(This is kind of a direct continuation from the previous chapter, I ended it a bit short because I wanted to update quickly XD So yeah, I'll still be using lyrics from It's War and it's going to be in the same time frame as the previous chapter ^_^ enjoy!) 

"I'm not," Cheolyong says, his voice thick with emotion. 

"I'm not," he insists, even as Byunghee guides him into his arms. 

I will give back these painful tears to you

Byunghee lets the maknae cry into his shoulder, and fixes his gaze on a spot in the distance, fighting down the forgotten emotions, the memories that threaten to surface and remind him of what couldn't be again. 

Stay strong, he tells himself. It's up to you now. When everything's falling apart. Hold them together. Do whatever you can. 

"It's okay," he whispers, his voice barely audible over Cheolyong's tears. "Nobody else is going to leave you. I promise." 

Engrave this in your ear –
I will never leave you alone

You probably knew that I would find out sometime

He still can't see clearly through the foggy curtains hanging over his memories. No matter how hard he strains, he can only catch a few glimpses of blurred figures, muffled speech, scenes that aren't quite clear enough to understand. 

He's not sure what it is, but something reminds him of the pain. 

Something warns him not to remember. Something gives him glimpses of the distress and guilt and anger that he experienced, gives him enough of a taste to remind him to stay away. 

Feelings of hurt and betrayal. 

But despite the warnings that the memories locked away in his mind give him, he is still curious. He wants to know. 

I can't forgive you 
From now on 

Even after the sky outside has turned dark, and only spots of light are visible from nearby houses and street signs, Seungho still wonders about what he forgot. 

The rythmic beeping of the various monitors at his bedside keep him awake. With nothing else to distract him anymore, the throbbing pain in his body returns, and he's once again reminded of what could have happened to him, if things had been any worse. 

A sudden thought flashes in his mind. 

Did they know? 

And then another. 

Do they care? 

It surprised him how much the thoughts hurt, even when he couldn't remember why he thought them. 

They'd know, he argued to himself. There were loads of witnesses of the crash, and there were people from the media outside the hospital who somehow tracked us down. There's no way they wouldn't know. 

Who was he talking about? 

Would they care? he wondered to himself. He tries to think of an answer, but the expanse of his mind remains depressingly blank. 

I can't remember what they're like anymore. I wouldn't know. 

...

What were they like? 

He can distantly recall the faces and voices from the videos he'd watched earlier, filling in some of the blanks in his mind, but not much. He remembers laughter, clumsy affection and faint memories of short breaks from stressful times spent together. 

He tries to remember more, but nothing apart from the familiar stab of pain is recalled. 

After the slight pain in his head doesn't go away, he stops trying to remember, and settles down between the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed, and closes his eyes. 

What good came out of remembering pain, anyway? 

Cheolyong should be sleeping, he knowsthat. 

He just can't. 

He's tried; he'd laid in bed for hours, counted sheep, played his favourite songs on repeat. The night is cold and dark and he still could taste the saltiness of ters ghosting over his cheeks. 

How could he sleep, with everything happening? 

He feels like someone was deliberately dismantling his life, piece by piece, leaving him to scrabble on his hands and knees to stop everything frmo collapsing all at once. 

"It's okay to cry," Byunghee says, his voice a soft, gentle murmur. "Don't keep it all in. It's not good for you." 

Cheolyong wants to stop crying, he wants to stand up and wipe away his tears and say that he could discard all the feelings and memories that he doesn't want anymore. But he can't. No matter how hard he tries, the feelings of bitter resentment and guilt come bubbling up, spilling over with his tears and leaving him defenseless. 

He hates being protected. He hates needing to be protected, he hates not being strong. 

But he can't bring himself to move from where he is, so he stays, gripping the front of Byunghee's shirt because he's been left too many times already. He doesn't want to let anyone else walk out of his life without warning, leaving an empty, gaping hole. 

Cheolyong doesn't know where his feet are taking him until he stops outside a bedroom door, and looks up. 

It's his hyung's room. 

He's not quite sure what he's doing here. 

The night is late. Byunghee hyung would definitely be asleep now. 

He shouldn't disturb him without even really knowing what he wants to say. 

Cheolyong tells himself to walk away, but he doesn't move. 

Move, he tells himself. 

Something else inside him tells him to stay. 

Before he's really made up his mind, he raises his hand and knocks on the door, softly. He's surprised when the door opens almost immediately.

A/N:

Here's a chapter rather longer than what I usually would post xD to make up for all the time I didn't update, I guess? XDD 
I'm watching Explorers of the human body with Suju and DBSK and it makes me feel all warm and fluffy inside haha xD I missed kpop 

(It was in 2008 though so the video quality is bad ;_;) 

ANyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter ^_^ See you next time!