Amber Liu’s Sneak Peek of upcoming comeback?

 

Last night in Itaewon was a night to remember for all of the people in Blue Marin Café as f(x)’s Amber Liu and Miss A’s Min went there for a visit. An unknown source leaked that Amber made a surprise appearance on that coffee shop and was requested by the fans and being the idol that she is, she granted that request.

“The song was in English so I couldn’t understand. But I knew it felt so sad.” The source tells our staff. He even added that he took a video and fortunately, there was another fan and did the honors to translate the lyrics in Hangul for all of the fans here in Korea.

With this sudden appearance and news, is this sneak peek of Amber’s new album comeback as there has been news about the international superstar’s comeback for weeks now.  Or maybe… Something more?

Check the Hangul lyrics here: www.Hedidwho.tumblr.com

Check the youtube and article video here: www.thatlemontastesnasty.blogspot.com

 

 

[+565, -68] As expected of Amber unnie! She’s so talented! I wish I could compose just like herㅠㅠ She is super talented.

[+100, -23] What did it mean when you wrote something more? Is Amber unnie in love with someone?

[+256, -53]  “Sometimes you got to burn some bridges just to create some distance” This hit me harder than the bullet train. ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

[+1452, -100] The title itself is so painful ready. How much more than the rap.

[+356, -92] I wish she would release her album soon. But what did they mean something more?

 

ARTICLE OF THE MONTH: A WORD FROM AMBER LIU

 

After netibuzz.blogspot released an official leaked photos and videos of Amber Liu found in Itaewon, Amber officially released an article by herself for all the fans who probably read the article. She stated in her instagram account that-

 

“I hate you, I love you is a recent song that I have just composed and I was also surprised that it received a lot of attention considering it was just a leisure of my time to write that song. If you are asking me where did I found such inspiration where I guess it was always with me. To elaborate more, I kinda thought of myself what if I was in a situation where it’s only one-sided love. Because they say in a relationship, someone would always do more than the other. Someone would always love the other. But what happens when the one loves the other that doesn’t love me back at all? Wouldn’t it be a more complicated and painful situation?”

“So I was wondering and suddenly thought that maybe translating my thoughts and wonders into lyrics and melody would be a really good thing since I got a lot in my hands. Thus, the creation of the I hate you, I love you song was created. And I am more than grateful for it has received a lot of love from you guys. ♥♥ And to the question that maybe I am currently in love right now- Sorry to say but I am not and I think if I’ll ever be in love- I wouldn’t be in this kind of dark of situation. Just thinking that the one I love can’t love me and just uses me to his own advantage- will probably be the most painful thing I will ever experience.”

 

 

“Annyeonghaseyo Soojung-sunbae!”

 

“Kkam jjag i ya!” She suddenly turned around and saw Seulgi who did an immediate peace sign. “Omo, you really surprised me Seulgi-ya!”

 

“Hahaha, mianhe unnie. You look so lost with your expression I just wondered if you needed someone to snap at you.”

 

She did. And she was mentally grateful for that. “You’re such a prankster aigoo.”

 

“Got it all from Amber unnie.” She eye-smiled which made the latter be trapped in her thoughts again. “By the way sunbae, I saw the news. I’m glad that you guys really confirmed it already because Jinjja, their fans are hating on me for some reason because I am ‘too close’ to Kai and they’ve started rumors that him and I were dating!”

 

“So you’re happy because now all the hate is on me?”

 

“Ah-ah-anniyo!” The Red Velvet member was caught in surprise because of her senior’s default face. “I-I-I- didn’t mean it that way unnie.”

 

“I was joking you kid.” She just smiled the thoughts that filled her head. “Don’t take things too seriously.”

 

“But unnie, Amber unnie is quite playful these days huh?”

 

“How can you say that?”

 

“Well, she’s the top of every news right now. Even the local newspaper mentioned her already… She’s so famous of the moment that your dating news was immediately covered up! I guess that was the others were saying.” Seulgi gave her a shrug.  “And with her recent professional rebuttal against netibuzz about mentioning that ‘something more’ line in their article she’s now having a one on one scolding from the publicist.”

 

“She is?” The younger girl nodded.

 

“Anyway unnie, thank you again for saving my . Now, I can really go and confess to someone I really like without having doubts nor holdbacks.”

 

Seulgi never let Krystal speak as she skips her way past her. Krystal was curious who the person Seulgi just mentioned. But it all came clear to her when Seulgi and Irene met at the lobby. And their eyes told Krystal that it was more than being members’ kind of look. How did she knew? Of course, Amber would always look at her that way.

 

“Yah yah yah kids this is serious!”

 

“What’s so serious about this vic-umma?” Sulli playfully asked.

