She grabs her card and kisses me on the cheek. “Thanks Soojung.” She leans in closer. “Thank you for letting her go.”

 

 

 

---

“ONE MORE BOTTLE!!!!”

 

“But-b-bu-But Soojung your sister will-“

 

“I DON’T CARE WHAT MY SISTER SAYS!”

 

“But she will-“

 

“THEN LEAVE! I DON’T NEED YOU TO BE HERE! I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOU TO BE HERE!”

 

I drank one more shot of Soju bottle as I sang my heart at the karaoke room. I didn’t know how much I’ve drank, how many I’ve wasted, how much I’ve spent but I couldn’t care now. If I could buy something that could erase this feeling inside of my system, I wouldn’t even care if I went bankrupt. The bull thing is- every after shot I take, the more I remember what she said to me.

 

“I’m actually dating Amber Liu.”

 

“Thank you for letting her go.”

 

 

“I DIDN’T LET HER GO! SHE LET GO OF ME FIRST!”

 

“Soojung-ah please calm-“

 

“UNNIE!” I turn to face her. “I DID NOT LET AMBER GO! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME ON THIS! I NEVER PLANNED TO LET HER GO!!!!!” I paused. “It’s just that… I thought she let go of me. I thought that she never cared about me and all she ever wanted was to boost her solo career. And then I started to think that maybe- Amber never really cared for me at all.” Tears start to fall from my eyes. “And then there came Kai. The sweet loving, ever-caring boyfriend Kai… I already have him. I should be contented already and just focus of what I have now so why? Why do I feel the pain here?” I pointed at my heart. “Why do I feel like I’ve been cheated on? I don’t deserve to feel this way unnie!”

 

“It’s just probably the regret Soojung-ah, the regret of not treating Amber well when you had the chance. Not holding onto her when you were given the opportunity. Or maybe it’s just the jealousy because you’ve always thought that Amber would always love you. That Amber would never get over you. But you have to accept the fact that-“

 

“I can’t…” I said in a whisper. “I just can’t.”

 

“Oh Soojung…” She enveloped me in a hug. “You have to.”

 

I couldn’t remember what I did back there but I just remembered a lot of Soju bottles scattered on the floor. A lot of food being thrown at the table and basically, the karaoke room was a mess. I also remember unnie talking to some man at the parking area and that guy lifted me up and put me on the passenger seat before we took off. I was too weak to notice who this person was so I just closed my eyes and sleep this feeling off of me in hopes that when I wake up, I’d laugh at myself for being so stupid.

 

“Krystal… Krystal it’s me.” The voice said. “Krystal wake up we’re here at your dorm.”

 

When I woke up I looked at the person who shook me and it was her… Amber was there really close to me. She had this confused expression on her face and I smiled at her. I always find it adorable whenever she’s lost. She looks like a puppy… I leaned in to cup her cheek. How long has it been since the last time I rode the car with her driving? How long has it been since we’ve been this close? But being close to her, erased all of the feelings that I felt earlier. I was wrong… Amber still care about me because she’s—

 

 

“K-k-k-k-Kai?”

 

“Yeah it’s me.” He held my hand. “I’m so glad you’re awake. I was so worried about you.”

 

 

Suddenly, I felt heavy. I wanted to hide my real feelings to him because I didn’t want to be unfair to him. I tried biting my lip and looking away from him but my eyes betrayed me… There were already tears in my eyes.

 

“Krystal what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I didn’t know what to answer him. “Listen. I’ve noticed these past few weeks you have been off. Is there something that you haven’t been telling me?” There is Kai. And I’m so sorry for that. “You just suddenly feel so cold and distant to me.”

 

“I… I’m sorry. Maybe it’s just I am busy or t-“

 

“You always say that. But I know that there’s a deeper meaning behind it.” He held my shoulders and made me face him. “Tell me. What’s going on with you? Tell me so I could help you.”

 

“You can’t help me Kai.”

 

“I can’t help you because you wouldn’t let me! And that what’s making me angry!” He scoffed. “Are you like this whenever you shut yourself down? Or maybe because you just don’t trust me enough like you trust Amber?”

 

I immediately shot my head up. “It’s not like that.”

