Baekhyun & Kora Fire

 

Baekhyun and Kora's Playlist - 'Gasoline', Halsey - 'Ice Queen', Baekhyun - 'Haunted' (50 Shades Version), Beyonce - 'Heart Attack',  EXO - 'Tell Me What is Love', D.O. - 'Paradise Circus', Massive Attack - 'Autumn Leaves',  BTS

 

 

"Just go up there, tell her you're sorry- Hey Kora, I'm sorry- I- no I sound like such a douchebag!" Baekhyun groaned to himself. The entire walk from his house to Kora's, he'd been rehearsing things to say to her and make up for how they left things earlier. But most importantly, he wanted to tell her everything he'd been holding back this whole time.

At first it was just fun for Baekhyun, he didn't plan for the two of them to be getting up to no good with each other for as long as they did. It wasn't Baekhyun's style, and he was sure it wasn't Kora's either. But the more he was with her, the more at ease he felt, whilst on the other hand, he never felt so out of control. Being with her felt like being caught up in a hurricane, like being dragged out of his own orbit and dragged towards another - towards her. For so long now, he'd had been repeatedly told that he was something of a monster, an unlovable, and angry beast who was forever broken because his mommy died. And he believed it. He knew his old self was just too out of reach by now. 

But being around Kora made him feel like it was okay.That it was okay for him to be angry at the world the way he was, that it was okay for him to be reckless and impulsive as he was, that it was okay for him to be unafraid. It was okay to be this way, because she was just like him. He was pure fire, and so was she. 

Ever since that night on Halloween, that stupid night with Amber that he both regretted and cherished, made him realise so many things about himself. Baekhyun had no idea where he was going or what he was doing with his life, but he'd been so focused on living in the moment, living inconsequentially that he lost sight of what he truly wanted. What he wanted was Kora. Wherever he was headed, he wanted her to be there with him.

It was just a matter of the hell he was gonna say of all that. 

He gripped the bouquet of roses in his hand tighter as her large house came into view, the lights inside dim. Hopefully it was her at home, but he was prepared to wait all night if it meant seeing her. The chill of the December air didn't bother him, nor the fact that it looked like it was going to snow - he was going to do this. 

"You can do this. Just say everything you've been holding back," Baekhyun hyped himself up once more as he made his way closer to his house. A smile broke out on his face as he was getting closer, the mere thought of being around Kora again making his stomach flutter. 

Yet just as soon as the fluttering started, it stopped. 

A car was parked outside. Even though he hadn't seen it in years, he could recognise Chanyeol's father's car anywhere - it was the same car that would collect him and Chanyeol from music camp at the end of every summer when they were kids, the car that would drive them both to school in the mornings - the car Chanyeol's father had driven before Baekhyun's mother had crashed her own trying to save his life. Baekhuyn stopped dead in his tracks and squinted to get a better look.

Two people were sat inside. Baekhyun could recognise Chanyeol's ears easily. And next to him, the faint glimmer of Kora's silver hair. 

Alongside his growing feelings for Kora also grew a suspicion. He knew Kora and Chanyeol were good friends from class, but he also couldn't help sense something deeper. He was no people-reader, that was for sure (human emotion was often wasted on Baekhyun), but he knew Chanyeol too well to gloss over this suspicion. He saw it in the way Chanyeol looked at Kora when they were all hanging out, the way he listened so intently to every word she spoke, the way he was always so excitable around her. It was everything Baekhyun wished he could channel, but struggled to show himself when he was with Kora.

Even that night at the club that he couldn't remember, where he'd apparently started aggravating Chanyeol, and shoving him around - Baekhyun couldn't forget the way Kora so quickly came to Chanyeol's aid, rather than his own. He might of been a complete mess that night, but the pain of that was real. Even though the boys had tried to act normal and like friends afterwards, that wedge between them had taken hold.

The sight of the two of them in the car together now was only more proof of Baekhyun's suspicions, and proof that his pain was real. The fact that Kora had only left Baekhyun this afternoon, and was now suddenly appearing with Chanyeol - it didn't bode well for Baekhyun. He had half a mind to storm over to the car and demand what was going, make a show of the situation and shout at the two of them for answers. He was very well prepared to - he wanted to. But something stopped him. 

Even if he wanted to be angry at Kora, he knew it would be impossible. It would be impossible for him to feel anything other than the affection he was finally prepared to admit. For once, instead of doing something rash, Baekhyun knew he needed to figure this out. If he was going to finally challenge his best friend on this, he needed proof. 

Baekhyun inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself for a moment (something he thought himself incapable of), and exhaled, his breath leaving little clouds of condensation in the winter air. 

"I guess this confession will have to wait a little longer," he sighed, before walking to the trashcan on the sidewalk, where he threw the bouquet of roses in the bin, and left.

 

*

 

They'd been sat in the car, wrapped in a deadly silence, for God-knows how long. Kora tried so desperately not to let herself think to much, not to let herself feel. She had no idea how she'd ended up in this situation - everything had just gotten so out of control. 

This wasn't supposed to happen.

