Baekhyun

I awoke in a headache. The sun was blaring in at me and it hurt to open my eyes and look because of the light. I grunted and rolled over, and found myself right up in to a back. After a few disoriented thoughts, I remembered that it must be Chanyeol’s.

Slowly, memories of the night before started to trickle in. Dinner, drinking, Eunji, lots of giggling, Chanyeol bringing me here. The memories were a bit fuzzy at first but as I tried to remember more, more appeared as if brought forward by magic.

I had been crying, worried that no one would ever find me attractive. I had told Chanyeol that I found him attractive. He had told me that he found me attractive.

Oh god, I had wrestled him down on the bed. I reddened at the thought of it and had to beg Chanyeol for forgiveness after he woke up. I usually became rather emotional and irrational when I drank. I had a couple of memories of kissing people I didn’t even know and couldn’t remember the faces of afterward while I was drunk. Now that I think back on it, it’s possible some of those could have been guys. Thank god I hadn’t done anything like that to Chanyeol! He’d made it pretty clear he didn’t intend to kiss me.

Chanyeol rolled over in his sleep, almost rolling over me if I hadn’t scooted out of his way. This way, I could look at his sleeping face. I knew I shouldn’t be staring at him while he slept but I did anyway, who was to reprimand me? And besides, I was only staring his way because I didn’t want the sun in my eyes.

Damn him, he even looked cool when he slept. Tousled hair, heavy eyelids, stoic mouth and a relaxed softness to his features. He looked… angelic… no, maybe unearthly is a better world. There was some kind of force coming out of him that made me think more of devils than angels, some kind of pulling that told me to do reckless things, forbidden things. Exactly the kind of thing kissing was.

I didn’t realize I was staring at his lips. It wasn’t until he moved slightly that I had registered where I was looking. He really had beautiful lips. Not that I should even be thinking that, but I couldn’t deny it. I was struck not the first time by the want to kiss him. I couldn’t really put my finger on the feeling, just that it was something from within me, urging me to just try it out. Wanting me to fall down in to the rabbit hole and have my whole world turned upside down.

I didn’t kiss him. I wouldn’t. It seemed like something you didn’t do to people sleeping if you weren’t, like… together. And maybe not even then would it be okay.

But in a way, we were together. Maybe we didn’t agree with it but the government had wanted us to fall in love and marry, had foreseen it happening. So on paper, we were already a couple. As soon as the Bonding was over, everybody would assume we were together, everyone here did already think that. I remembered vaguely Eunji calling me Chanyeol’s boyfriend the day before and none of us had bothered to correct her. Would that be my life from now on? People assuming that me and Chanyeol were a couple and we slowly becoming too lazy to correct them.

Maybe it would be best if we moved far apart after all this. It would’ve been nice to be Chanyeol’s friend after this, I liked him well enough. But that wasn’t going to be possible, not if I ever wanted a chance with someone else. People would automatically think of me as already occupied. And that wouldn’t include only the people that knew me. Thanks to Chanyeol’s famous dad, everybody would know us and those who didn’t would soon be informed. There was no hiding our match if we were together. Chanyeol may never be able to hide it at all, people would probably remember his face better than mine. So even if I weren’t with him, people would still assume Chanyeol wasn’t up for grabs. But me? I could start over, somewhere different. Nobody would remember my face. And if they did remember me, that would soon wear off and in a few years it would be as if it never had happened.

“Good morning…” Chanyeol hummed, sleepily opening his eyes to look at me.

“Morning” I said, smiling faintly at him.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, yawning “You became pretty drunk last night.”

“I’m doing better now. I’m no good with alcohol.”I confessed and Chanyeol smiled, his eyes still closed. The sun hit his face and hair, making him look golden.

“I could tell.” Chanyeol said, amused “You were a handful, you know.”

“Sorry…” I mumbled, embarrassed “And sorry for… umh… pushing you down, and all.”

He laughed, and I could feel his breath hit my face, warm and pleasant.

“Yeah, that was an experience.” Chanyeol said, still sounding amused. I was happy he didn’t seem disgusted or uncomfortable about it.

