“So keep callin' me crazy cause I never learned / You should stop loving fire because you got burned / Now it feels like I'm living some sick déjà vu / Like the answers were there when I stared into you” – new constellations, ryn weaver

PRESENT

Her hair’s dull, the stars in her eyes faded, her lips are chapped, and isn’t smiling. She wonders what the years have done to Sejeong, and why they didn’t give her life like those three years they spent together. She drops her gaze to the plate in front of her as soon as Sejeong raises hers. She feels eyes boring onto her soul – the same way it used to before.

The familiarity’s too much. She grips Suhyun’s hand beside her, asking for comfort. Heehyun sits on her other side with Dani, arms crossed over her chest, a glare directed at Sejeong. Eunwoo sits on the other side of the table, Mina between her and Sejeong.

Mina. Her eyes automatically land on the child, and her heart aches; she’s so beautiful. She grips Suhyun’s hand tighter to stop herself from reaching out to the girl with puffy cheeks and angelic smile. She averts her gaze, settling it on the sight outside – happy families with smiling faces, . There’s the inner psychopath in her again, wanting to rip all those families apart.

It’s not fair, she thinks, and it really isn’t. It really isn’t fair that so many people live with normal happy households while she had to move out and live in with her grandmother at age 11. It’s not fair that those kids outside are happy, laughing, while she’s here inside this crappy fast food chain, fifteen years older than them, maybe, yet still so utterly jealous.

“So, how was… life?” Eunwoo asks Sejeong, a weak attempt on restoring the friendship that turned to dust the day of graduation when she didn’t show up. “I mean… wow, Mina’s so… she was literally just fetus then.”

Sejeong smiles, motherly and proud. “I know.” She taps Mina’s shoulder and points at Eunwoo. “That’s Eunwoo, Mina. She used to buy us food when you were still in mommy’s tummy. And she sang you lullabies too.”

Mina shrinks back to Sejeong’s arms, shyly waving at Eunwoo. “Hi,” she mutters.

“Where’s Joonyoung?” Heehyun abruptly asks, eyebrows still raised in that intimidating manner Sejeong used to mock. The weight of all those years spent afar from each other feels heavier as Sejeong looks a bit frightened over Heehyun’s glare. “I asked you a question, didn’t I? Where’s Joonyoung?”

Sejeong’s eyes avoid Heehyun’s. Her gaze drop to her plate, then out the window, and back at her plate again. “He’s- he’s not… not around.”

“Not around?” this time it’s Suhyun who queries, leaning forward in her seat but still not letting go of Nayoung’s sweaty palm. “Do you mean-”

Sejeong nods. “He… I left him.”

Heehyun scoffs – a mixture between relief and disbelief. “About time.”

Eunwoo, being the better friend, places a hand on top of Sejeong’s. “What happened?”

“Just…” She looks up and locks eyes with Nayoung; the latter tries to look away but years of not looking eye to eye, she keeps her gaze. “You’re right. That first day we met, you told me I shouldn’t waste my time with him. You’re right.”

“Of course she is. But did you listen?” Heehyun explodes, anger burning in her eyes.

Dani looks up, frightened. Nayoung gestures at Eunwoo to bring Heehyun outside with the kids, and Suhyun follows them.

She watches them make their way to the ice cream stand outside; Dani holding on to Suhyun’s hands and staring at her mother with a terrified expression; Mina looking back at her own with concern.

She tries to keep her eyes where they are, but Sejeong clears and Nayoung automatically looks at her. A tsunami of terror slaps her as she looks at Sejeong. The distance between them physically is small, but the distance between their two souls… unmeasurable.

“So, um… hi.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She stops moving, eyes trained on the melting ice in her drink. Don’t think, she tells herself, don’t think. But she does think. She thinks about all the late night talks and all the cuddles shared during the winter. She thinks about all the stories they told each other and every secret they said.

It’s almost creepy; this stranger in front of her used to know all her deepest secrets. Now she’s just… a stranger.

“I know.”

“You know what?"

"I know you're sorry."

