author: hwaranni // reviewer: Suhyo07 // date of review: 4.10.17

Title [ 4/5 ]
So first of all, I can't really comment on your title because your story still hadn't developed fully. However, I'd like to say that, if I'm judging according to your foreword, then I think it's actually quite a good title, since the Ace of Cards are a card which can be played as the highest or the lowest. Still, I can't judge properly because of your undeveloped plotline, so I have to give you a less than perfect mark. 

Description/Foreword [ 10/10]
The description is quite obvious by whom it was said XD but it arouses curiousity in readers because they would be questioning the reason for Yoongi's dominance, and at the same time (do pardon my dirty mind) other readers may want to read it due to the (again) dominance exerted. And the birds...well I think it's related to one of BTS' MVs? (Sorry I'm not really familiar with them) I can't remember which one, but it's a beautiful picture. 

As for your foreword, I was really curious about how Yoongi would came to be the 'godfather' of their organization, because context-wise it doesn't really make much sense. And I was even more curious by the rest of your foreword, because it was first said that Jimin was the hostage, then he suddenly becomes a part of 'their' team. I am guessing that Jimin joined 'their' team and tried to destroy it from inside out, by being Yoongi's pet? I can't wait to see how this goes X)

So, both your foreword and description really caught my attention, plus it raises a lot of questions that could hopefully be answered throughout the story. While it wasn't extremely detailed or deep, it is a significantly attention-grabbing one. Plus I'm a er for mafia au! stories, so you have my points *inserts thumbs up* 

Plot [ 20/20 ]
You started the story off with something that raises questions and eyebrows, as well as very very interesting. And this is really well done, because it causes the reader to continue reading. While your plot is not yet developed too far, you have written enough of it to let readers chase after your every word. 

There are quite a few points I really like; including Jimin being pursued in the beginning, the reason of Jimin being chased after, and more. Your writing is smooth, which causes the scenes to blend into one another in a particular order, flowing naturally so the events can be understood very easily, especially the order in which they happen. 

And yes! This is very interesting. Especially because Yoongi seemed so desperate to find Jimin's father, and I bet that Jimin's father plays an important role in the story. As far as plot goes, there are a few plotholes but I believe you could cover those as you continue to write. Normally I'd find something to knock points off (jk~) but in your case there's none. Well done. 

Character Development [ 19/20 ]

One of my favourite parts; character development. 

Let's see. So Jimin is a very interesting character. In the start of the story, he runs, which could symbolize him being guilty of something, because only a guilty man runs, except in this situation he was being chased after (God, hours of English Literature do things to your mind - ). Sidetracked. 

Still, Jimin is an interesting character. In the beginning, he was seen to struggle with the circumstances of the situation; but why did he suddenly let go of the fence? He could've continued to struggle, and might've probably succeeded too, since he was trying so hard. 

Yet I can see him continue to fight back and struggle, as shown by his defiant actions when caught by Jaeduk and his underlings. Then we see him being actually weak at heart, being strong because he had to, to run away and to fend for himself, because he could not stand keeping up the facade of being strong for so long, and so he cried. 

Then there's the internal conflict because his heart was feeling weak and tired while his mind was forcing him to go on. And oh goodness, was Jaeduk hinting at him? (or sth similar). But I have a question on why Jimin would want a fallen angel. A fallen angel symbolises evil that was originally good, yet if he wishes to escape, why not send an angel instead? (or sth similar because I can't say I'm too familiar with the bible - ) 

And we see Jimin's vulnerable side again when he pleads and wishes to escape, then his defiant side and fighting back in the parts where Taehyung visited him in his cell. While Jimin is a complex character, the events which showed his personality are quite easy to see and interpret. 

On to Yoongi! He's a rather curious character with an air of mystery surrounding him. Yoongi appears to be the boss of the group, and holds a steel grip on his underlings, as well as having an aura of authority around him. Yet he lets Jimin be, and doesn't punish him when he tried to escape, nor when he was arguing back, until he lost his temper. 

I think that Yoongi is actually a nice person? Except he has to keep the cold façade on constantly because he has to be harsh on those under him. The words at the end of chapter one contrasted with what he said during his interrogation of Jimin in chapter two, so I'm really curious as to how his character would play out. 

As for Taehyung, except his playful personality and that he might be actually caring about Jimin, there isn't much to explore about him yet so I can't really comment on him. 

Grammar & Spelling [ 18/20 ]

Your grammar, on the surface seems perfect. However, I do notice a few mistakes scattered throughout the story though. Luckily they aren't really that visible, so you'd be fine. 

In the third paragraph, 'Jimin never understood'. A 'could' can be added in here, since it explains Jimin's lack of ability to understand something, and the verb be changed into present tense. It could be changed to 'Jimin could never understand', or 'Jimin never could understand'. Even though your original sentence is fine and had no mistakes, the corrected version would've made more sense when judging by the sentences after this. 

Instead of using 'on', 'by' would be more grammatically correct. 'By their own will' is actually a phrase, stemming from 'of one's own will', but using 'of' would be weird so 'by' would be better. 

'At the exact moment' would be better instead of 'that'. By using 'that', it feels as if you're pinpointing a certain exact time, while 'the' just shows the time that Jimin or a certain character is experiencing, which consists of a certain timespan. 

In the first line of the first chapter, instead of using 'foot step', 'step' would've been better because the foot seems extra. Plus footstep sounds like the actual footprint itself (idk, to me at least), so I think using the word 'step' would suffice. 

One more line in chapter one; '...because he wanted to believe years of going to church'. There isn't anything wrong here gramatically, but putting a 'that' would sound better as well as makes the sentence more whole; '...because he wanted to believe that years of going to church...' 

As far as I can see, besides really teensy tiny stuff and your vocabulary, I don't see much problem with your grammar. Well done! 

Formatting & Structure [ 18/20 ] 

There aren't any problems with your formatting; it's done nicely and overall the structure seems balanced as well. The flow of the story is perfect; not too fast nor too slow, so I was able to read it at a comfortable pace. There are still plotholes left to be discovered though, and hopefully addressed by you later. For example, who is Taehyung? And why does Yoongi have two names? etc etc 

Personal Enjoyment [ 4/5 ]

So first of all, I'm really really sorry for the late review because there are just so much stuff to deal with nowadays > < I know you've been waiting for a long time for my review, and...a few parts of it was done hastily so it might seem a bit rushed, but again, I'm really sorry.

Onto the personal enjoyment part!

I just want to say that, even though I'm not a big fan of BTS or Yoonmin, I really like how you display their characters, personalities and how you carry the story along. It is at a comfortable pace (as I've said before), so it wasn't rushed or anything, making it really easy to read. Your writing is really good; I don't think I had seen such writing for ages XD. All things aside, I'm a er for mafia au! stories, so I might be a little biased here...? At any rate, I really like your story! Can't wait to see what happens next ^^ 

Good luck to your future works! Please don't hesitate to comment below if you have any questions; have a good day~

Total [ 93/100 ]