Hello~~ i apologise for taking such a long time to update. I have been extremely busy with school and other things. But here is finally the update of this story. Thank you to those who have been patiently waiting. I'm sorry if there are errors, i didn't have much time to edit this. Enjoy :)

 

The kiss was all Moonbyul could remember. Every time she touched her lips, she was reminded of Seulgi’s vulnerability and unwillingness to hate her despite having the reason to do so. The first episode of their show aired and the reviews were not as bad as she had hoped them to be. Most of the comments flooding in were envious ones of how close Moonbyul and Seulgi were or how Moonbyul was the epitome of the girl crush image. All things positive, but so much negativity.

In between juggling the show and preparing for new album release, Moonbyul managed to release some of her stress by exercising. She has never been much of a fan of it, but lately she found sweating profusely to be the key to just shut everything out and it was less exhausting as compared to dance practice.

They were already into their fifth episode and this time round, Moonbyul had to spend the night with the Red Velvet members as their one of their last few special episodes. Seulgi resumed to be her old happy and loving self, much to Moonbyul’s disapproval. She hated the way everything had turn out but no amount of blame could change anything.

 

“Can’t I be the one instead…?” Seulgi’s voice echoed through her mind as she did another set of push-ups.

 

Sweat dribbled down her forehead as she breathed heavily, her eyes widened in slight fear. She was confused with the feelings bubbling inside her. She knew she loved Solar, but she had also fallen for the younger girl. How despicable the feeling felt.

 

“You might want to take it easy kid….stressing your muscles can cause you a problem” her gym instructor advised her.

 

“Thanks…but I needed the relief” she smiled back at him.

 

“Same time tomorrow…?” he asked as she picked up her towel.

 

“Nope. I have a schedule tomorrow…” she replied.

 

“Alright. Just call me whenever you need to use the gym, I’ll clear the area out for you”

 

“Thanks oppa”

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Moonbyul went back to the times she thought being an idol would be a breeze. Get noticed, perform, live the dream. That was it that was the goal. She never thought she’d be tangled up in some complicated relationship problems.

“Wow. I’ve never seen you look this bad before. And you never look this bad before”

 

“I just need you to be a friend today. Can we do that please…?”

 

“I’m listening”

 

“How did you do it…?”

 

“Do what Byul….?”

 

“How did you and Seolji manage everything….?”

 

“I guess it’s thanks to the fact that we weren’t as popular back then. Seolji and I could do anything we wanted and now it’s restriction here….restriction there”

 

“But you were involved with someone else…”

 

“Yes I was. And through that time….that’s where I really struggled…”

 

“Did you really break up because of a busy schedule….?”

 

“What do you think Byul…? Does it sound that way…?”

 

“That’s the common excuse….”

 

“I was busy figuring out what my heart wanted. Though that does sound selfish, but I had to for the sake of the sanity of my mind. Your situation however sounds more complicated than mine”

 

“How did you end it with him….?”

 

“I told him honestly I didn’t have time to pursue something I wasn’t sure and serious of. Sure the time we both spent together was nice, but the time spent with her was priceless and I wouldn’t trade anything for it….”

 

“I’ve never heard you say anything serious like this before…”

 

“So…what are you going to do about this..? You can’t just run in circles with this Byul, this is toxic. Make a decision. If it makes you look like a bad person, then it can’t be helped. At least you made a choice”

 

“You think I’m a horrible person don’t you…?”

 

“I’m not the one to judge Byul. I used someone too…”

 

Hani gave a small smile and squeezed her hand for comfort. She couldn’t talk it out with the maknaes, they probably had enough of her issues already. And as for Solar, the leader of the group concentrated on getting her health and stamina back on track so there was little to no interaction between them at all.

 

“Hani….”

 

“Yeah Byul…?”

 

“Thanks…”

 

“You said you needed a friend. I volunteered”

 

“Well you seemed to have regained most of your health. Just make sure to take interval rests in between your schedules or practices” advised the doctor.