Sejeong nods furtively, face devoid of emotion. There used to be no space at all between them, no moment of silence between.

But now they can't even think of what to talk about. So she looks out the window again and finds Dani trying to whine her way into getting another balloon and Mina standing there hesitantly. She takes out her phone and snaps a picture, chuckling at Suhyun's 'please stab me with a fork and throw me off the cliff' look.

"Where do you sing?"

She looks back up and sees Sejeong staring at her phone. She clears . "I don't. I run a studio, a photography studio. It's in the basement of Suhyun's cupcake shop.”

“Suhyun owns a cupcake shop?” Her eyes return to her plate, a sardonic smile forming on her lips. “Wow, so much changed, huh?”

Nayoung nods, returning her gaze to the phone. “I bake there sometimes. Im is now a doctor in training in Heehyun’s mom’s hospital. Eunwoo sings a lot. Suhyun owns that cupcake shop. Chaeyeon’s slaving off for Dani and Heehyun while Heehyun stays at home and corrupts Dani’s innocent mind. Oh, and, Im found the love of her life in the form of an overly excited Chinese nurse that she’s marrying in a few months,” she says, trying to sum up everything Sejeong missed. “How about you?”

“I’m trying to earn enough money for Mina’s surgery.”

She stops snapping pictures of the kids outside and gives Sejeong a confused look. “Surgery?”

Sejeong takes a deep breath. “Mina has a hole in her heart.”

She feels her heart constricting and finds herself gasping for air. It feels like Sejeong left her for the second time, but this is worse. Mina.

Mina has a hole in her heart.

“What the ?” she exclaims, standing up and towering over Sejeong. “Why did it happen? I- I swear to god, Sejeong, I leave you unattended for a few years and suddenly a hole appears in Mina’s heart?”

“It’s not that bad,” Sejeong mutters, eyes downcast and avoiding Nayoung’s. “They just need to, I don’t know, stitch it or something. It’s curable. She won’t die.”

Nayoung sits back down and gives Sejeong a long, accusing stare. “You left me. You left us. You left this little family we made, and I trusted you. I believed that’d be your last mistake. How the did Mina get a hole in her heart?”

Hurt is swimming in her eyes as she answers, “They don’t know. There are some causes, but they don’t seem like the case for Mina. Don’t worry, she just needs surgery to stich it up. Any physical activities won’t really hurt her or anything. But, well, if she doesn’t get the surgery, she might have a hard adulthood and she’ll be more at risk of getting a .”

She feels her head becoming heavier and all the nerves in her body trying to break free. But as her eyes land on Sejeong and sees the heartbreak sewn perfectly in her face, she pauses and feels her heart breaking for an entirely different reason.

“And because of that, Joonyoung’s trying to get custody.”

Something snaps. Her glare travels to Sejeong’s face, slicing through the air and piercing her heart. “What?”

“He has the money, I don’t.”

“You can’t-” The door chimes and in runs the child. Nayoung’s heart aches… she looks so healthy. She can’t have something wrong with her heart. She’s just a child. She’s everything perfect that Nayoung had hoped she would be.

But apparently, she takes after her mother’s clumsiness for she trips over thin air. Nayoung abruptly stands up and picks her up, patting the dirt off her knees and palms.

“Owie,” Mina mutters, raising her palms to Nayoung’s face with pout.

With a smile, Nayoung showers them with kisses. “You see, lil Chipmunk, kissing it takes the pain away.”

Mina’s eyebrows meet at the unfamiliar endearment. “I’m a person.”

“You are.”

“You called me chipmunk.”

She grins and raises two fingers to poke Mina’s puffy cheeks. “Because of these, you’re a chipmunk.” She leans closer. “Don’t tell your mom.”

The child’s eyes flicker to her mom with confusion. Then to Nayoung and the cat ears on her head. “You’re a kitty.”

“She’s a ,” Heehyun mutters, leaning forward so only the three of them can hear, sending Nayoung a wink so tempting to punch. “Don’t tell your mom,” she mocks before sitting on her seat.

