What if?

DARA'S POV
(Continuation) Flashback Part 3

As our kiss deepened, a soft cough from behind froze me.

We immediately broke the kiss.

I stood rooted on the spot, stiff as a board, as I looked at Jiyong's lips form into a smirk. "Nana, what brings you here?"

Then, a woman's voice spoke.

"Well, your mom was worried sick and asked me to check on you. And I was right, I knew you'd be here. And as I expected, you are not on your own." She paused and I slowly turned around to face her. I can feel my cheeks burning from embarrassment to be caught in such an awkward situation.

I glimpsed an old woman with such striking features before I quickly bent my head; I couldn't quite meet her eyes.

"Well young man? Where are your manners? Care to introduce me to this uh - intriguing, young lady?" The old woman Jiyong called as Nana said.

I reluctantly looked up as we were introduced. I think she recognized me as John Park's daughter.

Nana, maybe in her late 50's, is his mom's assistant turned family confidante. She has been Jiyong's second mom ever since his parents split and his mom married another man.

She made me feel at ease in an instant and the next thing I know, we were sitting side by side in the sofa while Jiyong went off to call his mom. It was as if what she saw earlier never happened.

A short while later, she stood up to say goodbye. "It's a pleasure to meet you Dara."

She hugged me then turned to Jiyong who just finished the call to his mom. "Young man, you be good. You got a special young lady here." She winked which earned an embarrassed laugh from Jiyong and me.

Once Nana was out of the apartment, an awkward silence filled the room.

I sat there nervously tapping my hands against my knees, trying so hard not to look at him. I guess Jiyong was as nervous as I was since he constantly shifted in his seat.

"So -" he started which caused me to jump and almost fall off the sofa. I must have looked really funny for he coughed to hide his laugh.

I narrowed my eyes at him. And oh what a mistake that was.

Our eyes locked and I watched as his eyes travelled down to look ily at my lips.

Uh 'ily' - no, scratch that out. He looked at my lips ... at my dried-up, parched-looking lips. I nervously ran my tongue to moisten them. The way his eyes turn dark with desire at that almost made me fall off the sofa the second time.

The intensity of his stare made me blush as I remembered the feel of his lips on mine. I mentally cursed myself for where my thoughts are heading.

"Why did you kiss me?" He finally asked.

"Why did you kiss me back?" I evaded.

"You really want me to answer that?" He countered huskily.

I shifted in my seat looking anywhere but at those darn eyes.

Instead, it fell on those lips. Oh man!

"Dara, stop looking at me like that or else, I may just continue what you started before we were interrupted earlier."

His words made me wonder why I was actually anticipating he do just that.

Shaking my head to get rid of my thoughts, I muttered, "I'm sorry Jiyong. That was totally unbecoming of me. I used you thinking I could rebel from my father."

"Rebel? What do you mean?"

"Call it a final straw." I sighed. "Yesterday, I begged him to send me to a university overseas. I really wanted to study and get away from my father's influence. I craved freedom and to not be on my toes all the time. I wanted to live my life."

I felt Jiyong's arm around me. I somewhat felt comforted as I continued.

"But before I could even make him fully understand my wish, he said no. He said he can't trust me to be alone overseas, that I would surely embarrass him one way or another."

I looked at Jiyong and I couldn't stop my tears from falling, "Jiyong, my own father can't see how much his words pain me. He always thinks that I am a good-for-nothing girl. And tonight happened. He proved that he doesn't care about me at all. So I decided to be that someone my father thinks me to be. I know it's stupid but for once, I wanted to be the person acting out his prejudice of me. I thought that if I did so, I would at least feel not so wronged; that his words would feel right for once."

I gave him a small teary smile, "I apologize for being too wrapped up in my own misery and for dragging you into this."

"I can't accept an apology for something that turned out to be so enjoyable." He teased. I was stopped by his words.

What should I say to that? Enjoyable? I don't know if I should feel insulted or what. 'Enjoyable' is an understatement. His kiss made my head reel and all he can say is that he 'enjoyed' it? And why am I affected?

Ugh! Right! I just got my heart broken by my one-sided childhood crush, of course I am emotionally unstable. That's that. I should not be putting much meaning to how, like now, my heart is beating erratically as he put his hands on my cheek to wipe off my tears.

"Why are you frowning at me like that? Did I say something wrong?" he asked.

"That was my first kiss." I lamely revealed.

