ual Orientation

Jessica Jung..

Jessica Jung..

Jessica..

That was the only name that keeps on rewinding in my mind. The only person that has been stuck on my mind since the last night. I wasn’t able to sleep just to keep on thinking of Jessica Jung, I did stalk her to her SNS, and found out that Jessica did have a boyfriend, more like exes, which means she is straight as , yes straight. But that didn’t make me lose my hope. Reminiscing the moment, I met her, always Jessica Jung, Jessica this and Jessica that out of my lips, and for Sooyoung sometimes just nonchalantly munching her sandwich always when I started to blabber many things about Jessica. How I felt struck by her, she is the perfect definition of perfection.

“So…. Will you tell me your feelings for her?” Sooyoung said nonchalantly as she throws the wrapper of her sandwich in a trash bin skillfully, I stop in my tracks and releases a deep sigh,

“I … I dunno Soo, you know that our uni is very against that, for god's sake the whole South Korea will be against me,” I mumbled a little and pursed my lips into a thin line, Sooyoung sighed and pats my shoulder.

“It is okay Taengoo, you know, maybe it works out with her, you know she lives in America, she is a western Taeng, you know how western culture does right?” Sooyoung grins and wraps her arm on my shoulder and ruffled my jet black hair messily,

“Yah, don’t mess with my hair, geez.” I push Sooyoung, and then suddenly that makes her brighten since Sooyoung is very right about that. Jessica comes from the west, and homouality is accepted. While here in South Korea? It is treated as if it is the worst disease ever.

“Uhm, Well. I think I might try Soo.” Sooyoung grins and pats my shoulders. 

“That’s my buddy! I will support you to that, woah!” Sooyoung exclaimed and pumps a fist at me. 

“TaengSic Hwaiting!” TaengSic? What the ? I chuckled, but honestly, I am damn nervous as .

The morning came like usual, I tied my long jet black hair in a ponytail and I am wearing a university jacket, tight skinny jeans and a pair of high cut sneakers. I go out to my room and glanced at the door of the bedroom of my brother.

“P-Please… a-ap-“ I heard the cry out of my brother behind my bedroom door, while Hayeon is sleeping peacefully in her bed. I am hugging my knees and crying leaning on the door, as I heard my brother, begging our father to stop beating him up,

“Argh. A-a-“

“You! I gave you second chance but you did that again?!” I heard the furious voice of our father, and I heard a slammed on the door, and heard that our father beating up Jiwoong continuously,

“Jiwoong, we didn’t teach you to be like that! You are a guy; you should not kiss or sleep with your same gender!” I heard our mother preaching while Jiwoong is begging for his life, I am shivering, I feel really mad, mad at them, but I can’t. I hated myself too. In spite of that, I still love our parents, I love my brother, and I hated that this society didn’t accept this kind of relationship, treating them as abnormal, diseased, and a threat to many youngsters. The media banned many gay and lesbian films from outside the country because it will damage the brain of young people. At first, we didn’t even choose to live like this, the religion speaks that Adam should be with Eve, not Adam with Evan, and Ada with Eve, that idea is completely stupid and very biased. I just hate that they didn’t even understand that we never choose that we are only attracted to the same .

“A-Appa… u-umma… I am s-sorry…” I heard the weak voice of my brother and I buried my face to my knees and covers my ears because it is damn hurting when I heard the cries of my brother and to the point, it is more hurting because our own parents are hurting their own child.

I felt my cheeks wet and I just noticed that my tears are flowing continuously. I wipe my tears but they didn’t stop flowing, it runs endlessly, and the wound in my heart will remain there, always there and I will never forget that.

“U-Unnie?” I heard the voice of Hayeon and I quickly wipes my tears completely and smiles at my younger sister,

“Yes, Hayeonie?” I gently said and put all my act together. But Hayeon is smarter than I think because she noticed that her older sister was crying and she knows that is because of Jiwoong-oppa.

“You were crying” Hayeon approaches me and hugs me tightly, and I hug her back.

“You think of oppa again unnie?” I hummed and I kissed her temples of Hayeon while caressing her hair

“Yeah, I miss him.” I mumbled

“I miss him too. I hope he is doing well. And he is safe too.” Hayeon said in a very soft and low tone because his name is not allowed to mention inside our house especially when our parents are there. If t