She knew that this curiosity she felt about Chanyeol would get out of hand, yet she pursued it anyway - Kora just couldn't understand why. Not to mention, everything she questioned she'd been feeling about Baekhyun had been brought to the surface. She could no longer lie to herself that she didn't care for him; after these couple months of mindless fun, something deeper had grown. Something that terrified her. An equally deep and terrifying feeling had sprung up alongside it, a feeling for Chanyeol that she knew would grow, but didn't care to stop. She was watching and feeling these things grow inside of her, but didn't care to stop it, no matter how much she wanted to.

Guilt. All she could feel right now was guilt. She'd realised now the extent of the two guys' friendship, how their bond ran far deeper than most teenage boys', yet that still wasn't enough to stop Kora. Whatever darkness had compelled her to come between these guys like this was beginning to rear its dark and ugly face. Kora just didn't know if she'd be able to control it any longer. At this point, she no longer even understood herself.

Chanyeol was breathing steadily beside her, fiddling mindlessly with his jacket zipper, not saying a word either. Kora wondered what he could be thinking about, but she didn't dare look at him. That kiss felt so right in the moment, but as soon as Kora had pulled away she knew it was wrong, just like it felt wrong to even look at him now. But she was so inexplicably drawn to him, a magnetism that both terrified her and drew her in.

The Chanyeol who'd she'd grown closer to these past couple of weeks had a light to him, a glow within him that was beginning to reveal itself - but Kora knew that by getting close to him, she'd snuff that light out. It was just what she did to people. It's what drove her father and brothers away, one by one, and it was what drove her mother insane on a daily basis. It was probably her darkest truth, a thought and reminder that had troubled her mind more and more, with each time she lost someone she cared about. Sometimes she'd sit there and let that thought come and go, taking her to some dark and terrifying places. She'd once gone to see a therapist about these thoughts, and the words Mild Borderline Personality Disorder were thrown in, but she didn't really understand. She'd stopped going to see that therapist ever since, and she'd never told anyone about that diagnosis. Talking about it made it real.

"What are you thinking about?"

There was no way in hell Kora was going to tell him. She sighed, and merely answered, "What do you think I'm thinking about?"

Chanyeol scoffed, "I hate when you answer a question with another one."

"Well what do you want me to say? That I'm madly obsessing about the fact that we kissed?"

Chanyeol sighed, "Forget it. Look I- I'm sorry." he turned to face her, but Kora still couldn't bear to look at him in the eye, "I know you've been seeing Baekhyun these past couple months- I- I just don't understand what's going on with you guys, you know?"

Kora didn't say a word.

Chanyeol sighed and sat back into his chair, clearly frustrated with the situation too.

"You know," Kora started, trying best not to let her emotions crack through her voice, "You've made me think a lot about my family today."

Chanyeol turned to look at her, listening intently.

"My mom- she- uh- she's not been great since my little brother left. When she's not at work she's passed out on prescription meds. I had to look after her for a little while."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Kora sighed, "I don't think she's really ever been able to understand me. We're not close. I guess that's why when she has to be around me, she'd rather be completely off of her face."

It didn't even hurt Kora to say these words. It was something she was so used to knowing by now - an objective fact. She and her mother rarely had a meaningful conversation these days, they might as well have been strangers at this point.

"Have you been away from home like this before?" Chanyeol asked, his voice fraught with a tone of concern.

"She's used to me coming and going. It's what she does too. But...Not like this. When my brother ran away...that was after a fight too."

Chanyeol sighed. He clearly didn't know what to say. Kora didn't expect him to have any answers, it was a situation she didn't even know how to figure out for herself.

"I guess I should go talk to her, shouldn't I?" Kora turned to stare up at her house, the new place they'd moved to after her brother ran away, a place they were supposed to get a fresh start in. It was the last place she wanted to be, but she didn't belong anywhere else.

"She's still your mother at the end of the day. I'm not going to sit here and tell you how to think or feel but," Chanyeol sighed, "She's probably feeling all the things that you're feeling yourself. I can't imagine what losing all of your children could do to a person."

Kora sighed again. It was all either of them could manage to do right now - but Chanyeol was right. Everything Kora must have been feeling this entire time, her mother probably felt to, even worse perhaps. Kora had her coping mechanisms, and her mother had her own. Maybe it finally was time for the two of them to pull through together.

"You know, you're right - about what you said." she turned to look at Chanyeol at last, his bright eyes somewhat sad as they held her own, "It is easier to share the burden rather than let it crush you alone. I'm sick of feeling like this. Maybe it's time I try and let my mother back in."

"If you want to talk to her, and- and tell her how you feel," Chanyeol started, his lips as he stumbled with his words nervously, "I- uh- I could go with you, and be there. Only if you want."

Kora's eyes widened in surprise, "You'd do that? For me?"

Chanyeol nodded, "Of course. I- I know now important it is to have your family there for you when it's good for you. Not everyone is the same sure, but- if you have the chance, why not make things better."

Kora smiled slightly, "That's- That's really kind." 