He blinked blankly at me.

Why did I just blurt that out?

"Uh, yeah - uhm ... You said you enjoyed it. That was my first attempt for a kiss so I'm sorry it wasn't explosive or mind-reeling or something for you." I was a nervous ball. I just kept blurting out words and only stopped when I saw Jiyong grinning at me.

I tried to think of words to undermine our kiss and to get that grin off his face but I can't. I must admit, the kiss was too good for me.

"You know, for someone who says it's her first time -" he started to say with a smirk.

I cut him off to wipe that smirk, blabbering, "Thanks for the experience, now I can have a basis of comparison if I try it with another man -"

This time, he was the one who silenced me ... with his mouth. Oh and it was amazing still.

Darn it!

To catch our breath, he lifted his lips off mine and muttered, "Those lips should never go off experimenting with other men."

I can feel myself turning red. How many times have I blushed this night?

I can't understand how I feel. Wasn't it just tonight that I got my heart broken by my childhood crush? How come I am suddenly feeling like this towards a total stranger, someone I haven't met until tonight?

I don't have an answer. I looked in his eyes and I was lost. And for once, I was glad to be lost. Just this night.

________________

JIYONG'S POV
(Continuation) Flashback Part 3

I looked in her eyes and I was lost.

Her innocence makes me want to protect her. I tried to control myself but I can't. Not with those eyes, those lips.

I know she would regret this in the morning. But tonight, I want to make her feel wanted. I want to make her feel beautiful. I want to make her feel loved.

And so we made love. Right there on the sofa bed. It is a far cry from a fairytale setting she deserves. It was her first time for crying out loud.

Yet, I made it as magical as possible. It was for me.

We were lost in each other's arm that it was amazing I felt found.

Spent and exhausted, she immediately fell asleep in my arms. I held her close and covered ourselves with a warm blanket.

It was curious, but, amazingly, I felt content as I closed my eyes to drift to sleep.

*****

Morning came. I woke to feel someone snuggle close to chest. The fragrant smell of her hair filled me up as I recalled last night.

I opened my eyes to check if it wasn't a dream. I smiled as I saw Dara stir in my arms.

But then.

Regret filled me as I remembered the events of last night. I felt ashamed for taking advantage of Dara's innocence. I was selfish. I was a monster. I don't deserve her.

Cursing myself, I hurriedly got off the bed to change.

I don't want to give her false hopes. In truth, I don't want to feel the rejection once she realizes that what happened last night was a mistake.

Fully clothed, I turned to see Dara looking at me. Her smile froze on her lips when she noticed the scowl on my face.

"You better dress up. Your phone's been ringing." I said.

I gave her privacy and went to the kitchen to fix some breakfast.

In no time, I heard her enter the kitchen, wearing the dress she had on last night.

"Last night -" she started to say. But I cut her off.

"Last night was a mistake. I'm sorry if I took advantage of you. But you can't blame me. I'm a man. You offered me something so primal. How can I say no?"

I turned to look at her and saw a flash of hurt in her eyes before she snuffed it out.

"You're right. I won't blame you. I'm sorry if I - I got to go." She hurriedly said.

I did not stop her.

I'm a jerk. I know.

_________________

DARA'S POV
(Flashback continuation)

"What a jerk!" My best friend, Chaerin, exclaimed over the phone. She is currently abroad, looking for universities where she can pursue her dreams.

It's been over two weeks since I left Jiyong's apartment hurriedly in a taxi. I felt shameless. I was a as my father said I would be.

I honestly thought it could work with Jiyong. How fool was I? Just because he showed care for one night doesn't mean he is the one.

"I know. But I am to take the blame in all this. I know, for someone so nerdy and intellectual as me, how come I was such an imbecile!"

Chaerin was about to say something when I cut her off. I was walking along the garden and I was nearing the gate when I heard his voice.

I can't be mistaken. It's Jiyong's voice.

I ended the call with Chaerin and hurriedly hid in the nearest bush.

Jiyong was looking for me it seems. I then signaled the security guard to say that I am not here. He obediently declined Jiyong entrance and took a message from him instead.

Part of me wants to see him but a greater part of me is filled with pride so I hid myself until he was gone.

I rushed to the security guard to grab the envelope Jiyong left for me.

I read it as soon as I got inside my room.

Colors drained from my face as I understood what Jiyong meant by the words he wrote in the letter.