Nayoung resists the urge to claw the smile off her face. “Anyway, lil Chipmunk, it’s not bad being a chipmunk. You can be whoever you want.” Eunwoo snorts at this as she walks pass them with Dani holding her hand.

“Is it bad being a ?”

“Do not say that again, I am begging you.”

Mina nods, but Nayoung has this feeling that she will say it again anyway. There’s just something mischievous about her eyes and the way her lips kinda quirk up with trouble. It’s exactly what Nayoung remembers little her doing. She sighs and takes Mina to the table, settling beside Sejeong so she can sit beside Mina; the others sit in front of them.

Suhyun sends her a teasing smile which she quickly wiped off her face when Nayoung pulled up the bread knife with a glare.

They eat the now cold food in front of them and Nayoung watches with twitching lips as Sejeong has a hard time feeding Mina vegetables.

“Hey, hey, lil Chipmunk.” Mina looks up at her with wide eyes as Sejeong looks on with confused ones. She whispers, “Do you know why we eat veggies?” She shakes her head, worry swimming in her eyes. “It’s because if we don’t, they eat us. So, you better eat them first before they can eat you.”

Mina’s wide eyes grow wider and she looks at her mom, asking questions silently. Sejeong looks over her head at Nayoung, who wordlessly tells her to just go with it. “Um, Nayoung’s right. You need to eat them before they can eat you.”

This sends panic to the girl. She immediately picks up her utensils and devour the greens, eliciting smiles from Sejeong and Nayoung.

The others look on with teasing smiles, Heehyun looks on with a disappointed glare.

After eating, Sejeong tells them she has to go back to singing and Nayoung practically begs her to let Mina stay with them; she lets them.

They spend the rest of the day taking Mina around the park while Sejeong continues singing. They go on the carousel at least five more times and had an awkward bumper car fight with Heehyun and Dani while Eunwoo and Suhyun struggle to keep their own cars out the corner.

Just after dinner, they decide to go home. And Nayoung looks back at Sejeong and Mina as the car is driving away, wondering if she’ll ever see them again.

She hopes she will.

-

She’s drowning. She’s drowning and her lungs are burning. She’s drowning in a sea of broken promises and beautiful brown eyes and-

… dog breath?

Opening one eye, she finds a pair of eager eyes looking at her. Then another on her face. Groaning, she tries to pull the hairy intruder’s snout to her neck and cuddle, but he’s too eager to stay in place. “Fine, fine. I’m up. See? I’m up,” she tries to assure him as she sits up in her bed. Her eyes flick to the door and she finds her cat, Blair, staring up at her expectantly.

She sighs. This is her, a mother of two dogs, one cat, and several fishes. Walking out her room, she passes by the balcony and sees her other dog, Simba. It’s a corgi that Suhyun gave her when she moved in the apartment, and she had to fight her to death just so she won’t name the poor thing ‘Mr. Puffyhair’. She looks back at the Husky, the one who woke her up; another one of the pets Suhyun gave her. He’s been with her for a week now but she still hasn’t named him.

Shrugging, she decides that’d be a chore for another day. She stalks to the kitchen and lays out three pet feeders and pours enough amount for each of her furry friends; then she goes to the aquarium behind her couch and pours the fishes’ food while greeting them good morning.

As she sits on her chair by the dining table with a cup of coffee in hand, she pities herself for being so alone.

When will it end?

“ you! you very, very much!”

Another sigh at the familiar ringtone, then she grabs her phone from the counter and swipes a finger, making sure to use the middle one and hoping it can transform into a punch directly to the caller’s gut. “Hey Suhyun.”

“Good morning, sunshine! How’s your morning so far? Is the sun shining through the curtains? Is your coffee sweet? Are your pets happy?”

“Who the corrupted your mind and turned you into Pinky?”

“Oh, but it’s such a nice, nice day, my dear Na-”

“Alright, I’m hanging up.”

“Wait!” She rolls her eyes. “Fine. I just wanted to know if you’re going to attend that custody battle thing with Sejeong?”