 

Victoria could only sigh. “You two.” She pointed Amber and Krystal individually. “Can you guys stop?”

 

“Stop with what?”

 

“With all the looks!! Jeongmal! Did you guys see these? It’s probably all over the internet!”

 

“Let me see.” Krystal grabs the phone.

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh… That kind of look.” She quickly passed the phone back with faint pink cheeks.

 

“See what I mean now?” She looked at Amber. “Control it. I am happy for you really but please control it.”

 

“Heh. I’ll try.”

 

“Okay good. It’s been a long night for all of us- let’s all get some sleep.”

 

“Yah, you really have to stop looking at me like that.”

 

“Like I said I will try.” Amber looked up and made an eye contact with Krystal. “It’s just so hard not to tell you every single day that I am so lucky to have you so I guess I was just trying to say it with my own eyes. It’s the least that I could do to make you feel that I love you. Even though I don’t say it. I really tried to hide it princess, but I forgot that my eyes do also speak for their own.”

 

Hearing Amber’s words of fondness made her heart beat so fast. “You’re such a crazy Llama. How could you make simple words sound so sweet?” She wrapped her arms around the latter’s neck. “Thank you for saying that babe. It really meant a lot.”

 

“No, having you by my side means a lot. Being inside your life as someone really special means a lot. Having one another means a lot. Saying I love you through my eyes is only the little things I could do to make us matter a little more.” Amber grins and hugs her princess. “I’ll never let go of you. I promise you that.”

 

Amber did kept her word. She always does… She never let go of her hand, even when she was trying so hard to pull away from her. Amber stayed and held on… Even if it meant wounding her own self.

Remembering Amber was still inside the company’s publicist, she walked her way towards there and from the outside she could hear some mumbling sounds already. She was never this curious in her entire life but she decided to take the risk since she will never find out unless Amber tell her so which was also impossible since they are not on speaking terms. So she silently walked towards the door and with careful hands she did opened it without wanting attention from the people inside the door.

 

“I told you a lot of times Amber, when netibuzz hits you hard, we do the job not you yourself.”

 

“But that’s what the website was waiting for me to do. They want you guys do the dirty work because they always knew I never answered something so personal as before. And right now, I guess they are completely shocked by my sudden rebuttal. And honestly, I don’t think there’s something wrong with the way I answered back. They were assuming that there was something more, putting illusions and imaginations in the fans’ mind. Especially the ones that ships Krystal and me.”

 

Krystal almost gasped the way her name escaped Amber’s mouth. It’s true though that Krystal only allows special people to her call her by Korean name but Amber was more accustomed to the English name that it was even the one she always uses in public shows. But the way it sound before was something Amber had always cared for. Like her name is something so precious and she loves her too much that even just by speaking her name makes Amber so happy. The tone was more loving and more endearing… But now it all changed. When she heard her names from Amber’s mouth she noticed that there was neither happy nor love coming from the tone of her voice. It was monotone, casual, like saying a name of a stranger or someone who didn’t had a meaning in their life and honestly, Krystal didn’t liked of that one bit. Her fear was slowly becoming to reality. Her fear of Amber not caring for her anymore.

 

 

“Hey Amber.”

 

“What’s up my baby and princess?”

 

“Yah don’t play around!” She pushed the tomboy off of her.

 

“Hahahahahaha why?” Amber sits up and wraps her arm around Krystal which Krystal gladly leaned on.

 

“Will there be a time where you’ll get tired of me? Like I don’t know… Maybe one day you won’t care about me anymore?”

 

“That’s ridiculous.” She shakes her head.

 

“I’m serious Am…” Her voice was so full of concern. “What if.”

 

“Look- you don’t have to worry about a thing okay? I’ll always take care of you. Whether we stay together as lovers, as friends who are afraid to be lovers, as ex-lovers, as members, as friends, anything. Putting a label in a relationship is a must for me. But putting a label as to whether you can care or not is not good. People should be allowed to care. Whether they’ve changed their labels or not.” She looks at her princess with much love. “And trust me- I am one of those persons.”

 

---

 

 

“Hello? Manager oppa?”

 

“Krystal-sshi? Are you still awake?”

 

Krystal rubs her eyes as she saw the time on her wall clock. It was 8PM. “Yeah just got up.”

 

“Good. I’ll fetch you and head off to SM right away.”

 

“Wae? At this time?”

 

“Dae. The publicist wanted to talk to you. If you’re gonna ask why, I also don’t know. She never speaks the details to me.”

 

 

Even though she was this curious, she was still obliged to show up on the appointment so she got dressed and heads for the publicist’s office in their company.

 

 

“Oppa will just wait here in the lobby for you okay?”