 

“Oh yeah? Then what is it then?! Why can’t you just come up to me and say what you’re feeling?! Don’t you know how helpless I feel right now!? I feel so stupid for not being able to help you!”

 

“BECAUSE I TOLD YOU-YOU CAN’T!!!! YOU CAN’T HELP ME OUT! YOU CAN’T FIGURE ME OUT!”

 

“WHY?! ONLY BECAUSE AMBER CAN DO IT TO YOU?! BECAUSE AMBER IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FULLY UNDERSTAND YOU!?”

 

“You know what? I’m just gonna leave. I can’t argue with you when you’re this mad.”

 

Before I could leave, he grasped on my arm tightly. “You are not leaving the car until you tell me.”

 

“You’re hurting me!” I pushed him harshly and gladly I was able to leave the car.

 

But he quickly recovered and exited the car to grab onto me once again. “I said you can’t leave!”

 

“KAI YOU’RE HURTING ME!”

 

“Why?! Do you think that I am not hurting?!!?”

 

“LET ME GO!!!!”

 

“NO!!”

 

Tears were coming out of my eyes because of the way he was holding me. “KAI IT REALLY HURTS!!!”

 

“Then tell me!!!”

 

“Okay fine!” I swatted away his hand as I walked closer to him. “You want the truth!? I am acting like this because of Amber. Why? Because I found out that she’s seeing someone else. And you know what’s worse?! I. ING. HELPED. HER. IN. CHOOSING. HER. DRESS! She even thanked me for letting Amber go! So yeah, the ing reason why I am this wrecked is because of Amber. And you know what? Maybe you are right. Maybe I can’t open up to you because deep inside- I know that it’s only Amber that could help and understand me. I didn’t even knew why I broke up with her to be with you. Is that what you wanted to hear?!”

 

 

All of a sudden, his hand flies and it went straight to my face. It was so painful and my cheek hurt. But I had to accept it because I deserved it. He didn’t deserve all the harsh words I said to him but he had the right to know the reason why I am being like this. I just wish I could’ve said it in a proper way rather than hurting him like this.

But what surprised me the most was when Kai suddenly fell to the ground holding his cheek as well. When I turned to my left I saw Amber heavy breathing with her right hand balled into a fist. I was so shocked to see that she was there. When she was about to attack him again I held her by the hand and stopped her.

 

“In 5 whole years of being in a relationship with Krystal I have never laid a hand on her. And now, here you are with just MONTHS of relationship slaps her in public?! What the ing hell are you thinking?!” Amber was really mad now.

 

“You would understand me if you knew the reason.”

 

“I don’t care what the ing reason is! You never hurt the person you love even if they hurt you!” Both Kai and I were silenced with what she said. “You made a promise to me Kai. Don’t think I’d forgotten the words you said to me that day.”

 

Amber left his there while she dragged me inside of the dorm and laid me on the couch. I felt the fatigue kicking into my system but my cheek really hurt a lot. But despite of it all, I could see Amber placing her bag down on the shoe corner and walking towards me with a worried expression on her face.

 

“You look so pale do you have a fever?” She was about to lay a hand on my forehead but I pushed her hand away. “Hey don’t worry it’s not Kai. It’s me, Amber.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Just let me do a slight check-“I swatted her hand again. “Please Krys, we’re the only ones in the dorm right now and I have to take care of you.”

 

“You don’t have to. Just leave me alone.” I tried to stand up and walk towards my room.

 

“But Krys-“

 

I pushed her hardly. “Just leave me alone! Why can’t you understand that!?”

 

She was standing there for a while and then said- “Fine. If you want to be alone then so be it.” And she made her way towards the kitchen.

 

I had to scoff at that. “You used to be so persistent with me. And now with just a few harsh treatments you easily give up.”

 

“Because now I understand you better.”

 

“Oh really? Is that really the reason?” I walked up to her despite the fact that I was a little tipsy already. “Or maybe it’s because you’re already seeing someone else?” Amber stopped what she was doing and looked at me. “Ohhhh what was her name again? Ahhhhhh! Soyeon! Am I right?”

