Amber Escape

 

Amber's Playlist: - 'Escape', Kehlani - 'Blue', BIGBANG - 'Kisses to my Phone', Sega Bodega, - 'F**k it I love you', Lana Del Rey - 'Strangers', Halsey - 'Hands Behind my Back', Amber - 'Paper Heart', F(x)

 

 

She'd been sat staring at her skateboard for over half an hour. Other teenagers milled about the skate-park, skidding, flipping and stunting all over the place, whilst Amber just sat and watched the world go by. 

It wasn't as if she was sat just there with her mind-racing, all the thoughts spinning in her head bringing everything to a standstill, no - there was only one thing that was preoccupying Amber's mind right now. 

Maybe my it's just one of those months where nothing happens and everything is fine.

Amber felt that something was happening to her, something she knew she wouldn't be able to ignore nor deny any longer - but confronting it seemed the worst thing possible right now. She looked away from her still board and watched the other kids zooming about; teenagers of all ages, all with their own hopes and problems. After all the messed up  that had happened last year, this year was supposed to be normal. Amber wanted nothing more than to be living a normal teenage life - she'd take severe acne or a TikTok addiction over whatever the hell it was that she had to worry about right now.

But you know exactly what it is. Accepting that fact however, just made it seem real. 

"Unnie?"

A sweet voice pulled Amber out of her reverie. Looking up, Amber saw the warm smile of the girl she once used to babysit (even though they were only a couple of years apart).

"Rosé, hey," Amber did her best to smile back normally as she replied to her friend in English, "Get over here kiddo." 

Rosé went to sit by Amber on the edge of the rink, placing her own skateboard down beside the other one. Amber noticed her friend was growing prettier every time she saw her - like Amber, Rosé didn't seem like the kind of girl who paraded her looks all the time, and preferred to skate around instead. Amber remembered when Rosé and her family moved here from Australia in middle school (back when she was school president and actually held responsibilities) and it was her job to show her around. Amber loved her unique Australian accent and chubby cheeks, not to mention a confidence and boldness that they both shared - it instantly made them friends. It was a friendship that had been maintained since they were both younger and more naive about things, yet now too cynical and headstrong for their own good.

"You look miserable," Rosé deadpanned as she eyed Amber curiously, "Can't think of a New Year's Resolution?"

What are the freaking odds of that? 

Amber had completely forgotten what today was. In fact, she'd lost track of time altogether. Taking her phone out of her pocket, the time read 4:15. Alongside a dozen messages, four missed calls from Kris and two from Baekhyun.

"The thought of next year makes me feel a bit sick to be honest."

It's not that that's been making you sick though, is it?

Rosé pulled a face, "Yeah. Senior Year. Sounds like a . I'm not looking forward to it."

"You've still gotta' survive Junior Year too," Amber sighed, "And that ain't all that pretty either. You got any Resolutions?" Amber quickly found that talking to someone else about their life and problems made her own issues seem a little farther away - she'd take whatever distance from them she'd get at this point.

Pondering the question, Rosé replied, "I wanna' do something big. Something that'll make my everyday a bit different than how it already is."

Amber knew what to say right away, she'd only done it a dozen times herself, "Dye you're hair. And I'm not just saying it because I always do it, but do it."

"Really? You really think I'll suit it?" Rosé replied, twiddling a chunk of her jet hair as she thought about the suggestion.

"Definitely," Amber nodded, "I think a light colour. Like a blonde - but not blonde blonde."

"Maybe like a strawberry blonde?" 

"There you go!" Amber beamed, "Trust me. Save up some money, go to a salon - a nice one. You're lucky my school doesn't exactly care about how we dress, so go for it."

"Okay, sure thing, bleaching the hell out of my hair is definitely something I'm not gonna regret." Rosé chuckled ruefully. Turning her gaze to Amber, she asked, "What about you?"

Amber raised an eyebrow, "What about me?" 

Rosé rolled her eyes, "Do you have a Resolution?"

A huge sigh found its way out of Amber. She turned her gaze back to the skate-park, her mind wandering back to where it had previously rested as Rosé's big question loomed over her. 

"I think-" Amber started, her voice cracking ever so slightly, "I think I'm going to try and be more honest. Not just to everyone around me, but- but to myself too." 

A silence hung over the two for a moment, until Rosé said, "Well, I guess you've made you first step with it by telling me that." 

