Panic.

Worry.

Fear.

Sorry.

Concern.

Hopelessness.

Helpless.

These are all the feelings that are plaguing Jiyong’s mind currently. As soon as the words fell off of Krystal’s mouth, a sense of panic invaded in mind and body.

He felt panic that his girlfriend was having an attack while being far away from him and with no one to help her and comfort her. No one who knows how to handle her.

Worry that she could end up hurting herself and get worse and maybe end up in the hospital.

Fear of losing her to depression all over again.

He felt sorry that he couldn’t be there next to her, to help her overcome this attack.

Concern over his girlfriend’s wellbeing. Over her mental state. Concern about how she was going to face this without him.

Hopeless and helpless that he couldn’t do anything to help her, because he’s here, in Tokyo and she’s there, in New York. There’s nothing he could do to help her. He couldn’t hold her in his arm and tell her everything’s gonna be okay. Whisper encouraging and calming words to her.

After he instructed Krystal to do everything that he couldn’t do to help Jessica feel a sense of calm and prevent her from hurting herself. All that was left was to talk to her. He hopes that his voice through the speaker of a phone would be enough to reach her.

Jiyong stood up and excuse himself from everyone and made his way towards his waiting room for some privacy.

The faint sound of running water could be heard in through the phone, so he was sure that Krystal had probably left to make some tea like he had instructed her to.

Taking a sit on the couch in his waiting room, Jiyong heaves a small sigh, his heart aching as he listens to Jessica’s helpless squeals and small quiet screams. He felt so useless. He couldn’t do anything to help her.

Normally if she got an attack like this, he would be holding her in his arms, let her bite on his hand or shirt, let her nails sink into the fabric of his shirt as her small hand's fist on it.

But now, for the first time ever after he found out about her attacks, he couldn’t do anything while she faces this attack alone.

“Sica baby…” Jiyong swallows the lumps in the back of his throat. “Baby, it’s me. I’m right here, darling. Can you hear me?”

Jiyong stills for a moment as he tries to hear what was going on on the other side. He could hear her screams quieting down and lessening. Good, that was a sign that she could hear him.

“You can hear me right? That’s good. Baby, can you take a deep breath for me? All you have to do is just follow what I say, just like all the other times we did it together. Do you think you can do that for me?” Pause, and he can hear a faint moan from her. Alright, this is going well. “Okay babe, you ready? Breathe in… and breathe out… Okay, one more time. Breathe in… and out. You’re doing great sweetie. Let’s do it again, okay? Breathe in… and breathe out… In… and out.”

Eyes close, Jiyong followed along with his own words, trying to calm himself as well. He could hear the faint sound of his girlfriend’s breath, inhaling and exhaling, following his instruction well.

“You’re doing so good baby girl. I’m so proud of you.” Okay, she’s breathing normally, now moving on to the next stage, calming her down. “Love, do you miss me? I miss you so much. I can’t wait to see you again. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and shower you with kisses, tell you how much I love you and miss you. I want to cuddle with you while we watch some movies together, and eat your home cooked food and maybe eat some pizzas. Doesn’t that sound so nice, sweetheart?”

“Mmm…” A small whimper of reply comes from his phone, making Jiyong smile.

Laying down on the couch with his legs up on the armrest and the other arm behind his head, Jiyong breathe a sigh of relieve. “And then I’ll take you out on a date. We can go to the Han River, or maybe I can take you to the beach. You said you wanted to go there right? And we can go visit my parents at the Villa and also visit Gaho and Jolie. You always said that you missed them. We can also take Iye with us, doesn’t that sound good?”

“O…oppa…” And cue Jiyong’s breath hitched and his heart cracking at the sound of his vulnerable girlfriend’s voice.

“I’m right here baby.”

“Oppa… oppa…” Jessica’s sobs vibrate against his eardrum.

Jiyong closes his eyes, feeling so helpless while he listens to her cries. “I’m here baby. I’m right here. Everything’s gonna be okay, love. I just need you to calm down and breathe. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you baby. I’m so sorry I can’t be there.”

If it was possible, Jiyong felt like his whole crash into millions of pieces every time a sob breaks out from his precious girlfriend’s mouth. If ever he was given 1 wish right now, it would be to be beside Jessica right at this moment so that he could calm her down and kiss all her troubles away.

“Baby girl, my sweet precious baby girl. Please stop crying sweetheart. You know how much I hate hearing you cry. Remember what I said about your tears? They’re so precious to me and I don’t want you to shed them so easily. I know my baby girl is stronger than this.” Jiyong bites his lip in frustration.

“I need you… oppa I need you here with me…”

“I know sweetheart, but I can’t be there right now. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I can’t be there with you. But you know what? If you hold onto your necklace that I gave you and close your eyes and breathe calmly, you’ll see me there. You know why? Because I’m always there in your heart, and you’re always in mine.”

Jiyong smiles lightly as he hears her cries calming down and just some sniffling and hiccups were the only thing heard from her.

“Can you see me baby girl? I’m right there with you in your heart.”

“I… can see you…”

“That’s good. Are you calm now baby?”

“Y-yes…”

“That’s my girl. I love you Sooyeon.”

“I love you too oppa.”

“Did you hurt yourself at all? Any scratches on you?”

“No.”

“Alright. That’s good.”

Jiyong let out a small relief sigh and continues to whisper sweet words to her such as, ‘I miss you’, ‘I’m so proud of you,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘you’re so strong,’ and so on until he hears the sound of a door opening from the other side.

 “Unnie… I brought you some tea.” Krystal’s faint voice came from the background of the phone call, making Jiyong smile in relief knowing that Jessica is now in good hands as Krystal can most probably deal with a calmer Jessica.

Jiyong silently listens to Krystal giving Jessica her tea and spoke to her calmly. And next thing he knows, he was on the phone with his girlfriend’s sister.

Krystal: Oppa, I already gave her the tea.

Jiyong: That’s good. Is she calmer? Still crying? I can’t see her so I wasn’t sure.

Krystal: Yeah, she’s calm. And no, she’s not crying anymore.

Jiyong: That’s good. Is the party still going on? Cause if it is, I suggest you and Ae Cha end it and the