To: Tiffany Hwang

257 S La Cienega Blvd,
Los Angeles

United States of America

From: Kim Taeyeon

Shinsa – Gangnam-Gu,
583-3 신사동 Seoul, 서울특별시

South Korea



 

Hey, Fany!

Long time no see, uh?

How have you been? How are things back in LA? Did you open that boutique in Sunset Boulevard like you always dreamt of? If so, are you selling your designs? I have always loved the clothes you made for me – so much, I still have them all. Maybe you're a famous designer by now, and I'm wearing exclusive Hwang clothing and I don't even know! Imagine how awesome that would be!

Have you gone jogging by the beach everyday like you said you would? Did you try all the coffee options at that Starbucks knock-off you loved so much? Did you stop eating so many snacks when you're working? I remember your desk always messy with empty wraps and soda cans; you sitting behind it with your hair tied in a messy bun and your face contracted in deep focus. Have I ever told you that I'd always work next to you so I could see your serious face? I found it to be the cutest thing on earth how you'd chew on your pen as you pouted unconsciously. Can't blame a girl for enjoying such an adorable sight, right?

Are you still as loud as ever? I hope so.  Sometimes I still hear your laughter echoing through these walls and I can't help but smile; even if my heart tightens a little more than it should – maybe this is just a side effect of coming home to an empty house. Sooyoung says I should get a roommate; as a psychologist, that's her best advice to help me keep my sanity, can you believe it? Do you even remember this giant shikshin? She's now engaged to Sunny. They're getting married next month.

How are Michelle and Leo? Your dad? Your nephews? I'm sure you must have some by now. Do they have that beautiful eye-smile of yours?

And Sica? Yul? Are they still happily married, throwing cheesy lines at each other while getting tanned under the Californian sun? I’m sure Yul must look like a burnt toast by now. Ah, that must be quite a sight! I miss her health-freak advices and Sica’s dolphin shrieks. I really miss those two idiots; I hope they’re happy.

Thinking of their antics reminded me of a sweet couple I met at where I work – Byul Yi is so clumsy filled with mischievousness in her eyes; Yongsun is her grounded counterpart, always caring after her. They’re so young and eager, you know? Living love in full bloom! It made me think of us when we first started dating; our first few dates late into the night, walking by the Han River with cheap tteokbokki and our fingers intertwined. We really didn’t have much back then; we had just gotten out of college after all – but at least we had each other, right?

I have so many things I feel like I have to say; so many things to ask and so little answers to give you in return – yet I find it all so hard to put into words. It's funny, isn't it? You were always telling me how I couldn't shut up; especially when we were watching movies – remember when you got so mad at me for speaking throughout 500 Days of Summer that you threw the popcorn bowl over my head? I'm laughing just thinking of it, even though we had a nasty fight that day.

We seemed to have so many of those; we fought over so many things and now I don't even remember why. That only proves how worthless the reasons behind those fights were, doesn't it? We turned little meaningless things into monsters that started to eat at us; and we didn't even realize it.

I heard you found someone; but that was a long time ago. Are you still together? Do you have someone new?

I have dated a few people myself; nothing lasts more than a few months, but Sunny once said that's because I'm not putting my heart into it. I remember laughing out of melancholy and irony in return – wouldn’t it be great if I had a full heart to give? I think you took most of it when you left; however, I don’t blame you for leaving nor do I regret giving myself wholeheartedly to you.

I still catch myself thinking of you, you know? When something amazing happens and I'm bursting with excitement; or when something bad is threatening my sanity and all I have left is my poor judgment skills – you’re still the first person I want to run to; your arms are still the only ones I want around me no matter the day or the occasion.

I think of you when the sun is setting and the sky turns into a million shades of pink that get lost in the horizon; I think of you when the moonlight is shining through the window and all I see is nostalgia filling my bed – memories of your slim figure lying beside me; memories of your husky voice echoing through the night, making me shiver at your touch.

Do I ever cross your mind? Do you still remember how my lips felt against yours? How you melted under my fingers? Or am I something that has been long forgotten, easily replaced? Because all of these feelings are still burning alive inside of me like a stubborn flame that I just cannot put out, and the smoke has been making it harder and harder to breathe with each passing day.

Ah, is all of this as pathetic as it sounds? It probably is.

I miss you, Fany. There isn't a single day I don't wish I could run back in time and make right all of my wrongs – of our wrongs – is it selfish of me to think this way?

Do you remember that Lang Leav poem you once showed me? Time Travelers was it.


In all my wrongs
I want to write him, 
in a time 
where I can find him.
 

Before the tears that tore us,
when our history was before us.

This poem crossed my mind the other day and I finally understood why it has always made me feel so nostalgic: who wouldn’t want to go back to a time of joy and relieve it over and over again without the shadow of errors and words meant to hurt haunting at the back of your head? The funny thing is that my initial intention was to write you a letter in which we could both reminisce on a time before it all shattered; but I realized that even the good memories are now tainted with sadness – they are a reminder of everything that could’ve been and never was.

Are you happy? Or are you just as broken as I am? I hope that, regardless, you can always look back at us as a chapter in your life you don't regret – as a chapter you like to revisit from time to time when a few too many spoons of ice cream still leave you craving for me.

I hope you know I loved you and that a part of me will always do.

I hope. I hope. I hope – and that's all I can do, so I'll forever hope for your happiness.
 

                            With love, T.

—————————————

Taeyeon let out a long and deep sigh that seemed to come out from the inner depths of her soul; and as she contemplated the letter, a quote Tiffany had once told her came to mind:

"No te pido que me recurdes, solo te pido que no me olvides." – Unknown




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A/N: I was thinking of writing Tiffany's answer. What do you guys think?

Translation: "I won't ask you to remember me; I only ask you to not forget about me."

Btw, I couldn't find the original source of the quote. If anyone knows, please do let me know ~

Fun fact: Those addresses exist irl. They're Starbucks addresses in LA and Seoul haha