Chanyeol

I really hoped I came off as nonchalant. I tried so hard not to seem fazed by what had happened. But that was a lie. My heart still beat like crazy when I thought back.

It had seemed so simple last night, so easy. I could’ve just kissed him, or let him kiss me. It would have been easy for me to laugh it off, I was an actor’s son after all. We could’ve blamed it all on the alcohol and then remember it as part of a crazy night.

But what scared me the most was that even though I was now sober, if not a bit hung over, I still felt like kissing him just as much. It still felt simple, even though I would have nothing to blame it on. I could feel the warmth of his body close to mine as we lay in bed, me pretending to snooze as an excuse not to get up. The truth was, my body strictly told me to stay, wanting to keep close to him, needing to feel the warmth.

I could just reach out my hand slightly and I could’ve pulled him closer by his waist. Push him up against my body and plant my lips on his.

Was I really daydreaming of making out with a guy? I asked myself. A week ago, I would’ve never believed anyone who’d told me this was my future.

“Hey,” Baekhyun said and I felt his hand brush up against my chest. “are you falling back to sleep?” His hand shook me a little, gently pushing against me. Shivers spread out from where he was touching me and I felt my arm start moving.

 It was on instinct, and I blamed it all on me probably being half asleep and having thought about it just a moment earlier. My hand came to rest around Baekhyun’s waist and before I had any time to register my body’s movements, I pushed us closer together, my mouth and nose burying themselves in to his soft hair. I breathed in and smelled something sweet.

A part of me was panicking, but the larger part was telling me to just relax. Soon, I would have to pretend to wake up and I could blame it all on me being asleep. I didn’t need to worry about consequences, not now. I let myself stay close, just like my body had begged of me for a whole day’s cycle.

Baekhyun

I didn’t know what to do.

My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest.

I didn’t want to move.

But that was because I didn’t want to wake Chanyeol, not because I…. wanted to stay like this.

Or did I? I had just been wanting to kiss him so who was I kidding? Of course I wanted to stay.

My face was right up by his neck and I could so easily kiss his skin. I would just need to tilt my head and my lips would connect. I didn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. I was afraid that if I let myself, I wouldn’t know how to stop. And that terrified me. What if one small brush of my lips to his skin progressed to kissing, and gradually I would move my lips to his, wake him up and from there, we’d both just go on until there was nothing left to separate us.

I couldn’t allow myself even a piece of the cake because if I began eating, I knew I wouldn’t stop. And wasn’t that terrifying?

I suddenly felt Chanyeol’s hand at my lower back. It was slowly pushing itself in under the hem of my shirt and I my breath in as a fire started within me. I felt like I was truly burning, the small movements of Chanyeol’s hand sending my whole body in to an inferno. But I didn’t wake him. I wouldn’t really admit it to myself but the truth was that I didn’t want to wake him, to make him stop. A part of me just wanted this whole thing to be done, it just wanted to taste how your one true match would be. Maybe, we could just go along with it for this trip, just so that we’d both know. Just so that we wouldn’t have to wonder for our whole life what it would have been like with our destined partner.

Chanyeol’s fingers was making small patterns over my skin as it traveled further up my back, hiking my shirt up slightly with it. My breath hitched and I knew I should stop this. I should wake him up, I should make this all stop. What was I doing? I couldn’t really have just thought that we should just… do it!? What was wrong with me? Where did my rationality go? I acted as if I still was drunk. But… maybe I was? Maybe I was still drunk from the night before and that was why my brain worked as it did. That must be it! Right?

Chanyeol

This was dangerous, too dangerous. I was being reckless and I knew it. I had just gotten the urge to explore his back and since I’d already let myself push him closer, I couldn’t help myself from letting go of yet another stopper.

But I knew that I would have to stop there. My brain was screaming at me to kiss him, and that I would not do. I wouldn’t do such a thing to Baekhyun. All that I’d done up until this had been rather harmless. Kissing wouldn’t. Kissing could never be innocent, at least not in these circumstances.