 

He scribbled down away on his pad and issued for her vitamins that she needed to take. Her manager went to take her medicine while she waited in the van, scrolling through her phone.

 

“See you later” she read Eric’s message and felt a pang of guilt piercing through her chest.

 

This wasn’t the way she wanted to end things with him. He had been such a nice friend to her and a very patient guy. How foolish, she thought she could make use of him to bury away her true feelings for someone she might have just lost forever.

 

“Alright I got it. You set to go…?” Her manager asked as she got into the van.

 

“Yeah unnie… all set…” she mumbled in reply.

 

“Byul should be ready by now….” She heard her manager muttering to herself.

 

“Ready for what…?” Solar looked to her side.

 

“Show recording. It’s the second last episode….She’s going to spend the night with Red Velvet. Didn’t she tell you…?”

 

“No….she didn’t say anything…”

 

“Well…it’s all going to end soon. So cheer up Yongsun ah “

 

 

“Right. Don’t be nervous” she breathe in and out. “The others are going to be right here with you…”

 

“Why are you acting as if you’re bringing her to see your parents…?” Wendy’s voice interrupted her moment of peace.

 

“I’m just…nervous okay….” She replied, her face turning slightly red.

 

“Seulgi….we’ve met the girl. We had dinner and hung out with her…” Wendy continued to relentlessly .

 

“Will you please cut it out?!” she raised her voice, throwing a pillow at Wendy’s face who chuckled in response.

 

“But on a serious note Seulgi…how are things between you and her…?” asked Wendy as she bent down to pick up the pillow.

 

“Why are you asking me that…?” Seulgi avoided her eyes.

 

“Because I’m a concerned friend and I genuinely care for your happiness” Wendy replied honestly.

 

Her relationship with Moonbyul had never been openly discussed with her members. They usually just about it and that was it. No one had asked her how things were until now. And she didn’t really know what to say.

 

“It’s…okay” she mumbled.

 

“Hmm…. That’s convincing….” Wendy sat down next to her, placing the pillow on her lap.

 

“Do you think….do you think I rushed into it…?” Seulgi held onto Wendy’s hand.

 

“I don’t really know if I can say this….but if the feelings you felt are true and sincere towards each other then I guess there wasn’t any rush unless….”

 

“Unless…?”

 

“Unless you went into this unwillingly….”

 

“I….” she struggled to find the right words to describe what she had been feeling all these while.

 

Seulgi needed someone she could vent to. She needed someone who could listen to her but if she told anyone anything, Moonbyul’s image might be tarnish and there would a rift between the two groups. She wanted to avoid all of that but it seemed inevitable either way.

 

“Seulgi…Is there anything you want to tell me…? You know you can trust me right…?”

 

“It’s just….”

 

“Seulgi...you’re crying”

 

She gasped and touched her own cheek, realising that it was wet. She wasn’t aware of the tears that fell from her eyes. Seulgi had been trying so hard to hold back, this time it just didn’t cut out to hide things. She knew now that she had to tell at least something to Wendy instead of having the girl to pry it out from her.

 

“She likes someone else….”

 

“What?”

 

“Okay let’s go through from the top again Byul ah and this time please pay attention to the beat”

 

“You got it sir”

 

The music played and she waited for her time to enter. Byul rapped according to the lyrics, according to what the producer wanted but nothing seemed to work. Sighing in frustration, the producer called for short break. He too was getting annoyed at how many times they’ve repeated the process.

 

“What’s wrong with you? Are you in your right mind? Need I remind you that we have a deadline to meet?!”

 

The others heard the yelling coming out from the studio and exchanged looks with one another. The rapper hardly face any issues when it comes to recording. But this time round, she was taking the longest time with the most mistakes, as if she went back to her trainee days.