 

“…”

 

“You thought I didn’t know? Of course I know! Your girl even said it to me last night when she asked me to pick an outfit for your date last night. Did she look beautiful in that black and white outfit? Where did you take her? Probably at a fancy restaurant with the view of the Han River am I wrong?” She still wasn’t saying anything. “Why didn’t you say anything to me? I thought we were okay already and yet why are you keeping things from me?  I had to find it through someone else and you even told them not to tell me about it! Are you getting even now? Just how unfair are you going to be with me!?”

 

“Unfair? Are you ing describing yourself?”

 

“…”

 

“I didn’t tell you about it because it’s non-sense to rub it to you that I am seeing someone else. So what if you didn’t know? So what if you know? What difference is it going to make?” She paused. “And I wasn’t getting even with you. If I was- I would still be in a relationship with you and then have a real relationship with her. Leaving you so clueless and making you believe that I still love you when in fact- I don’t.” I was trying hard to control my anger to every word she was throwing against me. “I am just saying the truth. And if you can’t accept that- then it’s not my problem anymore.”

 

She was about to enter her room when I stopped her. “You could’ve just told me. That’s what friends do right?”

 

She scoffed and faced me. “Did you really think I am planning to be friends with you?” I didn’t have an answer to that. “Krystal- I could never, NEVER be friends with someone who broke me.”

 

“…”

 

“I was just being civilized with you because we are in the same group. But if we weren’t, I wouldn’t be noticing your existence now. I even want to leave this group because of you!” She screams at my face. “I know we had the closure but every time I see you, I remember how you made me feel so stupid about myself. I remember how you played me.”

 

“I didn’t played you! I just didn’t-“

 

“You just didn’t have the guts to say it to my face. You made me feel like I wasn’t worth of the truth. And here you tell me that it was my fault because I took you for granted. NOW TELL ME HOW IS THAT FAIR?!” She was breathing hard as she tried her best to talk calmly at me. “I hate you. Did you hear me?! I SAID I ING HATE YOU!!!!”

 

“What the hell’s going on here?!”

 

“Amber, Krystal…” Luna trails off.

 

“I told you. It was a bad idea to leave the two of them alone.”

 

“Yeah, it is.” Amber answered while looking at me. “I can never be in the same room with you. I can’t stand your existence. I even wondered why I fell for you in the first pl-” She wasn’t able to finish her sentence because I slapped her real hard.

 

“AMBER! KRYSTAL! STOP THIS NON-SENSE RIGHT NOW!”

 

Amber looked me deeply in the eyes as my tears were threatening to fall. “No no. It’s fine. Her slap was less hurtful than what she did to me.” And then she turns around and leaves the dorm.

 

“Amber wait up!!!”

 

Luna followed Amber who left the dorm and Vic umma just went up to me and hugged me like a mother. She always does this whenever we were being bullied by the public or we were feeling down. She would not say anything else and I could really feel the words that she would want to say and relay it all on the hug. Victoria umma is someone who wasn’t always good with love advice. And she would always say to me ‘I couldn’t give advice when I can’t even do it on my own failing relationship.’ But truthfully, I was just so happy that she was there for me.

 

“If I can say anything to you Soojung is that- pain changes people. It makes them trust less, over think more and shut more people out. And I think that is what Amber’s experiencing right now.”

 

“It’s fine Vic-umma.” I sobbed in her arms. “I deserved all the hate.”

 

But it was just so hard to hear it from the one, who actually said that you mean the world to them.  It was like a punch in the stomach to see her so angry with me. She was never angry with me. But just like what Victoria unnie said- pain changes people.

 

 

“Amber stop!”

 

“Go home Luna! I’ll be fine!”

 

“No you’re not! And unless you really don’t want attention, you’d turn to me and talk!”

 

Amber stopped in her tracks and turned to face Luna. “Okay now what is it?”

 

“Here.” Luna gave her another slap in the face.

 

“WHAT THE LUNA!” Amber held her cheek. “DID YOU CHASE ME FOR THAT!?”

 

“Yeah, I had to do that to knock off some sense off of you!” Luna explained. “Why did you do that? How could you do that to her Am?”

