Lay tried to keep his mind blank as he wandered aimlessly though the building, foraging into unmarked territory. The empty rooms and dusty, forgotten furniture were perfect for the mysterious, ghostly setting, but Lay had given up on trying to understand. He had given up on trying to understand what has happened, what was happing, what would happen. It was learned helplessness by now. He had decided, sometime between Kyungsoo’s disappearance and Baekhyun’s, that he would just wait and see. He’d just sit back and watch the show until he somehow ended up on the stage, under the spotlight; until he recited his last line without even knowing; until it was his turn to vanish without any explanation nor warning.

It was a sad thought, maybe. He thought that he used to be different. He used to want, but now he just didn’t care. It was weird, a little unsettling, but maybe that was the effect of this place. Nothing made sense, and there was nothing to make sense of. No need to make sense of anything. Yes, that was a good mindset. The only mindset he could have to stay sane.

The corridor he was walking down came to a dead end just as he found some semblance of inner peace. He heaved a sigh and turned to go back, but the wooden door caught his attention, as if it was beckoning at him.

Ah, it.

Curiosity killed the cat, he thought, but satisfaction brought it back.

He placed his hands on the thick wooden door, feeling the texture against his palms, timid excitement bubbling inside him. He pushed, the door creaked, and he entered what seemed like a whole new world. He stilled in the doorway, taking in the shelves of books that rose from the floor and towered over him.

While the rest of the building was shadowy and desolate, this library even had a window (though there was no chance of being able to open it). Lay hadn’t even realized how badly he ached for the outside world until he was met with rays of sunshine streaming in through the window. Dust particles danced in the sunbeams and he let out a sigh of satisfaction.

A cough came from between the shelves and Lay jumped, whirling around and raising his arms instinctively. “Who the ?” he said, hopefully in an intimidating tone.

Rustles sounded until a shock of tussled hair poked out from behind a shelf. Lay approached with cautious steps towards the mysterious man, but was let down.

“Oh,” he uttered with slight disappointment.

“Oh Sehun,” the boy said.

Lay blinked once and coughed awkwardly. "Oh, hi Sehun," he replied as the boy in question ducked back behind the bookshelf. "What are you doing here?" Lay asked, and immediately regretted it. Sehun was sitting on the ground, surrounded by books. Anyone could guess what he was doing.

"Hiding from Tao," Sehun said. "He likes me too much."

The reply made Lay feel a little less socially awkward. He took it as a signal that Sehun didn't object to presence and he sat down too.  "I'm always hiding from him. He hates me too much."

Sehun chuckled and looked up from the open book in his lap. "You seem like a nice person, but I'm not going to question Tao," he said with a small smile. "Anyway, any recs?"

"Huh?"

"Any book recommendations?" Sehun elaborated.

"Oh." Lay's cheeks flushed for whatever reason and he began looking at the books on the shelf nearest to him, running a finger down the spines. "What books do you like?"

"Anything. Dark or thought-provoking ones are the best though."

"Oedipus? The Picture of Dorian Gray? Pale Fire? The Handmaid's Tale? Les Miserables?" Lay rattled off the first books that came to mind.

"Oh please," Sehun scoffed. "Do you think I'm an uncultured peasant? Tell me something I haven't read before." Lay gave him a look and Sehun laughed. "What?" he asked innocently. "I need new stuff."

Lay rolled his eyes although, deep down, he was pleasantly surprised. He wasn't sure what his first impression of the boy was, but he wasn't expecting Sehun to be a fan of classic literature. "Uh . . . What about 48 Hours? It's psychological and twisted, and I bet you haven't read it before."

Sehun looked at him interest. "I'll read it if you can find it in here."

Lay narrowed his eyes and pulled himself to his feet without another word. The library was huge and well-stocked with both classic and obscure titles, but its organization was . He groaned as he scoured yet another shelf, his eyes straining and his back aching, and Sehun's snicker traveled from somewhere in the room. 

"Did you make that book up?" Sehun called.

"Patience, you lil' !"

What is the point? he complained to himself, but he kept going anyway. It was better than freaking out over the situation, and he suddenly really wanted Sehun to read the book and go through the same emotional torture he did.

And finally . . .

He swore there was a halo around the book and the title "48 Hours" was glowing.

" yes!" Lay cheered. He quickly grabbed the book out and strode triumphantly back to Sehun. "Here," he said, handing it to the boy. "Read it and weep."