 

“Okay oppa. Thank you for sending me here.”

 

She smiled one last time and knocked on the door. Someone from the other side said ‘come in’ and slowly she turned the door to the right, the same action she did earlier when she was listening to Amber’s conversation with her. And it made her wonder the real reason why she was being called.

 

“Krystal! Please come and sit down.” Her smile made it even more believing that she just wanted to talk. And so she sits down on a chair right in front of the publicist. “I’m so sorry to call you late at night.”

 

“It’s alright. It’s not actually that late.” They both shared a small fit of laugh as they remember that having an idol life was never about sleeping long.

 

“So I am here to talk about something.” She looks at Krystal. “You guys are getting an award for the Huading Awards am I correct?” Krystal nods her head. “And I want you to do me a favor.”

 

“Sure thing if I can do it.”

 

“Well I am sure that you’ve read the article about Amber and her ‘song.’ Somehow she’s being hard-headed and she wanted to stand up for herself which is something I completely understand because she doesn’t want to hide behind the logo of SM forever. But I need you to be all cutie cutie with her.”

 

Krystal blinked her eyes rapidly. “Excuse me but you want me to what?”

 

“I want you to act normal with Amber. The time where you didn’t dated Kai but you during the time when you guys dated one another.”

 

“…”

 

“I know that this is too much to ask from you, especially the both of you since you guys are not together anymore. But this is just one way of destroying all the rumors behind Amber’s song. Let’s face it Krystal- that song was meant for you.” The publicist sounded she didn’t gave a single about their current situation. “And she’s probably having a hard time of accepting it but she’s been receiving way too many attention and let’s be honest your shippers are still clinging onto that hope that maybe your relationship with Jongin is just a cover up because in reality- it’s you and Amber who is in a relationship.”

 

“So you want me to dissolve the thought of me and Amber having a relationship to their minds?”

 

---

 

Act like that? What makes her think I could act as easily as that? Just because I am in love with someone else and that me and Amber have already broken up, it doesn’t mean that I can easily be all friendly with Amber in a snap! And to think she also requested Amber to do that? What was she thinking?

Now I am continuously uneasy because we’re on our way to fetch Luna and Amber who are in the company and then head to Macau today to receive an award. Vic-umma was suppose to go with us but currently she’s wrapping up her Korean film here so she is not available at the moment. I really can’t imagine me being that friendly with-

 

Bzzzz~~ Bzzzz~~

 

1 New Message

From: Jong♥

 

Take care on your flight today princess. I love you~~~ See you when you get back okay?

 

 

“But I don’t wanna be here! Why does Vic-umma always uses the escape card?” I could hear Luna from the outside whining.

 

“She is not using her escape card Luna she’s just busy with acting.”

 

“But I don’t wanna be in this awkward situation with you two! I always have to be the middle man, always have to make sure things in the car isn’t that awkward.”

 

“She’s probably in her own car on the way to the airport right now. You don’t have to worry, I’ll talk to her when we get to the hotel. I’ll just act as well okay? I’ll do my best to strike a conversation with her tonight.”

 

“Okay let’s just get inside.” The door opened and the first thing Luna noticed was me, staring back at her. “.” She whispered.

 

“Why? Is there something wrong?” Amber peaked as well and that was the second time we laid on each others’ eyes. Seeing me made her speechless too.

 

Since Luna always had to be in the middle and I actually felt really bad, I started off with a small smile. “Come on guys get inside. We don’t wanna be late for the awards show tonight.”

 

The ride towards the airport was something that I expected. Silent, and only manager oppa was trying hard to talk to us just so it wouldn’t be so awkward in the vehicle as the only one making sound was the stereo. The sitting positions were me and Luna were sitting on the back of the car while Amber was in front beside manager oppa and currently she’s busy listening to songs.

Everything about in the car ride was so wrong and so awkward that it even affected us when we went to the airport, the flight to Macau and even when we went to our own hotel rooms to prepare for tonight’s event. While I was waiting for the go signal- there were so many things that occupied in my mind like how was I going to approach Amber without getting so nervous or awkward or both at the same time?

 

“Argh.” I stood up and started walking. “Okay Soojung, relax. You have to be cool and default when you approach her. Let’s practice that okay?” I looked myself at the mirror and started to practice myself.

 

“Hey, you heard from the publicist right? Let’s just get this over with okay?” She shakes her head.“No. Too default she might think I wasn’t even in love with her in the first place.”

 

“Heard that we’re gonna do some acting today. Let’s do our best okay?” I tried adding fighting in the end but it didn’t worked out. “Stupid me.”

