"I thiiink Iiii've found the moooost beeeautiful girl." Minsik hums, slinging arms around Jongdae and Chanyeol. The two, while drunk, are not as drunk as the bassist. 

"And who would that be?" Chanyeol asks, only trying to fuel the fire at this point. Minsik is too far gone to help. 

"Y'see that lady over there, lookin' all fine an' all? Yeah, I think she's the love of my life." Minsik says, staring at the girl down the bar. 

Jongdae squints his eyes to see better in the gritty bar light. The girl is wearing a dress that looks like it is made of newspaper clippings, and her hair is cut short enough to show off some of the hair growing on her neck. "Bro, that's a guy in drag."

Minsik does not hear him. Minsik wanders over to the girl. Jongdae and Chanyeol slam their faces into their hands in unison. There is no helping Minsik after this many shots, only watching him crash and burn. 

"Hey gorgeous," Minsik warbles, leaning close to the person, who was now obviously a teenager in drag. "how are you tonight."

"I'm alright." The boy says in a low voice, far more sober than Minseok. He gives the teenager an odd look. 

"Oh god, what is going on?" Zitao asks, walking up to the two onlookers. Chanyeol's feeble attempts to explain the occurrence do not encapsulate the fantastic quantity of failure Minsik is exhibiting. 

"Well," Jongdae shifts his attention from his bandmate to Zitao. "Minsik has found 'the love of his life' and he's off to try and get into her pants."

"But that's a guy"

Chanyeol chuckles "I don't think Minsik gets that."

Zitao his head to the side. "When do you reckon he will?"

Meanwhile, Minsik is deeply embroiled in his conversation, trying to keep his brain operating at a conversational level and not slip off into a complete drunken stupor. Think of something to say, please, Minsik begged himself in his head. "So, now that we've talked a bit, what's your name?" 

"Seo Chulgoo." Chulgoo smiles sweetly, exposing bright teeth and crinkled eyes. Minsik can feel his heart tumble down his chest. 

"I'm Minsik. Chulgoo is such a pretty name though, I haven't met a girl with it." At these words Jongdae and Chanyeol nearly lose it, silently cackling and muttering variations of "because it's a guys' name" to each other and Zitao. 

"Err... Yes. Thanks." Chulgoo smiles awkwardly, realizing that Minsik didn't know. Wanting to keep the conversation, he turned back to Minsik. "Would you like me to buy you a drink? What would you like?"

Minsik is flabbergasted. "Oh, wow sure, uh, thanks. I'll have a... beer...." He trails off, realizing that he didn't know the name of any brand of beer, and that that probably wasn't cool and that that was a problem and that his thoughts were trailing on for far too long. 

"What kind?" 

"Surprise me."

----

"Oh, come on, just let me have some!" Sehun whines, begging and reaching for the water bottle full of gin Kyungsoo is holding. Some of the people in the club are staring at them, but Sehun is drunk enough not to care.

"I'm not giving a freshman alcohol! Now get your grubby hands off!" Kyungsoo shrieked, whipping away Sehun's hands from his arm. 

"Freshman? I'm a ing sophomore! Now gimme!" Sehun wails, lightly stomping his foot. 

"You can have some of mine," Chanyeol smiles, holding up a metal flask. "but it's Jack Daniels."

Their small little crowd of high schoolers oohs and ahhs at this. "Oh, but bro you know who loves Jack Daniels?" Jongdae grins. 

"Aw man, but I just love having him inside of me." Minseok winks, laughing. 

"No one can deny Minseok's homo affiliation with Jack Daniels, but let us not forget Jongin's night of pure debauchery with his good friend Kahlua." Kyung states, pushing Jongin closer into the circle. 

"When did this happen?" Zitao asks, staring at Jongin, clearly confused. 

"Oh man, it was so ed. Jongin downed like an entire bottle of Kahlua at Choi Sam's sweet sixteen and got really in' lit. He stood up in the middle of the whole thing, grabbed Sam's mom's and went "Oooh, Mrs Sam, it'd be my ultimate pleasure to both you and your daughter at the same time."" Luhan says, stumbling through the sentences, clearly far too drunk to be completely coherent. 

Jongin blushes, hiding his head in his hands and sighing. He despised being laughed at, especially by Kyungsoo, a man he revered like the second coming of Christ. He wants no more of this, and tries to back out of the circle. Chanyeol seems to clearly notice this and decides to interfere. 

"Guys, it was a quality instance, but it'll never compare to the absolute legend of Pancake ." His words are met with whoops and hollers, and many claps from the boys around him. 

"Again, when the did this happen?" Zitao asks, mildly horrified by the name of the story. 