 

“Look, if you’re siding with her then go back to the dorm and listen to her whims. I’m out of here.”

 

Luna held her hand. “You know that I am not siding with anyone. Amber, let’s sit down and talk okay?” She was referring to the bench at distance.

 

Amber had no choice. She was trapped. “Okay. Let’s talk.”

 

“Okay. Tell me what happened?”

 

“I was coming home from my date with Soyeon. And then I already saw them in the car talking to one another.” Amber paused for a while and scoffed. “And I was just standing there at a distance because it wasn’t my business to meddle with. But then I saw him grabbing her so tight that I thought it would cause her pain. She leaves the car but he chases after her and they were arguing and the shouting could be heard from the neighbors but still I remained there standing still because it was their relationship. She was screaming at his face and then he…” When Amber remembered the events earlier, her hands balled into fists.           

 

Luna tapped Amber’s shoulder for comfort. “He what?”

 

“He slapped her.” Luna gasped. “And that’s when I knew I couldn’t just stand there. I had to do something. I had to protect her no matter what.” She said. “Which was stupid you know? I shouldn’t care about her. When I said those words to her- those hurtful words, I really meant it. I just couldn’t be in the same room anymore with her.”

 

“And that’s where you’re unfair Amber.”

 

Her eyes furrowed in confusion. “You’re calling me unfair? How was I being unfair huh?” Amber stood up from her seat and faced Luna. “How come I tell her things like that- simple things I tell you and yet I feel like I’ve done something really grave? How come when it comes to her, whatever she does to me was okay, but whenever it was my turn to talk, all of you are against me? HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME UNFAIR!?”

 

“You’re unfair when you hurt the people that hurt you.” Luna said. “Yes, I understand that Krystal hurt you, broke your heart and then broke you into a million pieces. But just because she had the power to hurt you, doesn’t mean you have the power to hurt her too. Because what you did back there- you made no difference to her. If you really had move-on from the pain that she had because you then you would be able to breathe around her because you’ve accepted the fact that things between you are over.” Luna stood up as well. “That’s the question now Amber. Are you really sure that you have accepted that the things between you and Krystal are over?”

 

---

                                               

Amber’s words haunt me for days and it didn’t helped that we saw one another every day for weeks because of the promotion and of the variety shows plus the interviews, events, award shows to attend to and the overseas SMTown. Every time I’d look at her the first thing that I’d remember was the words she said to me. And after all these days that I thought I’d recover, I wasn’t able to. There was still the pain inside me like I was being slapped or being hit on the throat and choke. It also didn’t helped when I’d lie down on the bed and remember all of our memories and wondered how did we ever ended in this situation. How did the young Amber and Krystal, who never cared about anything else but just being with one another end up to being the Amber and Krystal who act as if they didn’t know each other for so long? Avoiding her was already painful to me but remembering how things used to be was much painful.

I eventually talked to Kai because of his efforts of saying sorry that I could not just ignore. I told him that maybe we should take a break from our relationship because we both know we can’t go on and act as if nothing happened. I had to clear my mind, he had to learn how to control his temper. I knew he was against it because he had a strong feeling that we would be breaking up but I told him we both needed this. I was just happy that he was mature enough to accept my decision and respect it. But of course he promised me that he would wait for me to come back to him. No matter how impossible it may seem.

 

I was chilling on the house because finally group promotions was over and we had to prepare for another world tour so I am taking the time off when I suddenly my phone vibrated telling me that I received a message but what surprised me was the message. It was from Amber asking me if I was available to talk to her. Receiving a text from her after this cold war made my heart thump in a faster motion and there were a lot of doubts in my head. Like what if this conversation would end up in another fight or worse- it would officially end whatever is left of our relationship. But I also thought that it is the time to finally talk to her and apologize to her so I got changed and walked towards the park where we would usually hang out near our neighborhood, the place we would meet.

When I got there, I already saw her sitting down the bench viewing the great garden landscape the people in the neighborhood built for refreshment to all the people who lived there. I even remember Amber would always wait for me there whenever I’d find a time to sneak out of the house for just 1 hour and meet her there. Approaching her slowly, I took the seat on the other side of the bench and when I looked at her, she was just looking out there. Like she was gathering her thoughts. I should gather my thoughts too. How should I apologize? How should I start the conversation? How should I-

 

“Amber I… I want to apologize.” I said. “I was stupid and… You were right. I was unfair to you. You didn’t deserve the treatment that I gave to you that day when you were just looking out for me.”

