The split last night was painful, but yet, it left you in a state of reflection. You rolled over, the bright sunlight trying its best to wake you up from your emotional slumber. You were numb as you reached into the sky and tried grabbing for what little hope you could think of. You wondered how Alex was doing, unaware, before you remembered the wave of pain that hit you last night. You groaned a most inhuman noise and sighed before hearing a pounding at the door. You sighed, thinking it was Alex, who, like a desperate yet kind-hearted puppy made it her life’s goal to mess with you as soon as she woke up. You shooed at the door before slapping your hand on your face to blind the sun, blind the light that you were now bathed in and the truth you had found in the rays of last night’s moon. The pounding came again, knocking away at every piece of sanity. You were not in the mood, but the pounding kept coming, as if it knew you would answer, that you would have to- which you did. You rolled out of bed, trudging to the door that now seemed so far away.

            “What is it?” you whined, stomping your foot.

            “You mean “whom?” a familiar voice responded, but then again, everyone and everything was too familiar when you wanted to run away from the world.

            “Who the hell even is trying to correct me on English? I know this isn’t Alex so what the flying ?” you shouted back.

            “It’s Shinwoo.” You wished that time would stop, but you knew that it wouldn’t. You didn’t know what to do or how to feel and then you remembered. Remembered everything that had happened- everything, not just the pain nor the emotional distress. You remembered every awkward moment, but you also remembered that unofficial promise. You almost reluctantly opened the door and you stood and stared at him, stared at him in all of his glory, all of his shyness, all of his pain. “I’m here. For the date. If you’re not up for it…”

            “No, I made a promise to show you a good time. Just uh- just uh, let me get ready,” you stuttered.

            “I can meet you at the other room if you would like,” he suggested. “You know, it’s in-“

            “Yes, I know. And you know what, it’s fine. Just take a rest here and I’ll be right out,” you sighed, waving to the couch.

            “A-Are you sure? You’re not still upset about yest-“

            “No, I’m not. It’s just it’s still early,” you rationalized. “I-I’m just gonna go.”

            The moments ticked by as you went to the bathroom, almost walking in slow motion. You the shower almost mindlessly, but as soon as the constant patter of water commenced, your mind was at ease once more. Your eyes flicked to the towel rack, sure to make sure tom avoid another k-drama cliché where you have tom walk out without a towel and the ever so charming male lead had to give you one. This was not that episode and that man outside was sending you on an emotional roller coaster rather than sweeping you off your feet. You stepped into the shower, letting the warm water run down your back. Then you remembered.

            , you growled to yourself as you realized you had just walked into yet another cliché.  You wanted to stay in the shower until he would have to get the message and leave. But he didn’t and you could almost hear Alex nagging you for wasting so much water. You decided to get it over with as you finished washing and slowly turned off the shower head. You quickly wrapped yourself in a towel and debated whether he would see you if you dashed to the bedroom portion to throw on some clothes. it.

            You walked outside, the cool air hitting you until you froze in your steps and came eye to eye with Shinwoo before the both of you immediately blushed and turned away from each other.

            “I told you it’s inde-“

            “I don’t wanna hear it, Shinwoo. Let’s just act like this never happened. Why are you even off of the couch?!” you nearly screeched as you grabbed a random outfit and dashed back inside the restroom.

            “I-I didn’t know you c-could curse?” he asked/ spoke reluctantly.

            “I ing can and I am so grumpy right now, I can’t even,” you started as you threw on some clothes at nearly the speed of light.

            “I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered and you could almost imagine him pointing his fingers together as he waited.

            “It’s not you it’s just”

            “Last night, I know and I should not have put that kind of pressure on you, but if you’re willing to start over and try to do this as friends? As anything more than this, I would like that very much. You’re a wonderful girl and I am so sorry, but you just know the fans. You’re a fan, too so you understand and I’m just so so sorry. Actually I’m worried. I-I really li-“ he tried to explain. You walked passed the threshold of the loft that was that one bedroom and sighed.

            “I know you’re trying and I know that you have made a promise to the fans and I would just like to try this again,” you breathed, pinching the bridge of your nose before breaking a forced smile, which you knew was not upon further reflection. He managed a smile to mirror your own, knowing he was putting you through more pain than you were letting on. He decided it was best to let you vent because he knew he deserved every ounce of hatred that he thought you had for him. Truth was, you didn’t know how to feel because you couldn’t. Perhaps the rest of the day and your dream date would provide some haven for you, but as with Shinwoo, you were not getting your hopes up for them to come tumbling down- not again. At least going slowly, you would be prepared for the surprise obstacles that decided to stumble along in your path if there were to be any.

            “So, what are we eating today? Should I go ask Alex or Sandeul what they suggest? I’m sure they’ve already scouted out their plans for the day,” he broke the stifling silence.

