Gender preference 

When asked what will choose, dolls or robots? I always choose robots; if I was asked about heels or sneakers? I will definitely choose the latter; if I was asked between a skirt or pants? I will choose pants. That time my mom and dad were still okay with that, they didn’t mind how the way I dressed up.

My hair at that time is really long and very black and always tied it in a pony, though I really wanted short hair since I am physically active, and also love playing sports. I always play like the boy playmates; I don’t mind if I am competing with them. As a matter of fact, no one can beat me, I can literally beat up my boy playmates with no sweat at all.

In my high school days, I had a very close guy friend, since my childhood best friend named Choi Sooyoung studied in Japan when I was in High school. I and this guy friend treated each other like true brothers, his name is Lee Donghae. He is actually older than me but I didn’t call him oppa or hyung, I just called him Dongie or Hae, and were really like partners in crime. Along with Sooyoung, he also knows my uality at that time, and Donghae is very open-minded when it comes to his friends, he doesn’t mind that I like women/girls. 

I shared all my secrets with him, I even hangs out with him all the time and was almost mistaken by their classmates as lovers, but I don’t mind it as long as it is Donghae because they know that they are just like brothers. They usually teased each other, for having a ‘bromance’ though Donghae just only know my preference. Donghae even let me use him if someone tried to flirt with me or wants to date me, there are some guys who were pursuing me, and deep inside it really cringes on me a lot but at the end of the day, I will just decline them all. For god sake, I don't swing that way! And some of Donghae’s fangirls were really mad at me because I always stick to him which some girls call me , but again I just choose to shrug it off and play it cool. But there was a girl that I got a crush on, and she really looks innocent like an angel sent from heaven her name is Lee Sunkyu, and she calls her Sunny. She is very cheerful and very cute, she loves how she does her aegyo and cute poses, her high-pitched voice too. Wow. And then some turn-up events that she didn’t expect to happen

“yah, Dongie-“ as soon I opened the door of their house all lights are off and I hear whimpers. And I saw Donghae's back and there is a girl underneath him and he moved his hips back and forth. And they stopped as soon as I dropped my bag as I saw the girl who happened to be my first love/crush, in pleasure.

“Ahh… Dongie~ why you stop? I am near..” She heard Sunny say in her high-pitched cute voice, she thought that she is innocent but she was wrong. I just stand there mouth agape, I felt many kinds of emotions. It feels like being stabbed by thousand knives at my back. I clenched my right hand at my chest as if my chest is going to burst. I can feel my tears slowly going down in my eyes but trying not to as I can feel my anger towards them. 

“Taeng?” Donghae mumbled while his eyes almost popped out of his eye socket. Then Sunny happened to quickly cover her and she got shocked when they saw Taeyeon who is now really furious.

I quickly dashed myself to him and give him a good punch. Sunny gasped as she saw me pin him and straddle him on the ground and punch him continuously, I felt my knuckles getting numb and blood oozing as I keeps on punching Donghae’s handsome face which is now really swollen and he is trying to stop me but no avail because I am really strong as if there is an adrenaline rush gushing within me and if I didn’t stop I might kill this poor guy. Though I know that I have no right still I felt betrayed; hurt; pain; anger; and vengeance that is why she never stops punching him,

“T-Tae.. s-stop.. please..” Sunny weakly said and she tried to stop me, but swear she is even scared of me. Then I suddenly stop and I saw my hands covered with blood and I look at Donghae, his face is really bleeding and swollen. Beaten like pulp. He didn't also avail to fight back as he knows why I am angry. Donghae's unconscious body is beneath me and I can barely recognize his face. He is supposed to be my best friend and my brother, I trusted him so much but treated me like stupid and even betrayed me.

I just stood up blankly, emotionless. And upon reaching the edge of the door, clenching the doorknob as the blood Donghae's dripped in my fist. 

“From now on I don’t have a best friend name Lee Donghae, you both go with each other I don’t give a damn now,” I said coldly and I grab my bag and left the house. Sunny actually thought that Taeyeon is jealous of her because she thought that I and Donghae have a thing. But she would never expect to see Taeyeon like this likewise, Donghae, it is his first time seeing Taeyeon like this, because the Taeyeon he knew is a dork and very gentle person, I am actually a very reserved person and calm, like my name. But for me, I got really disgusted by what I saw, which was that guy who I treated like my brother and best friend ing my first love/crush. I know it is an exaggerated reaction. But this is also the first time a girl catches my attention and I would like to prove that I am better than any guy in this world. And that was just in my fantasy and will no longer happen. 

