He was cursing the heavens for not giving him something important to do today. Of all the days that he would have that much needed off, why now? Why today?! He was palming his face furiously. No schedule today. No Sukira. No taping or anything. They were given rest after 3 successful concerts in China, the fourth will be next month. Most of the members were on their own, either enjoying their vacation or working on their individual ventures. Just like Donghae, who has been busy filming a drama. But…but he heard he’s coming to the dorms today. Today of all days.

It has been almost three months since he started drifting away from him. The only time they would be together is during practice and on screen or on stage.

No more sleeping over. No more cuddling. No more talks until dawn. No more unwanted but waited-for phone calls. No more random messages.

You and I can’t be together.

EunHae can never be real.

Truth hurts. Truth . Life is a .

The moment he realized he loves Donghae as a man, the nagging truth of his love being a forbidden one hit him.

He had to let go. He had to stop himself before doing further damage…to Donghae…to himself…to Super Junior.

He saw how his distance is hurting him.

He knew how his indifference is breaking him.

For he feels how he feels.

I am hurting too.

I am breaking apart too.

But I have to…

Going out crossed his mind. Mall? Shopping? Movies? Visiting anyone? Hanging out somewhere? Anything. Anything that could keep him from seeing him. But he was too exhausted. He was physically and emotionally drained. He got up then started cleaning his room. He’s a neat freak but it has been days since he last tidied his room. Again, he just didn’t have the energy to do so. He was fixing his beddings when he heard the door opened then closed.

His heart started to skip beats. His knees started to feel weak. He did not need to turn around to know who joined him in his confined space. His heart knows him too well. His nose has memorized his scent. He could feel that familiar piercing gaze. His body felt like burning. These feelings…only one person could do these to him. He started to struggle with the sheets. Damn it! His hands were slightly trembling. Then he heard him cleared his throat. No…

Be casual Hyukjae. You have to turn around. And so he did.

So unwise. So unwise.

“You've been avoiding me.” Donghae said as soon as he met his eyes. He was standing so regally at the back of the door, making his heart skip more and more beats.

Look away. Look away.

“No.” he replied as he looked away to busy himself with the sheets again

“Yes, you do.” he heard him say while taking steps towards him.

Stop Donghae. Stop right there. Don’t come near me. Don’t.

“I'm just busy.” Eunhyuk said after finally getting rid of the crumpled sheets on his bed, “I'm tired Hae. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

Or never. Let’s not talk again. Let’s not…

He heard the footsteps stopped probably just a foot away from him. He could feel the heat emanating from his body. Then he softly demanded, “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?” Eunhyuk replied with his eyes closed.

I can’t Hae. I can’t tell you. I won’t. I shouldn’t.

“What did I do?”

He sighed. Nothing, Hae. You did nothing. You just made me love you. “Nothing.”

“Then why are you angry?”

Was that frustration he detected from Donghae’s voice? “I am not angry.” he uttered

“Then why wouldn't you talk to me?” he asked with a shaky voice

God no. Don’t cry please. You can’t. You shouldn’t.

“Isn't this talking?” he bravely asked while trying to calm himself. He too, was in the brink of tears. He doesn’t know how much longer he could endure this.

He forcefully bit his lip, preventing any sound from escaping when Donghae moved closer and rested his forehead at the back of his neck. He felt his tears. He felt his pain. He felt his attempt to hold his