Amber smiled at her friend's encouraging words, before Rosé's phone buzzing cut through. 

"I have to get home for dinner," She announced, "But you have a great night tonight!"

"See you next year," Amber grinned sarcastically, only to be met with an eye roll.

"I'm dying, that was hilarious. Maybe you could work on your jokes next year too!" Rosé mocked, before hopping on her skateboard and fading into the distance.

Amber's gaze returned to the skate-park again, "Just be more honest..." she mumbled to herself as her hand found it way to and rested on her lower stomach.

Just call him back. Go to him and just talk to him.

Snatching her hand away, Amber pulled herself back into reality. What was she thinking? How could she possibly resolve this messed-up situation with just a simple phone-call? How was she ever going to figure a way out of this mess she was in? No. She couldn't be in this mess at all. This wasn't happening. 

Fumbling at her pockets, Amber pulled her tobacco out, her hands shaking as she attempted to roll a cigarette. A movement that was usually so easy had become so difficult since she'd last smoked over a month ago. Having scrunched up a few papers out of sheer failure, she eventually managed to assemble a smokeable cigarette. 

Yet Amber just couldn't bring herself to light it. Her hand shook as she held the cigarette to , and her other hand steel and frozen around the lighter. The one thing that would normally bring her solace, could now be so disastrous. 

"Why the long face?" 

Nearly jumping out of her bones, Amber almost dropped the cigarette at Kora's sudden appearance in front of her. As usual, with her silver hair and signature leather jacket, the girl looked like she belonged in a 90s grunge band or an independant brand ad. Amber envied her for always looking so effortlessly put-together. 

"I feel like ," Amber shrugged, trying her best to appear normal. Yet, one thing that she'd learned through her friendship with Kora, (and more so Sulli), so far, was that she always seemed to know what you were thinking. Nothing ever really got past or fooled those two girls.

Yet as well as the dread of her own predicament, Amber also felt a pang of guilt. She'd been avoiding being alone with Kora as much as possible since that night at the club. The night where Baekhyun had so nearly ruined everything and almost told Kris what had happened between the two of them. Avoidance also became an easy task considering how Kora was only ever with either her best friends, Baekhyun and even Chanyeol - Amber never really had to see her outside of class. In fact, Amber hadn't really been seeing any of her friends since school had finished. She hadn't even hung out with her brother and sister much since they got back for the holidays.

Yet Baekhyun had been updating her on everything that had been going on between them. Be it late night phone-calls asking about types of flowers to buy, or turning up at her flat asking for advice, they'd somehow become confidantes. And right now, Amber was very much aware of the nasty situation that had evolved between Baekhyun, Kora and Chanyeol - in fact, it made her feel even worse about sleeping with Baekhyun. It might make things a little clearer for Kora if she found out. But it would also destroy everything entirely.

This situation right now, was exactly what Amber had been trying to avoid. She couldn't help but feel awkward, no matter how hard she'd tried to forget about what happened with Baekhyun in the first place.

But that's a little difficult because of your own little situation...

"You and me both," Kora sighed, apparently not picking up on the awkwardness, before effortlessly pulling herself up the rink to sit beside Amber on the edge. Amber was even jealous of how easy she made climbing the rink look - so many times she'd slid down that very edge herself, giving herself all kinds of cuts and bruises.

"You and me both," Amber repeated, staring down at her cigarette, now dumbfounded about why she'd even bothered rolling the thing in the first place. 

"I see you struggled with that one," Kora nodded down at the cigarette, then eyed the wasted papers that blew across the bottom of the rink in front of them.

Amber merely shrugged, before holding the cigarette out for Kora. 

"Thanks," she replied as she accepted the cigarette, lighting it up quickly and blowing out the fumes into the cold winter air. 

Amber missed the sensation of smoking even more now she smelled it, the nicotine addiction willing her to just roll another one and join Kora. But something stronger compelled her not to. Something greater inside her. Desperate to take her mind off of this fact, Amber asked, "You weren't at Chanyeol's 'chill birthday' gathering'?"

Kora shook her head, "You?" 

"I didn't go either."

"Why not?" 

Deflecting was always difficult when it came to Kora. Clearly neither of them wanted to talk about themselves. 