 

“I just don’t get it why he slapped you.” She said. “You must’ve triggered something inside of him to make him mad like that.”

 

I was silenced at first, still doubting whether to say it to her or not. “Because I told him that despite the fact that we were together for months, no one could still understand me better than you.”

 

“Me? He was mad at you for because of that? Because of me?”

 

“Remember the time where I came back from China and then I came home at the dorm and you were there? You told me you were busy just messing around with songs right?” She nods her head. “But I knew the truth. I know that you were talking with someone else on the phone. I knew you were lying to me. And then I noticed how you would always check on your phone, smile while texting, be angry or be sad. I thought it was just nothing, that it was just your friends texting you or what but then… Then I found out that you were really seeing someone else.” I trailed off. “And then it all became clear to me. Those nights where you’d just disappear, the cell phone, the songs…” I bit my lower lip. “You were really in love with someone else.”

 

“…”

 

“And despite of knowing it all I-uh… I tried to be okay with it. I tried to convince myself that it was better if you had someone else now. I told myself that I shouldn’t bother myself with you, that I should just focus on my present. But when she came to me and told me that you were going out with her I felt like…” I breathed for a while trying to control my emotions. “I felt like-“

 

“Like you were betrayed. Like you’ve been hit by a truck or something heavy.” She finishes my sentence. “You didn’t know why you felt that way but it just feels like that.”

 

I nodded my head. “Why did you choose her? Out of all the girls, why her?” I turned to face her. “You guys have a lot of differences. You even don’t click! So why did you choose her?”

 

“The real question here is-“ She looks at me. “Why not her?”

 

“…”

 

“We do have a lot of differences. We don’t click at all I have to agree on you with that. But despite of our differences, she was the one who accepted me. She accepted the fact that I will probably be scarred of my relationship with you, she understood that I was too broken to be fixed and yet she picked up all of my broken pieces- without the fear of being bruised or wounded by them. She gave me all of my broken pieces and allowed me to fix myself.” Amber said. “It took me so long to get over you but she never ran out of patience. She always respected my decision until such time that I was ready. And then one morning, it came to me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“One morning, I woke up and I didn’t love you anymore.”

 

“You… You love her.” I said in a whisper.

 

“When I see her, my heart beats fast. Seeing her happy, makes me happy too and all the sweet things she would do or say to me would make my cheeks burn. She’s such a sweetheart and I am so lucky to have her in my life.” Amber paused for a while. “When I let you go, it was for your happiness I did that because I love you. Loving her Soojung is my happiness now I have to think of myself first now because every time I choose you- I always find myself being broken or being hurt. And I’m done with that. I want to be happy now.” There were tears in her eyes as she looked at me. “Please, let me be happy. She’s the only reason of my happiness now… I love her Soojung-ah. I really do. I thought that it was so impossible for me to get over you but then she bumped into me at the airport that day and she made me realize that yes, I may always love you but it’s not the same as before. I can always care for you and love you as a friend, as a co-member but only up to that limit. Don’t you see? I am able to move on from you. I was able to let you go and fall for someone else.”

 

“So that’s the reason why you want to talk to me today? To slap me with those words?”

 

“Of course not! I want to talk to you because I wanna go back to the things before us. To where we can just freely mess around and play as friends. We don’t have to be awkward with one another anymore. We both are free from the past.” She smiles at me. “I’m sorry for being a douche when I said those words to you. You never deserved those words. I was the unfair one. I want us to start fresh.” She offered me her hand. “Let’s start a new page Krys. Let’s say good bye to the old us.”

 

Seeing the look on Amber’s face, her aura right now compared to the past- she looks so happy. She looks like the old Llama that was always friendly and hyper and the Amber that would cheer any person up. It really looked like she was able to let go of the past and start anew. It took a lot of her to be here now and besides, this is what I want right? To make things okay between the two of us.

