Summer break was a joyful time for Yuhwa. Spending time with friends whom she hadn’t seen since the previous winter, or even before then, allowed her to pass the days pleasantly. Seeing Hyunseong every day and relishing in the rare company of the only person she knew she would always be able to count on filled her with delight. Her parents were too busy with work to stay home and when they were home, she would either be out with friends or with Hyunseong.

Life was good. At least, it was better than it had been before. Almost a year had passed since Minwoo’s father’s death. Yuhwa wasn’t as easily triggered as she was before and Hyunseong was home now to comfort her whenever she was feeling depressed. So she kept her chin up and indulged in whatever made her happy, a luxury she hadn’t had since she was a child.

One day, Jeongmin messaged her, asking if they could hang out. She agreed and the two arranged to meet at the park in between their houses. Since she had an upcoming deadline for a writing project, Yuhwa brought her laptop with her and arrived at the rendezvous point two hours earlier so she could get some work done.

“Hey.” The raven-haired boy sat across from her and set down a cardboard tray with two venti caramel frappuccinos from Starbucks. “What are you doing?”

“Being productive. Thanks for the drink,” Yuhwa responded with a grin as she pushed down the laptop screen and grabbed one of the frappuccinos. After she took a few sips of the ice-cold drink, she asked, “Why did you want to meet up all of a sudden?”

Jeongmin cheekily replied, “I can’t just ask my best friend to hang out with me whenever I want to?”

“You never do that,” she pointed out. “It’s always me asking to hang out with you.”

“There’s always a first time for everything.” And today would be the first time he ever confessed to a girl. He had always kept his feelings to himself, even when he knew the girl liked him back. Yuhwa had berated him for never taking the leap in high school when he liked a girl, especially when there was a 99% chance of success. Jeongmin never knew why he hadn't pursued any relationships before. There was just no magnetic pull between him and the girls he had been interested in. He supposed he had just liked them for the sake of liking them, especially in an environment where relationships were all what high school students thought about.

But Yuhwa was different. These past few months during summer vacation, he had thought long and hard about whether or not to take the jump. His head told him not to ruin the best friendship he had ever had while his heart told him to pursue the only girl who had ever cared so much about him.

So in the end, he decided that she was worth risking it for. After all, the worst thing that could happen would be her rejecting his feelings. If their friendship ended up in tatters, he would go to the ends of the earth to fix their bond to its original state. Jeongmin knew that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn’t at least let Yuhwa know how he felt about her. He wouldn’t push her to return his feelings if she was averse to the idea of them being in a relationship, but Jeongmin also didn’t want to forever worry about “what could have been” if he had decided to keep quiet.

Taking a deep breath, he looked straight into Yuhwa’s eyes and said, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Surprised by his sudden seriousness, she set down her frappuccino and folded her hands in front of her. “Go ahead.”

“I know this is going to sound weird, but I really hope it doesn’t affect our friendship. Being your best friend is what’s most important to me, in regards to us, and I don’t want what I’m going to say next to ruin that.”

Yuhwa nodded and motioned for him to continue speaking as she listened attentively.

“I don’t know when I started feeling this way, but I really care about you. When you said you loved Minwoo as a friend, it hurt me and I didn’t know why. Because at that time, I don’t think I understood these feelings that I do now. I know Minwoo is the one you care about most and that I’m not much compared to him. You two have so much history together and while I’ve known you for more than four years now, I can’t compete with someone you’ve loved for fifteen years.

“I don’t usually say cheesy stuff like this, but like I said earlier, there’s a first time for everything. Even if I’m lacking, I still want to let you know that I want to be the person who makes sure you’re always smiling. I’ll come running if you need me anywhere and I’ll become someone you’re proud of. I’m serious about us and I want to give us a chance.

“You’re my best friend and I want to continue being best friends with you. But I also want to be more than that, because I feel so much more than just friendship when I’m with you. You make me feel emotions that I always scoffed at before and I actually get really nervous whenever I’m with you, because I don’t really know how to deal with these feelings. I acted cowardly all of those times before, but now, I want to man up and tell you my true feelings.

“If you don’t feel the same way, I completely understand. Minwoo is probably still first in your heart and while I wish I were instead, I’m not going to force you to choose me. Our friendship is too important to fall apart because I selfishly want something you might not be able to give me. And I’m prepared for that. But if you give me just one chance, I promise I’ll make choosing me worthwhile. I really like you, Yuhwa. More than you know.”

Jeongmin finished his confession with conviction and looked down as he felt his heart beating at an all-time high. He felt so free, getting it off of his chest after all of these months. Now, it was up to her to choose the direction their story would go in next.

Yuhwa couldn’t believe it. Jeongmin had confessed to her. It was…amazing, to say the least. She wanted so much to shout with joy, because she felt the same way, but she knew she couldn’t. Not right away. “Before I give you my answer, there’s something you need to know as well.”

He looked up with a confused expression on his face. “What is it?”

“I think it’s better if you read the essay I wrote for my college applications. I don’t know if I can really explain it. I’ve never talked about it with anyone except for Hyunseong.” Yuhwa flipped open her laptop and pulled up Google Docs, where her application writing supplements were saved. After clicking on the document containing her essay, she turned the laptop towards him and waited nervously as Jeongmin began to read it.

Screams filled the air, the raw, guttural cries making me wince. Please stop. Just stop. But they persisted relentlessly. As the wails continued, I started to discern words.

“Don’t touch me! Stop touching me! Get away from me!”

A resounding crack sounded and I flinched. The shrieks grew louder as low yells from other unidentifiable voices added to the cacophony. Soon, the victim’s pleas were deafening.