"I wasn't feeling well," Amber mumbled. It wasn't exactly a lie either. She'd had cramps and had thrown up that day after eating lunch. A party had been the last thing on her mind then. Even if it did mean staying in the apartment all weekend, hiding away from her siblings as she cried, "Why didn't you go?"

Kora sighed, blowing out a big puff of smoke as her eyes gazed over the skate-park. Amber always thought there was something so feline-looking about Kora; perhaps it was the way she did her makeup, or the unique shape of her eyes that didn't look like other East-Asian people. Where she was all angles and edges to her face, Amber felt so masculine in her own looks, but she was comfortable in that, and grateful for it too, as it made her feel unique and strong. 

But tough-looks can't mask your truth forever.

"I didn't feel like it either. It would've been awkward." Kora shrugged.

"Why, because Chanyeol has feelings for you?" 

Amber regretted it the moment she'd said it. She didn't want to let on her knowledge about what had gone on with Kora and Chanyeol, but at the same time, it was completely necessary to say it. 

Kora scoffed, her eyes not leaving the scene in front of them, "It's that obvious, huh?"

"What, the fact that both Baekhyun and Chanyeol are low-key obsessed with you? I think the whole school noticed." Amber said sarcastically.

She couldn't help but feel some sick, sadistic pleasure in throwing this fact at Kora. Part of her wanted Kora to feel guilty over causing this situation in the first place; Amber knew what had happened the last time a girl had come between the best friends, and it cost all of them everything. But Amber also knew that feelings like this weren't so black and white. After all, she and Kris had clearly been in love this entire time, yet never really realised till recently. 

Even thinking about Kris made Amber's heart ache, but she couldn't bear to let her mind trail to him any longer. Not without bursting into tears and wanting to call him.

"Occasionally ing and obsession doesn't mean love," Kora snapped, yet without a hint of harshness in her voice, almost like she was trying to convince herself of the fact more than anyone else.

"I never said anything about love." Amber corrected her, "But I wouldn't be surprised..."

Kora suddenly turned to face Amber, her dark eyes watering ever so slightly, yet she didn't seem angry, nor did she seem truly sad, "I could say the same about you and Kris. We all know why he broke up with Wendy, yet you two still aren't together. Interesting, no?"

Amber suddenly felt foolish for trying to flaunt the situation over Kora. The girl was clearly a master at reading people. But Amber didn't feel hostile towards her because of this. It served as just another reminder that she couldn't run away from this problem forever. Time was only going to make it worse. 

"You've been avoiding him, haven't you?" 

"You're crazy good at getting inside people's heads, you know that?" Amber pulled a face at Kora, who merely scoffed.

"Try being friends with Sulli for three years. She practically taught me how. Now, answer my question." Her dark eyes stopped watering, but remained steady. 

Amber sighed, "Where do I even begin..." she leaned back, resting her elbows on the ground behind her to look up the clouds. Dark, gloomy with the prospect of snow. Pretty much how she was feeling too. 

"We hooked up. Just once. But it changed everything. It's fine being around him when other people are there," Amber began, her eyes following and tracing out the different shapes and bundles of clouds above her, the words pouring out of her more now than they had before during these past couple of months, "But being alone with him...I just can't. It's so different. And it terrifies me."   

Kora sighed, throwing the cigarette into the rink, "I know the feeling."

Amber looked up at Kora, who was also staring up at the sky. She couldn't help but feel strangely at ease around her, especially now she'd opened up about some of her problems. Maybe Kora could get her to talk a little more...

"You know," Amber started, "Baekhyun thinks he's in love with you, right?"

Kora didn't say anything at first, only stifled a laugh.

"What?" Amber asked, sitting upright to look at her.

"You're almost as good at deflecting as I am." Kora smirked at Amber, the two of them sharing slight laughter for just a moment.

"I'm serious though," Amber back-tracked, "He's not the he always tries to be. But I think you know that already."

"He's just infatuated," Kora shrugged. 

It became clear that Kora was determined not to believe any of this. Amber didn't blame her. She felt exactly the same about her own predicament. But Amber had come to care too much about Baekhyun to let him be hurt in this. 

Is it a good idea, telling her this?

"Not a lot of people know this- actually, no one knows this. He seems heartless; a psychopath and a deviant - but he really liked another girl once. We thought they were a good match, and they really seemed like it. But instead, they ruined each other." 