"Oh, bro, it took place in a time before you. A time when our throats were dry, our noses were empty, but our fingers were wet. We were at Minseok's place, Sehun had just tried acid for the first time, y'know? Yeah, he like in' lost it, actin' all crazy and , tryna pick fights with couches an' . So eventually we just locked him in the guest bathroom and left to pick up some more drinks at the Specs, where Baek works, an' when we come back... oh dear lord. Sehun, we couldn't find him at all in the house, he was gone. But then we see Minseok's neighbor's window open, and Sehun sticks his head out, and he's in the . He starts wailing "Oh guys, I found the goddess of love! I've gotta please her!"." Jongdae pauses for dramatic effect, and Sehun takes the time to wail in protest.

Someone yells"We thought he was gonna commit !"

"Yeah, and so we walk over into the house, no clue how he got in, all the doors were locked, he let us in through the window, and there he is, fully . Not only is he in his birthday suit, but he's like got like his , like somehow fully erect, in the neighbors' pancake machine thing. HE WAS IN' THE PANCAKE MACHINE! So it took like all of us, but we got him out of it, completely drenched in pancake batter and the neighbors came in at that time, it was like hell!"

Minseok takes the time to add his two cents. "They almost pressed charges!"

Sehun's expression quickly changes into a grin. "Aw, mate, but it was worth it because it was such a sick night!" His words were met with cheers and hollers. 

Minsik can vaguely hear their words and stories, recounted and shouted, proclaimed like some sort of drunken Shakespearean sonnet legend, an ode to times more ed up. He worries slightly, a little afraid that he may become one of them far too soon if this night goes poorly. But Kibum is there, smiling and dancing and now a little more than tipsy, and he is there, drunk and excited and the dance floor is open. Minsik finds his way there and tries to focus all his energy into looking good while dancing, swaying his body just so and looking as appealing as possible to this new person he's snagged, but in the back of his mind he remembers the stories his friends have told and he fears them, is afraid he'll become one of them. He pushes the thoughts away and soon returns to checking out Kibum while dancing. 

----

Kyungsoo loves coffee, and right now he loves the photos on his phone. He's drinking his new mug of it, black coffee without anything in it, and going through the photos of last night at the bar, and Jésus Christo are they good. There are some selfies he took with friends and hot girls, shots of Jongdae's band playing, a few screenshots of beautiful chicks they met at the bar off of Chanyeol's snapchat, and the rest are pure comedy gold. They're all of Minsik, drunk off his , and dancing with the guy in drag they met. There is one where Minsik and the guy are kissing, and it is so obvious that Minsik has no clue it's a guy in drag, even when the Adam's apple is defined on him and the tight green dress shows that he has no s or curves. He sure knows he'll be texting them to Minsik over the group chat post-spring break. 

When Kyung walks up, all tired and bleary, baggy eyed and asks about what happened, Kyungsoo is more than happy to recap, knowing that he and Kris were the closest to sober that night. 

They had all gotten far too drunk to go home, and without a place to safely go, they searched for someone to crash with. Kyungsoo had bumped into the DJ duo Crispi Crunch after their set and used his charm to try and wile them into a friendship. Somehow he had won their hearts, and the fourteen boys (Kibum included) found themselves stumbling down the street, following a more sober and gay duo ahead of them. All fourteen were lead into a large, spacious apartment, and managed to blow up two giant air mattresses in the living room before passing out in a massive tangle of limbs, arms splayed and bodies akimbo. The alibi had been made on the way there, everyone telling their parents that they were staying over at Baekhyun's house and Baekhyun telling his mom that he was over at Kyungsoo's. 

Kyung nodded thoughtfully, mentally making a note to remind him to thank the men for letting them use their house. Why they let fourteen ed up trashy teenagers sleep in their apartment was a notion far beyond his reasoning. 

But there are far more important things at hand than thanking a benevolent gay couple, like planning for the party they'd have tonight. Things were already planned, parents were away and people were invited. Do Kyungsoo does not around when it comes to parties, especially ones during the breaks. He has a reputation to keep, after all. While little Zitao may have been a newbie when it came to the art of throwing such a thing, he and Kris were far more seasoned party veterans, with the senior showing him the way in his younger years. 

The aforementioned party newbie walked into the kitchen closer to eight than to seven, with mussed hair and glasses akimbo, asking about where they were and what was going on. Kyung and Kyungsoo are more than happy to clear it up with him, cheerfully reminding him of the party that was going to happen by the end of the day. Kyung chuckles lightly at the exchange student's surprise, but he is kinder than Kyungsoo. 