 

“You need to sort yourself out Byul ah. I know your schedule is tiring but please”

 

“We’ll get it done by today”

 

“Good now go take a break before I lose my temper again”

 

Wheein watched as her unnie went out from the recording booth and out the studio room. She excused herself from the music producer and followed after her while Hwasa took her spot in the booth.

Wheein found her unnie at the roof top, breathing in and out, giving herself motivational pep talk. As she approached the older girl, she realised how different Moonbyul had looked. The rapper looked like she hadn’t gotten any proper sleep and was somehow seriously losing weight although she goes to the gym and follows the dietary advice from the instructor there.

 

“Unnie….”

 

“Hey Wheein. Did they call me back already…?”

 

“Nope. It’s Hyejin’s turn now. It’ll take a while”

 

“Oh…I see…”

 

“Are you okay….?”

 

“I’m trying to be. Looks like I’m not doing a good job huh”

 

Moonbyul laughed sadly as she turned to face the younger girl.

 

“What happened….? The day you went back with Seulgi…?”

 

“She doesn’t hate me. Seulgi doesn’t hate me and that’s what frustrating”

 

“You expect her to break it off with you instead of you doing it yourself…?”

 

“I thought she would. She saw me kissing Yongsun unnie on the bed that day”

“So…where does that leave the both of you…?”

 

“I don’t know. She asked me whether I could choose her instead. Deep inside my heart, I thought I did, I wanted to. But…”

 

“What you’re feeling for Seulgi is guilt. You don’t like her like you think you do. You just made it seem that way because you feel guilty”

 

“It’s obvious huh”

 

“You need to be honest with her before anything else happens. One thing already did and who knows what might happen next…? I like being friends with Red Velvet. If you mess it up unnie…I’m going to hate you for it”

 

“I can’t have you hating me now can i…”

 

“No. You can’t”

 

Moonbyul went back to recording shortly after and both the maknaes stayed inside and listened. There was a vast improvement from her performance earlier and for once that night, they managed to get something done.

 

“You finally got your act together. Alright that’s all for tonight, I think we all could use a goodnight sleep!” declared the producer.

 

“This is not our problem”

 

“How can you say that Joohyun! Don’t you care about her!?”

 

“Of course I care about her! You know that more than anyone else”

 

“Then why are you saying that it isn’t our problem?”

“Because it’s not Wendy. It’s between her and Moonbyul-shi and I…don’t want to intervene where I’m not wanted”

 

“Are you for real…? You know for someone that claims to care so much about another person, you sure are doing a job about it”

 

“Watch it”

 

“You’re not going to even do anything”

 

“I don’t even know what to do”

 

“Uh hello!” Wendy gave her an obvious gesture. “This is your grand moment!!”

 

“I thought you wanted whatever that makes Seulgi happy”

 

“Yeah I do…that’s why I supported her when she got together with Byul but…hearing Seulgi’s story…I’m not sure they’d be happy if they stuck together…”

 

Joohyun had to admit she wasn’t shock when she heard about what happened from Wendy. Deep down, she sort of expected it to happen. Literally anyone would be stupid to not suspect something going on between Moonbyul and Solar. But Seulgi was happy when she was with her so she didn’t even bother to question to it.

It pained her to know that her friend was putting up a strong front while she kept it to herself. And disgusted her to know that she found some sort of slight comfort to know that Seulgi and Moonbyul weren’t happy together.

But like what Wendy said, Seulgi was her friend. One of her closest friend and she had an obligation to find out. So she gathered her strength and took out her phone and dialled down Byul’s number.

 

*

 

It was already late, she didn’t know if the girl would even have the time to meet and talk. But nevertheless she waited patiently in the café, with face bare from make-up, covered up with a hat and a blank expression. It should be enough not to attract any unwanted attention. The door opened and Joohyun looked up to see Byul walking in. She waved her hand and the girl shot her a small smile before walking over.

 

“I don’t think this is just an ordinary meet up….”

 

“Really….? What do you think this is….?”

 

“Has she told you….?”

