I’m sorry
The heart that I didn’t get to show you
The answer that you didn’t get to hear
The confession that I never made - Sunggyu

~Sunggyu’s POV~

“Kim Sunggyu!” a girl, called me, no! Scratch that, yelling my name, loudly. “YA! KIM SUNGGYU, are you deaf?”

“Coming, noona!”  I sighed and make my way downstairs. “What’s up, Taenggo?”

“Ya! Don’t be so rude! Even if I look younger, shorter and cuter,  I’m still your noona!” Taeyeon noona rolled her eyes as I sigh. “What’s wrong with your breath again, Sunggyu?”

“What?” I yelped. “What’s wrong with my breath? Am I smell?”

“No… You sound like you are not breathing..” Taeyeon noona stared at me before waving her hands and smirks. “Whatever! I’m going out now…”

“Want me to ride you?” I asked nicely and she shakes her head. “Be careful and have fun, noona! Please say hi from me to Sunny noona and Jessica noona…”

“Considered as done…” Taeyeon noona kissed my cheeks and stares on my face. “Stop your nonchalant face.. She won’t ever come back to you with that expression on your face and heartless words on your lips… Annyeong, baby gyu!”

She… Ah… I miss her… I miss that girl.. That pretty angelic hobae of mine…

I miss her… I miss the one who loved me so much…

Yeah, I feel that…

My meaningless expressions…

My ending and heavy breath…

And also, memories of you that I wanted to erase…

“Sunggyu sunbae, please don’t laugh and don’t hate me because of what I’m gonna say…” She standed in front of me with her long hair covering her pretty face. “Promise?”

“I promise…”I smiled sweetly to her. “Go on, Goguma…”

“Sunggyu sunbae, I have a really big crush on you since the first time you became my mentor in matrix algebra class… and my crush on you grows bigger by days, months and years as well as I know you better.. and today, I think my crush has already grown as love for you…”  Her eyes are shining with tears. “Do you mind if I ask you to be my boyfriend, Sunggyu sunbae?”

I’m so sorry for that day, Seohyun… I really am sorry…

“Sunggyu sunbae…”

Did someone just call my name?

Nah! I must be day dreaming! I put on my earphone with Infinite’s songs playing loudly by the way…

No matter how loud someone would call me, it’s pretty impossible I could hear it, right?

“Sunggyu sunbae….”

Did someone call me again? Or it’s just another Taeyeon’s noona pranks to make me scared?

Nah! Not scary dorky noona!

“Sunggyu sunbae…”

Again?!

Wait! Why did it sound like…. Seohyun?

“Sunggyu sunbae, can you feel my presence?”

Yeah, goguma… I feel that..

No matter how hard I try… No matter how much I pray..

Whenever I try to shake you off from my memory,

It will never work.

“Sunggyu sunbae, I miss you…”

Ah! Stop it!

Kim Sunggyu, FOCUS! Stop your hallucination!

But my endlessly shaking eyes, lips and heart whenever I remember you…

Traces of you that I wanted to erase so much…

All blames and curses who came to me that I want to top…

I always feel you near me… in my heart…

Why must you go after that day? For months?

Did I hurt you that badly?

“Huh? What did you say?”My jaw dropped as Seohyun’s cheeks blushed. “Did you just say that…”

“I wanna be your girlfriend, sunbae…” Seohyun swallowed all her pride as she yells. “May I….”

I just stayed silence… Too shocked to understand everything that she said..

“I love you so much, sunbae.. I wonder if you feel the same about me after all these years.. so I ask it to you…” Seohyun’s eyes are flaming. “So, what is your answer, sunbae?”

“No… ”my words just slipped out my lips. “No..”

“bu..bu..but….” Seohyun’s eyes are filled with tears now. “but why, sunbae?”

“I just won’t…” I snapped out, annoyed by my own previous words. “Just go away and don’t even show your face in front of me again!”

Oh.. Seohyun, please forgive me…

“Sunggyu sunbae, do you hear me?”

I hear that, Seohyun…

Where are you right now? I has been months..

How are you right now? I don’t know anything about you than you left and missing after that day..

But why do I hear your bird-like breath?

Why do I smell your sweet smell?

“Sunggyu sunbae, saranghae…”

Lee Seohyun.. You…

Please don’t stay in my heart once you’re gone..

I still want you, you know?

“Sunggyu sunbae…”

Don’t linger around my ears anymore!!!

Because I wanna listen your sound so badly…

As I drift farther and farther, I gradually get closer and closer to you..

Do you know that now I’m a trainee in your Dongwoo oppa’s agency?

And he keeps asking me about you, like everyday..

I’m hurting you… and I’m hurting myself since that day..

As I hurt and hurt like this with all my stupid lies that I told to you that day,

I gradually want only you even more…

You, my dear goguma freak, Seohyun.. to come back here with me again..

Your beautiful crystal eyes, your radiant smile, and your soft hand motions still torture me in my memory..

Making me can’t do anything, think anything, or do something else but imagine you even more..

“Sunggyu sunbae, I’m here…”

Nah! My hallucination again..

No matter how much I look around, you’re not anywhere…

“Sunggyu sunbae!”

But I keep hearing your voice… and now…

Imagining you are standing in front of me with your infamous radiant smile..

Why does my hallucination feel so real?

“Sunbae, how much times I’ve told you to put your ipod in lower volume?” a girl nags to me as she pulls out my earphones. “You really never listen to me, Gyu oppa…”

“Ya! Who are you to even nag to me?” I snapped. “Do you even my… SEOHYUN? Why are you here? Since when?”

“Annyeong, Gyu oppa..” Seohyun smiled brightly as she waves her hands in front of me. “I was calling you over and over… but you didn’t even bother to just stop and try to hear me…”

So it was not my hallucinations then.

