Picking right up from yesterday, the boys were hard at work. With each one far away from one another, they focused on themselves.

Jay watched them briefly before deciding to work with each one.

She walked to Seungcheol first, and she sat in front of him as he stared at his hand.

She could tell that he was nervous which was hard enough to detect with his furrowed eyebrows.

"You don't need to try so hard, you know."

He looked up from his hand to meet her eyes. For a brief second, they stared at each other before his gaze fell back to his hand.

"I have to."

She frowned. "You don't have to. Some people take days. I don't expect you to do it immediately."

He frowned ever so slightly. "But I have to," he repeated.

"Why?"

His eyes flitted up suddenly and he blinked. He sighed and looked away to where the others were struggling.

"If not me, who then?"

Jay was slightly confused at his vague words.

"You're not talking about the materialization anymore, are you?"

Seungcheol looked back at her.

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, but who died and made you the de-facto leader?"

His eyes widened. "That's not what I meant!" he shouted in protest and turning to her with gusto.

His voice rang out surprising the other boys, who looked over briefly, but Jay did not react the same. She laughed and patted his head.

"I know. You feel like you should take responsibility, since you're the oldest and the first one to join. But Seungcheol, you know, nobody told you to and I don't think the others expect you to. You're only pressuring yourself because you're tough on yourself. But remember, I'm here."

Seungcheol looked at her and blinked slowly. "You?"

She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Hey! I'm the leader here. What I am going to do if you take my job away? I took you guys you in. I have to at least take responsibility."

He snorted softly. "I wouldn't be able to do that. The others look up to you too much.”

"And you don't?"

Seungcheol blinked before shaking his head. "No," he murmured softly. "If anything, I think I rely on you the most."

"And that's fine. I'm grateful that you're taking charge and helping the others when they need it, but remember that I'm here for you. You don't need to push yourself that hard because I'm supposed to be one who's doing that. You are my responsibility, so let me spoil you sometimes."

He was quiet as Jay peered at him closely. "Do you feel better?"

He looked up and tilted his head slightly. "Yeah, a bit?"

"Good."

She took his hands and placed her hands on top of his. She closed her eyes.

"Now breathe. In and out. Inhale, exhale. The reason why you're not able to do it is because you're too stressed. Or so I assume. You think you're a failure if you don't do it first. But who cares! Relax."

She opened one eye and looked at him. "You must remember that the materialization comes from your soul and willpower. Try and think about why exactly you are doing this."

"This?"

She opened her eyes and shrugged a bit sheepishly. "Why you're here trying to materialize gun."

"To kill nibras," he blatantly responded.

She chuckled. "True. But why did you join the team? Why did you decide to fight nibras? What exactly is it that is driving you to stay here and fight? Besides me asking you to? Because if you truly wanted to, you could have walked away."

Seungcheol remained quiet.

Why did he want to fight nibras? Wasn’t it because they were the reason why his life fell apart? That his family was gone?

It was the initial reason. That and because he had no other place to go.

"But now? Do you still think that?"

Seungcheol flinched, glancing at Jay. He didn't realize he said everything out loud.

He closed his eyes. "Now? Now..." he trailed off.

Now, he didn't think that. The main reason why he was trying so hard was because...

"Oh, you did it."

Seungcheol opened his eyes to see that Jay had removed her hands from his and that there was a gun now resting on his palm.

It was slightly bigger than Jay's gun but it was also sleeker and smoother. He wrapped his hand around it and it glowed a light blue. He gazed at it, befuddled at what he was holding.

"Try it out."

He looked at Jay who gestured to a nearby tree and he pulled the trigger.

A dark blue sphere flew out of the barrel and hit the tree. But unlike Jay's shot which caused a slight sound to be heard, there was no sound from Seungcheol's. Not from the pulling of the trigger to the anima flying through the air or the impact of it hitting the tree.

"Hmm. Interesting. It's a silencer."

"Silencer?"

"Yeah. You heard it. Or rather, you didn't hear it. This type of gun doesn't make any sounds. It's good for surprise attacks and things that require stealth."

Seungcheol mutely nodded.

"So, what was it that you thought?"

Seungcheol frowned, looking down and shook his head. "Who knows."

She snorted. "Alright, I won't bother you about it. Keep practicing. I'll go see what that others are up to."

He nodded, not paying that much attention as his focus was still engrossed in the gun.

Jay left with a smile on her face and a pat on his back.

Seungcheol watched her walk away until his gaze fell back down at the umbra gun.

He didn't want to tell her the reason why he was able to materialize the gun.

That the reason why he was trying so hard was because he didn't want to let her down. That he wanted her to acknowledge him. To simply pat him on the back and tell him "Good job."

Sure, there was a part of him who still despises nibras and wants them dead.

But perhaps it was more than that. His reason of being here didn’t solely have to be one thing, rather it was the combination of it all.

He frowned. He never realized how much he was starting to be content with his life now.

He snorted and softly smiled to himself.

 

The next one Jay decided to help was Soonyoung.

He was making sounds as he struggled to materialize his gun. He was so loud that Jihoon had shouted at him to shut up and Jisoo had to move a little further away to concentrate.

