Xiumin was not there anymore. Which could only mean one thing.

Lay pushed himself off the bed, past the empty spot, and out the door. The hallway was empty and his mind was empty, save for the burning ball of emotions. Rage, regret, confusion? Destruction didn’t need a name or reason.

His stalking steps led him to the living room and he threw the door open. As fate would have it, Luhan and Kris were there. Their conversation broke off with his entrance and they stared at him with guarded eyes.

There was a pregnant pause, like a moment of silence for the souls lost, like the last calm before the storm.

Luhan recovered first. “Where’s Sehun?” he asked.

But in answer, Lay charged forward, shoved Luhan against the wall, hand curled tightly around the other’s throat. “Where’s Xiumin?” he demanded.

Luhan’s eyes widened, either in shock or from the lack of oxygen. He flailed against Lay’s iron grip as Kris muttered curses and tried to pull the two apart. But Lay wouldn’t budge. “Where the is Xiumin?” he snarled. Although deep down, he knew Luhan had nothing to do with the disappearance.

“He’s gone?” Luhan gasped out. “H-how would I know?”

“He was with you last,” Kris added in accusation towards Lay.

Ignoring the man still trying to get in between, Lay twisted his lips into an ugly sneer. “The last thing Xiumin told me was that you two had a fight.” Oh, if only he could crumple this throat, snap the neck and rip apart the body! “You hate me so much that you would, you-”

Kris finally succeeded in pulling Lay back. The man stumbled backwards as Luhan massaged his reddening neck. The latter’s eyes were filled with so many question marks, a mirror image of Lay from before.

But when he spoke, his voice was steady and sure. “I don’t hate you, Xing. I never did. I worried because I care! Look at you now. Just look.”

But Lay just kept his eyes trained on Luhan.

“Back then, we were all stupid and young, full of ideas. You were the only one who had serious ambitions, but it led you down the wrong path.” Luhan sighed. “If you really think I hate anyone, it’s myself. I should never have helped you in the first place.”

“Because I turned into a monster? Or because I became more powerful than you?”

Luhan squinted and let out a laugh, a sound that transmitted such weariness, sadness and pity. Which only poured gasoline on the fire already devouring Lay’s soul.

“Those who are truly powerful won’t feel threatened by others.”

At that jab, Lay finally turned to focus his glare on Kris. “What does this have to do with you?” He pushed those words slowly and forcefully out from between his teeth. Ground and mangled, they littered the floor.

“I care for Luhan.”

Lay arched an eyebrow. Luhan’s eyebrows shot up. “Don’t speak nonsense-”

And of course Kris kept going. "There was no doubt who was fit to be in charge and who was the true leader." In the face of Lay’s hateful stare, he smiled. The condescending and hair-raising movement made Lay realize how alone he was now.

How many days had gone by since waking up in this mansion? They began with 12 members and though drama had happened the very first day, they managed to bond. He had been so happy with Xiumin, with Luhan, with Sehun. The snapshots of jokes and midnight conversations and reading sessions were now fading to monochrome.

When did his relationship with Luhan become so sour? What happened so that things fell in place (fell apart) and he ended his friendship with Sehun with his own hand? And Xiumin . . . what did Lay ever do to deserve such a loyal brother, just to lose it all before he could appreciate it?

A small voice told him the culprit was Luhan. If Luhan hadn’t stumbled upon and broken  his kiss with Sehun, if Luhan hadn’t accused him of betraying their childhood friend group, if Luhan hadn’t gotten between him and his brother . . .

And now in this room, there was only Luhan, completely different from before, and Kris. There was no one who would defend him, speak up for him, care for him. They were all gone. He was the one who pushed them off the cliff of existence.

But before Kris could continue rubbing it in, a cranking sound filled the room. It shattered the animosity and their eyes flitted wildly, trying to find the source.

Just like the first day, Luhan was the observant one.

“The countdown,” he whispered.

Right before Lay’s eyes, the numbers changed. It occurred to him that he had never seen the countdown in motion. And he would gladly forget this sight, if possible. It was out of their control, a reminder that they were just clueless flies in this intricate web.

07

06

05

The “5” quivered before settling.

They were so close to the end and Lay had a feeling it was almost his turn.

“Who do you want to disappear next, huh?” Kris asked in jest.

Lay sneered. “I never want to see you again.”

If only things really went his way.

~ ~ ~

Regardless of what he wanted to prove, it was clear he didn’t belong. And rather than staying to fight off the accusations, he retreated from the living room. There was nowhere he could go in this big mansion. Every room was either empty or too full of memories.

He couldn’t even find Suho. And though Lay was his own monster, he could only find refuge in his room. Maybe his unconscious mind could give him a break from reality.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The tiny flames of the candles flicker. Annoyed, Kris takes one and plops it into his wine glass. Luhan, sprawled on the sofa, changes his position to look over the plan. Tapping his cigarette, Lay watches for Luhan’s reaction. Ashes fall endlessly.

“The Wangs need to be taught a lesson,” Luhan finally says. He looks up at the leader and smiles mischievously. “I’ll do it, Xing.”

“They're powerful and heartless. One slipup and you’re dead,” Lay warns mildly. “Are you sure?”

Luhan pushes himself into an upright position. “What are you worrying about? I’d do anything for you.”

Lay smiles, but it hurts.

Kris throws another candle into his wine. All light is snuffed.

Lay and Kris stand at two sides as Luhan bows before the statue of Guan Gong. The protective war god smiles down and the incense is dizzying.

Did it go according to plan?

Lay and Kris stand at two sides and bow before the black and white picture of Luhan. The boy smiles down and the incense is dizzying.

Is it the right plan?

Is it the right thing?

1 month later, i update with a short and crappy chapter

thanks to everyone who has stayed with me, it's been a harder fic to write than i expected and your love is what keeps me going lol. please comment! <3

i have 2 more chapters planned. 018 is already written but 017 refuses to happen T_T