 

I sighed to myself and just when I was about to try again, I heard a knock on the door. I think it’s actually go time. I walked and opened the door only to find Amber right in front of me. My eyes just went wide and I was so surprised that I eventually swallowed a lump on my throat even if there wasn’t even any lump. I could feel my heart inside of my body like they were going to break all of my bones in my lungs. My breath hitched- and I just hoped that she didn’t noticed any of my nervousness. But who am I kidding? This is Amber we’re talking about, the girl I had a relationship with for 5 years.

She was silent for a while for about 5 seconds. And in that 5 seconds, despite of my nervousness, I took the time to look at her even in that short amount of time. And even though it was short,  I was able to notice the change in her. She gained a little weight, her hair’s growing, her eyebrows needs some attention, and her lips were kind of dry. Some of the things I would immediately notice in her. Back in the days, I would always correct her and she’d just laugh it off and say-

 

“So what, you love me any ways right?”

 

And she was right. I did love her despite of how much change she went through, how much different we were. It made me wonder what was the difference of then and now, why did it work out then but not with the now?

 

“Hey.” She said in her hoarse voice that I always love. “You know the drill right?”

 

“Y-Y-“ I coughed a little to remove the little strain on my voice. “Yes.”

 

Instead of an answer she just nodded her head. “Sorry.”

 

“…”

 

“When you’re done come down stairs. We’ll wait for you there.”

 

She turned her back on me and left me there wondering what she meant. Well of course I understood the latter part of the sentence but sorry? What was that sorry for? Sorry for what Amber?

Despite with all the thoughts trapped inside of my head- I decided to get out of my hotel room and followed her downstairs where a car was waiting for us and we headed out for the event. During the ride Luna was constantly talking to me and while I busy entertaining her stories, I was also busy wondering what Amber meant with her ‘Sorry.’ The vehicle already made a stop and right as when we were about to go out, Amber pulled my hand which surprised me and Luna. But as expected Luna was really quick dodging all the awkward situations so she pretended she didn’t see anything and went with her phone.

 

“D-do you want to say something?”

 

“I do.” She said. “Let’s just do our best tonight okay?”

 

Seeing her eyes like this also meant she was sincere of her words. Okay Amber. Let’s do this… Let’s try and be friends- to see if we can really be friends. Only friends.

I nodded my head and she smiled while motioned Luna to exit the vehicle already. When we arrived, there were a lot of cameras already flashing lights at us and   Amber stood closely beside me while Luna and went to do her fave thing, that is to smile at the cameras all over around us. She did the smiling while me and Amber tried to strike a conversation.

During the whole time, Amber did try her best to make a conversation with me which was also nice. It felt like we weren’t acting, like we were just talking. The usual things we do whenever we are out here in public. We both talked together with Luna, we made fund and just remembered the good old times, I even fixed her hair, whispered so close to her, fixed her posture which was fun by the way and just normally talk like what other people are doing as of the moment and it made me feel like somehow we can be friends even after all the things that has happened to us.

Maybe this is the main reason why I didn’t want to confront Amber yet. Maybe I was too busy thinking that I might have a hard time accepting that things between us changed even though it was mostly my fault because I was the one who said we were too different. I was afraid that maybe we could never be friends after the break-up because we spent too much time with one another that probably talking to her even for 3 hours for one day would make me doubt if I am indeed in love with Kai. And I don’t wanna be unfair to him. He deserves the best of me, because he always gives me the best of him. I should consider myself lucky as hell right now.

Our conversation died for a while as we enjoyed some of the performances on the stage while Luna was busy updating Victoria umma who was constantly chatting her through KakaoTalk app. I took this time to glance at Amber and she was just bouncing to the music which was a good sign that she was having some fun and that made me smile to myself.

She looked at me for a while and tapped me by shoulder which caught my attention. She bobbed her head a little bit and then leaned in closer to me which was something I didn’t expect because it was probably me who’s been trying to be close to her all this time. And what she said just made my mind blank.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m happy for you.”

It took me like 3 seconds before I could react to what she was saying. “W-what?”

 

She didn’t say anything else but just kept nodding her head. And I wanted this conversation to stop and so I held her by the chin to make her stop. Which gladly she did.

Inside my mind- nothing else was functioning. Lies- lies… My thoughts were all just lies. Thinking that we could just remain friends after 5 years of love relationship? Thinking that we could be civilized with one another? LIES. ALL ING LIES. I could never be friends with someone like Amber. Someone who taught me everything there is to know about life and love. Someone who loved me so much that she loved me more than herself. She loved me so much that she had more than a song for me. They say if you can be friends with someone you love then it’s probably you did not love them to the extent that losing them would mean losing yourself. So no- I can’t be friends with Amber. Not when what she just said made me want to cry and be sad for the rest of the day.