But he was not listening as he continued to grunt and shout nonsense words.

"Soonyoung," Jay called out, "That's not going to help."

The boy stopped shouting and peered up at her who sat down across from him.

"You said that it comes from our willpower, right? So, I figured that if I brought my willpower out, it would work."

"By shouting?" she asked with a grin.

He shrugged. "It's worth a try!"

"Are you worried about not getting it come out anytime soon?"

"Not really, no. I figured I would be able to do it when I'm ready. Though I am kind of jealous that Seungcheol was already able to do it."

His gaze fell on Seungcheol was practicing on making it materialize and making it disappear. The three other boys had taken notice when Seungcheol shot his gun.

"That's because I helped him and that's why I'm here."

"Okay, boss! Show me how's it done!"

She chuckled. "To be honest, there is nothing I can show you. But like I told Seungcheol, materializing the gun is through your willpower and I believe that your willpower stems from why you want to be here."

"Here as in here in the forest?"

"Here as in why you decided to join the team."

"Because I wanted to prove to my parents that I'm not crazy," he immediately said.

“True,” Jay returned. “That is why you came with me. But is that the reason why you’re fighting?”

He paused and frowned. "No, that's not it,” he said slowly.

“I’m fighting because…you told me to.”

“No,” she pouted slightly. “I didn’t tell you to. I gave you the choice to do so. You made the decision to.”

“Sure, but you’re the one who told me that my power could be useful to you. I thought if it was useful to you, then I would help you out.”

“Is that it? No other reason?”

“No, well… maybe…” He paused.

It wasn’t something he wanted to say aloud. Thinking about it made him nervous. It was true that he wanted to prove everyone that he wasn’t crazy. But there was a part of him that doubted everything he was doing. Even when he was surrounded by people who knew he wasn’t crazy, he sometimes still thought it.

In the end, it was so that he could prove to himself that he wasn’t not crazy. That this ability he had was useful.

He wanted to prove that he was worth something.

He clenched his hands into a fist and breathed out slowly.

And when he did, a gun fell smack dab on the floor.

It surprised both of them, but Soonyoung quickly picked it up after staring at it in awe. It was average-sized but it fit perfectly in his hand.

"I did it!" he shouted.

"Yes, you did. Congrats."

Soonyoung smiled like a little boy on Christmas.

Jay couldn't help but smile back and ruffled his hair.

"Well, I don’t know what you thought, but I’m glad you figured it out. This is the place to figure yourself out and what exactly is it that you want to do. Always know that I'm on your side."

As she walked away. Soonyoung thought of all the reasons why he was here. And he knew that one of the reasons why he was here was for Jay. And he wasn't going to let her down. He didn't want to since she was the only one who believed in him when no else did.

 

She went on to help the next one.

This time it was Jisoo.

He was frowning, with his hands clasped together. He had his eyes closed and was sitting cross-legged.

From far away, he looked like he was meditating.

He opened his eyes when he felt Jay's presence.

He smiled, giving her an exhausted look.

"Hey."

"Hey," she smiled back. "How's it going?"

He held up his empty hands.

"Great, as you can tell."

She chuckled and sat down.

"No rush. You can take as long as you want."

He sighed.

"You okay?"

He shrugged. "I don't know." He paused. "It's time like these that I start to doubt myself. That I think if I should be here at all."

She frowned. “Why do you think that?”

Jisoo frowned with a pause in his voice, eyes furrowing at the thought.

“I’m only here because I have nowhere else to go.”

“You’re here because you wanted to help me.”

“But that’s just it!” he exclaimed in frustration as he jumped up.

“I don’t know how to help!” he added angrily.

Jay stared at him with surprise in her eyes but did not interrupt him.

“I..I’m not as reliable as Seungcheol. I don’t fight nearly as well as Jihoon. And I don’t have some special ability like Soonyoung. I… have nothing to provide. Sometimes I feel like you only took me in because you pitied me”

Silence filled the space between them, building the insecurities Jisoo held one by one.

“But I never said you had to?”

He looked down at Jay who had a slight frown on her lips. “You say these things, but honestly, the other person I really asked to be on the team because of what they provided was Soonyoung.” She looked up at him. “The rest of you...well, I guess I wanted you to be on the team.” She shrugged her shoulders as she looked like she was enlightened. “

“Huh, I guess it was as simple as that,” she murmured to herself.  

“But I…I…”

She watched to stutter out his words and laughed softly. “Look, Jisoo. I’ll let you in a little secret. I had no intentions of creating a team in the very beginning. On the contrary, I was extremely against it. But one thing led to another, and now we’re here. And to be completely honest, I still have no clue what I’m doing.”

She lightly grabbed his arm and tugged him down so he could sit. “And trust me,” she laughed, “If I didn’t like it, I would haven’t already asked four of you to join my team.” She paused. “But what about you?”

“Me?”

“Why do you want to be here? Why are you here fighting nibras? Disregarding my feelings of me wanting you here, if you didn’t want to be here anymore, I would have let you go.”

“I have nowhere to go.”