I clamped my hands over my ears, wishing I could escape from this horrible nightmare.

“STOP IT! DON’T TOUCH ME!”

And then I woke up.

The room was pitch black. I sat up, sweat beading on my forehead, heart racing. I felt around for the switch to my lamp and flicked it on. As my breathing slowed and my heart rate returned to normal, I looked down at my arms. Dark purple bruises dotted the skin and small cuts that had scabbed over were visible. My legs ached and my jaw throbbed. Lightly touching my neck, I sighed, trying to put the memories out of my mind. As I settled back into bed, I cringed from the pain of the wounds and willed myself to sleep.

So many children live with violent, dysfunctional families. They live in fear, traumatized by the brutal events of their childhood. The slightest touch can trigger overpowering panic as the flood of memories brings back their darkest, most vulnerable moments. Child abuse is an ongoing problem that needs to be stopped immediately. Too many children suffer at the hands of abusive, harmful parents who believe that force is the only way to instill discipline and respect. Fighting back, stepping out of line, or simply not adhering to rules means being shut down. Hard.

Every day, these children paste on smiles, pretending that everything is sunshine and rainbows. Nothing is wrong. After all, despite the fear of their parents, they fear being judged for having such a dysfunctional family more. They fear the consequences that would ensue if the authorities were notified of what was happening behind closed doors. Knowledge that they condemned their parents. Separation from their siblings, whom they must protect. Guilt that they did not solve these problems on their own.

I know that my experiences are only the tip of the iceberg. There are many more children who live with – and occasionally die from – parents far more dangerous than mine. Yet this issue resonates inside me; I may not have experienced the full extent of violence and abuse that other children do, but I know what it is like to be treated like trash by my parents. They are ashamed that I do not live up to their expectations. They dislike how I live and believe that talking back is a sign of disrespect. In their eyes, defiance warrants a disciplinary slap.

I know that children become traumatized from these experiences. I am living proof of that. I have learned violence because of my parents. But, because of my parents, I know that I do not want to know violence. Instead, I have learned to channel my fear and my anger into my writing. My characters are all solitary children, cast away by parents who drive them into the ground with expectations. Writing may not be therapy, but it has been therapeutic. As I have learned to define the terrors of my childhood on the page, I have become better able to face the world. As I try to protect myself from the scars that follow me, I have discovered a quiet strength within me that stands up and says “ENOUGH!” These children, born into abuse and violence, need a voice and protection from growing up broken. If no one speaks out against the wrongdoings that are being inflicted on them, the cycle of violence and abuse will continue until the world only knows bloodshed and brutality.

Jeongmin was speechless. He had never imagined that Yuhwa had suffered from child abuse and from her parents of all people. Everything made sense now: her extreme lack of confidence, her emotional instability, and her shattered psyche. They were all products of her devastating upbringing that had permanently scarred her.

Letting out a mirthless laugh, she said simply, “I’m broken.” When Jeongmin didn’t answer, she continued, “I’m not the person you think I am. I’m mean, violent, and I hurt others. I’ve always been useless and I always will be.

“I’m not perfect like Hyunseong. Why couldn’t I also be my high school’s valedictorian, president of the student council, captain of the varsity tennis team, concertmaster of the advanced orchestra, and be accepted to Harvard University as a pre-medical student like my genius older brother was? I went to all of the extracurricular classes that he attended. I was tutored by the same people he was. Why couldn’t I reach the same level of success that he did?

“So I would get beat whenever I failed to match whatever Hyunseong had done. It started ever since I was young. I used to just take the beatings. But when I got older, I started to fight back physically. I became just as violent as them. And my parents detested me even more for trying to defend myself. They see my brother as a trophy and they loathe me for not allowing them to further show off our family. I am the disappointment that should have never existed. I am the shame of the Shim family.”

Without warning, Jeongmin crossed over the table and securely wrapped his arms around his best friend. “You are much more than you give yourself credit for. I promise.” They sat in silence as he tightened his grip around her. Minutes passed before he let go and asked quietly, “Does Hyunseong know what your parents did?”

“He learned about it after my school counselor was contacted by a few of the universities I applied to. They told her about that essay, so she called my brother to ask him for details. He never knew it happened, since my parents always made sure he was gone before they hit me. Once he found out, he fought with them and forced them to let me study abroad for a year. That’s why I went to Paris instead of staying here after graduation.”

“Yuhwa, do you know why I fell for you? I think you’re smart, kind, beautiful, and everything anyone could want in a person. You always think about others before you think about yourself and you’ve made me a much better person than I was before. All I want is for you to smile, because you deserve to the most and hearing about the hardships your parents put you through makes me believe that even more.”

“If you’re with me, you’ll have to deal with all of my emotional baggage. I’m not the sociable extrovert that everyone thinks I am. Truthfully, I’m afraid of people. I’m volatile and depressed, and you probably won’t be happy being in a relationship with me when I’m this messed up. I’m not an ideal partner.”

“That’s for me to decide,” Jeongmin answered firmly, his stance unwavering.

After a brief pause, she confessed softly, “But I don’t know how to love.”

“You love more than anyone else I know. And I’m willing to show you just how capable you are of living happily and loving freely. Can you give me a chance to help make your world just as beautiful as you are?”

Yuhwa gazed into Jeongmin’s dark brown eyes and saw how serious he was about her. About them. So she decided that it might be okay to take that risk, to allow herself a chance to love and be loved. “I’ll be counting on you.”

He hugged her once more and murmured, “I promise you won’t regret this.”

She closed her eyes and hugged him back as she answered, “I should be thanking you instead. So thank you for taking a chance on me and for choosing me. Jeongmin, thanks for everything.”

♈♈♈