            “And why on Earth would we want to go where they’re going? No, I got it, my dream date is to just have a simple picnic and then end the day on the pier. Are you absolutely sure about this?”

            “Why would you ask? Of course I am, but yeah, a picnic sounds nice; however, the question still stands, what to eat?”

            “I always like when my family and I go out and have chicken salad and tostadas. I just drink water now so…”

            “Say no more, sounds great. Let’s get to the store, yeah? Any time wasted is time we could be happy to-… together,” he stumbled, beaming at you with a confidence that you yourself weren’t confident in.

            “Are you sure we should be out here in public like this? What about your big and mighty promise?” you asked, your toes in the sand, picnic basket and blanket in one hand and Shinwoo’s fingers loosely intertwined with your own as he carried the cooler. You weren’t willing to hold on too tightly for too long or letting go would be the hardest thing all over again.

            “It’s still early. As you can see, there aren’t even that many people here,” he assured you. “Once we sit, who the heck is going to spend their time at a place as beautiful as this staring at us like that? This looks like a fine spot. Shall we sit?” You nodded and let go of him to spread the blanket before sitting at the farthest end of the blanket.

            “Why are you sitting so far?” he asked, cocking his head to the side as he opened the picnic basket and set it up. “Do you not want to be here that badly? I can take you back home. I’m sorry if you felt pressured to come,” he apologized sincerely, his eyes flicking down and in that instant, you swore you had seen a tear but decided against bringing it to his attention. His ego was already bruised and another blow might just have been the death of it and him.

            “I just want to make sure it’s safe,” you justified. “It has nothing to do with you if that’s what you’re thinking,” you added as you reached for a water bottle from the cooler.

            “Then why don’t you sit with me? I will always keep you safe,” he promised, patting the spot next to him.

            “I’m fine right here,” you giggled shyly, awkwardly, any kind of –ly to keep him from being any more adamant. You knew the dangers of being a k-pop fan, a Mexican k-pop fan at that. With a Korean, a Korean idol at that. While you were in your native backyard and to state that California was a liberal state was an understatement, you were still self-conscious, still anxious, still paranoid- and with good reason since you always had an abundance of that.

            “You said you were tired of my game, so let’s not play this one. Get over here,” Shinwoo snapped, grabbing for your arm and tugging you towards him. He held you as he spread his legs and settled you in between, your back to his chest.

            “Sh-Shinwoo, what are you doing? Please, let go of me!” you protested. He shook his head and hummed, sending vibrations through his chest that shook you to your core.

            “I’m not doing it anymore and neither are you. I know it’s still relatively early and honestly, if this were a kdrama, unfortunately, this would be the boring part because I already have the girl and-“

            “You do not already have the girl and where the hell did this self-confidence come from considering just this morning, I had to treat you like a child and sit you on the couch, which you did not stay on mind you!” you retorted, irritated.

            “I may as well. The simple truth of the matter is I like you and you like me and sure, this whole idol business complicates things, but at least we are in the same business and we’ve lived much of the same lives. So are you tired of it are not?” he asked, tightening his grip around your waist. “Just tell me and I promise, I will let you go if you don’t want me and don’t think that I won’t because I want what you want,” he explained, his face blank and staring at the waves in front of you, but only his words would not wash away with a coming tide or a new wind. His words hit you like the waves hit the rocks, sudden yet expected, hard, yet seemingly so soft, rough, yet necessary.

            “So what do you want me to say, Shinwoo? I’m just a lowly fan-“

            “You are not as long as I am here and I promise to stay here. I know there might be some days when you go and can’t touch me, go and can’t talk to me for anything more than a minute, but always know that you will not have to go forever. Yeah, I’ve made promises to fans, but don’t even you like to think that I have a human aspect to me, too?”

            “If you break your promise to them, how am I supposed to believe that you won’t break your promises to me? I’m a fan, too, you know,” you reminded him once more.

            “Because I’m not connected to them in the same way that I am with you. I really wanted to come out on this date with you, whatever it was going to be, because I wanted to make sure I knew what I was feeling was real. Yes, I have felt the pain, the heart-wrenching, heart-shattering, heart-trampling anguish that you have. I have felt the agonizing confusion, the kind that turns you inside out and makes you question who you think you are. I’m a human first and an idol second and whereas I don’t want to hurt any one of my fans, I promise that it would hurt them more if they knew that I was turning into the robot that they always had to say that I wasn’t to everyone who doubted anything and everything about k-pop,” he explained passionately, placing his chin on your head and holding you even tighter if that was at all possible. You tear drip onto your hair, a torrent on its own.

            Silence.

            “But like I said, don’t think that I want to hold you hostage. If you want to eat your chicken salad and tostadas alone and you want nothing more to do with me other than strictly business, fine. If you’re tired of this game, we can both end it and lose,” he pointed out, loosening his grip slightly to prove his sincerity. Instinctively, you clamored for his arms and held them tighter to you

            “If you’re willing to try, so am I. I am just so scare of the-“

            Consequences always come.