I slowly opened my eyes, pretending to wake up and effortlessly, smoothly even, let my hand slip from Baekhyun’s body and right in to a stretch, another yawn escaping me as if I was truly just waking up again.

I could feel Baekhyun trying to scoot away from me without making me notice it. I let him, he probably just wanted to make it non-awkward and I appreciated that he were on the same level as me.

If he ever brought this up, which I didn’t think he would, I would just tell him I hadn’t remembered. I would tell him that I had been sleeping throughout it all and hadn’t even realized what I had been doing. But that wasn’t the truth. I knew exactly what I had been doing, had let myself do it even. I could have probably put up more of a fight with myself but I just… hadn’t. I had just let myself get swept away.  

Baekhyun

For the rest of the day, I couldn’t get my mind off what had happened that morning. We had been having the whole day free and would have activities later that evening, which meant that I could spend my time however I wanted.

For the duration of the day, I chose to spend it on the beach as Chanyeol had the day previously, hoping that Chanyeol would choose somewhere else to spend his day since he’d been at the beach the day before. It wasn’t that I was avoiding him, it was just… okay, I was avoiding him.

It wasn’t out of dislike, though. More out of fear. Every time I looked at him, hell, even every time I thought of him, I couldn’t help myself from remembering his fingers on my skin. I couldn’t help myself from remembering it with fondness, even longing. My heart sped up just at the thought of him touching me like that again and that scared the out of me.

Even though I had gone to the beach in an attempt to avoid Chanyeol, it had had the opposite effect. Chanyeol had apparently decided to try out surfing again and thus he was down by the water for the whole day. I was laying under a parasol, reading some book that I’d found in the lobby. It was pretty hard to follow, but I didn’t blame the book for that. I blamed myself, and I blamed my treacherous eyes for always gliding off the page to glance out to the water, looking for someone I should be staying away from.

After lunch, Eunji joined me under the parasol, her boyfriend being off playing volleyball right beside us.

“Hiii.” She sang as she sat down on the free lounger beside me “How are you?”

“Fine.” I said, having hidden my eyes behind extra dark sunglasses to be able to be out in the bright light. Eunji seemed to not even be the tiniest bit worried about the light and I wondered if she was the type of girl who never got hangover.  

She laughed at my short answer.

“You became so drunk last night!” She laughed “But I guess that didn’t matter, right? You got to have your prince charming carry you up to your room, right?”

“I take no pleasure in having Chanyeol tear himself sore just to help me.” I said, being extra clear on his name just to make sure I didn’t agree on her nickname for him. Prince charming? If he was prince charming, then who was I? A damsel in distress?

“So, tell me,” she continued “Did something happen last night?”

“No!” I said, reddening. Eunji smiled knowingly and I knew my mistake had been to tell her so hurriedly that she was wrong.

“Ooooh!” She cooed “Tell me everything!”

“Why should I?” I asked her. I barely knew the girl why did she want to know my secrets?

“So there is something to tell, then?” She asked and I sighed, picking up my book again so that I wouldn’t have to talk to her again.

“Fine, have it your way.” She said “I’ll just call Chanyeol over and ask him instead!”

“Don’t!” I cried out, my book falling out of my grasp as I was ready to jump her if she dared call him over. It would be too much for me, having him talking about it, too. He may not even remember what he did this morning but he did remember what I had done the night before. He had seemed like it was no big deal this morning so he’d probably tell Eunji without problem which would mean she would laugh at me again. I didn’t want that.

“Why not?” She asked, looking smug.

“I don’t want you to ask him.” I said, which was the truth.

“Why?” She asked again and I was happy to be saved from answering because her boyfriend called out to her.

“Eunji!” He called “We need an extra player, come over here!”

“Coming!” She called back and stood up “This isn’t over.” She smiled at me and went off. I went back to my book but soon got disturbed once more.

“What did she want?” Chanyeol asked, and I looked up to find him before me. He was bare chested, as guys were at the beach, and water were dripping down his body. Just recently, I’d seen him in the waves but now, here he suddenly stood. I couldn’t look away, I was stunned in to silence. I knew I should’ve left the beach earlier, why hadn’t I left the beach!?