She chuckled. “I doubt that would stop you. You’re a smart guy. And we both know that a home would have been provided for you.”

He looked down at the grass. He wanted to be here because he enjoyed the company of the others and he felt like he was living each day.

He was afraid what would happen when the realization that his mother died finally settled. He was scared and he latched on to the first thing he knew he could trust.

He smiled to himself. “Because I want to be here.”

And with those words, a gun appeared on his lap.

“Simple as that?” she asked.

He smiled. “Simple as that.”

 

Her last stop of the day was Jihoon. So far her method of getting each person understand why they decided to join the team was working.

But that would be a little different with Jihoon. She knew that he was here because of the agreement they had.

And from the looks of it, it seemed like he was getting more frustrated by the second.

She could hear him cursing when she approached him.

Jay watched Jihoon with contemplative eyes. She was now doubting herself, asking herself if she did the right thing with Jihoon.

The more she thought about it, the more she over thought it. Maybe she forced Jihoon too much. Her ultimatum, which truly wasn't one, allowed him to join her group and stay with her, taking him off the streets.

She was worried that because of that, Jihoon ultimately chose to go with her. If that was true, did she really let him choose his own path?

Stuck in her own self-thoughts, she didn't notice that Jihoon had leaned closer to her, now staring her down.

She felt the presence and looked up, only to be startled of the close proximity of the boy.

She flinched and leaned back reflexively.

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

She blinked and grinned. "Wait. Are you worried about me?"

He rolled his eyes. "Hardly. You said you would help me, and you're doing everything but that."

She sighed and looked away, eyes lazily following the swaying branches of the leaves.

"I'm worried."

"About?"

She turned her head back to him. "About if I made the right choice with you."

Jihoon narrowed his eyes at her and muttered, "You saying I'm not supposed to be here?"

"What? No," she said with surprise and slight snort. "I didn't say that. I meant that I'm not sure if you want to be here."

She paused. "You know that deal I made you?"

"That if I help fight on your team, you'll house me and feed me."

She nodded slowly. "But you know," she murmured, locking eyes with him, "I'm not sure if you agreed just because you felt like you had to, or if you really wanted to."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't even know if you want to be here."

Jihoon froze for a split second, his eyes widened briefly, before he narrowed them at her.

He looked away.

"And if you don't want to be here," she continued, "Then I don't want to force you. Honestly, if you want to leave, I'm willing to help you out. Help you find a place somewhere or something like that. You’re a good guy, rough around the edges, but a good guy nevertheless."

"Will you stop?" he finally seethed out.

"What?"

"Just stop it. I don't need your ing pity."

She blinked. "I'm pitying you," she murmured to herself, but more to a question than a statement.

She looked at him confusedly. "But, you see, I just don't know if I’m doing just that. If I just knew what exactly you wanted, why exactly you're here, then I would know what to do. I don't want you to be doing something you don't want to do."

He sighed like he was dealing with a child. He crouched down so they were eye level.

"Look, Jay. Trust me when I say that if I really didn't want to be here, then I wouldn't be here. And the fact that I'm still here, and actually listening to you... well, it speaks for itself."

He stood up. "That deal you made me. I know you did it for my pride. You never asked any more from me except for me to at least train. I thought you would have forced me out and fight those monsters without a care about how I felt. And the fact you never said a thing about it since, I appreciated it."

He turned back, eyes furrowed and lips pursed in a thin line. "So, yeah. If you want a straight ing answer, then yeah, I'm choosing to stay here. I might be an and I might not like getting along with the other guys, but I like it here. And if there was anybody who took me seriously and understood my boundaries, it was you. Despite your overly closeness and cheesiness, I'd only allow it if it was you. I'm here because it's you."

A small blue light emitted from his hand and he instinctively grabbed the air where a gun began to form. He clenched it, still facing away from Jay.

"I will never ing say that again. And I will deny it if you say anything to the others."

She stood up. "Yeah," she said softly. "I got it." She walked over to him and squeezed his shoulder. "Thanks," she whispered softly. "Really, thank you."

And she left him to himself.

 

Jay stood there and paused in thought. It was surprising that they all managed to materialize the gun so quickly. It usually took people a lot longer. But the moment she told them to think about the reason why they were here, they managed to do so.

And then it made sense. They weren't the average recruits. They all had a reason why they wanted to be here and it wasn't something on the fly. They all had their circumstances and their convictions were strong.

A small smile crept on her face.

They weren’t so bad, these guys.

She might had been adamant about not taking on a group in the beginning, but that was because she was scared.

She never had so many people rely on her, nor did she think she was suitable to be a leader.

Was she really just fooling herself? Playing up her bravado because there were now people who did rely on her?

The smile fell of her face as she turned away from the others and breathed in slowly.

She clasped her shaking hands together, willing herself to be calm.

She gritted her teeth and shook her head. This wasn’t the time to be doubting herself.

They all had their problems. The only thing to do was work through them together.

Some shouts and laughter could be heard and then some cursing, complimentary of Jihoon.

She spun around and walked back.

If anything, she was the one who wanted to be with them the most.

 

---

Probably not as exciting of a chapter.

Part 1/2 double update.