 

I offered her a small smile and held her hand. “That’s still princess for you stupid.”

 

Amber smiled. “COME HERE YOU!”

 

 

Instead of a hand shake, she pulls me in for a hug. And while she was being all happy and hyper, I wondered to myself why I couldn’t be in the same page as her as well and it wad ing unfair because I want to be happy as well. I want to be free from the past too! So why? Why couldn’t I bring myself to it?!

---

 

“Here we are, home sweet home for you princess.” Amber says as we arrived at the gate.

 

“Thank you. You didn’t have to send me home I could’ve just walked.”

 

“But there could be bad guys.” She looked around as if there were bad guys.

 

“Hahahaha… Pabo yah.” Suddenly, her phone vibrated and when she read the text, I saw the smile crept from her face. “It’s Soyeon unnie isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah. She wanted to see me tonight.” She looks at me with that vibrant smile of hers. “I’ll be heading off now Soojung. You sure you’ll be okay? You’re all alone.”

 

“I’m 23. I can take care of myself.” I playfully pushed her.

 

“Okay. Good bye!” She waves at me.

 

“ Bye!” And just as I was about to enter the gate, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist.

 

“Thank you. Thank you so much Soojung.”

 

Amber said nothing and I didn’t look back at her. All I heard was her footsteps fading away until I finally regained my consciousness and opened the gate to enter the house.

Closing the door, I removed my shoes and went up straight to the second floor. I stood there for a moment thinking of something. I just wasn’t sure of that something… Do I want to think of what am I going to do here until my parents come home? What do I do until Jessica unnie comes to visit me or facetime me? Do I want to think of my following schedules which will be pretty hectic? Should I think about my relationship with Kai and how are we going to fix it?

No. None of these are worth thinking of because there’s already a thought in my mind and the only problem is that I don’t want to think of this one. Especially when it involves the talk I just had with Amber a few minutes ago.

How she told me those words, how she made her so happy. How Soyeon unnie was so willing to help Amber find herself and be patiently waiting for her to be ready to love again. Of how she finally accepted the fact that we were done and how willing she was to forget everything to start anew.

I was feeling anger, hurt and pain all at the same time now, all of the opposite feeling that I should be feeling right now. I should be happy for her right? I should be happy that she has finally moved on so why the hell am I acting this way?

 

“This is not you Jung Soojung.” I said to myself as I looked at the mirror. “If you can’t be happy for her then you’re really selfish.”

 

“The real question here is- Why not her?”

 

"She picked up all of my broken pieces- without the fear of being bruised or wounded by them."

 

“One morning, I woke up and I didn’t love you anymore.”

 

“Stop… Stop thinking about it.” I hung my head low.

 

"Please, let me be happy. She’s the only reason of my happiness now…"

 

"Don’t you see? I am able to move on from you. I was able to let you go and fall for someone else.”

 

"I love her Soojung-ah. I really do."

 

“STOP!!!!!!”

 

There was a loud breaking sound that could be heard inside of the Jungs’ house. Small broken pieces of the mirror could be found on the door and Krystal finds herself with fist held against the wooden wall where the mirror used to exist and with blood dripping from her hand. She was never this messed up before. She was in control of her emotions and she was doing a pretty good job at it. Well until this happened.

She was breathing heavily and she couldn’t feel the pain despite of the fact that her hand was bleeding. With tears that were continuously flowing through her eyes, Soojung walked towards the guest room and grabbed the face towel and wrapped it around her hand to stop the bleeding. She was there for another reason of course, she just didn’t imagine that she would use it today.

Going to the drawer she pulls the last part of the drawer where all of her father’s boxing equipments lie. She threw the gloves, the bandages and some gears and found that pair of socks. She grabs the socks and pulls out a pack of cigarettes along with the lighter. She found out that her father was an occasional smoker and he would always come to this place after sleep time to smoke.

She would always hear from Amber, and from her other smoking friends or co-artists that smoking is actually good for the mind though it wasn’t good for the body. It helps the person de-stress, to stop for a moment and let it all loose. She never believed them for she never was a fan of cigarettes. But she needed that kind of ‘de-stressing’ that only cigarettes could offer. She needed to find out if all of it was true. So along with the pack of cigarettes, she grabbed her father’s blue label alcohol drink, sat by the porch and looked at the city view of Seoul.