“What?” I asked, looking at his eyes, forcing myself not to look anywhere else. Definitely not on his well toned chest, or his strong arms. I definitely didn’t want to look at his hands because I was only going to imagine things I shouldn’t. His neck was a big no-no, too since I’d been so close to kissing it this morning. And that left his lips out of the question, too.

So I could look at his legs, and anything above his lips.

“Eunji,” Chanyeol said, his eyes as transfixed on mine as my own was on his. “What did she want?”

“Oh, just wanted to make sure I was doing fine.” I said, which wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the whole story.

“And are you?” He asked, sounding concerned. To my horror, he sat down on the lounger Eunji had sat on earlier, only him being there next to me so much of a bigger deal. 

“Yeah, of course!” I said hurriedly and lied back on the lounger, not wanting to look at him at all anymore while so close.

“Hey,” he said, touching my leg, sending a jolt throughout my body “is something bothering you?”

“No, why?” I asked “Do I seem bothered?” I turned to look at him again and I could tell that he actually cared how I felt. There was concern written all over his face and I didn’t like that. I didn’t want him to be concerned for me, I just wanted him to stay away!

But that wasn’t really true, I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to talk to me, I wanted him to notice me. I just was denying it to myself and therefore I felt like I didn’t want him there at all. I was just acting like a coward.

I decided in the moment that I would tell him the truth. Just to get it out of my system. If I told him, I was sure it was going to feel easier.

Chanyeol

“Okay, I will be honest.” Baekhyun said, sitting up again and looking serious all of a sudden. “This morning, after you’d fallen back to sleep, you… did some things.”

. I had hoped he wouldn’t force me to talk about this. Now I needed to act surprised, embarrassed, pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Did… what?”I asked, making my best impression of someone completely oblivious to his boldness.

“Oh, it wasn’t anything big!” Baekhyun said “You just kind of… touched me?”

“Touched you?” I asked “And that’s what’s been bothering you?”

“Well, not just touch me.” Baekhyun said “Or, well. You did just touch me, but it wasn’t the kind of touching guys should touch each other. Not guy friends, at least.” Baekhyun reddened incredibly at this and he looked so adorable in that moment that it was hard not to break in to a big smile “You kind of caressed my back, and even though I know that doesn’t seem like a big thing, it was… just…. Strange? Anyway, it felt too intimate and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head, that’s all.”

I didn’t know how to act. Should I apologize? Should I seem bashful? I felt more like touching him again than any of the rational options.

“If I do anything like that again and you don’t like it, just wake me up, okay?” I said, smiling gently at him. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“O-okay.” Baekhyun said, still looking embarrassed. He wasn’t looking at me anymore so I let the grin I had been repressing from his cuteness bloom out. I kind of felt like reaching out and hug him or something but I knew he wouldn’t appreciate that so I didn’t. Instead, I stood up to go back to the sea. Recently, I had managed to ride a few waves and even though my concentration always seemed to drift off back to the shore, I still was getting better. I excused myself to go back to my board but what I really wanted was to stay longer. I knew that wouldn’t result in anything good, though, so I repressed it. Walking off, I had a peculiar feeling that I was being watched.

Baekhyun

Enough, I needed to get inside. I’d been out far longer than I’d planned and for what? Looking at Chanyeol surf? No, I needed to get something to eat before dinner, I probably could go for a drink and hope it would clear my head. I realized pretty quickly that a drink would have the opposite effect but at the same time I came to the conclusion that I probably didn’t even need a clear head. I would rather it be a bit fuzzy so that I wouldn’t have to think about all these annoying thoughts that kept popping up.

Seating myself at the bar, I found myself alone. It was quiet here in the late afternoon and I enjoyed that. The bartender asked me what I would like and I told her that she’d pick.

“Are you a part of the matching party?” She asked me and I nodded. I guessed it was pretty obvious I was since this party was the only one here, but I guess she must have been asking if I was one of the matched or if I was just an organizer.

“Already tired of the girl?” She asked, smiling a knowing smile “Me and my husband fought a lot during our bonding, actually.”

