Chapter 6

It has been more than a month since she last saw him, The first time they said goodbye to each other, it was her who turned her back but the second one it was his back that she last saw. She can’t even differentiate what hurts the most their first break up or the second one? Can people really forget whatever they feel for someone? Do they get to sleep at night with that gnawing pain in their heart? It’s like opening an old wound only to find it hasn’t even began healing. There are days she had accepted the fact that she has to live the rest of her life loving Yonghwa from where she’s at. Her parents kept on checking on her if she’s okay. She knows, they know, that her “I’m fine” only means let’s stop talking about this. I have nothing else to say. The last that she had heard was that Yonghwa was in a bind and may need to go on with the wedding. She drank herself to oblivion willing herself not to cry more tears. She hoped. Yes she really hoped that he will choose her. But he didn’t.

“Yah Joohyun!” Dr. Kim nudge her as she was spacing out at the nurse’s station, elbow on top of the counter, chin propped in the palm of her right hand,

She turned her head to her right and found her friend imitating her “What?!”

“You have this blank look on your face again! You better not let the director catch you or that little tattle tale up Hyejung or you’ll be on ER duty for the next month”

She puckered her lips and frowned “I know”

It was a slow day in the pediatric department, not much appointments, no rounds to make even the nurses are having a breather which is why one of the them joined in

“Dr. Seo” Nana started “no offense but why did you let him go if you’ll be miserable like this, I mean you said so yourself, if there is any way to lessen our worries and anxiety do it"”  

Her eyes narrowed at the nurse and grabbed one of the chair and sat inside the station “It was so complicated. I mean when I was changing his fiancées clothes I can’t help but think that the reason she was at that state was because of me! I mean what if something more serious happened? Will I be able to live with myself?”

Another nurse Jimin rolled her chair in between Joohyun and Nana “So it was literally a case of head vs heart?”

She shrugged “I guess so”

“But that doesn’t make sense at all” Nana spoke

Joohyun looked at the young girl “What does?”

“The head vs heart thingy”

She snorted “Yes it does, and this doesn’t only pertain to love alone, sometimes, you are also torn making some decisions in your life, what you want versus what you should be”

“I don’t think so doctor, you see I have always believed that the mind and heart goes hand in hand, it’s only a matter of conditioning. People always say they though they knew what they wanted but apparently, they don’t, and I think it's just an excuse. I really do believe they know what they want from the start, it’s just that, along the way, the circumstances are not in their favor so they chose to look at it as a failure or something like it’s not meant to be, making them question their decision. I guess you could say lack of perseverance”

“Meaning?”

“You should’ve fought for him?” the young nurse uncertainly replied

Joohyun tilted her head “okay well how about I turn the table, if I walked out on him, and if he loved me that much as what he claimed to be, then why didn’t he follow me or why hasn’t he contacted me and why in the world did I get a word that he will be going through the wedding?”

The other girls sulked alongside her “Because they are men”

Hyoyeon smiled gingerly at them “How about you think about it this way, maybe you don’t love him that much or you thought you love him, like there are these suppressed feelings you kept all these years and the minute you saw him it all came bouncing out of you but it’s not really love but simply regrets, pain and anger, maybe longing? I mean for you to give up on him just like that as what Nana said. There were tons of chance for you to take him back and you very well know you have the upper hand but you didn’t? Martyrdom doesn’t get recognize nowadays Seo Joohyun, just so you know”

She didn’t answer and just gave off another shrug, if there is one thing she is sure of in her life, it’s her love for Yonghwa, whatever that he has built for himself in the US, everything that he had achieved, everything that makes him who he is today is there, how in the world can she make him choose? If staying away will make his life easy then she would travel at the other end of the earth just to stay away. That is how much she loves him. But she can’t say the same for him. She got all this tangled up emotions and she can’t even begin to deal with anyone of them.

Hyoyeon just snorted “Well as they say, if you love someone, set him free if he comes back, he’s yours if not, well he prolly married the other woman named Jenny”

Everyone laughed including Joohyun. It was true anyways. Well for her case atleast.

She stood up “Yeah! Laugh all you want! When you get to be where I am I’ll make sure to laugh at you! You bloodsuckers!” She grabbed the charts and tickled Hyoyeon on her side “Lunch later?”

“Yes your martyrness” as the latter did a curtsy

A few weeks later

Hyoyeon groaned “It’s snowing non stop, my apartment heater’s about to breakdown, this global warming, climate change thing is getting worse each year”

Joohyun looked up from the reviews she had been reading for the past half hour and smirked at her friend who’s standing face pressed on the window

“Well Jungmo has been asking you to move to a different place but you are just too bull headed to listen”

Her friend moved from the window and half sat on her table “You know very well that If I agree to it, it’s like I’m already accepting his marriage proposal”

Joohyun rolled her eyes “So what? You’ve been with him since med school!”

“I know but I’m still not ready” Hyoyeon whined

“When will you be ready? We are not getting any younger Hyo, the clock is ticking”

“You sound just like my mother!”

“I am your mother!” she giggled

“Yeah right! Mind you own business mother! Aren’t you done? Let’s go home! I don’t want to be stuck here coz of snow”

“Has Jiwon messaged?” she asked as she piled the scattered papers

“Yup just now” her friend stood up heading for the door while attentively replying to the message “She said she’s at the lobby waiting for us, I’ll just grab my bag in my office and meet you at the elevator”

“Go”

She didn’t wait too long for Hyoyeon, while waiting for the elevator, they were met by the nurses whose shifts were done also

“Going home doctors?” Leeteuk asked as he helped his girlfriend Sora, also a nurse, carry her back pack

“Yes, it’s been a long day for me” Hyoyeon massaged her nape

“Mine to”

They entered the elevator and once at the lobby they were met by Nana and Jimin who were animatedly talking to Jiwon

“You’re done early?” Joohyun asked the pretty doctor

“I tried to finish early the snow is getting bad” Jiwon answered and they all looked out “Let’s get dinner then go home, you on duty tomorrow?” she asked the others. Nana and Jimin with Leeteuk nodded while Hyo, Joohyun and Sora shook their heads “Lucky for you, if ever we get snow day atleast you’re home”

They all piled out the door as they talk about their plans for the holidays which is in 3 days time when Joohyun who was walking first stop abruptly and froze making Hyoyeon bump into her

“Yah!”

She then noticed that her friend was looking at a man standing a few feet away from them holding two cups of what seems to be coffee. He is bundled up to his neck, scarf almost covering half of his face but everyone can see that he is smiling. The man in question slowly but confidently walked towards them without taking his eyes off of Joohyun.

Nana squealed

Making them all look at her including Joohyun and the man who angled