 

She puts the cigarette on the tip of her lips, doubtful whether she would still continue do it or not. But she figured that she was already at the moment so might as well go with it. With trembling hands she covers the lighter and it was pressed against the cigarette making it light up. She sips for a while and then coughs out because she was still not used to it. Her face made a bitter expression and wondered why smokers liked this kind of taste. But she thinks to herself that maybe she should just try again and sip a little less. And when she did-

 

“God that feels so good.”

 

She tried one stick then it was followed by the other, and then another one while drinking the bottle. She felt at ease that time. She felt relaxed and somehow she really believed what the others were telling. Maybe smoking is good for the mind… But while her mind was being healed, her heart wasn’t. For it was continuously aching and her tears that were starting to flow again was showing it.

 

“I should be happy for you Amber…” She says after she lighted another cigarette. “I really should but I can’t… I can’t because I’m hurting. I’m hurting even though I shouldn’t be…” She sniffs. “I shouldn’t be because I caused this to us. I destroyed us Amber… And I’ll always… Always hate myself for that.”

 

“Hey stupid.”

 

“What?”

 

“Remember the time when I asked you if what if we break up, and then you would still care about me?”

 

“Yeah, so? What about it?”

 

“I dreamt that we broke up, and then you and I were so awkward with one another despite the fact that we already have different lovers.” The recently 20 year old Krystal speaks. “It’s crazy right?”

 

“Yeah so crazy. Are you planning to break up with me?”

 

“Now- now that’s a different type of crazy.” She rolls her eyes. “Of course I wouldn’t break up with you. Why would I break up with you? I love you.”

 

Amber immediately smiled hearing those words. “Aweeeee! Come here and let’s cuddle!!!” Amber hugged her tightly.

 

And while being trapped in Amber’s arm, Krystal finds herself settling in the crook of her lover’s neck. “I do have to ask you one thing.” Amber just hums in response and waits for her question. “Do you think that you’ll love your new lover the same way you love me?”

 

“No. I don’t think I can’t.” Amber answers immediately. “I could never love someone as I have love you. I can’t actually imagine myself loving someone else that’s not you.” Amber lets out a chuckle. “I can never love them like I love you. I can never give them the same look the way I look at you for I look at you with so much love. I can’t give them much affection as I am giving you right now. And I can never fall harder as I have fallen for you. I am so in-love with you Soojung that you being in someone else’s arms pains me.” Amber paused for a while before continuing. “I just can’t. There can never be another version of my love for you nor another version of us. There’s nothing like us. There can never be another version of you and me.”

 

“There’s nothing like us…” Krystal smiled. “I like the sound of that.”

 

Amber leans down and faces Krystal. “Because it’s true. There’s nothing like us.” And with that, she leans in closer to close the gap between the two of them.

 

Remembering that memory made Krystal smile somehow despite the fact of she’s feeling right now. And puffs another one as she looks at the sky along with the smoke she’s been making all night.

 

“There’s nothing like us Am… I hope you still remember that.”

 

 

What Krystal doesn’t know, Amber was actually looking at their old pictures in her cell phone while waiting for her girlfriend to finish her schedule outside of the building. Since Soyeon wasn’t against of her smoking, she was back to her old habit. She was leaning on her car while puffing out her stick. She knew she should’ve deleted these pictures of them but somehow she couldn’t even though Soyeon was actually jealous of it and so to avoid love quarrels, Amber moved their pictures to another phone. And she thought having the final closure with Krystal would make her want to delete all of those but just by looking at them after so long of not seeing them, made her remember how wide their smiles were every picture. Amber also find herself smiling too. And it made her remember what Luna asked her-

 

“That’s the question now Amber. Are you really sure that you have accepted that the things between you and Krystal are over?”

 

Amber thinks to herself and was convinced that she really accepted the fact that the things between her and Krystal were over and is now a closed book. But if she was really able to accept it then wouldn’t she be willingly to delete these pictures? Out of frustration, she selected all of the pictures and pressed the trash can icon on her hand phone. But then, just as she was about to press delete button, she remembered the talk she had with Krystal. What she was remembering right now was the same the Krystal remembered.

