Book, I have decided that the contents of you will be read by that woman (the doctor who sees the world with rose-tinted glasses). I cannot waste time and breath on explaining everything so it will be easier if I wrote it all out.

*Flashback start*

I love children. The manner in which their eyes light up when something delights them is quite the sight to witness. So when Mother asked that I apply to help out at the local aftercare I had done so with great enthusiasm.

Three months passed with no requests from Mother. She was busy with multiple stories that had complicated leads and probably had not had time to study anyone. I had not thought much of what would happen either.

“Hanbin-ah, have you seen anyone of interest? You are in a place filled with soccer moms and the like,” Mother inquired casually one night when Jinhwan was out with friends.

I had not thought that Mother would want me to choose the next guilty one. I had not observed. I felt ashamed of myself, I should have been prepared. What other reason would she have for me to work? We do not need the money, Mother makes more than enough.

I bowed my head, “I have not been watching, Mother.” I waited for her response and what would no doubt be a scolding.

“Ah… I forget that you are still young and that you do not realise that these sinners are in fact all around us. No matter, start looking tomorrow. I am certain there will be at least one,” Mother said to my surprise.

I swallowed, “Yes, I will begin tomorrow.”

I went to the aftercare, as I began to reach the gate my steps felt heavier. I realised that I had grown weak, I should not have permitted myself to grow attached to the children. I felt pity for the one who would be without a mother.

“Seonsaengnim!” I heard a boy’s voice cry before I felt a pressure surrounding my right thigh.

I smiled and patted the boy’s head. “Ji-Won-ah, I could have fallen over with the amount of force that you ran into me with,” I said affectionately.

“It’s Bobby, I told you. B-O-B-B-Y,” he said with a small frown on his tiny face.

“Oh yes, my bad please forgive my blunder.” I laughed and opened the gate.

A few hours later, the mothers started to pour in. Each looking for their precious treasure and soon the level of chattering had increased. I stood by a pillar and looked out at the mothers. I looked and looked but I could not find any signs of an adulteress. I looked down disappointed that I could not find my target.

I felt a small presence stand quietly next to me, I checked to see who it was and I smiled gently.

“Ji-Won-ah? Why are you not looking for your mom? Is she late?” I asked.

He looked down and kicked a pebble down the stairs. “She’s always late these days, and I end up being last because I have to wait for Daddy,” he said softly.

“Ji-Won-ah, it is okay, I will wait with you for your father,” I said in a comforting manner. “Do you want to play ball?” I held out the soccer ball to him.

He cocked his head slightly and looked at me inquisitively, “Yes! I bet I can score more goals than you can!”

“You think?” I replied playfully.

We played for about 20 minutes until a woman wearing a large red hat with a black and white dress and heels arrived.

“Mianhe seongsaengnim! I forgot the time and my husband is away,” she said apologetically.

She did not know but her words weighed heavily on me and I felt cold.

I truly did not want her to be one of those women. I searched harder for another one, yet it seemed like the heavens would not answer my prayers.

A month passed. The evidence against her just piled and piled. Ji-Won’s father was often away, his mother was left alone at home and she was always late to fetch Ji-Won.

I followed her as was Mother’s wish, and naturally there was a man, not her husband. Every Thursday, if the husband was home, or every day, if the husband was on business, they met at the hotel. I paid the bellboy to spill some gossip about the lady and man who stay in room 811. 

A tugging of my pants broke my thoughts, “Seongsaengnim! Won’t you play some piano for me? Or you could rap?” Ji-Won requested excitedly.

I looked at him sadness filling me, I grinned half-heartedly, “Sure, shall we rap together? We can write our own rap if you want.”

“Yes!” he looked at me excitedly and with so much hope. He ran to his bag and went to go get paper and crayons. “I’ve got everything we need!”

We spent the rest of the afternoon, composing and refining Ji-Won’s technique and sense of beat. The sun was shining when we started, it was dark by the time I heard a voice.

“Mianhe! I have come to fetch Ji-Won,” the voice called out.

“Coming!” I replied. I helped Ji-Won pack and walked him to the gate.

Waiting there was a man dressed in a long, black coat, he looked overly tired but smiled immediately when he saw us coming.

I greeted the man and after a short polite conversation, I said my goodbyes to father and son. The man seemed to want the best for his son but I could not comprehend the reasoning behind his lack of action against the woman.

I got home and as I went in I heard Mother’s voice, “Hanbin-ah come see me in the study.”

I knew then that I had no choice. This was it, I would seal the fate of Ji-Won. He would be motherless as soon as I told Mother of her.

“Mother,” I inclined my head and went by to give her our customary greeting kiss.

Her eyes pierced me, “I trust you have finished your task.”

She stared at me intently as I answered, “Yes. She is the mother of one the children at the aftercare. She meets with her affair at the hotel by the side road. I have deduced that it will be easier to inject her as she walks to buy her coffee. There are lots of people so it will be difficult to tell who did it. I have the sedative already. There is a quiet alley nearby. It is dark and you will not be able to see much if you are behind the large container. I have bought the rope already.”