I got stirred up from this nightmare, as I was taking my nap while I was on the wooden bench under a huge native tree just across from their university’s soccer field. I saw the women’s soccer team practice. I stretches my arms above and saw my sketch pad with my unfinished drawing of their university’s landscape. I really felt worse when they have that nightmare about my ex-best friend who betrayed me. I never had a guy best friend after that, I know, guys will just betray me. But if I am a guy by birth, I am sure that I will not do that, I will treat women better. And women are very precious to my eyes and heart. Women are gentle, and pure, and need to be taken care of. 

My eyes love to see women, my hands want to touch women in every curve and every asset of a woman, and I love to feel a woman’s and bust. I wanted my lips lip-locking to a woman, and trailing wet kisses all over her delicate body. Call me a ert and have an excessive amount of libido but I can't stop fantasizing about the woman of my dreams. I always think erted to women but still with respect, not how the woman just wanted to get into the pants of a y hot woman and left them after. I want a woman that I will be going to treat as if she is the only woman in this world. 

Unluckily, my country, South Korea is a very homophobe country; same- relationships/marriage is taboo here. Even in my family, my mom and dad really despise homouality or any kind of homoual act. My family is very religious and you can imagine that they are throwing bible verses for those who are homo couples/homoual human beings they met. It's really annoying. As if they are perfect in their own ways. Gladly that I am still not been discovered by my parents, ever since I was young. I know the preference that I want a woman to be with me and I wanted to become a man. Instead, my s become it becomes oris, I ing hated it! I can’t wear guys’ clothes because my mom will notice. I can’t cut my hair short like I wanted because my dad will know. And that really frustrates me so much. All I can do is wear uni clothes, still wearing women’s clothes but not too girly, my attire is slightly going athletic.

Gladly, that it is just Sooyoung now who knows my uality, and that jerk who betrayed me, he got actually overseas and I don’t have any news from him after that incident, I don’t care about that jerk anymore. I am here, just enjoying the view of my university, but still not satisfied as I saw some certain couple who can deliberately show their affection in public. I wanted my future girlfriend if someone dare to be with me, and I will treat her better than any guy in this world. That is my own insecurity, I hated guys because guys can touch girls the way they can feel pleasure, and so on, without society judging them for doing it very wrong. I feel sorry for women who are just treated as second-class citizens most of the time, and are being dominated, and by a guy again. I wanted to remove the stereotypes created by society, but that is impossible from happening. I want to grant my future woman’s desires and needs instead of mine. If I have a chance to become a guy, I will make sure that I will be better than a cis guy that the girl ever desires.

After that lunch break, I am now walking going to my class, when I felt an arm wraps around my shoulder

“Yow midget,” I heard her best friend beside me and walking along with her while her arm was still around my shoulder, I cringe at that 'midget word', when this woman whose height is above an average woman doesn’t mean can insult my height. 

“Yah! Chopstick! Don't call me a midget!” I rebut and quickly remove the arm of Sooyoung around my shoulders, and the giant just laughs at me. I dead stare at her but this chopstick will not just stop on laughing out loud. 162, is not pretty bad at all, I frown. I am hoping to have that height too! 

“Aigoo~ my mid- I mean my bestest best friend here is soooo cute.” Sooyoung squealed and she pinches my cheeks and I got more annoyed with this chopstick, really. 

“Yah! I told you don’t call me cute!” I swatted her hands and I shook my head in disbelief, why I am even being friends with this giant chopstick in the first place, I mentally sigh in disbelief.

“So how is my little Taeng now? Hm?” Sooyoung said in her grimace and they resume their walk. Sooyoung actually studied high school in Japan, but they are really best friends ever since we were kids, I know literally all from her, even the scent of her fart, and odor of their body, and even the smells of her feet. That is how close they are, I even know her normal heart rate and the time she pees. It's exaggerated but we are almost like twins with different mothers. 

Their family is not really close to each other, and Sooyoung came from a very rich family. The family Choi is one of the richest here in South Korea, they owned many establishments, businesses and real estate developments. Sooyoung is the only