 

“No…Wendy told me”

 

“I see…”

 

“Do you like her Byul…?”

 

“I do like Seulgi. She’s important to me”

 

“If she was you wouldn’t have done this to her….”

 

“I’m sorry I disappointed you unnie. I really am. There’s no denying that I messed up and caused the whole situation to blow up”

 

“Did you love her…?”

 

“No…I don’t”

 

“I didn’t want to say anything because Seulgi liked you. I didn’t want to say anything because I thought maybe when she’s with you I could finally get over my feelings and move on with my life but it turns out…”

 

“You…like her…don’t you…?”

 

“I’ve liked her since the first day I met her and I fell in love with her throughout the time we spent with each other. When she told me she liked you I felt my world coming apart and I was resolved with it as long as she was happy but now….”

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“To be honest… I found it rather odd that you two suddenly started going out with each other. I didn’t question it because I thought you liked her as much as she did you. What happened Byul…?”

 

“Things got complicated unnie and I didn’t know how to handle it”

 

“So you thought the best way was to lie to yourself…?”

 

“I thought if I could love Seulgi. I could forget. But then Yongsun unnie…”

 

“I’m not saying I hate you right now but I have strong dislike and disapproval of what you did. I’m going to protect her from you and I’m going to love her like she deserves. So for her sake and for everyone else’s end it”

 

“What…?”
 

“End it with her”

 

“But….”

 

“You said it yourself Byul.  You don’t love her. Your heart is with someone else. Why are you still doing this to her…?
 

“Unnie…”

 

“Please end it with her while I’m asking nicely”

 

“I’m sorry for calling you out here so suddenly. There’s something I need to say”

 

“No…your timing is perfect. There’s something I want to say as well…”

 

“What is it…?”

 

Eric had a hopeful look on his face as he held Solar’s hand in his. Their time spent together, to him was like nothing else he had ever experienced. He has met other girls but none of them compared to what Solar was like. Her smile, her energy, her laugh, everything about her made his heart felt like it was going to explode.

He wanted it to be real. No more cameras, no more scripted dialogue and pretending to mean something to each other. He wanted to be with her for real.

“I know our show is coming to an end and….you’ll be busy with your schedule soon since you’re preparing a new album…”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Yongsun…I’ve been wanting to ask something…”

 

“What is it….?”

 

“Do you think maybe you and I…we could see each other in real life…?”

 

“Oh….”

 

“I know this must be sudden to you and I’m not forcing a reply out of you. It’s just I think we work well together and that I like your hand feels with mine….”

 

“You’re asking me to…”

 

“Date… I want to go out with you for real. We don’t have to rush it. I know it’ll be hard since our schedules don’t work together but we can make it work. I can make it work”

“You’re sweet you know…”

 

“Is that a yes…?”

 

“Here’s come the part where I need to tell you something….”

 

“Oh….”

 

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your feelings for me, I do. Any girl would be lucky to have someone like you falling for them. But I’m just not that girl. You see…I already have someone. I have someone that I love and all the qualities you mentioned just now that makes me crazy about them”

 

“Is it her…? Is it Moonbyul…?”

 

“How…did you know…?”

 

“Did you really think I was blind…? The way she hugs you when she sees you, the way you smile and laugh when you’re around her. I wanted to do all that but it seemed someone else already did”

 

“I’m sorry if you feel like I led you on or anything. I didn’t mean to and I certainly don’t want things to end badly between us”

 

Eric smiled but it was painful and sorrowful smile. He’d half expected something like this might happen and prepared himself to handle it but his hopefulness that Solar would feel the same crushed him inside.

 

“No…why would things end badly between us. You’re my friend first and foremost”

 

“This is why I think I don’t deserve having you as a friend sometimes….”

 

“You’ll just have to live with it then”

 

She hugged him and apologised again. He leaned his head against hers and breathed in the scent he had gotten used to for a while. So this is what heartbreak feels like, he thought as Solar broke away from his embrace.