She nodded her approval, “I see you have been planning well. This is very good. We can plan the last little details later on. I believe that this week sometime will be a good idea. I have already decided our next home. However, Jinhwan will stay here. He needs more stability considering his age. We will not be too far. We will be about an hour and a half away. We will come back on weekends and he will be at boarding school.”

This came to me as a shock, I never thought that I would be separated so early on from Jinhwan. “Why?” I stuttered out, “Am I not to stay?”

Her gaze became like that of a hawk, “You will be coming with me. Jinhwan needs to learn to be by himself too. You coddle him too much.”

I swallowed, “I do not understand. I have not done anything wrong, yet I feel as if I am being punished.”

“Hanbin, I am not punishing you. This is simply the way things have turned out,” she said.

“You told me to always look out for him. How am I supposed to do that if I am an hour and a half away from him,” I weakly protested.

“Are you questioning my decisions?” she replied sharply. “I did not say that this was up for discussion. This is my final word on the subject.”

I opened my mouth in an attempt to alter the course of things, but she continued, “We would not want Jinhwan to learn of what we do. He is to remain pure.”

I closed my mouth and looked down in defeat. Mother was right, Jinhwan was at the age to start noticing things even as unobservant as he can be.

Three days later, Mother walked into the busy café where the woman ordered coffee at 11 o’clock sharp and injected her with the sedative. I walked close by and as the sedative began to work I held her up to avoid suspicion.

We carried her to the alley way, tied her up with the rope, and waited for her to stir and awaken. Mother spoke, I vaguely heard the words, “Your son will be free and pure now that you will depart from this world.” Before the events had sunk in, Mother had stabbed her straight into where her heart should be. Mother never seemed to struggle with that despite the hard ribcage that protects the heart. She always manages to find the weakest part, the intercostal space. She pierces the sanctuary to liberate the darkness within. The carving of the hourglass with the cross through it was cut with precision just like the previous woman.

I am uncertain how I managed to still go to the aftercare. It is still quite a blur, I remember feeling hollow somehow. Ji-Won obviously did not come, news of the murder of his mother spread quickly.

A few days had gone by with Ji-Won’s absence. I missed him and his excited attitude. He always tried his best to keep his lips upturned and to ensure others did the same.

“Seonsaengnim,” a timid voice said to me. I looked down at a little girl. “Can we make a card for Bobby? I heard his mommy went to the palace in the sky. He must be very sad,” the girl said shyly.

I swallowed, “Of course, would you like some help?”

The little girl beamed at me then grabbed my hand pulling me to a group of other children. They all looked at me with a shine in their eyes, holding out a pencil towards me.

I stared at the pencil for a moment then I reached out to take it, “What do you want to say to him? Have you decided how you want to decorate it?”

Tiny voices all began chirping at once. The card was finished by the time parents started filling in. I kept the card in my drawer with my letter of resignation. Mother was finalising the papers for the rent on the new house. Jinhwan was going to his new school in two weekends’ time. Mother and I would be leaving soon after. I would have to let the owner know of my leaving soon.

I did not want to hand in my letter until I saw Ji-Won. I wanted to know that he was okay. I stand by my actions; I just wish that he could have been spared. I believe that I relieved him of the pain he would have experienced had the woman been allowed to live.

The next afternoon as I searched in the bookcase for a few books to read to the children I heard subdued excited voices. I turned to look and saw the little boy that held a special place in my heart. He secured a part that even my brother had not filled.

The same little girl that had grabbed me, grabbed Ji-Won’s hand and tugged him towards me. “Seongsaengnim, where’s the card?” she asked with a determined look.

I went to the desk, “Here it is,” handing it to the girl. She immediately gave it to the intended recipient.

For the rest of the afternoon, I watched Ji-Won. He was less excited but given the events I had not expected him to be. I went and stood next to him.

“Bobby… How are feeling?” I asked in a low voice.

He looked up at me then faced forward again.

My question remained unanswered for a long while.

“I don’t know why she was killed. One day I’m going to find the killer and ask them for a reason. But then I also wish that the killer will be caught or better yet that he will drop dead.”

I tried to console him but I had no words of comfort to offer. Instead I put a hand on his shoulder, hoping that he would feel some warmth in it.

“I just don’t understand,” he continued rapidly becoming emotional, “I won’t ever get to eat her pancakes again. She won’t make me do my maths homework and force me to play with my cousins.”

He paused and in air trying to get his breath back.

Suddenly he threw his arms around my leg and hugged it. I felt wetness seep into my pants, I closed my eyes and prayed for some peace to fill his soul. I wanted him to understand that this was for him, that his mother’s death was the best course of things. I could not find it in me to be angry at him for his wishes of ill upon Mother.

I loosened my leg from his grip and bent down to hold him.