The Lost and The Found 

“something that's lost can definitely be found again, right?”

"Seyeon? Where are you my little girl?" She paused as she glanced to her left and her right.

"You better be hiding well or else mama will find you quickly!" My mother sing songed as she opened the closet door looking for me. 

I held my breath as I closed my eyes underneath my parents' bed as if that would somehow create another layer between my mother and I. My mom finally peeked under the bed and playfully grabbed my right ankle, making me scream and laugh in pleasure. 

"Found you!" She giggled. 

If only I could find you again as easily as you found me.

My father came home from work as the servants greeted him. My mother lovingly pecked him on the lips as my father took me into his arms. The surroundings soon started to blurr and turn into an offset white. 

As everything faded away, I found myself longing for her even more. 

One of the first things I registered were the bright beams of sunshine coming in through the window pane and the sounds of birds chirping. 

I groaned as I glanced at the clock.

7:08AM.

I don't even know why, but I felt myself suddenly get up and out of bed as if I were getting ready to go somewhere. 

Wait, wasn't yesterday a Friday? 

I shouldn't have class today and I didn't remember having anything else planned. Strangely, every limb moved by itself, as if I were used to this novel, yet so familiar routine. Within a few minutes that seemed like seconds, I was dressed. I went down the stairs, grabbed a banana and hopped on the bus. 

It was such a strange feeling being up this early. As soon as I got on the bus, I saw all these high school students in their uniforms. I guess today was a weekday after all.

I accidentally bumped into a girl and she glared sharply without hesitation. "Watch yourself, Jin Seyeon. Don't think you own this bus because your daddy owns half of Korea." She quipped.

I was befuddled. Who did this rude high schooler think she was? How did she even know my name? I looked around in confusion, flustered beyond explanation. My eyes suddenly caught on to the familiar clothing from the edges of my vision. 

This was... my high school uniform. What the hell?

The kids on the bus snickered. "Jin Seyeon's at it again. She's such a freak. Why does she space out like that all the time?" 

I was so confused. What was happening? Was I under a spell of some sort? This just simply couldn't be real. 

But it felt real.

The bus stopped at an all-too-familiar stop: HyunDae High School. I felt my own feet tremble  and shake in anxiety as I stepped off the bus. It was all coming back to me now. The looks, the glares, the anxiety, and the fear.

I wasn't sure what this was, but everything was perfectly copied and pasted. Not even a single detail seemed out of place. What exactly was this sorcery?

Everthing hit me at once: that feeling of feeling small, inadequate, defenseless, and afraid. My response to this terror hadn't changed. 

I felt a shadow blocking the morning sun, and somehow instinctively, without even looking up, I could tell it was him. 

It was Park Chanyeol. 

"Hey Jin. How's life?" He said in that baritone voice of his with a lop-sided smirk. He looked the same. Red bold hair that stuck out amongst all the other students, matching with the red cut he sported on the side of his cheek. Something about him just screamed dangerous, wild and untamed. 

I wanted it to stop. I remembered this; I remembered everything. The helpless looks I would send to anyone and everyone, begging for them to do something other than just standing there and watching like spectators. 

I closed my eyes tightly. I just wanted this to end. 

Park Chanyeol reached into my coat pocket and took out my wallet. "Thanks Sei, I'll just take this as you treating me to lunch." He laughed obnoxiously with his friends as he took out the money my mom had given me to buy food. "You're looking a little fat and pudgy anyways, so I'm doing you a favor." He said with a smile as he scoffed. 

I remembered not doing anything. Because everyone already hated me, if I said something to the teachers, people would only hate me more. I already knew this from the previous years of bullying in middle school. So I just waited for it to end like I always did. 

Besides, Chanyeol was the best fighter at this school, and there were rumors he was in a fricking gang. What was I supposed to do anyway?

The familiar pang of defeat and dread stung my eyes as I blinked rapidly, trying to take myself back to reality. 

The moment my eyes refocused, I was already home. My mom was in front of me, sitting down on the couch, reading while holding a glass of wine. The woman from my vision a few hours ago was already lost. Although they looked similar, this woman's gaze was fundamentally different. Her eyes held nothing more than greed, judgment and contempt.

The woman I had known while growing up was already gone and long lost. 

"You know Seyeon, I don't understand why you keep losing the money I give you. Do you use it on drugs or something child? Why are you so irresponsible?" She said in that condescending tone of hers I had heard way too many times.

"I'm sorry, mom." I replied automatically, avoiding her gaze. I didn't need to look up to remember her apathetic gaze. It was already carved into my existence. 

"Seyeon, I didn't raise you to be such a loser. Keep going to your ice skating lessons, keep your grades up, and try not to embarass me in front of my colleagues at the opening of the preserve in Busan, okay?" She scoffed.

"Yes, mom."

All I wanted to do was have friends that cared for me and make my mom smile like she once did, but it seemed even my existence itself was a bother.

As soon as my mother dismissed me, I plopped onto my bed. I felt hungry, but I did not dare eat.

Suddenly the words "fat" and "pudgy" rang louder and louder in my head. Every glare and glance I received throughout the day, they suddenly replayed through my head, and I found myself feeling insecure. 

Was I really that fat? Was it due to my appearance that everyone hated me? If I was skinnier like those girls on magazines, would that make life easier? If I could be welcomed in society like those pretty skinny girls, I would gladly tolerate this burning sensation in my stomach. 

I just wanted someone to find myself and accept me for who I am. Was that really too much to ask for? 

I blinked and then found myself drenched in sweat, and I could hear my heart pounding against my chest. I tried to move my fingers, but they weren't responding. What the heck was going on? I glanced around the room nervously, only to realize that it was 4:08AM, and I was finally back in my one room apartment in Sinchon. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Within a few minutes, I finally gained control of my limbs again. I sat up and wiped off the sweat on my forehead. 

Were all those visions really just dreams? Everything had been so real and vivid... it was hard to believe that my whole life just passed by in the few hours I'd been asleep. 

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