She lazily spins her spoon around her cup, eyes staring out the big window leading to the balcony. “Why should I?”

“You can tell them everything Joonyoung ever did to Sejeong.”

“That won’t matter.”

“Or- or pretend to be Sejeong’s fiancée and they’ll give Mina to you cause you’re so damn rich.”

Suhyun’s still as stupid as ever; Nayoung resists the urge to throw her phone. “Do you even know how custody works?”

She almost sees the eye roll Suhyun’s probably doing. “Yeah, you fight over the little kid like predators fighting for food scraps.”

“Gosh, you’re so stupid. I’ll build a time machine so I can shove you back up your mother’s uterus and let you rot there.”

“ing rude, okay?” Suhyun exclaims and Nayoung had to pull the phone away from her ear. “Just listen, okay? Joonyoung’s only fighting this custody battle because of the hole in Mina’s heart-” her heart aches as it remembers, “-and we both know Sejeong doesn’t have enough money for that. Try talking to Joonyoung and tell him you’re Sejeong’s fiancé and you’ll pay for all hospital bills.”

“I don’t have the money.”

“Bull. But you don’t have to pay anyway. Heehyun’s mother owns that hospital near your house, right? Just send Mina there and they’ll probably let her get the surgery she needs for free. Heehyun’s mother loves you more than she loves Heehyun anyway.”

“I am not going to-”

“Nayoung, this isn’t about you and Sejeong and your 600 years of tragic history. This is about Mina and her heart, okay? She needs that surgery and Sejeong can't afford it. And if Sejeong can't afford it, she either has to live away from Mina or live with Mina and Joonyoung."

She pauses. She can almost feel Suhyun smirking at her. “You don’t want that, do you?” the girl asks slowly.

Of course she doesn’t. And of course, Suhyun knows that. “Alright, I really don’t.”

“Great! The car is outside your building and Eunwoo and I are ready to help you get your girl back.”

She sighs. Of ing course. “Fine, let me just get dressed.”

“There’s no time for that.”

She feels warning signs putting themselves up in her mind. “What? It’s 7 ing AM, why is there no time for taking a quick shower and getting dressed?”

There’s a knock on her door. She groans. In a world full of doorbells and door phones, she only knows one person infuriating enough to just knock repeatedly. She opens the door with a glare and is greeted by two stupid grins. “Because we’re not waiting for the lawyers to arrive, we’re only talking to Joonyoung.”

And there goes her morning of being alone.

-

Somehow, with the tinted windows and the wide backseat, Eunwoo managed to help Nayoung get dressed ‘smartly’ while Suhyun drives their way through the morning traffic. Not only is her breakfast (or lack thereof) struggling to stay down, but the lady suit they brought her is obviously not her size, the edges of the pants don’t even reach her ankles.

“Why are we even doing this?”

“Because it’ll be easier to talk to Joonyoung alone.”

Her gaze lands on the date on her phone. “Wait… today isn’t the custody battle!”

Suhyun winks at her through the rearview mirror. “Finally, you’ve got a grip of reality. The custody battle’s not today, but we set up a date with Joonyoung.” She parks in front of her cupcake shop and Nayoung sends her a look, she shrugs. “Joonyoung’s going to be a famous singer in a few years, my shop needs some recognition.”

They enter the cupcake shop and Nayoung spots the messy hair she used to utterly hate during college. “The is in the shop.”

Suhyun scoffs. “There are many in this shop. Especially that-”

“I was talking about Joonyoung,” she quickly interrupts, eyes still focused on the man. “Why is he with another man? Did he swerve the right direction?”

“,” Eunwoo mutters, fingernails suddenly digging Nayoung’s aching arm. “He brought his lawyer.”

“This is trouble. Remember, once you panic, go tell him you’re Sejeong’s fiancé.”

“Why would I-” Again, they don’t listen to what she says. She feels a hard shove on her back and almost lands on her face in front of her college rival. Thank goodness she hits the edge of the table instead. Flaming with anger, she looks up and sends the two men a fake smile. She awkwardly slips on the seat in front of them. “Hi, I’m Kim Nayoung.”

