Description: Behind the scandals, there's a secret that lies within. A secret that only the two of them know. Behind the rumors, there's a truth that lies within. A truth that many will not believe and will not accept.

Warning: Pure Angst

Original Title:

"Nobody knows when we always know"

Taeyeon and I shared a special relationship in which I didn't know what we were to each other since I have a girlfriend. Is it wrong to have a crush when you're already in a relationship? As long as I'm in a relationship, I swore to myself that I wouldn't entertain any other girls. But in our case, we started off as friends. She came to my life when Kiko and I were in a cool-off period. I didn't know if it's right to flirt with another woman. What I was saying was that, Kiko and I were in a temporary breakup so I thought it was okay.

I was confident that my love for Kiko was strong and that I wouldn't like any other woman. But then I did. Taeyeon liked me — I felt it. I wasn't ready that time yet I made her hope. Through my actions, I made her believe that someday, we could be a thing. We were almost a couple but as what I always answered to my friends whenever they asked, I said, "We are just friends."

About Kim Taeyeon, we once talked about herself and her failed relationships— of how she overcame a past unrequited love, of how she was badly treated by one of her past boyfriends, of how depressed she was when her last boyfriend left her. Still and all, she didn't stop believing that someday— someday, she would meet her one and true prince charming that would give the love she yearned all these years. With these all, I saw myself in her. We almost had the same experience when it comes to relationship. I was the type to give everything to my woman. That was before. But after my first girlfriend cheated on me, I changed. From my second girlfriend up to Kiko, I played this push-pull maneuver. I would make them fall for me hard then the next day, I would be cold and they would come and chase me. My relationships lasted only for two years.

One time she admitted her true feelings for me in front of our friends. That was the biggest leap she made. I thought she was just making fun of me when she did that but I noticed she's sincere about it. She said she likes me very much. Our setup prolonged but we didn't talk about us. The things between Kiko and I ended after our cool-off period. At least, if Taeyeon became my girlfriend, I wouldn't be labelled as a cheater.

I became selfish. I wanted her be mine and mine only. I came to the point that I even stopped her from seeing her guy friends often. I knew she was doing it intentionally to make me jealous. Maybe she was getting impatient of me. With our friends' help, they pushed me to my limit. It was when I started denying my growing feelings for her. Heechul dated her. I knew it was fake because they are just best friends so I ignored it. My friends kept on teasing and bugging me to grow some balls and to man up. But still, I didn't make a move.

Then one day, I ed up! I was totally clueless as to why I stopped texting her, calling her, seeing her, and hanging out with her squad. Usually when I do push-pull maneuver, it would only last for days. But with what I did for Taeyeon, it lasted for a month! She texted and called me many times but I blocked her number on my phone. Desperately, she even bugged my friends and kept on asking them what was wrong with me to treat her this way.

Eventually, I realized the reason: I was afraid that I was already falling for her. I avoided my feelings for her. I busied myself in my studio. The more I avoided it, the more intense it became... I shouldn't be missing her. I shouldn't be thinking her, and most of all, my heart should stop skipping a beat even when I only saw her pictures, or whenever I stalked her on Instagram, or she posted a new selca. My friends gave me advices and they all came up with the same conclusion: "Bro, you're in love with her." At first, I couldn't believe it. I don't really fall in love easily. I contemplated about it. She's Kim Taeyeon, she's not that hard to love. She's almost perfect, a girlfriend material and I didn't deny it anymore — I'm in love with her.

But the day I made up my mind was the day everything between us ended. Rumors of Taeyeon dating her hoobae were spreading around the web. Of course, I was shocked and upset. If you would ask me what I felt, I was livid. I was betrayed and I felt like I was two-timed! It hurts! She made me believe that she likes me. It ing hurts me!

But who's to blame?

Obviously, it's me. If only I had stopped being foolish, a douche, maybe we're already happy. Maybe we're already a couple. Far from what I expected, tables turned and I was the one who chased her but I only ended with my biggest heartbreak ever.