki stands in front of the TV and obscures his vision.

“You called it an early honeymoon…” he says silently and Kibum sighs.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have used that word. I know you’re not in a hurry to get married. I just wanted some time with you alone.” This has Jinki raising an eyebrow. “This whole two-soulmates-thing is exhausting, you know, and I still love you a lot and I just want to spend some time with the man I love. Is that a crime?”

Kibum has crossed his arms and is now looking directly at Jinki. The older man sighs.

“Of course not, I’m sorry. I think you just got me thinking when you said early honeymoon. So … Fiji?”

Kibum lights up in a smile and reaches out towards Jinki and the other man joins him on the couch. Kibum immediately grabs Jinki’s hand and starts playing with his fingers.

“Yeah, think about it. Beaches and ocean and just relaxing.”

He wiggles his eyebrows and Jinki starts laughing.

“Forget it, if we’re going to relax then we’re going to relax,” he says and Kibum pouts. They both know it won’t hold true, though. “I’ll see if I can get off, but I’m not sure I can take a full two weeks off. Can you even take a full two weeks off?”

Kibum becomes silent while he runs the schedule through his head.

“I’ll just work more during Christmas so Joohyun can take days off. And we’ll just have to have fewer patients, I suppose. It’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

Jinki nods in silence before he places his head on Kibum’s shoulder.

“I’ll try to get days off but I won’t promise anything.”

Jinki’s boss isn’t happy when he asks for two full weeks off because his fiancé has decided to place their honeymoon before their actual wedding. Kibum feels a little sorry when Jinki has to lie about it to get the two weeks off but when they stand in the airport, dressed in light clothing and with sun-glasses adorning their nose bridges, he can’t help being excited. A middle-aged woman scoffs at their linked hands but Kibum doesn’t let Jinki pull away.

Jinki beeps in the security control and Kibum can’t help his snort. Jinki pushes him lightly when the security guards finish their search and finds nothing and Kibum decides to mend his not-really-broken heart by buying him a box of heart-shaped chocolates that despite the cheesiness has Jinki squeezing his hand appreciatively.

Kibum buries his head in Jinki’s shoulder as the plane takes off and heads towards Hong Kong and he does the same when the plane lands in Nadi. The first thing Jinki does when they’re off the plane is kiss Kibum and Kibum can’t stop laughing when the other finally pulls away.

“You just had to,” he says and continues his chuckling. Jinki just shrugs but his smile is wide. They get their luggage easily and the heat that greets them has both of them sighing in relief. It’s going to be a great vacation.

As they watch the sun set over the ocean from their small ocean cabin Jinki presses a kiss to Kibum’s bare shoulder.

“I love you,” he says and Kibum feels the butterflies flutter in his stomach and his heart skip a beat and he knows this is the best decision he has ever made. Here he will forget he was ever soulmates with Minho and just focus on Jinki and it’s going to be great. He smiles and grabs Jinki’s hand so he can intertwine their fingers and just enjoy the moment.

Kibum doesn’t want to leave ever again if Fiji means love like this.

They spend the first week fooling around, sightseeing and cruising around the island nation. Jinki’s skin has been kissed by the sun and Kibum finds him even more beautiful than before they left. They don’t really touch each other in public, the gazes of disgust on the first day quickly letting them know that it isn’t looked all that well upon, but the nights are shared in privacy and full of each other. It almost feels like they’re on a honeymoon and not just a vacation at one point and Kibum feels so indescribably happy that it comes as a tidal wave when the feeling of loss washes over him. It’s sudden and heartbreaking and Kibum ends up crying in the bathroom as he condemns himself over missing Minho so much. Kibum doesn’t want to miss Minho but he does and the feeling of having lost something precious is so overwhelming that Jinki fairly quickly catches up on it.

“You’re missing him,” he says one evening while they’re eating outside at a fancy restaurant. Kibum looks up from his plate of food he can’t pronounce and looks at Jinki.

“No, I'm not,” he mumbles but the lie is so obvious he doesn’t even bother disguising it when Jinki raises an eyebrow.

“Call him,” Jinki says and Kibum shakes his head.

“You don’t understand.”

That is the one thing Kibum knows for sure. Jinki won’t understand. He barely even understands himself and he knows that he doesn’t expect Jinki to understand. Is it even possible to love two people without loving one more than the other? He sighs and digs into his dish. Jinki reaches out to stop him from eating.

“Call him,” he says again, this time with a voice that leaves no room for debate. “You’re miserable with only me here, Kibum.”

Kibum is about to deny it when Jinki shakes his head, fumbles for his phone and hands it to him.

“Just call and say hi.”

Kibum swallows thickly. Minho answers within 2 seconds.

“Hello?” he says and Kibum bites his lower lip.

“Minho…”

Kibum doesn’t get to say more before Minho interrupts him.

“Do you know how ing worried I’ve been, Kibum!” he says and Yoojin shushes him. “Where the are you and why are your phone turned off?”

Jinki raises an eyebrow in question and Kibum slumps in his chair.

“I’m on vacation with Jinki…”

Minho quiets on the other end.

“What?” he asks in a silent voice.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I wanted to spend time with him and … I mean, you understand, don’t you?”

There’s a pause where no one says anything.

“Yeah, sure, I understand. I’ll see you when you come back.”

With those words, Minho hangs up and Kibum is left staring at the phone, an overwhelming sense of misery settling in his bones.

“Why didn’t you tell him, Kibum?” Jinki asks after a full minute of silence.

Kibum gets up from his chair, emotions on edge. He misses Minho, he feels miserable for lying to the other, for trying to run away. He feels horrible for using Jinki to get away from Minho and he doesn’t really know what to do, how to fix anything because when it all comes down to it, he’s a guy with two soulmates and he’s probably in love with both of them and life can’t possibly go more wrong. He has a strong urge to just tell Jinki all of this but he can’t.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he leaves the restaurant and Jinki watches his fiancé run away from yet another confrontation.

Kibum is watching the sun set from their cabin. He doesn’t know where Jinki is and he’s not really worried about the other. He keeps repeating the same thoughts over and over again. No matter how much he still wants to deny that he’s in love with Minho, he can’t.

It had snuck onto him so easily, the fond gazes, the fluttering butterflies and his speeding heartbeat. There had been signs before, signs he had buried so he didn’t have to deal with them. Now he’s trying to figure out where to go from here. He still loves Jinki, that’s a fact and he doesn’t want to delve into thoughts of suddenly losing the other because he was stupid enough to fall in love with a second soulmate.

He doesn’t know how to tell Jinki that he still loves him when he also loves Minho. He doesn’t really know how to tell Minho that he has fallen in love with him but wants to stay with Jinki as well either. It’s all a mess and Kibum wishes someone would tell him what to do and fix everything for him but life usually doesn’t step up like that. The door opens behind him and he takes a look over his shoulder to find Jinki in the door way.

“Kibum…” he says and Kibum turns to look out of the window again. Jinki doesn’t get closer to him but stays in the doorway. Kibum almost wishes he would turn around. As much as he doesn’t want to lose Jinki,