 

“There’s nothing like us…” Krystal smiled. “I like the sound of that.”

 

Amber leans down and faces Krystal. “Because it’s true. There’s nothing like us.” And with that, she leans in closer to close the gap between the two of them.

 

So instead of pressing the red button, she presses the cancel and locked her phone. She looked up to the dark sky as she puffs her cigarette one last time and said-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We will always be each other’s smoke Soojung-ah. I hope you remember that.”

---

 

Readers right now be like-

WHAT THE F.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I bet you guys want to throw rocks at me don't you? Some of you are probably cursing me to trip over, or to be hit by a car or to die huh? Nahhhhh! I know you guys wouldn't! You guys love me right? 

RIGHT? :)

THAT'S THE SPIRIT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA so guys did I break your hearts? Or did you wear bulletproof vests to prevent me from doing so? :D Joking! (That was a pun joke) Anyway, I know you guys have waited longe enough for this one well, you guys probably waited more than a month for this one and I know you guys deserve only the best so I hope I gave you the best even though the ending was this way.

OOPSSS! YOU'RE RIGHT AGAIN WITH WHAT YOU READ PAL! IT IS THE ENDING!!!!

Readers right now be like-

WHY DONKEY?! I MEAN THERE'S SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED!!!! LIKE, OMG KAI AND AMBER HAD A TALK ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH KRYSTAL BEFORE? WHAT DID THEY TALKED ABOUT?! WHAT HAPPENS WITH KRYSTAL? WITH AMBER AND SOYEON? DID THEY ALL MOVED ON? WILL KRYSTAL CONTINUE HER RELATIONSHIP WITH KAI AFTER HITTING ROCK BOTTOM? HOW WILL AMBER AND KRYSTAL TREAT ONE ANOTHER?! WILL THEY BE CIVILIZED OR WILL THEY BE AWKWARD? AND HAVE THEY REALLY ACCEPTED THE FACT THE KRYBER IS NO LONGER EXISTING?!? GAHHHHH DONKEY!!I KILL YOU!

Well... About that one. Yes I did left so many questions unanswered because I want you guys to come up with an ending on your own. Like what do you want Krystal and Amber to do? Will they really be civilized? Will they go back to the way things they used to be? Will Amber's relationship with Soyeon would work out, or will Kaistal be back yada yada yada. You know all of that stuff. NAH JUST KIDDING! OF COURSE I'LL DO IT FOR YOU! THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR!!! :)

Now regarding onto how will I do it, it's simple. I WILL INCLUDE KRYBER IN MY ON-GOING MINI STORY I DON'T THINK SO TOO. And y'all just have to wait until the special Kryber chapter will be out. Painful isn't it? But that's the fact of being my reader!!!! No pain- No gain! :D

Anyway guys, there's also a reason why I am late in updating my fiction. It's because.... Donkey's in love! :') Hahahahha yes it's true. I've found my happiness and guess what? She's my reader too! Ain't that awesome!? Yay! Clap! Hahaha, I just want you to know that even though I have a love life now doesn't mean all of my fics are not gonna be angsty, of course it's still gonna be is! But of course, I'll be more motivated to write some fluffs because of it but don't worry, I'll still break your hearts. That's the only thing I am good at. Hahahaha. 

This epilogue is for her. And hey, I know you're reading this one sooooo I just want you to know that- today, one down- many more to go!!!! :') You know what I mean right? :D

Anyway, if you have questions I more active on my twitter account and don't worry I ain't no snob so I'll definitely notice your tweets! Go tweet me @donkeyASS_ to talk or to ask or even rant at me there hahahahaha :)

So that's it folks!Thank you so much for being patient and for showing interest in my story even though I wasn't that fast in updating. And I hope you learned something from Smoke. And I hope you'd still continue to ship Kryber no matter what can we pinky swear on that? :)

You can now safely unfasten your seatbelts, thank you so much for choosing this ride. And I'll see you on the next ride! :D

DonkeyASS is finally walkin' out! :P