Sehun accepted it and studied the cover. "If it turns out to be a crappy book, you'll be the one to weep," he warned.

Lay scoffed and went to find a book for himself.

~ ~ ~

They met again, Sehun barging into Lay’s peace this time, but Lay was still the one who had a fright.

“Why are you so scared all the time?” Sehun questioned as he dropped down beside Lay.

“I’m not scared, I’m just sensitive to sudden noises,” Lay protested. “Don’t look at me like that!”

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Okay, whatever. I finished the book, by the way.”

“How was it?”

“Why did you tell me to read it?” Sehun whined and Lay smirked. “It’s way too similar to what’s going on with us and it’s creepy. And it’s so dark and –”

“But was it good?” Lay pressed.

Sehun sighed and Lay felt an unusual rush of satisfaction that cut through the unsettling haze that had settled around him since he woke up in this building. “It was good . . . but I wish I never read it.”

“Too late for that,” Lay sang with a cheeky smile.

They settled into a quiet silence, but suddenly Sehun said, “Tao told me to stay away from you.”

And Lay couldn’t keep the question inside him anymore. “What does he have against me?” he asked.

“ . . . uh?” Sehun answered helpfully.

“You two are so close. Don’t you know? I never did anything to him!”

Mixed emotions battled on Sehun’s face. “You’re a nice guy and I like you, so I’m not going to stay away from you,” he said carefully, “but if Tao hates you, then he has his reasons. You probably did something douchey to him.”

“I thought we’re friends!”

“We are, which is why I started with ‘you’re a nice guy and I like you’,” Sehun replied with an eye roll, but Lay wasn’t satisfied.

“Then tell me more about him.”

Sehun raised an eyebrow. “Why are you getting so worked up over this? Shouldn’t you be more worried about things like the countdown or Kai, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s disappearance?”

“Those are too complicated to think about, so no,” Lay said in a bored tone as he had asked himself the same question and replied with the same answer many, many times before. “And anyway, you started this conversation,” he continued. “So, explain. He said that he remembered you and now you two are the closest friends. And he said he remembered me, but I get death glares instead.”

Idly flipping through a book, Sehun shrugged. “I thought he was pretty weird at first and I still don’t remember him being in my life at all, but it seems right to be his friend. The more I talk to him and the closer we get, the more it feels like it’s always been like this,” he mused, a small smile beginning to form. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Lay replied quietly. It was exactly how it felt with Xiumin. He just naturally gravitated towards the elder and there was a familiarity that Lay couldn’t explain. And maybe Tao’s animosity towards him was the same thing, but that didn’t explain anything and he was wasting time and limited brain power.

“Maybe we were really close before, like lover-close,” Sehun was saying.

“And yet you forgot him. Maybe you’re the douche,” Lay teased and a book was thrown at him in response.

~ ~ ~

Private meeting number three was on a dreary afternoon. The location was the library, as before. Lay found Sehun sitting, motionless, facing the large window with a forgotten book in his hands, occasionally illuminated by flashes of lightning.

“Are you . . . okay?” Lay asked.

The boy jumped and whirled around, the book clattering onto the floor as a clap of thunder sounded. Lay wanted to make a joke about the roles finally being reversed, but shut his mouth after seeing the other’s face. “Are you okay?” he asked again with concern.

Sehun sat back down as if collapsing into himself. “Tao,” he mumbled. “I remember.” Lay dropped down beside him and peered at him, wondering if he was supposed to reply. “We were so close before and then he left without a word. One day we were the best of friends and then . . . and then the next, he was gone. And I never saw him again until now.”

“Oh,” Lay breathed out. It wasn’t the story he had been expecting.

“How could he say that he remembered and act so nice to me when he left me?” Sehun cried. Lightning reflected off of glistening streaks down his cheeks and rolling thunder made fitting background music.

Lay bit his lips. “Maybe that’s his way of apologizing,” he tried.

The other buried his face in his hands. “That’s not what I want,” he said, sniffling. “I want an explanation.”

So do I.

“Did you ask him about it?” he questioned.

“No,” Sehun admitted. “I- I don’t want to ruin things again.”

Lay sighed and attempted at giving Sehun reassuring pats on the back. He stared off into the stormy night and he drowned as a tidal wave from the past crashed over him. Maybe it would be better to not remember.

Move on from the past and live in the now, as they all said. The present was what was important, after all.

a short ing chapter because i'm self-indulgent