Kora's dark eyes narrowed in confusion, "He actually had a girlfriend? This is the first time I'm hearing of this?"

"That's because hardly anyone knew about it. Literally like, four people."

Understanding shadowed Kora's face as she gazed over the park again, "Interesting. And here I was before Christmas, wondering whether or not to give Baekhyun a chance. But then Chanyeol kissed me and now I don't know what to do."

Amber nodded. A display of understanding would suffice - she didn't want Kora to realise that Amber already knew all of this.

"You haven't seen either of them, I'm guessing?" 

Kora shook her head, "I needed space. I didn't wanna' think about it, you know?" 

"Believe me, I know."

Kora swung her legs up over the edge of the rink, and turned to face Amber, sitting cross-legged, "You know, I hate that trope in society. You see it in books, films and those awful CW-Netflix shows. This- this idea in straight relationships - that a girl has to fix a guy, because he's broken and incapable of fixing himself. The girl is a free spirit and just helps the guy to wake up. I hate that. The girl shouldn't have to fix anyone. A person is more than capable of accepting and overcoming their flaws. And- and what if the girl is the broken one? What happens then?"

Amber nodded in understanding. She'd never seen Kora embark on such a ramble before, but she felt every word. She understood how Kora related, but also found her own way to relate. Kris had struggled so long with his family and his future, and he was finally managing to get a grip on everything, and he'd gotten there by himself. Yet Amber - Amber was the broken one here.

"Who fixes the girl?" Amber lamented, mindlessly staring back out at the rink.

Who can fix this- this mess I'm in?

"They seem better, Chanyeol and Baekhyun I mean," Kora started, but she seemed to cut herself off, unsure what to say next.

"You're right, they are better. You didn't see how bad they got before summer."

"But- I- I'm worse. What if I end up ruining them both?" 

Now Amber was getting concerned. She brought her legs up too, and turned to face Kora, a pained and worried expression across her pretty face. Amber didn't think she'd ever seen Kora show this kind of vulnerability before.

"Why do you say that?"

"It's not difficult to tell that both those boys are pretty messed up. I know about their parents. It's horrible. And Chanyeol's still clearly not over his ex. I don't want to make him feel worse. Whilst Baekhyun's- well, he's Baekhyun."

"Glad you'd noticed," 

Kora seemed un-fazed by this quip, and casually began rolling another cigarette despite her troubled expression, "But Baekhyun and I...We're both pretty messed up I guess, and we're probably really bad for each other...but, double negative makes positive, right?"

Amber scoffed, eyeing Kora for a moment, "Your logic is pretty ed up, you realise that, right?"

"Not helping," Kora rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips at least in spite of the strain in her voice.

"Okay, okay," Amber sighed, feeling more obliged to give her some hope, "I was actually best friends with Chanyeol's ex. She was horrible to him. Deliberately horrible. If you're not setting out to hurt him, don't push him away. But- But if you think staying away is better for him - I think that's a pretty decent thing to do."

"I'm not doing this for him," Kora sighed as she lit her cigarette, "At least that's what I'm telling myself."

"Being selfless isn't a bad thing you know?"

Keep telling yourself that. Not telling Kris about what's going on is going to make the situation much better! Just like you not telling Baekhyun about it is gonna help too.

"I know that," Kora exhaled, the puff of smoke dissipating over the rink, "I just-" her voice cracked, probably the first time Amber heard that happen, "I'd rather break every bone in my body than ruin Chanyeol and get my heart broken in the process."

"How do you know Baekhyun won't break you instead?" Amber felt a lump in .

Kora shrugged, "You said it yourself. He's in love with me. You're not supposed to hurt the ones you love. I know he wouldn't hurt me. But Chanyeol...he just likes the idea of me. I think. That's a big difference. You can forget an idea just as quickly as you come up with one. But I think- I think things have already gone too far with Baekhyun."

Amber didn't know when her hands had begun to shake, only when her eyes started to shed tears did she notice. She cried quietly, tears slowly welling but quickly falling as she tore her gaze away from Kora. Going on like this was impossible. Not only was she lying to Kora about what had happened with Baekhyun, but she was lying to herself about everything. 

Kora didn't move to comfort Amber, and she didn't want her to. Amber hated dealing with grief too. Forcing away the last of her tears, she inhaled deeply and turned back to Kora.