“Well, not really.” I said. I told her the gist of my situation, mainly the things I would be able to tell my mom and not the fact that I couldn’t get my mind off of what happened this morning.

“So you see,” I finished “we’re more like friends than anything else.”

“Sounds like you’re not in a good situation, my friend.” She said and was about to pour me another drink out of pity, but I stopped her. I didn’t want Chanyeol to find me here drunk and have me do something even stupider than I had yesterday.

“I’m a lightweight.” I said “And I don’t want to get wasted tonight.”

“Sounds like a boring night, then.” She laughed but put her tools back down. I nodded and drank my first drink, hoping it would take away some of my worries.

Chanyeol

I didn’t notice when Baekhyun left. I saw him just before a wave, then he disappeared out of view for a while, and when I looked back, he was gone. At first I was convinced he’d only changed spots and searched for him with my eyes, but then it became evident that he’d left.

“If you’re looking for your boyfriend, he’s already left.” Said Eunji as she sauntered over, only confirming my earlier believes.

“I noticed.” I said, trying to hurry back in to the hotel to search for him. I couldn’t really put my finger on why that impulse hit me, it just did. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, I wanted to know where he was… just in case something happened, of course! I may need him for something and I needed to know where he’d be at!

“Hey,” Eunji said, stopping me from leaving “you know what I’ve heard?” she looked mischievous and even though I really wanted to run off and find Baekhyun, I also wanted to hear what she had to say. It seemed like she had some good sources whenever she had anything to say, something that was a bit annoying on a girl like her who seemed like such a know-it-all.

“What?” I asked impatiently.

“What the activity for tonight will be.” She looked excited, which made me instantly not excited. She stood there, looking smug – and happy about it.

“If that was all you would like to say to me, I’ll take my leave.” I said, and this time, she took hold of my arm to physically stop me from leaving.  

“Don’t you want to know what it will be?” She asked and I knew that if I’d try to walk off again, she would only stop me again and make me ask her. She did this for attention and I knew it. Though I couldn’t put my finger on why.

“Tell me, then.” I said. After a few moments of silence, she finally opened .

“Massages.” She said, smiling triumphantly “Can you imagine? Oil, lighted candles, your hands on their body. It’s a dream come true!”

It actually sounded pretty nice, especially after my feelings about touching Baekhyun had increased since this morning. Though I wouldn’t let her know that.

I realized quickly though, bursting my bubble of excitement, that Baekhyun would not be pleased by this activity. He had freaked out after we’d danced, and there was much less touching in dancing than massaging. I knew instantly that I needed to tell him, to warn him that he needed to pretend to be sick quickly if he wanted to escape this, which I’d totally get.

“Really?” I asked Eunji “And how’d you know this?”

“Dad had a hand in it.” She giggled and I saw that she wanted me to ask more questions, which I did not. Instead, her partner came over from a volleyball court, not looking happy to find his match talking to yet another guy on the beach.

“Baby?” He said, a bit ticked off. As soon as Eunji’s attention went to her boyfriend, I saw it as my chance to flee, and flee I did. I needed to get to Baekhyun before there’d be no choice for us than to join the others this evening.

Baekhyun

I was still sitting in the lobby when Chanyeol came barging in. He was breathing heavily, looking like he’d run a mile under ten seconds. I looked up at him in surprise and at first, he didn’t see me. His eyes searched over the few people inside until his eyes found mine. He came sauntering over as soon as he noticed me.

“Your match I take it?” The bartender said before Chanyeol reached us and when I nodded, I could tell her interest peaked. I guess she figured that since me and Chanyeol didn’t intend to stay together, maybe she could get to him instead.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol said breathlessly as soon as he reached me. He was about to speak but he couldn’t really form any words since he was out of breath. The bartender helpfully gave him a glass of water which he gulped down without so much as a look at her. He looked only at me, trying to convey a message with just his eyes. It was a bit unnerving.

He put the glass down after having completely emptied it and I looked at him expectantly. I tried my best not to look anywhere besides his eyes, not wanting to be found staring at his bare chest. I wondered if he’d left his T-shirt at the beach and what might have made him completely ignore the indoors dress codes.