            “Don’t be.”

            And always hurt.

            “We don’t have to worry and we can do this at whatever pace you want.”

            Because they always, always come. Just like the waves. But they don’t always wash things away. Sometimes, they just pile up like sand, but never disappear.

            You could get what you wanted for once, but the cycle was always bound to repeat. Perhaps it would, perhaps now, finally, it would stop.

            “So, what do we do now?” you asked timidly.

            “Don’t the leads bond over a meal or something?” Shinwoo asked. “I may have free time, but I don’t have that much time or the attention span to actually watch a drama all the way through considering I have to think everything over three or four times,” he shrugged.

            “They bond over a lot of things, but sure, let’s go with that considering we already went to the store and bought all of this stuff,” you chuckled. “But, in order to do that, I’m going to need you to loosen up a bit. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you,” you assured him, flashing one of the most honest and brightest smiles you had in a long time. Though the waves came crashing in one after and with another, they almost seemed peaceful, as if this was the way this was how it was supposed to be. A little chaos could be so beautiful if you thought about it and if you allowed yourself to be consumed by it. You didn’t have a plan and neither did he, but perhaps that was the plan all along, as cliché as it sounded.

            “And what do the second leads usually do?”

            “You mean those idiots, Sandeul and Alex? O usually, it’s some kind of complicated unrequited love thing and then something happens and then there’s obviously something with the leads, but this isn’t a drama so don’t worry about it,” you rambled.

            “Ah, so I can only go so far with this whole drama business?” Shinwoo asked, somewhat deflated.

            “Yes, because this reality is so much better and plus, this is my backyard. No matter what they show on television or how crazy it really may be here, it won’t be nearly as dramatic or unrealistic as a kdrama,” you scoffed playfully, shrugging your shoulders. “Now, are we going to eat or what?”

            “Of course! You packed mints, right?” You cocked your head to the side, just assuming the boy and all of his attention to oral hygiene didn’t exactly want to smell like chicken salad for the rest of the day.

            “I didn’t think about it,” you mumbled.

            “O, well then I will just have to do this now,” he shrugged and before you could respond, had you pinned down and his lips against your own. You felt his weight, his warmth, his essence press against you as you struggled to find your sanity somewhere between ecstasy and now even more peaked paranoia. His tongue s into your slightly parted mouth, waltzing with your own. Your heartbeat was the perfect percussion to the organized crash and beauty of the waves in the distance. Everyone else around you were background actors but this was all that mattered. He moaned into the kiss, grinding his crotch against your own before pulling away abruptly and sitting on the back of his legs, staring down at you, his eyes glossy with a soft lust, a soft crash. “I hope I didn’t go too far?” You shook your head, stunned that you could find it in yourself to even move. Taking the look of pure ecstasy on your face as a signal for more, he inched back over you. “Just let me know if I am going too far. We’re going to need this kind of communication in the future.”

            Future. Consequences. Future.

            You agreed.

            He kissed your forehead ever so lightly before peppering kisses down your cheeks back to your lips. He kissed you so passionately, so smoothly like his life depended on it. Your lives depending on it. As he pulled off of you, he panted for breath, rolling to his back. He looked up at the crystal clear sky above and smirked. He looked over at you and grabbed for your hand.

            “Was I ok?” he asked timidly. You shot up to look at him, in disbelief that he took your breath away but still so shyly asked about it. All you could do was nod. “Great, because I hope to be even better in the future just like I have a hotter body,” he joked, eliciting a childish yet compelling laugh from you. “It’s so nice to see you smile, so let’s eat. Then we can learn anything and everything we ever wanted about each other. I would love to learn about who I’m willing to endure whatever comes with.” You smiled a bright smile that matched his own caring, comforting eye smile before reaching for the food.

            The sun had since set and the winds had started to blow a little harder. Most of the other visitors had left and it was only you two on the pier at the very edge, almost as if at the edge of the world and that was all that mattered. The waves continued to do their own cycle of crashing and ebbing, breaking and coming together and to them, that was their edge, yet everything was at peace.

            “Did you have a nice day?” Shinwoo asked expectantly, grabbing your hand as you stared into the white streaked waters.

            “Of course, I did. I’m glad that you sort of forced me to ask you out and-“you were interrupted by a kiss, soft and quick yet chaste and passionate.

            “I’m glad that you sort of forced me to accept and-“

            “Stop talking Shin Dongwoo and kiss me,” you chuckled before bringing him down by his collar for a kiss. “Thank you for a wonderful time. Maybe we can do this again?”

            “I would love to, but next time it’s my turn. We’ve got quite a few more episodes to go,” he smiled softly.