It was five in the morning, hours after their first night in Japan, after their melodramatic confession. Amber wasn't really able to sleep. She woke up every once in a while, ecstatic and giddy, checking her memories. Every time she woke up, Krystal was tightly snuggled in her arms, a reassurance that everything was real.

The knocking came a few seconds after she decided to go back to sleep for the hundredth time. Amber groaned, shifted, and tried to pull Krystal closer because it was cold and she had kicked her share of blanket down to her ankles in her restless sleep. 

"Someone's knocking." Krystal said, sounding alert.

Amber inhaled the familiar scent of her hair and "Mm."-ed.

When the rapping on the door persisted, Krystal got up so quick that Amber fully woke up, eyes wide in surprise. The thick curtains covered the tall glass windows entirely but the land of the rising sun wakes up early. Color was starting to fill the otherwise bleak environment. The bedside lamp didn't look so bright as it did last night. 

Krystal was tiptoeing to the door, hissing incoherent phrases, as she pointed at Amber and her bed. 

Oh, right.

Amber bolted up and threw herself on her own bed a few steps away, grabbing handfuls of the unused blanket to cover herself. She lay still and gave the other girl a thumbs up. She kept most of her face covered with the blanket but made sure she could still see what was happening by the doorway when Krystal opened the door carefully.

"Surprise! Room service~!" 

The light from the hallway entered the room when Krystal opened the door wider. Amber heard her mumbling, "Unnie~ Do you know what time it is? Is this a special day? Why are you awake already?" 

"We've only got two hours before our schedule for the day starts. This is the only time we get to eat properly before the concert proper. I, your considerate and kind sister, who prefers not waking up before noon, wakes up at five in the morning to deliver you breakfast and-- I didn't even get a thank you?" 

"You sound like it was you who cooked and not the hotel but --- fine." was all Krystal could say before swinging the door open. "Thank you, unnie, but you could've just told me you wanted to eat breakfast together."

The lights flickered on and Amber squinted at the gleam of numerous silver platters and trays entering the room. Her line of sight allowed her to see Jessica, in a shirt and jogging pants, pushing the food cart past her bed. Krystal was lifting the aluminum covers of the platters one by one. The unmistakable aroma of coffee wafted in the air. A full course meal of bacon, eggs and burger. American style, of course.

"I share the room with Amber." Krystal hushed, as a matter-of-factly.

"When she wakes up, she'll join us for breakfast." Jessica muttered low and sat on the exact spot on Krystal's bed where Amber was snuggling Krystal just a few minutes ago. Amber's stomach tightened to knots. "If you wake her up now, she'll have breakfast sooner."

Amber had no problem pretending to be asleep for the next two hours. Or until they were done eating. She could always pretend to be woken up by a call, grab her things and crash in the next room. That way, she'd be able to reduce her interaction with Jessica the most. Only a little smile and a curt bow would do.

Krystal glanced at Amber, who was a huge lump of white blanket, and met her gaze before turning back to her sister. She whispered, "You think she won't wake up because we're so noisy?"

"It's her choice when to wake up."

“Unnie -- ”

“I can’t help it.”

Amber only heard movements and shuffling past this point because she was facing the opposite direction from Krystal's bed. She didn't dare move either, since any kind of noise from her would give her disguise away. 

But wouldn't she look more suspicious, even if after all the noise and light she remained asleep?

Silverware clanged. Coffee sips were taken. The Jung sisters ate in silence for a couple of minutes, which took Amber by surprise, since Jessica sounded really happy when she came in. Then it hit her. In Krystal's rush to get to the door at the second round of knocking she had forgotten the most crucial thing to do. Hide her puffy red eyes.

Jessica asked in a hushed voice, "You cried last night, didn't you?"

There were so many ways to die, Amber thought. 

She already had a long list in her mind. Most involved pain and sadness. Accidents. Murder. Poison. Sickness. Old age. The rest, which she felt with a little pang of pity, were just plain stupid. But none of them scared her. She could drop dead right now and be grateful.

"We watched sad movies." Krystal said.

"Those are not the eyes that cried because of a sad movie." Jessica said. Her voice sounded alarmingly loud and high-pitched. "You seemed fine yesterday. If something was bothering you before Victoria-ssi took you out to dinner, I'd know."

"It's nothing, alright?"

There was an uneasy stretch of silence before Jessica spoke again, “Let’s talk outside.” 

Those were the last words Amber heard. The sisters were moving, standing up. Soft footsteps on thick carpet. A knob being turned. The door opening and closing. She did not dare move from her spot but tried her best not to breathe in hopes of hearing whatever conversation the siblings were having outside their room. It was silent for a couple of minutes. When the door opened and closed again, it was only Krystal who came back, much to Amber’s surprise (and relief). 

Amber got up that instant, came out of the sheets and sat up, her eyes wide, expectant. 

“It’s fine. We’re fine.” Krystal said, but she didn’t look fine. She sat on the bed in front of Amber’s, looking distant. She seemed reluctant to meet her gaze. 

Amber reached out and took Krystal’s hands in hers. “What happened?”

“You know my sister knows that we’re really close ever since our trainee days. I don’t know. I think she’s starting to suspect something’s going on between us.” Krystal replied. Her eyes remained on their twined fingers. “Something like this. She was very upset.”

It meant one simple thing: as far as sisters go, Jessica had been keeping close tabs on them. It also didn’t help that Amber was scared of her, whether it was because she was Krystal’s older sister or because Jessica often looked at her as if she had done something wrong.

And it was clear with the way Krystal was biting her lower lip and fidgeting over their fingers. Her swollen red eyes could easily be disguised with make-up but barefaced, it was fairly noticeable. “She thinks you made me cry.”

Rest in peace, Amber Liu. You will be remembered.  

“S-she - what?” Something hitched in Amber’s throat. Her insides were tying themselves in intricate, anxious knots. It meant another thing: she was going do her best to steer clear from SNSD as far as possible in the next forty eight hours. 

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” 

“No, no. Let’s not blame anything on anyone.” 

No one spoke for a few minutes. Amber massaged Krystal’s fingers because they were starting to get cold and sweaty. The younger girl’s eyes remained transfixed on their hands. When Krystal finally looked up and met her gaze, she said, “You haven’t eaten yet.”

“I’m not hungry.” Amber turned to the silverware and saw something amiss, like something that wasn’t supposed to be there existed. Most likely just an optical illusion; bacon, eggs, untouched food, a full mug of coffee. “Soojung-ah, did -- ”

“Yeah.” Krystal frowned. “My sister ordered breakfast for three people.”

Their schedule in the Japan went quickly. f(x) spent the rest of the day rehearsing. Skinship with Krystal became minimal and was reduced to the nights they spent in their hotel room. On the two consecutive nights of SM Town’s concert, Amber tried her best to stay away from SNSD if she could; whether it was passing by their dressing room, sharing