“Tonight,” he said, having regained his speech “Eunji- she told me-“ breath after breath, he got out the story of what would await us tonight if we didn’t hurry off and hid.

“And why, exactly,” I said “did you have to run like a lunatic up here to tell me this?” I asked. Chanyeol looked puzzled, probably having expected a thanks or something, I realized “Sorry, I mean, thank you for telling me, but wouldn’t these activities begin after dinner? You could’ve easily told me over dinner and I could’ve faked falling ill after that, no?”

“Oh…” Chanyeol said, realizing his mistake “I hadn’t thought of that.” He looked so completely dumbstruck and I couldn’t help but laugh. He had seemed like such a hot guy just minutes ago, but now I couldn’t help but think of him as adorable. Was that weird? To think of such a large guy like Chanyeol as adorable?

“Hey!” He said, smiling from ear to ear as I laughed “Don’t laugh at me!” Though he seemed rather charmed by my uncontrollable laughter. I just imagined him running like a crazy man from the beach, wet with water and only wearing a pair of shorts.

“Where’s your shirt?” I laughed “And your shoes! Did you leave them all behind and just… ran up here?”

“Umh…” Chanyeol said, looking down as if he just realized he didn’t have any shoes on “Yes?” I couldn’t help it, I laughed again, this time bending over in the stool, almost falling off of it if it hadn’t been for Chanyeol laying one of his hands at my shoulder to help me regain my balance.

“Stop!” Chanyeol said, but he was starting to laugh, too, so I was certain he didn’t really feel degraded.

“How did you even think of such a thing?” I asked, the laugh still in my throat.

“I was only thinking of you!” Chanyeol said, laughing too by now, but at his words, he abruptly cut that laugh off. I stopped laughing too, staring up at him, the words burning inside my brain.

I was only thinking of you…

“Umh…” I said, feeling awkward suddenly “That was thoughtful of you.”

”I-” Chanyeol began, taking a step closer to explain himself ”It’s not like I had been thinking of you all day or anything!” He said, standing way too close than we should, his hand still on my shoulder. “I just thought that maybe you didn’t want to have me touch you like that. You know, gross, right? And the oil and the candles and-“ he stopped talking and I could feel myself burning from head to toe.

“Anyway,” he continued, there was a pause, as if he had decided against continuing the sentence and instead changed course abruptly “See you at dinner.” He said, and hurried off without looking back at me.

“’More like friends’ my .” The bartender laughed as soon as Chanyeol had disappeared. She obviously didn’t believe my earlier explanation of our relationship “Man, that guy totally has the hots for you.”

“He does not!” I exclaimed in her direction.

“And you can try to deny it all you want,” she continued “But you like him too, don’t you?”

“I-!” I began but couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Stop lying to yourself, okay?” She said and I couldn’t do anything than sit quietly where I was. Did I like him? No, he was a guy! But I had already established that I totally were in to guys, and my family was even okay with it, too. So that wasn’t a valid reason not to like him anymore. I tried to think of a reason why I couldn’t like him but I just couldn’t figure anything out. The only thing stopping us was our own promise not to go forth with this match. So wasn’t that the true reason why I didn’t allow myself to fall for him? But why? At first, it had been just because we’d both been convinced we could never be with a guy. But I had gotten over the fact in a way, maybe not all the way, so couldn’t Chanyeol do the same? We totally could actually be together, and no one would bat an eye.

Oh god, what was I thinking? I couldn’t be falling in to this trap, not now, not ever.

“Could I get that free drink you’d offered earlier?” I asked the bartender who only smiled before handing me some drink that definitely would make me dizzy. 





A/N
Hehe, I'm basically that bartender. I'm over here like: You guys! You like each other, come on! (But where would the fun be if they just confessed, right?)

I hope all of you lovely readers liked this chapter! And I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who upvotes and comments on this fic! Comments are my absolute favorite thing so I get so happy whenever you drop one! If there is anything you'd like to happen in this fic, feel free to leave your desires and I will see if I can get any of them in!

Have a nice day/evening! Bye~ XX