“Why did you ask for this… cupcake date?” the lawyer asks and Nayoung already dislikes him.

“Well, you see… you can’t take Mina from Sejeong,” she begs Joonyoung, eyes desperately trying to transform themselves into those of a kicked puppy. “They need each other.”

“He’s not going to take the kid away from her mothers,” the lawyer answers for Joonyoung. “They can all live together.”

Nayoung doesn’t spare him another look, eyes only on Joonyoung. “You know Sejeong doesn’t like living with you.”

“She’ll have to because the child needs a whole family.”

Nayoung starts to think Joonyoung’s mute, so much for the ‘famous singer promoting the shop’ dream of Suhyun’s. “She can live with just one mother.”

“A child needs to live with both parents as much as possible.”

“Bull, my parents left me when I was 11.”

He shuts his mouth. Finally. But then he opens it again and Nayoung has to sit on her hands to stop her from pushing a cupcake down his throat. His upper lip curls up. “Look how you turned up. The child cannot be like you.”

“The child has a name, and it’s Mina.” Her burning gaze is back on Joonyoung. How can he be so calm while Nayoung’s practically burning with anger? “I need you stop this battle. Mina needs to stay with Sejeong and Sejeong needs to stay away from you.”

“Who are you anyway and why do you care?”

She freezes as she realizes she has absolutely no right to do this. Her fingers twitch and throat turns dry. She’s panicking. Suhyun’s face clouds her mind and she kinda gags. “Uh, I’m her fiancée.”

The man stares at her with a mixture of disgust and shock at first, which then turns to happiness. “We’re obviously going to win this battle then. A lesbian taking care of the child? The court will have none of that.”

Again, she sits on her hands to keep them from punching the guy on the nose. Joonyoung gestures for him to stop talking. “You are?”

“I… am.”

“You’re rich, aren’t you? Your mother owns that company.”

She nods, not trusting her tongue anymore.

“You can pay for her surgery?”

Shrugging, she answers, “I don’t think it’ll be that costly? Also, Heehyun’s mother owns a really nice hospital, I can get Mina have her surgery there.”

Joonyoung nods and Nayoung remembers that he’s not so bad when he’s not hurting Sejeong. “Alright. I’m not going to fight for Mina anymore.”

His lawyer’s mouth drops and Nayoung can almost picture the money flying out his wallet. “That can’t happen. You have the right to-”

“I only want to help Mina anyway, and I want to do it with her in my household. But if Kim Nayoung can do it herself, I’m letting her.” Something’s not right, there’s something beneath the surface and she sees it in his eyes as they glint while staring at her. “And they’re together, aren’t they? She said it so herself. If we find out she’s lying, I’ll get Mina.”

The air is knocked out of her lungs and she fakes another smile. “Of course, I’m not lying. They even moved in my house a few months ago.” Another grave mistake.

-

“You told him what?”

She flinches at the glare Sejeong’s giving her and her hand reaches out for another hand, preferably Suhyun’s, but both she and Eunwoo are at the other side of the room playing with Mina and sending them furtive looks. “Uh, do I have to repeat my-”

“No.” Sejeong groans, slapping a palm against her forehead. “Kim Nayoung, what the happened to your brain cells?”

“I donated them to Suhyun.”

Sejeong silences her with a glare. “You ing told him you’re my fiancée and if they find out you’re lying, this is going to be used against us.”

“That’s why you should stay with me for now and once you win custody and Mina’s heart is fixed, we can pretend cancel our engagement.” A blank stare. “I mean, pretend cancel because we’re not really-”

“I know what you’re talking about.” She sighs and her gaze is on Mina. With a small voice, she asks, “Do you really think she’ll get to stay with me that way?”

She tries to plaster cheerfulness on her tone. “Of course.”

But really, they can’t be so sure and can only hope for the best – for Mina’s heart and theirs.

As her eyes lock with Sejeong’s, she feels her heart wanting to escape its impending death, she can only say sorry to it.