I hadn’t wanted to go. Jinhwan, my blessed little brother, had sent an invite with a personal letter conveying his desire of having me there. I was so proud of him. Despite all the problems that had gone his way because of Mother and I, he still had that sweet smiling face.

I changed my mind because I wanted to congratulate my brother. I wouldn’t attend the actual ceremony. I had asked Jinhwan to not tell his fiancée about me. He was to say that his father had left before he was born and that his mother and brother had died 2 years ago. I didn’t want anything to ruin him. His past would blacken him in the eyes of society.

I arrived at the venue. It was beautiful. I walked to the altar and imagined what the wedding would look like. The little white flowers were there again, placed delicately in those large glass vases. The colour scheme was a simple one, sticking to warmer and natural colours. I was pleased at what I saw. There was a sense of peace here.

I walked around hoping to catch a glimpse of the bride. I had seen photos of her but I wanted to see her in person. I wanted to wish her: happiness and joy. And most importantly I truly wanted to welcome her into the family. Of course, that wouldn’t be possible. In some ways, I wish things hadn’t turned out the way it did. If things were different, Mother would be here and I would likely stand as one of the groomsmen. I imagine Mother would insist on there being red flowers in the arrangement. I would be fussing around, making sure caterers and things were in place. I would be standing close to the entrance to welcome the well-wishers. Naturally, I would have met the bride and we would have had many a dinner together. Perhaps we would have many interests in common or if not I would be telling her of my job and all the funny incidents that had happened. I probably would have been a teacher or someone who was around children a lot. I would have been good at that. Mayou might also have been here. Maybe Mother and Father would have reconciled to the point where they wouldn’t mind being at the same event.

I was forced out of my daydream when I found my feet at the door leading to the groom’s room. I stood outside. I raised my hand to knock at the door but I hesitated. Did I really want Jinhwan to see me? I’m unashamed to admit that I was scared. I don’t know why. We had met after I was released and we still kept in contact but this was somehow different.

I had begun to leave when I heard a female voice come from the inside of the room. Traditionally, the bride is not meant to see the groom. My hand was on the door handle.
I debated internally if I should look and what my actions would be afterwards.
The inner turmoil I felt started to build. Should I look? What would I find? I was suddenly overly aware of my heart beat. I could hear it pounding in its cage, like a beast waiting to be unleashed.
I removed my hand and knocked. There was no answer. I knocked again. There was a stillness on the other side. I pushed the door handle down, the door was unlocked and I opened the door. The room was empty. To my dismay there was a second set of doors.

I walked into the room. Hoping my fears were unfounded and that I was simply hearing things. I was a small child again, walking towards my parents’ room. I took a deep breathe and opened the door slightly.

"Jinhwan. Shhhhhhh.... you’re too loud," a female voice said. She giggled. The next words that she said, eerily calmed me down, "You’re going to be married soon. We shouldn’t meet up like this ever again. You understand right?"
"Minah, let’s not talk about that. We should enjoy this morning, the weather is beautiful. Stop looking so sad, it makes me want to kiss you,” said a voice that was all too familiar to me despite a deepness that was new.

I gently closed the door. I walked out the room. I walked out the hotel.

Minah? She definitely was not the bride. The name was all wrong. A friend of theirs? Highly likely. Well, maybe not the bride’s friend if she knew what Minah was doing with her soon-to-be husband.

Marriage. Something I too desired. Something that had changed Mother. Something that was meant to bring happiness to my dearest brother.

I stood outside and laughed. I laughed and laughed. I could not stop it even if I wanted to. The sound tore itself out my throat and soon changed bitter and cruel. I let out an inhuman howl. It might have brought a chill to some people, the cry was like that of a lone wolf who had lost his pack. Tears trailed one by one down my face. I bowed my head and the droplets fell onto some petals. In my mind, I saw the white flowers becoming crushed and pieces of it flying away.

What had we done wrong? When did my brother stray from the pureness? Why is he tainted? But most importantly, how could history repeat itself? The more I questioned the angrier I became. I called a taxi. We drove to a park which Mother and I frequented before we were arrested. I stayed there for a while.

I hoped to find answers or at least some clearness in my head. However, all I could feel was the betrayal that made me feel sick. The disgust had settled in, Mother need not have told me to keep him away from immorality all those years ago. Our actions were useless. Even if what we did was wrong, Jinhwan should have learnt the lesson. He should have learnt that adultery never leads to any semblance of happiness.

Why did he do this? How could he be unfaithful knowing what happened to our family?

I hailed a taxi and gave it the directions to the venue. I went in through the front door and traced my earlier footsteps. My hand rested on the door handle and I opened the door. I walked into the room. In my hand was the knife that was never recovered by the police.

Jinhwan turned from the mirror as if he could sense my entrance even though I had not knocked or loudly entered.

"Hyung," he said surprised. For a split moment I was reminded of a little boy who would call out to me in the same manner.

Author's Note: Thank you all for reading, subscribing and all your words of encouragement!!