Hyunseung's POV

7.00am. the news is out. i scrolled on nate again. ive read it again & again.

" BEAST Hyunseung will be leaving the group and continue as a solo artist. 
The rest of the BEAST members will continue as a 5 member group.
We apologize ................................"

im still on my bed. the lights off. the curtains down, not a single ray of sunlight peeking in.
the only light in this room comes from the screen of my handphone.
whats app notifications keep coming in, from the mum, the sister, from gd & top hyung, from rado hyung.
twitter mentions from the fans and non-fans all over the world also keep pouring in. 
my head hurts. this hangover is killing me but i need to get up and greet the world,
as long as im still breathing.
i dont even remember what time i reached home yesterday. 
the last thing i remembered was getting drunk with my manager, one of the hyungs wroking at cube ent, 
who have watched me grow from an awkward little kid, to an awkward adult.

i got up from bed, and remain seated on the edge of my bed. I switched off my handphone.
I cant deal with all that stuff with this throbbing headache.
because there's no light in my room, i rummaged for my glass of water on my bedside table.
Craccccccccccckk. 
the water is now all over the floor.
my digital table clock too and my watch. 
and two glass frames, all broken & despondent.

I slowly make my way to where the switch is and turn on the light.
For a few second, the light was blinding. and all i want to do is to return to bed.
but i had to clean up the mess ive made. ive been making quite alot of mess lately.
i picked up the glass pieces and put it aside.
the photos are one of my family, a few days after my sister birthday in 2011.
and the other one was of the six of us, at some cafe, celebrating our success, that too in 2011.
i looked so young and happy then. 2011 was when we won the hearts of many with Fiction.
2011 was also the year my dad acknowleged my career path after so many years of disgareeing with me.
i thought better days are coming for me, I have my family and boys with me, nothing can go wrong from here.
little did i know, i was wrong.
i put those two photos back at the table. 

i looked at my reflection in the standing mirror infront of me.

not only does my head hurts, my heart hurts too.

what have i done.

Yoseob's POV

5.00 am. 

i coudnt sleep lately. which is very annoying because i need to sleep whenever i have the chance due to my busy schedules. but i couldnt.  i didnt sleep a wink last tnight.

this morning, it feels different. the radio's turn on like it always did. 
rays of morning sunlight is peeking in to my room, like every other day. 
but it doesnt seem bright, today.
my handphone buzzed. 

"are you guys up? gikwang texted.
"i am hyung. dongwoon responded
i was about to reply,
"he left? junhyung asked
"he did. i just noticed it when i woke up to check my whats app just now. gikwang replied.

yes. i saw. he left at 2.33am. hyunseung left our whats app group at 2.33am earlier,

"why are you guys up so early when we dont have any schedule today? i replied
"why? we'd talked about this together earlier right. he dont have to do this. junhyung replied
"maybe he feels thats the right thing to do. gikwang replied
"do you thing he's okay now hyungs? the news will be out soon right. dongwoon asked.

my ringtone of OASIS by b2st starts to play.
"yah, why are you calling me early in the morning? i asked
"did hyunseung called you up yesterday - doojoon asked.
"no. but i heard he went drinking
"what? then you didnt stop him
"i didnt know for sure if he went or not. why?
"nevermind. brace yourself later. the news will be out very soon.
then he hangs up.

i wanted to try to sleep again, when my handphone buzzed again

"i know we are all grown adults and we can handle things maturely.
but i want you to know that nothing's change. hyunseung is still our friend,
no, he's more than that. we are brothers, through thick and thin
"the media will hunt us, will want an explanation from us, for now, we let Cube handle.
the media dont know what we have. they dont know what we've gone through together.
"as the leader and the oldest, im sorry if i didnt managed to keep us singing together until whenever.
doojoon wrote.

i know all six of us are heartbroken at how fast things are happening.

i still remember junhyung had it bad when hyunseung made that decision to leave..
both of them were so close, they were practically joint at the hip.
they had almost similar personality and preferences that they understand each other just by body signals.
they were the last of us to open up to each other during our debut years,
but they had created a bond that defy all odds. 
how hyunseung always looked up to junyhyung for all music related activites, 
how he took up all the advices junhyung gave him for his troublemaker debut even letting junhyung
the full power to name their duo group name. how worried junhyung was after hyunseungs dad passing,
that he gave money out of his own pocket to hyuseung's family every month wtihout the latter knowing.
 i was always a litltle jealous of their bond.