“Why are you dazing off, oppa?” Seohyun pokes my cheek softly. “Do you really hate to meet me again that much?”

 “No.. No!” I shook my head as she tilts her head. “I just…”

“Scared if your girlfriend knows that you are talking with your hobae who confessed her feelings to you months ago?” Seohyun pouted and her eyes look so sad. “Chusumianhae.. I shouldn’t do this since the first time”

“Girlfriend? What are you talking about?” I scratched my head. “I have no girlfriend at all”

“I saw you with a really cute girl lately…” She pouts. “She is cute, pretty, white and…”

“Short? With blonde medium-length hair?” I asked as Seohyun nods. “Silly! She is my noona!”

“Noona?” Seohyun seemed confuse. “So you have an older sister?”

“Yup! Taeyeon noona!” I laughed as Seohyun blushed, so cute!. “and if I’m not mistaken, she is your brother’s math teacher”

“Oh… that Taeyeon sungsaenim!” Seohyun nodded and then giggles softly. “I never know you have a sister, sunbae…”

“How should you know?” I joked as she shrugs her shoulder. “You are not stalking me like Woohyun did to you, are you?”

“Ya! I’m not Sunggyu sunbae otaku! I’m Keroro otaku!” She hits my arm playfully. “and you already rejected me and pushed me away…”

Ouch! That topic! Just hits my heart!

“Seohyunnie…” I looked at her gloomy and teary face. “about that…”

“Don’t mind about that, sunbae.. I know that you never love me back…” Seohyun wipes her tear as she smiles weakly. “I don’t even care… cause I still am loving you, sunbae… mianhae…”

“No! Don’t apologize! I’m the one who must say sorry to you…” I wipe her tears as her eyes grew bigger. “I’m so sorry.. I lied to you that day…”

“What do you mean?” her angelic voice is shaking. “Sunbae….”

“I was lying…. I was shocked  that you were the one confessing to me first…” I lift her chin as our eyes meet. “It should be me to be the one who confessing…
I’m sorry…

The heart that I didn't get to show you..

The answer that you didn't get to hear..

The confession that I never made..

I'm sorry... but I love you..

I love you, Lee Seohyun... I love you...”

“Su.. Sunggyu sunbae?” Seohyun eyes almost popped out from the socket.

I just simply nod and pull her to my embrace…

I breathe her and kiss her crown head…

I kissed down till I reach her lips… and I peck her lips softly…

“Let’s go for a date, goguma!”

“Oppa, why are we here?” Seohyun asked me innocently as I play with her long hair. “Seriously oppa, what do we do in the middle of this park?”

“We are on date…” I said as the face in my lap doesn’t seem pleasant. “We are on picnic.. Couple picnic…”

“Sunggyu oppa, are you crazy?” Seohyun suddenly on her sits position, leaving my lap. “Picnic? In the park? In the middle of winter?”

“Yeah.. a picnic…” I smiled and peck her pouted lips. “wegure? I love winter.. and I thought you love snow so badly”

“but oppa, it’s winter!!” Seohyun whined, she blows her cheeks and breaths heavily. “and can’t you see that I’m just wearing this dress? It’s freaking freezing here!”

“Aigoo… You are still keep on whining like always…” I giggle and put my coat on her. “feel warmer now?”

“but you’d catch a cold because of me!” Seohyun took off my coat and put it on me again. “I won’t let you catch a cold, my precious oppa!”

“Aish, you are so stubborn..” I pinched her cheek as she sticks her tongue out cutely.“Come here!”

I pull her closer to me and embrace her as I put my coat on top of us.

“Feel warmer now?” I asked as she nods. “I know that I’m hot…”

“Sunggyu oppa, you are not hot! You are cute!” She kisses my cheek, I blushed. “See? You are so cute!”

“Ya! But I want to hear you calling me hot too!” I whined as she seems confuse. “You always call that Myungsoo hot!”

“Jealous, don’t you?” She giggled and I smack her head softly. “Fine! Gyu oppa is hot too!”

“yay! That’s my girl!” I peck her lips and then kiss her cheek.

“but I shouldn’t tell a lie!” Seohyun grinned as I glare to her. “Fine! What do you want?”

“Prove it to me that you love me!” I dare her as she rolls her eyes. “balli!”

Seohyun sighed before she pulls me in to a kiss.

A deep, romantic, sweet but passionately kiss.

A kiss that worth for months waiting.

Seohyun pushed me down and pinned my hands on the ground as she slides her tongue on my mouth.

With my weight, I could easily flip us. I’m on the top now. Kissing her, hungrily…

Nothing tastes better compared to her sweet lips and tasty mouth.

Both of us are running out of breathe now…

“Do you Believe me now, oppa?” Seohun pouted cutely as I peck her lips. “ya! I’m asking you!”

“With no doubt…” I rolled next to her and pull her to my embrace. “I love you, lee Seohyun”

“I love you too, Gyu oppa…” Seohyun kissed my cheek. “I’m so sorry for hurting you and making you feel bad…”

“Anniyo.. Gwaenchanha…” I her hair as she put her head on my chest. “Could we stay like this till forever?”

“I’d love too, oppa…” Seohyun mumbled, sounds sleepy. “if forever even exsist…”

“Seohyun, can I ask you something?” Seohyun just nodded. “Please don’t leave me again….”

“Sunggyu oppa, I love you so much….” Seohyun just mumbled, she is really sleepy I guess. “Merry Christmas, my love…”

“Merry Christmas too, my angel…” I kissed her crown head as I feel sleepy too. “and you are the biggest Christmas gift I ever had…”