I wanted to leave the place. I wanted to run to the bathroom or back to the hotel and just cover myself in comforter until the sun would shine on my face or better yet? Book a flight and be in Seoul without telling anyone else.

---

 

“Luna unnie?” I opened her door after getting her permission.

 

“Oh, Soojung-ah come here!” She patted on the free space on her bed which I sat. “So? What’s up? Do you wanna play?”

 

I shook my head. “Fortunately I am tired. But it looks like you’re not though.”

 

“Of course I am not.” She smiles at me. “But I think I’ll just memorize my lines while I talk to Onew, who’s obviously busy memorizing his own lines too.”

 

“You guys are in a relationship for a really really long time.” I said. “You’re in your 7^th?”

 

“8^th actually.” She smiles to herself. “I can’t believe he won me over with chicken.” She giggles to herself. “Love is stupid.”

 

“It is isn’t it.” I tried to sound sarcastic but it didn’t reached my level because Luna unnie looked at me worriedly.

 

“Soojung? Are you having problems with Kai?”

 

“More like having problems with myself.” I chuckled. “I am this pathetic.”

 

She continued to furrow her eyebrows. “Why? Did Amber said something earlier?”

 

“Yeah…” I trailed off. “She leaned in- and said… She’s happy for me.”

 

“Oh…” She paused for a while. “Maybe that’s what the fans meant…”

 

“The fans meant?” Then she showed me a page of tweets about Amber saying she’s happy for me and how much I was caught off guard with the statement. And now all of the Kryber shipper are more than broken hearted because of that. “So someone recorded it huh.”

 

“Look, maybe she didn’t mean any of tha-“

 

“Look at her eyes unnie.” I said in a whisper. “She’s that sincere in wishing me happiness…”

 

If I was in Luna unnie’s situation, I wouldn’t also know what to say. I mean, I would be probably be confused as hell because I thought my friend was happy when she found her new love. I thought she was contented and really in love and has finally moved on from her past lover. But then here comes the ex and then tells my friend that he’s happy for her- and now seeing my friend react this way- it would just make me really confused.

I didn’t want to bother unnie anymore and so I shook my head and tried to smile for her so that she wouldn’t worry about me anymore. I kissed her cheek good bye and when I opened the door, she finally spoke.

 

“Real feelings just don’t ‘go away’ Soojung.” She said.  “And if you want confirmation- you could always drop by the hotel’s roof top.”

 

“Vic-unnie? Where’s Amber?” I asked the leader since Amber couldn’t be found in any of the rooms here in our hotel in Africa.

 

“I think she’s in the roof top dear.”

 

“She’s allowed to go there?”

 

 

“Amber?” I said as I opened the door. And when I turned to my right- I saw her snapping a picture of the sky.

 

“Oh hey princess come here.” She motioned me with her hand. “Look at this.”

 

 

“Waaaa… This is so beautiful Amber!” I looked at her and tapped her head. “Good job.”

 

She just grinned. “Thank you.”

 

“Anyway what brings you here?”

 

“Besides the starry night?” I nodded my head. “Nothing actually. I just want to spend some time alone.”

 

“Ooohh… I guess you’re an introvert.”

 

“Nah, not like that anyway.” She answers. “Well you see, in our life- everything is fast. A day could mean an hour, a week could been a day and a year could’ve been a month. It’s that fast. But when you’re in a top of a building or in a solemn park, you feel your life is eventually slowing down. Like everything is slowly getting in place and then…” She closes her eyes. “You feel like you’re  a normal person again even though it could only last for a few minutes.”

 

“…”

 

Realizing I wasn’t answering she opened her eyes and laughed awkwardly. “Well, that was just the servant’s opinion. I don’t know what will be the princess’s judgment.”

 

“I think that’s actually a good thought servant.” That made her look at me. “After all, who doesn’t want an idol life? Fame, money, shows, fans, friends. Everything that simple life could not afford. They think we’re really enjoying this so called ‘luxury’ life but what they don’t know that these so called ‘idols’ have been envying their lives. Because compared to us- they have this thing called ‘privacy.’ And that is the thing I envied them the most.”

 

“Waaah, that’s a pretty good thought princess good job!” We did a high-fived and remained silent for a while. “Hey princess, servant has a proposal.”

 

“Shoot.” I leaned onto the fence.

 

“Come with me and let’s look at the stars at every top of the hotel we go to. May it be Hong Kong, Taiwan, England, USA, Japan- anywhere else. Let’s stop this busy life and look at the stars and talk.” She smiles at me .”What do you think?”

 

I tried to make a joke by making her think I was actually thinking this through. “Okay.” I tried to sound as chic as possible.