after a few mins of silence in the whats app group until  gikwang replied
"its not your fault doojoon-ah. we will be okay. we've went through tougher times than this. 
its just the fans that im worried about.
"i hope they dont hurt as much too hyung. - dongwoon replied.
"beauties are strong, i believe in them, we just have to keep bringing our A game and reward them
for understanding our plight. they will get affected, no doubt. but there's so much that we can do.
if i am given the chance to sit & explain things to them, i would - i replied.
"we all would have want to do that yoseob ah. but we are still under contract and there are so many
nitty gritty things that we have to becareful of- doojoon replied.
"guys, - junhyung
"what? - i replied.
"i have a crazy idea, a good but a kinda crazy one.
"im up for your crazy ideas junhyung, whatever it is, im always up for it - gikwang
"me too hyung, i dont feel good sitting at home doing nothing - donwoon replied
"wait. can i trust you junhyung ah? we still have fans to protect. is this interfering that? - doojoon asked
"doojoon ah, i love them as much as you do. what do you think i am? - replied junhyung
"so whats the plan. we are all ears. - i replied

Hyunseung's POV

i looked like trash. i need to wash up, make my bed, eat breakfast, then..
then what should i do. i grimaced. ahhh, let take things one by one dear self.
i went to the shower, the cold water wakes me up from my slumber. 
the last time i saw the members was last week. it was a day before they went for the mini concert in Japan.
I was supposed to go, i was always supposed to be present. 
but like the upteenth time, i dont feel it. 
i used to blame myself on why and where did my passion for performing went.
i forced myself to perform until i couldnt fake the enthusiasm anymore.
i was always sorry to the fans, to cube ent and more so to each of the members.
i noticed my own changes till i was scared of myself.

"whats your reason this time- junhyung asked,
he looked hurt. he was fiddling with his backpack, packing up for the trip to Japan.
"i just need more time. - i replied
"how long more hyunseung ah. the media have been in cahoots about your disappearance. 
gikwang exclaimed. he was clearly exasperated although he tried to hide it. 
All of them tried to hide it. 
Me not attending means the choreography had to change, to rearrange singing parts and whatnot.

"have you tell the management about tomorrow? - doojoon asked while eating his meal.
we are all having our dinner at junhyung's
"i did. and i get an earful already. and they gave me this. (i took out a document from my bag)
yoseob took it from me. after a long pause, he looked up to me.
"you must be kidding right? this is not valid.
"ive signed it. so.....
doojoon snatched the docs from yoseob's hand and read it aloud.
all of them looked at doojon, even our maknae dongwoon looked up from the game he's playing on his laptop.
"ive made the decision, ive thought abt it before 
"you are not allowed to do this hyunseung ah. we can talk things out first - doojoon sighed
gikwang walked away from us, throw his left jajamgyun in the rubbish bin.
and he stands at the sink not facing us.
"did they force you to sign this? - yoseob looked at me hard.
"no they didnt, i sign on this willingly. i dont want to become a burden to the group anw.
i know we've promised forever, but ive been bringing in bad news to Beast lately. 
and its not fair for you guys who've worked hard. - i said carefully.
"still hyung, we can overcome this. we always overcome hurdles together - dongwoon chirped in.
"i will talk to the management tomorrow, and........ - doojoon added
"its done doojoon ah. ive met with the president too yesterday. 
junhyung didnt speak a word to me. he just continue packing.

the doorbell ring brings me back to reality.
why do i even have guests in the morning when i dont feel like having any.
this must be my mother or sister as they are always worried when they couldnt reach me by phone.
eversince my dad died of a sudden heart attack,my family is never the same again.
the doorbell keps ringing.
i put on a robe and hurriedly half run to the door. the neighbours must get offended with these loud rings
in the early morning.
i peeped in the peephole.
All five of them, bundled up with thick coats and masks, 
all waiting for me to open the door.