Zitao sits down at the counter, next to the two shorter teens. Eventually he asks what he would need for a party, completely unsure of what was going to happen. Maybe they don't throw parties in China, Kyungsoo thinks to himself, sipping his coffee, or maybe he's a giant nerd.

"Alcohol and fireworks." Kyung grins, answering before Kyungsoo can open his mouth. "You're gonna need those. I think Chanyeol can supply any other illicit substances." Kyung smiles the same eating smile that he uses any time when a large word is said. He was a lover of sesquipedalian language, even when it didn't fit the occasion (Chanyeol swears that this is just because Kyung is in AP English and has high marks in every single class, soccer included). 

"Illicit substances? What do you mean?" Zitao asks, voice small and worried. 

Kyungsoo thinks of all the things that could freak out the Chinese teen. ", molly, weed, y'know, the normal stuff." While he's never had all three at the same time at a party, he likes to impress. It's all about image. 

"You're all horrible people. Not only is there going to be underage drinking, but this? I would be killed for this back home!" Zitao hollers, even though he still has a hangover and really does not have room for this. 

It appears that all of the yelling has awoken Minseok, who groggily walks to the counter. "God, don't get your in a knot, princess. It's not like we're killing anyone or shooting up heroin."

"I don't even know where you'd buy alcohol!" 

Zitao learns to quickly regret those words, as only two hours later he is trudging to a back alleyway, following Minseok and bring tailed by Jongin and Sehun. Minseok had decided to take the young trio on an "educational field trip" to where "you'd learn to be a ing man who buys real alcohol". The four sit there, leaning against the wall of an old abandoned apartment building, one where the walls are graffitied and the windows are cracked, and you can hear the rats inside. 

After about five or ten minutes of waiting, the rumbling of a car on gravel is easily heard, and quickly a cop car speeds and swerves through the alley, stopping upon seeing Minseok and co. Jongin and Zitao's eyes widen dramatically, surprised by the fact that on their hunt for alcohol they were being stopped by a cop. 

Two young men stumble out of the car, twin smiles plastered on their faces. They were in uniform, but by body language alone you could tell the men did not take their jobs seriously. The taller one, a slim brunette with smiling eyes and a nametag that read "officer Ahn Jaehyo" stepped forward, while his partner, a shorter stockier brunette who's nametag read "officer Lee Taeil" raised a pistol, striking fear into the hearts of three of the four adolescents. Minseok was unperturbed by this display. 

"Aye, wassup boys!" Jaehyo smiles, patting Minseok's shoulder. Taeil lowers the gun, and the tension is markedly lowered. 

"We're lookin' for some top-shelf ." Minseok states, straight to the point, staring at both men. 

"You're a minor, I'm afraid that's real illegal. You're going to have to be arrested." Taeil says, stone cold and devoid of emotion. The younger teens cringe in fear. Taeil pauses. "Ah, I'm just ing with you. We've got your in the trunk."

Jaehyo and Taeil open the trunk of the cop car, revealing a cornucopia of alcohol, fireworks and some powdery, vaguely white substances that Zitao is sure are illegal. The display was slightly shocking. Cops, selling illegal things to minors, who were most certainly going to abuse them. 

"Now, I know you well Minseok, and while I don't know these faggots," officer Jaehyo chuckles low, gesturing to Zitao, Jongin and Sehun, and particularly Sehun, with his rainbow coif and matching rainbow Live Aid t-shirt. "I think we'll still give you a good deal."

"Now, this deal's in' nuts, you'd better know that." Taeil grins, pearly teeth flashing. "A deal you can't refuse. Everyone knows this is a great deal. Even demons know!" Kibum has always loved drawn out speeches and theatrics. 

"Even demons know how good our is. When you confiscate this much everyday, you save the top tier stuff!" Jaehyo adds, gesturing to the trunk. 

"We'll sell you three fourths of the entire truck for only two hundred fifty bucks. Hella good deal for this much stuff, a real steal." Taeil says, patting the trunk. 

Minseok raises a quizzical eyebrow. "What's in it?"

Taeil's grin nearly split his cheeks. "Oh, how glad I am you asked. We've got top shelf tequila, mescal, vodka, whiskey. Ridiculously expensive , y'know, caught it from illegal sellers. But not only do we have that, we have fireworks, free of charge!" He pauses to breath, then gestures to more things in the trunk. "And we got the best weed. Not much weed, but a good amount, and it's good . 'Ts called trainwreck, 'cause it'll you up!"

Jaehyo nods. "We smoked some few days ago, highest I've ever been, no joke. But not only do we have that, we have some molly. Can't give you all the molly, we owe the entire HR department some, but there's some molly in there."