 

“Jinjja?! Do you really mean it!?”

 

“Yeah yeah yeah.” I playfully rolled my eyes and smiled at her. “Let’s be normal together Amber Liu.”

 

“So… You finally came here huh.” She said which caught me by surprise.

 

“How-how did you know I was here?”

 

Even from behind I could see she scoffed. “I know a lot of things about you.” That made me silent and then she turns to face me. “Okay, what is it that you want to talk about?”

 

“A lot.” I played with my fingers as I hung my head low.

 

“Well you might wanna come near so we could talk normally.” I did what she told me and now we’re a few inches away. “Waaa… Look at the stars tonight.”

 

I looked up and saw a few little stars glowing in the dark sky. “There aren’t as many stars- compared to the ones we saw…”

 

“I know right?” I smiled. “I guess this is the stars of telling us that it’s time for us to stop being normal together.” She said.

 

“…”

 

“I also have a lot in my head now Soojung. A few thoughts of them are why did we end up all of a sudden, why did our relationship sunk when you’re sister left? Why did we had to be so awkward during Red Light? Why didn’t we talked it out and worked it out just like what we do on our past setbacks? Why did you just let the time and space be between us and continue to drift us apart? Why… Why did you told me you wanted to try it again with me but end up being with him?” There was a long silence that followed. “Why?”

 

“During those times when Jessica left- and then our promotions got cut off because of Sulli leaving, I was so down and depressed.” Tears were slowly making their way on my eyes. “And I didn’t know what to tell you, I didn’t know how to tell it to you. And I didn’t know whether I should tell you or not because you were in the middle of the preparation for your first solo album…”

 

“And you let that kind of thoughts come between us? Just to remind you, you helped me with my troubles- probably all of my troubles! I didn’t had second thoughts on coming to you because you told me you would listen. And even though at the back of my mind I felt like I was burdening you already, I was still continuing the open-ups because I trust you. It’s because I know you always have the right words to say whenever I am down. I know that everything will be okay once you say it will. I know I will have the strength to carry on because you believe in me. And therefore I believe in myself…” She paused. “It’s just sad because it felt like you trusted him more than your trusted me. And during that show with your sister, when you said that no one would listen to you? Do you even know how bad I felt for myself then? I felt like I wasn’t doing my job as your girlfriend!”

 

“Because you weren’t okay?! Every time I’d try to call you, it would always end up you composing, you talking with Scott, you hanging out with the English squad, you preparing with the album. It’s always been about you, you, you, YOU! I felt like I wasn’t included in your life anymore!”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong!”

 

“Since when was I ever right?!”

 

“Since you said yes to me!” She was breathing heavily now. “YOU WERE THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME.”

 

“…”

 

“You told me that you wanted a break. That you felt that being separated that far from Jessica made you so depressed, and even if I wanted to be there by your side, you still insisted on leaving me. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS AGAINST MY WILL SOOJUNG I DID WHAT YOU WANTED. I was thinking too much- to the point where I haven’t eaten for days. To the point I spend up late nights thinking what could I have done to make you go away from me just like that… And when you told me you wanted to try again- I’ve never been so happy in my life! It’s like you said yes to me for the second time and I kept saying to myself that I wouldn’t mess up with this one. But then what came out on April 1? YOUR ING DATING NEWS! I thought it was a ing April’s day joke but then SM  had to go ing confirm it! YOU MADE HIM WEAR THE ING GREEN FLANNEL I GAVE TO YOU BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU MISSED ME SO MUCH! Do you get why I am so angry!? It’s because I had to find out by an article rather than hearing it from you! AM I NOT WORTHY FOR THE TRUTH?! Are you planning to play on me until you had the ing guts to say it to my face!?” She gripped on my shoulders too hard. “TELL ME!”

 

Her grip was slowly loosening and until I felt she finally let go of my shoulders and there I found Amber slowly falling down until she sat on the cold concrete while I was there, head hung low as we both cried our hearts out.

 

“You told me you love me Soojung-ah… That was the most painful thing you ever said to me.”

 

I knelt down and faced her. “I did love you Am. You know I couldn’t lie for that long if I really hadn’t felt it with you. I did love you…”

 

“You did love me…” She looked me with a tear threatening to fall. “But you do love him.”

 

“I.. I…” I kept moving my mouth but nothing was coming out of it. Just tears both in our eyes…

 

“I guess it didn’t work out between us huh.”