She didn't let it on, but this simple act of kindness touched Kora. Aside from Kai and Sulli, Kora was used to people only ever wanting something from her, and people liking the way that Kora made them feel about themselves. But Chanyeol...he was so kind, so hopeful and so pure. It made Kora's affection towards him grow even more in that moment - but it also served as further proof of why she couldn't be with him. He was finally started to figure himself out, she didn't dare drag him down alongside herself. She looked at his face, so handsome, his eyes so bright and expressive, full of light. She would never forgive herself if she tainted him.

"I think your chance to make things better might be here," Chanyeol nodded to the house behind Kora. She turned her head to see her mother stood on the porch, wrapped in a dressing gown and staring down at Kora with knowing eyes - the very eyes Kora got from her. 

Chanyeol was right. She had to go speak to her mother. The more she tried to hurt her mother, the more she ended up hurting herself.

Maybe it's time to be honest about at least one thing in your messy life.

"I think this might be something I have do alone for now." Kora turned to smile at Chanyeol, "But thank you for being here. For listening. It means a lot. More than you know."

"Any time," Chanyeol reassured her. 

Whatever force had overcome Kora these past couple days, whatever darkness was growing inside of her compelled her once more, as she leaned over to kiss Chanyeol on the cheek. She didn't stop him when he gently grabbed her face to pull her in for a real kiss. His lips were so warm against her own, an almost burning sensation igniting as their lips pressed together. Kora couldn't help it. She reciprocated the kiss - just once, enough to let that darkness in her be satisfied, before she pulled away. Chanyeol's eyes were steady this time, like he was so sure of this thing between them that nerves didn't matter. Kora on the other hand, was all anxiousness. Her palms began to sweat, her heart racing and pounding in her chest as she pulled away.

Breathe. Just keeping breathing.

She managed to keep herself together, not letting her mind get the better of her as it sometimes did, "I'll see you around, Chanyeol." She took one last look at him, offering a small smile, before getting out of the car and shutting the door. Kora found her fists clenching by her sides as she looked up at her mother waiting on the porch, worry straining her face. She was in half a mind to turn on her heel and beg Chanyeol to drive her away, but she couldn't leave her mother. She at least had to try. 

Taking one last look at Chanyeol, he offered her a warm smile of reassurance. Kora sighed and walked up to her house. She'd been gone a couple of days, but it felt much longer. It may have been her home but she felt like she would never truly belong here. Her heart began to race in her chest as she made eye-contact with her mother. Even as she moved closer to her, Kora never felt so far away. Kora didn't bear much resemblance to her mother, Jia, not the way her near-identical brothers did - but Kora did get her cat-like eyes from her mother. Kora once asked as a child why her eyes looked so different to other kids at school, and her mother had told that her grandmother was actually from Europe, and had lived here before bringing the family into Russia to escape the wars. Kora wasn't a history student, but tales like that never ceased to fascinate her as a child.

Yet that occasionally happy childhood seemed a distant memory from another lifetime. Now stood a broken mother and a lost daughter, clinging onto whatever remnant of their old lives that they could. Park Jia's eyes were sullen with worry, the lines on her face wrought with sadness. Kora hated that this was the pain that caring about people caused, but she hated it even more that she and mother had gotten to this point.

"Kora, I-" Her mother started, but couldn't finish whatever she had wanted to say.

"It's okay mom," Her said softly, "I'm here now. I understand. It's okay." Kora shocked even herself when she moved to hug her mother - but she could never pull herself away from the embrace from a mother who simply loved and worried for her child.

 

*

 

Baekhyun had been sat on Chanyeol's bed for a few minutes now. What he planned to say when he confronted his friend, he still had no idea. After ceremoniously dumping the flowers in the trashcan by Kora's house, he soon found himself sprinting across the bridge over the river that ran through this part of the town. As he ran over the river, and through the park that sat next to it, Baekhyun didn't even think about what he was actually going to do when he got to Chanyeol's house in Midtown - he just knew that he couldn't bear to watch the two of them together for a second longer. 

Yet when Chanyeol's mother opened the door, and told him that Chanyeol was probably on the way home from dropping his "lady-friend with the silver hair" back home, Baekhyun's suspicions were only further proved. Even after his mother allowed Baekhyun to wait on her son, Baekhyun recognised the smell of Kora in his bedroom, the strange mix of cigarettes and perfume that he'd grown to love so much. 

As he sat on his best-friend's bed, bored out of his mind, Baekhyun thought he'd rummage through his stoner-friend's beside table.

"If I'm gonna' wait this out, I might as well enjoy it," Baekhyun chuckled to himself as he opened the top drawer, and plucked out a half-smoked joint. Yet as he moved to get a lighter, something else caught his eye. A little yellow book - the likes of which Baekhyun hadn't seen over a year, "Mozart is writing music once more..." 

Baekhyun picked up the book bemusedly, lighting the joint with one hand and opening the book in the other. But quickly wished he hadn't. As he inhaled the sweet fumes of the weed, Baekhyun flicked through pages of scribbled and scratched-out notes, letters and arrows darting across the page in his friend's messy writing. Baekhyun had always teased Chanyeol for writing like someone half his age, and this was further proof. But what he didn't expect to come across were all new additions to the book, dated ov