With her iPad in hand, she crawled under the thick comforter and settled into bed. The first week of school hadn’t been too bad. No real homework assignments had been given by her professors and TAs, so she had played card games each night with her best friend and one of his apartment mates. Spending time with her best friend every evening had been more than what she had expected or hoped for and his presence made her new surroundings more familiar. Her roommate had gone home for the weekend, so she had their two-person apartment all to herself for the next two days.

As she did every night before falling asleep, she opened up /r/TIFU on Reddit and began reading the top posts of the day. In the middle of reading, she received a notification from Facebook. When she saw whose name was on the notification, she quickly drew in a sharp breath. This person rarely posted anything on Facebook. She lightly tapped on the notification and a post with a picture attached to it popped up on the screen. It was an old photo of him when he was a baby being held by his father.

She hadn’t seen either of them since she was a sophomore in high school four years ago. And the last time they had talked was their senior year of high school, during the months when college acceptances and rejections were being delivered to bring either screams of joy or cries of despair to hopeful teenagers around the world. He had asked her whether or not she had chosen where she was going to be studying after graduating high school.

When the chat box with his name had appeared on her computer screen, she had almost had a heart attack. Her hands had begun to shake uncontrollably and it suddenly became hard to breathe. She never would have dreamed that he would ever contact her, and had resigned herself to discovering how he was doing through posts and pictures that his friends tagged him in on Facebook. She knew it made her seem somewhat like a stalker, but she was too cowardly to act otherwise and straight-up ask him how his life was without her.

So when he had messaged her first that night, she had immediately panicked. It was laughable that she didn’t know how to speak comfortably to her childhood best friend.

She was such a joke.

Their conversation had stopped as suddenly as it had started, with him never responding to her last message. She had chastised herself for being unbearably awkward and reluctantly exited out of the chat box, so as not to continue dwelling on what could have been.

Shaking these memories from her head, she began to read the essay he had written. And her heart gradually shattered with every sentence her eyes passed over.

No Minwoo
I still feel like I’m waiting for you to walk into my room and tell me to go to bed. It seems like just yesterday you were hobbling around the yard planting succulents everywhere.

For a long time, I thought I’d be prepared for this, but I’m feeling so many emotions and I’m more lost than ever. I came home as soon as I could, but I was still too late to say goodbye. Too late to say goodbye to the man who pushed me to pursue everything to my fullest capacity. Too late to say goodbye to the man who was there to pick me up when I fell, and celebrate with me when I succeeded.

You always made it so clear how proud you were of me, even with all my failings and shortcomings. You always made me feel like I could be somebody. I’m sorry that I wasn’t always able to make it clear how much I appreciated you. I’m so sorry.

Although I didn’t get to say goodbye, I’m beyond grateful I was able to see you one last time. For the first time in years, you looked completely at peace. I’ll never forget how you, chronically ill, would go to work for over ten hours a day and treat patients until you were too weak to walk. How you would try to cook and clean for us when you were having trouble breathing. How you would still talk about your dreams of starting a pediatric clinic on days you were stuck in bed, drugged up from the painkillers. I’m sorry that you had to suffer for so long, but I’m glad you never truly gave up, even when the rest of us weren’t so sure you’d ever fully recover, much less go back to work. These last few years have been hard, but I’m so proud of you for continuing to fight. You taught me so much about life, especially on those days where everything seemed hopeless, and even though you’re gone, my approach to life will forever be shaped by the way you carried yourself throughout yours. Your spirit was unwavering and your thirst for life was unmatched. You didn’t waste a single second you spent here and I promise not to take any moment for granted ever again.

The world was a much better place with you here and you were taken from us far too soon. I love you, Dad. Thanks for everything.

She stared at the attached picture of the two of them smiling brightly for the camera. Her mind was blank. It wasn’t possible that this was true. That his father had been ill for the past few years and was now…dead… Was she that removed from Minwoo’s life that she didn’t even know of these matters? Was she that much of a stranger to him now?

She opened up Facebook Messenger and typed his name into the search box. After tapping his name, she began to slowly type out a message, even though she wanted to do so much more. She pressed the backspace key numerous times, unsure of how to voice her condolences without making him feel bad. It was scary to realize that reassuring words couldn’t flow naturally from her fingers, especially when speaking to him of all people. The dozens of deleted thoughts throughout this painstaking process proved how estranged the former best friends now were. Before she could further question herself, she quickly ended her message and tapped the Send button.

Shim Yuhwa
Hey Minwoo! I wasn’t sure how I’d go about writing this, but I felt that I needed to because we were so close in the past. I just read your post about your dad and I want to say that I’m so sorry about what happened. I don’t know what to say to make you feel even just a little bit better, since I wasn’t even aware of how your dad was health-wise. I wish I could’ve been there to give you all support. I really do. And although nothing I say is honestly going to affect anything, just know that you and the rest of your family are always in my thoughts. You all are still important to me, even though we’ve drifted apart, and I’ll always remember your dad. Keep your chin up and even though you most likely have other closer friends to talk to during this time, I’m here if you ever need anyone.

After rereading her sent message, the tears finally fell and Yuhwa began sobbing noisily as she tightly clutched her iPad to her chest. She stumbled out of bed and staggered to the living room before collapsing onto the leather couch. Audible cries filled the air as she curled up in fetus position with her long black hair messily draped around her face. Her heart twisted painfully and the darkness engulfed her as she sank further into a pit of grief.

Yuhwa desperately needed someone to talk to. Anyone would do. After gradually sitting up, she grabbed her iPad which she had dropped onto the wooden rectangular table next to the couch. She launched Facebook Messenger once more and tapped on her best friend’s name.

Shim Yuhwa
Are you awake right now?

Lee Jeongmin
Yeah.

Shim Yuhwa
Are you busy?

Lee Jeongmin
Why? I’m sleeping soon.

Shim Yuhwa
Never mind then. You should go sleep.

Lee Jeongmin
What did you need?

Shim Yuhwa
It’s nothing.

Lee Jeongmin
Okay…

Shim Yuhwa
It’s fine. You should sleep. I don’t want to keep you up.

Lee Jeongmin
I mean I’m still up.

Shim Yuhwa
I just needed someone to talk to face-to-face and I realize right now that it’s completely irrational at this time of night, so don’t worry about it.

With that, the conversation ended and she limply set the iPad back onto the table. Any fragments of reasoning that she may have had during that conversation now vanished as she surrendered completely to her overwhelming emotions. A fresh wave of tears flowed from her eyes as she lay back down onto the couch and tucked her legs so her knees were against her chest. And the rest of that night passed with Yuhwa sobbing loudly for one of the only father figures she had ever had.

♈♈♈