Jongin and Minsik look at each other and nod. "We'll take it for sure."

Taeil smiles almost predatorily. "We'll sell it on one condition."

"And that is?"

"You invite us to your party tonight."

"Done deal."

The two officers help load all of the stuff into the back of Kris's car, an old thing that he has spent far too much time working on (an '84 Chrysler Lebaron Kris has affectionately named Labron). It barely fits, but they manage it all in, and Kris and Minseok pay the officers in straight cash, earning a loud "DAAAAMN" and questions on how they got the money. Minseok and Kris smile twin smiles and refuse to self incriminate. 

"Alright now y'all, be responsible!" The two officers call out jokingly as the five teens piled into the car. 

The aforementioned car is surprisingly roomy, and the entire thing looks just as it would have in it's original date of creation, save for the speaker system (Kris has replaced it with the largest speakers possible with the most bass he could get, because he "don't around with speakers"). Said speakers were only playing Aquaberry Backfist by Riff Raff, Kris's second favorite artist, and icon, and currently his favorite song. Zitao has no clue how his host parents let Kris become the way he is, but he won't question it. Life is easier this way, just letting the strange, strange occurrences happen the way they did. 

----

Baekhyun is having the time of his life. He is currently working at a cafe he is not employed at, under the name Kim Jongdae, and while the boss hasn't noticed, the rest of the wait staff certainly has. Currently two of them were talking about him, and while one of them is convinced he's an imposter, the other isn't so sure, though how she hadn't figured it out is an idea inconceivable to Baekhyun. Why he was working at Jongdae's job was so the taller teen could go, with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol (who somehow had been on "bathroom break" for the past two hours) to find more things for the party, a long list that included hot girls, acid, and a ridiculous amount of balloons. 

It wasn't that Baekhyun was against partying, he liked getting faced and dancing to the chacha slide for thirty minutes as much as the next guy, but Baekhyun simply wasn't the one with connections. Sure, he had a dealer (the same dealer that Jongin, Kyung and Minsik (the trio also happened to listen to their dealer's mixtapes, which were, to be honest, not good at all) had, sure, but he had one.) but he wasn't the guy who got cute girls to go to parties or the guy who bought the or even the guy in charge of organizing. No, he was the look out, the man who made sure that nothing too horrible happened, made sure no one got into too much trouble. 

But oh lord, Baekhyun loved trouble, and Minsik was far deep in that. Right there he sat at the cafe, across from Chulgoo, who was no longer in women's clothing, and both were visibly uncomfortable. Why Minsik asked Chulgoo out on a date when he should have known that Chulgoo was not a girl was a question unanswerable to all parties both involved and not involved, but Baekhyun loved the oodles and oodles of cringe that just oozed from the whole thing. 

Minsik was panicking. He had been sitting there in the cafe across from Chulgoo for a whole fifteen minutes now, and it was far too obvious now that Chulgoo was not a girl in the slightest. He was nearly Minsik's height, dressed in a baggy hoodie and a snapback and there was no denying that he had asked a man out on a date. Was it too late to say 'no homo' to this?

"So, um, you're actually a guy?"

Chulgoo rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You actually thought I was a girl? I thought you were joking."

"Uh... yeah." Minsik looks down at his coffee and muffin and tries to avoid eye contact, hoping that maybe he can just melt into a puddle. 

Chulgoo looks at Minsik, fidgeting and embarrassed, and feels a pang of sympathy for the teen. "If it helps, you seem like a cool dude and I'm fine with going on a date with you."

Minsik looks up at Chulgoo, face still partially obstructed by his muffin as he slowly shuffled up into proper posture in his chair. "But I'm not gay."

"That's not how you acted last night."

"I didn't know you were a guy!"

Chulgoo stares at Minsik blankly. This may have been the most dense man he has met in the entirety of his life. "How?"

Baekhyun ducks behind the coffee machine. This is the funniest , funnier that the time Chanyeol got stuck in an air vent in a hotel, funnier than the time Luhan taught Sehun how to "speak chinese" (the only phrase Sehun ever learned was cao ni ma). He pulled out his phone to snapchat the duo at the table, drawing little hearts by them. 

"You had makeup on!"

"I have an Adam's apple!"

----

A/N

Minsik is Sik-k (of smtm4 fame), not a bad misspelling of Minseok/Xiumin's name.

Ok so the references made in this chapter are mainly from Millenium Child by Neel Kolhatkar (both the pancake and 16th birthday party stories were based on that). You should definitely check him out, he's a hilarious comedian. The cops with alcohol is a reference to Staten Island summer. Tell me what you think about the story so far. Comments/up votes/subscribing is greatly appreciated.