 

 

A set of four words that make you feel like even when they shouldn’t. This is the way love ends and the way our heartache story begins. I’ll probably look back on it a few years from now. My hair is a lot shorter now and I’ve stopped biting my nails and I’d run into someone who knew you back then. Back when I were seventeen and I was hers. And they’ll ask how I am and how I’ve been and what happened. Because for Christ’s sake, you were so in love. The kind of love that you don’t think ever goes away. It’ll all probably come back to me. Every “I love you” and every hard kiss and every intertwined finger and wrap it all up and press it between theletters of the words “it didn’t work out.” I can’t even remember why it ended. Everything I was and everything I  had with Amber is gone. It just didn’t work out between me and her.

She wipes her tears and slowly stands up as I do the same thing. We were quiet for a really long time and there were tears really coming out of my eyes that just wouldn’t stop whereas her, she had her head up, and not even bothering to look down. It is her way of controlling her tears.

Finally when she had the courage- she reached out for my face and wiped my own tears. Feeling her own warmth brought so much memories in my head, how warm she would hold me and why I felt it felt warmer in her arms rather than others’ how she’d use her hand to wipe my sweat, to clean the smudge in my make-up. I would remember all those things. And it just pains me so much that I was the one to blame… That I didn’t saw the importance in her. I am the one to blame… Because now I can’t love her the way she loves me… Because I am in love with him.

 

 

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Krystal this is Luna unnie. Wake up we have to go now.”

 

Krystal immediately had her eyes wide open and suddenly sat up. She looked around the surroundings and wondered how the hell did she end up in her room. She remembered vaguely that she was talking with Amber and saying good bye and all that but how come she finds herself in her own room? Was she dreaming all this time?

Since she wasn’t gonna find out the answers for herself, she took a bath, dressed up and went to the buffet to catch up with the crew. And upon the arrival- she noticed that a seat was still empty. It was Amber’s and still she wasn’t there. Krystal always knew Amber’s body clock was at 8. It’s already 10. So where the hell was Amber?

 

“To answer your question Soojunggie- oppa is out with her.”

 

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Out with her? Why where did they went?”

 

“To the airport. Apparently- Amber’s leaving for some unknown country.”

 

Involuntarily- Krystal dropped her fork and made a huge echoing sound in the buffet that made all of the people look at their table. She was still in a trance so the staff rose up and apologized on her behalf.

 

“Unnie.. What did happen last night?”

 

“Well, you went after her. You guys talked and then all of a sudden you passed out. She carried you on your room and then the next early morning she came to my room to say good bye. She was going somewhere and she didn’t tell me honestly I swear to God.” Luna said immediately afraid that her member would attack her with questions. “And that’s the end.”

 

“That’s the end?” The maknae said in disbelief. “Didn’t she gave you any clue on where she was going?”

 

“No… I’m sorry Soojunggie.” Luna pouted. “Even though her eyes were puffy, she was smiling. I guess you guys had the closure that you both wanted.”

---

 

 

 

Announcement to all passengers of flight 23213, heading for Maldives, we are apologizing because there has been a slight delay on your flight. And your flight will be in 3 hours. Thank you for understanding and please be patient.

 

 

“Aish Jinjja! I went so early for this one and no it’s gonna be delayed?”

 

The tomboy ruffled her hair but nevertheless put back her cap on as she waited on the first class lounge waiting for her flight. She tried to cool off by playing games, scrolling through instagram, and everything social media and game applications has to offer but none of them seem to live on her expectations so she just stood up and tried to go to the pantry to buy something to relieve her appetite.

 

“OW!”

 

There was 2 voices that said the same thing but only one fell to the ground. Amber looked down and saw she had so many things in her hand so she kneels down and helps her. Once she was done helping, she was about to say sorry then she heard a familiar voice.

 

 

“Amber?”

 

“Soyeon unnie?”

 

“Ahhh Jinjja it is you!” Soyeon immediately hugged her dongsaeng. She featured in one of Amber’s MC show- ASFY. “What brings you here? I thought you were in Macau receiving an award?”

 

“Ah we did last night and now we’re suppose to go back to Seoul.”

 

“So why are you here? This isn’t the lounge for Seoul.”

 

“Well…” She sighs. “You could say I need a little vacation leave from the idol life.”

 

“Really huh.” Soyeon eyed her junior up and down. “Mind what’s telling me on your head?”

 

“… I am not so sure if I can cover it all up unnie.”

 

“Aigoo my hoobae.” She wraps an arm around Amber. “If 3 hours of delay is not enough- then we can talk it over when we get to Maldives.”

 

“Oh, you’re going there as well?”

 

“Yes. Just like you, I needed a normal life. Somewhere where everything slows down for a while and becomes normal. Because we have to admit Am, you and me? We’re living a very busy life.”

