Requested on: 02/06/16

Finished on: 24/06/16

Author of the Story: Kookie025

Story Title: Jikook Oneshot Challenge

Review by: Suhyo07

Total Score: 79/100

Title (7/10)

The title describes perfectly what the story is about, but somehow that just makes it a little dull and overused. Some authors doesn't exactly state what pairing was in the story, but instead using something like this: title (Jikook Oneshot Challenge) or something. Also, the hearts were unneeded. With the hearts, the title looks a little childish and fluffy, and from what I see, even though your collection have a lot of different genres, your angst seemed to be the best. So, from that, it means I'm knocking points off from your hearts and your actual title.

The seperate titles for the one-shots are fine since they describe some of the content but left enough to make the reader click in. One thing though, for the scenarios, you could write something like [S] = Scenario, so readers could actually read the title and not just 'BTS Interview Scenario', or since you don't really have a title, try using the question as the title.

Foreword (6/10)

The foreword is full of credits and author's note, which is fine for a one shot challenge/collection, but the description seemed a little off. I mean, sure, it describes what was in the story, but it was either too short, or too...I don't know, but there's just a feeling that puts me off a little when I saw it. You could try to make it a little formal/normal, without so much of a fluffy and happer feel, especially when most of it is angst. Try putting what's in your description in your foreword, and write a better, attention-grabbing title so the readers would want to read your stories.

Plot (31/35)

Since you requested for reviewing every chapter, I'll write everything here, but not really in detail or that might take up half of the page. ^^

Chapters 1 and 2 were okay, without major problems and easy to read, except you can't really call chapter 2 'horror', because there just wasn't enough to make people scared.

The four scenarios were unique and new, since I had never read something like that before. Good job ^^.

The only thing about chapters seven and eight is that the happy ending doesn't really suit the story. To me (and this is a very subjective view so feel free to ignore this XD), I like angst with sad endings because it's angst all over. Though from the comments, it seems that your readers really like them so you don't really have to change it or anything. And don't even mention chapter nine. It completely blew me away. I was actually hanging on your every word, which was a long time since.....forever? Anyways, try having more confidence! Your writing is really good.

In chapter eleven, I was a little put off by the unrealistic-ness of it. (Is that even a word...?) I like how you make their personalities, and I understand a little about how people in depression would reach out for anyone who cares for them, but after that, falling in love? Sometimes, authors like making the plot as unrealistic as possible, however, from reading your previous works, I would say it didn't really suit your style, talking about marriage and you know....those things.

Chapter twelve nearly made me tear up, and Sistar's song was on. (Which didn't have a connection but still....) It was super angsty, but you know, the plot, or actually the 'poem', could be improved a little, like rhyming, but if you aren't comfortable with it, then it's fine. One thing though, even thouh I really like reading about death, mental illness/disorder aus, some readers might find it a little boring becauuse sometimes the content was more or less similar to another.

Chapter thirteen made me feel the same. It was the dying business all again, and not that I don't like it, because I really do, but it was more Yoonmin than Jikook. The plot twist was unexpected though, I'll give you that. Also, the title didn't make me feel like reading an angst at first because it was more of a detective-fluff sort.

Chapter sixteen was heartbreaking, but diseases again. There's another way to write angst without adding sicknesses and death, and I hope you could try that in the future. The song idea was a good one, I'll give you that.

Chapter eighteen....well, it would be better if you could exclude all the information that wasn't related to the story, because besides making ARMYs wonder what their biases' roles were, it serves no other purpose. And the plot was a little confusing. Only after your explanation in the author's note, I understood, but it would have been better if the story could go without explaining.

Chapter nineteen, because Jungkook was sort of obsessed, I understand what you were trying to write, but his mood somehow seemed a little cheerful for someone who's being bullied. Care to change that a little?

Chapter twenty one, crazy detective Jungkook and don't get me wrong, I really like that. Most of these one shots could be extended to a story, and I think this is one of them.

Chapter twenty two, sort of a creepypasta au!, but somehow....since Jimin was in the story, right? So how would he know what was happening outside of it? This is seriously creeping me out (in a good way), and it's not even the evening.

Chapter twenty three to twenty four, those scenarios again. To be honest, I don't really enjoy them because of how Jimin was written and Jungkook was always disgusted by his hyung's actions. True, Jungkook was like that sometimes in real life, but if you wanted to base this off real life, then make Jimin a little normal since I'm a little tired of reading those emojis and the members cringing and everything.

Chapter twenty five. It was a good story, but lack explanation. Was the person who died Taehyung? Did Jimin kill Taehyung? I wasn't really sure, but I put these questions in. And moreover, this Jimin lacks sense. Somehow, it makes the story more appealing but it was also fustrating at the same time.

Chapter twenty six. Horror? Yes. Angst? Yes. But difference between previous ones and this one? Well, besides the fact that Jungkook was a kid and it was a sort of Yoonmin before it was a parent-child relationship. But it was good. I don't know how you make it, but even though the outlines of the plots were more or less the same, it was done really well. Good job. ^^

Chapter twenty seven and eight were good, especially Jungkook's letter. Even though the content and the tone was a little mature, I like the content since it just pours out the feeling, making the readers understand what you're trying to convey.

 Characters (15/20)

To be honest, the characters were pretty much the same throughout the stories. If it wasn't cheery Jimin, preverted Jimin (in the scenarios), then it was obsessed and teary and emotional Jimin, and if it wasn't sassy Jungkook, mentally disordered Jungkook, then it was obsessed Jungkook, innocent Jungkook, and....whatever you wrote because Jungkook seemed to be the main character. Writing the characters' personality in this way is both good and bad. Since it doesn't have much changes, it's relatively easy for readers to read, but because it doesn't have much changes, sometimes the storylines gets boring afterwards, like what I've mentioned.

Grammar (16/20)

On the whole, your grammar's pretty good for a non-native English speaker. Some typos I won't point out, because it can be overlooked, but I found out you have what I call FMMs, which stand for Frequently Made Mistakes. Don't worry though, because almost every writer would make these mistakes.

First, the change of tenses. The majority of the tenses were in the past tense, but some were in the present tense instead. It might be overlooked frequently, but I get the feeling that you're the type of person who really wants her work to be perfect, so you could change it, or let it be.

Second, the plural and non-plural forms. This might be just typos, but in case they weren't, I'll add it in. Sometimes, you don't need to add an 's' to words because they weren't really countable.

Thirdly and lastly, there's the other grammar stuff, like prepositions and articles. I see that you add 'a' or 'the' in front of nouns that do not need these.

For these grammar mistakes, you don't really have to go out of your way to correct them, but just be mindful of them in the future.

Overall Enjoyment (4/5)

I really like this collection! Aside from the similar plots and the personalities, I really enjoyed the stories; they aren't like anything I've read before, and I could see a lot of potential in your writing. Hope you update soon and good luck with your writing!

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