"Amber, what's going on?" Kora asked, sheer concern in her face and voice, unlike any that she'd seen Kora show before. 

Amber's voice croaked, the grief overcoming her, "You know- you know what you were saying? About fixing people? I've done the complete opposite."

"It'll be fine," Kora insisted, awkwardly reaching a hand to her shoulder to comfort her, "You and Kris are different. I- I didn't mean it-"

"I think I'm pregnant."

 

*

 

"Don't worry, I'll go up and buy them."

"Are you sure?" Amber asked Kora once again as they made their way to the pharmacy in Town, "I don't wanna cause you any trouble?"

Kora smirked at Amber, sending her a playful side-eye, "You're the one probably pregnant, and you're worried I'll get into trouble?"

Amber blushed red. She was embarrassed at being caught out like that, but couldn't help but admire the wit. 

You totally would've said the same.

Kora had quickly managed to convince Amber to take a test with her after the sudden confession, half-dragging her on the brief walk from the park to the Town Centre to pick up the test. They'd walked in silence, neither of them knowing quite what to say. But Amber was grateful for it; she had no idea what she would do if the test came back positive. Not to mention the fact that Kora's not-boyfriend could also be the father. 

You've really, really ed this up.

"Right," Kora sighed as they made it to the shop, dragging Amber out of her thoughts, "Let's go in, the pharmacist here expects nothing less from me so don't worry about being told off." 

Amber nodded as she followed Kora into the shop. Where Amber was usually so loud and outspoken, Kora, so quiet and mysterious, was taking the lead in the situation. She led her to the female health section, where an array of pregnancy tests hung on the rack. 

The two girls stood there, dumbfounded, as they stared at the sheer selection of tests.

"I didn't think they'd be so many," Kora whispered, the slightest hint of panic in her voice.

"What, you don't know which one to pick?" Amber whispered back, starting to stress too. She couldn't tell between the electronic tests, the simple strip tests, ones which told you the progress, and whether or annoy of them could tell you gender. education wasn't really a thing at their school, being a mostly religious country and everything.

"I said I'd buy them not that I've done this before," Kora grumbled as she looked around the shop, almost as if she was looking for someone. 

Amber pointed at the more affordable strip tests, "Just grab those ones, they're on offer."

Kora nodded and quickly grabbed for them, before the girls made their way to the cashier - until Kora suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and Amber walked right into the back of her head.

"Ouch!" Amber yelped as her nose hit the back of Kora's head, "You've got a hard head!" 

"Sorry!" Kora exclaimed as she turned to check on her, "Are you good?"

"Just great," Amber complained, throwing her hands in the air as her nose throbbed, "Just trying to buy a pregnancy test and now needing my nose to be reset." 

"Shh!" Kora whispered as she moved to cover Amber's mouth, to which Amber quickly jerked away.

Bringing her hand back to her throbbing nose, Amber got the hint and whispered, "Why are we whispering?"

Kora pointed a finger to two teenagers huddled over the cashier, a girl and a boy who appeared to be watching K-pop videos on a phone. Amber recognised them. They were in her brother's year at school; the guy, Jaehyun, had been over to visit her brother a couple times since he'd come for the holidays; the girl Amber didn't know - but Kora clearly did.

"Do you want me to go instead?" Amber offered. She'd never expected Park Kora to be intimidated by a couple of 15-year-olds in a pharmacy.

Shaking her head, Kora replied, "It's only Irene's sister, Yeri. She hates her as much as we do. I could probably threaten Jaehyun not to tell anyone too." 

Amber couldn't help but grin wryly, "You're starting to think like me,"

A couple of minutes later, Jaehyun had discreetly scanned the items, whilst Yeri had been unaffected and continued to watch the latest TWICE video on her phone. 

"You tell anyone about this," Kora began as she held the paper bag up in Jaehyun's face, "You'll get an unsavoury visit from me and my friend here," 

Amber did her best to look slightly menacing as Jaehyun's eyes nervously flitted between the two girls. Amber couldn't help but think of all the pranks she'd played on her brother growing up, all the jokes at his expense - she hadn't had any of that since he got home, thanks to this mess. It made her feel even worse.

"Not a word to a soul, I promise," Jaehyun assured them, bowing his head slightly out of respect.

"Good kiddo," Kora smiled warmly as she started speaking in English. Amber never us