 

Amber was surprised to hear someone who had the same vision as hers. She didn’t know whether she was sure enough that Soyeon would welcome everything in her story. But she had to trust someone. She had to share this to someone. Someone who’s not from the English squad, someone who’s not with the same circle of friends with Krystal, someone who’s not in f(x), someone who’s not her manager, someone who’s not from the company. Someone… Someone just like Soyeon.

 

“Don’t worry… Unnie will come to you.”

 

With that line- it made everything fine. “Dae. Let’s go buy Peppero and talk.”

 

“Hahahahahahaha pabo yah.”

 

---

 

“Yeah, yeah I just got home from the flight. A date? Tonight? Wae? Are you flying to Japan?” Krystal comes into her room and drops her luggage. “Well… I am really really tired right now like super drained and you can’t be seen here in the house. Mom and dad did approved of us but never of you visiting the house when they’re not here. Okay, I’ll just see you in a week? Okay. Okay. I love you bye.”

 

Krystal lies down on her bed trying to relax her both body and mind as she sighs in relief. Relief that the flight was done, she has finally escaped from the paparazzi, and now she finally sleep without much bother. But how could she sleep that easily when every time she closes her eyes the event from last night would always flashback on her.

 

“If being with him really makes you this happy. And if being with him is what you want- even though we are not really together anymore… I’m letting you go.” She closed her eyes as she pulls me closer for a tight hug. “I’m gonna let you go, because I can’t make you happy anymore. That’s why I said sorry… I’m sorry for not making you happy enough to make you stay with me. I’m sorry if you felt that we were worlds apart. And I’m sorry if I made you feel like . Now we’re gone and it’s all my fault Soojung-ah.And as much as I love you, I can’t be with you. I can’t  hold your hand while he holds your heart. I can’t be that stupid so I… I am letting you go now.”

 

 

Krystal sat up and sighed to herself. She has been trying to catch some sleep for some time now but she can’t seem to because she would always be reminded of last night. I thought having closures was about clearing your mind and conscience. How come she has never cleared hers?

Opening her hand phone once again she finally figured out the reason why. She still hasn’t viewed Amber’s text messages ever since the dating news with Kai. And she wondered that if she wanted the closure she wanted- then it would be better if she would see the messages for the first and last time. Because she’s planning to delete the 800,654 text conversation she had with Amber. From the day they got together until the day she ended the relationship.

 

 

Even if all the evidences were really there, Amber chose to close her eyes and ears and be blinded by her love for Krystal. Because somehow she knew deep inside that Krystal was just not allowed to contact her, maybe there were caught during one of their late night escapades. So despite of showing the real facts and even if every website confirmed it, Amber still chose to believe in Krystal. She chose to believe in their love for one another. Too bad for Amber, she was the only one believing.

 

 

 

 

Krystal’s heart ache when she read that Amber went back to smoking. She really hated the smell of smoke and requested Amber to stop doing her vice and it wasn’t good for her health. But Amber loves smoking as she loves Krystal. So when Krystal did a day of aegyo to her, she willingly tried slowing down until eventually she quitted smoking. She hated herself for not being there for Amber when she needed explanations. Her heart ache when she saw Henry beat the out of him. She wondered just how many bruises she received since Henry really knows how to brawl and she hated herself that she wasn’t there when Amber needed a person to clean her wounds. Her heart ached when Amber texted her that she was making an ultimatum. And she hated herself for not being strong enough to confront Amber because she too was dealing her own demons.

 

 

 

 

 

Krystal’s hands automatically dropped the phone and hugged herself as she cried her heart out. She should be happy that Amber finally decided to let go of her. She should be relieved that she finally got the closure she wanted. She can be with Kai now and be the happy public couple they could be for as long as they want. She always dreamt of having someone beside her like Johnny Depp and for her that was Kim Jongin. The guy who makes her heart flutter whenever he’d smile at her and do nothing but stare at her. She should be thinking of her guy right now. She should just leave the house and have one more date with him before he leaves overseas with his group. So why was she picking up the phone and dialing Amber’s phone number?

 

 

“Please… Please answer.” She practically begged. “Please answer the phone wherever you are.”

 

“The number you dialed-“

 

“No, no, no, no.” She tried calling it again. “Answer me. Answer the phone Amber.”

 

“The number you dialed-“

 

“Goddamnit Amber answer me!!!!” She practically screamed at the screen. “ANSWER THE PHONE! ANSWER ME PLEASEEEEE!!!”

 

She threw the phone somewhere on her room as she rolls on her bed with her constant sobs that no one could actually hear since it’s just her who’s in the home at the moment. And as she tries to forget the cruel things she said to Amber- she seems to remember everything. Everything Amber confessed that night.

 

“You did love me… But you do love him.”

 

“I guess it didn’t work out between us huh.”