___​_

“Oh my God! Tiffany! What the ?!” I stumbled back, tripping over our feet as she jumped on me and my head hit the wood. For a moment, I couldn’t move anything. My body felt numb with pain buzzing around my ears. Ow.

“, Tae, I’m so sorry! Oh my God, are you okay?” Tiffany held up my head, lightly massaging the back of my head to ease the pain. Ow. I lazily held up the necklace and she glanced at it, biting her lips. She looked back at me. “I’m sorry; I didn’t think you’d fall over…”

“You tackled me for it, what does the back of it mean?” I asked her, trying to add more volume to my airy and out of breath voice. She helped me stand and I dropped the piece of jewelry into her palm. She let out a deep breath and set it on the table, taking my elbow in her grip and we sat on the edge of the bed. It must be bad if she attacked me. Oh my God of course it’s bad, damn, how hard did my head get hit?

She took my hand and pressed my palm to her lips as she trembled. When I felt her tears seeping into my skin, I pulled her closer. Don’t cry, please don’t cry. I kissed her head, trying to comfort her, but my heart was screaming in nervousness. What does this mean? I’m so confused. What do those things stand for? Why is she crying? Is she afraid of leaving me? Is the information enough to make me push her away? But all I could do was hold her, I wanted to try and comfort her because it was all I knew what to do other than freak out. “Please tell me, Tiffany. You had to be honest with me sooner or later.” She whimpered and it rippled through a soft spot in my heart.

After many moments of sniffling and wiping away tears, Tiffany withdrew from my side and let out a heavy breath. Can she talk now? I squeezed her hand and she cupped it with both of hers. “Do you know anything about modern military terms or regulations?” she mumbled and I shook my head, feeling my hand shake. Modern military? “In my family, at least one person in each generation has to enter the armed forces. When I was in high school, I had no career aspirations so I took this test called the ASVAB, which analyzes your qualifications to join the military, and I got really high scores on it. None of my other cousins had joined yet, I’ve always loved the swimming and my father had also served, so I enlisted in the U.S Navy when I turned 17.” So she is in the navy. She’s a sailor. That explains why she loves the water and knows so much about terrain and has so many survival skills. And now her ownership of a gun makes sense. That bit of knowledge made me understand her so much more.

“You were pretty young then,” I noted and she hummed, pressing her lips together. When I was 17…it might’ve been around the time I was feeling rebellious enough to join the war. Or maybe we were already fighting at that point. That was a long time ago. I couldn’t remember.

“My dad was a high ranking officer and expected a lot from me, you could say he was a little overbearing, so when I graduated high school he wanted me to try out for a Navy SEAL position which is basically a special officer that has skills in stamina, leadership, and cooperation. It was newly opened up for women and the thought of his only daughter getting into such a prestigious position made him pretty ecstatic. It was really tough training, weeks before my test I started pressing myself farther than anything I’ve ever known. Running until my legs literally buckled, swimming until all I could breathe was water, lifting until it felt like my arms would fall off. After going through a bunch of tests and physicals, I ended up being in the first batch of women who qualified to be SEAL’s. I was the youngest.” Her accomplishments sounded extremely physically demanding and it was both impressing and intimidating me. Oh my God she sounds totally crazy!

“You’re a lot more feminine than what I’d expect from someone with such prestigious physical abilities,” I mumbled and she smiled a little, rubbing her thumb over my hand. I knew her body like it was mine, it wasn’t like she was out of shape, but her features were very soft. From her descriptions, I wouldn’t have thought of a Navy SEAL to be her career.

“I’m getting to that,” she crossed her legs and I sat up a little straighter. “People were really impressed by me and how young I was so I sped up the ranks. Because I was only 18 and I was getting such positions over people who were a lot more experienced than me, verbal abuse was pretty common. It got kind of nasty; people aren’t fond of having homouals in the armed forces so rumors of me and my then-girlfriend spread around. When it wasn’t enough and everyone started getting used to the liberal society, people thought that I was sleeping with higher ranked officers to get my positions too.” I frowned deeply and squeezed her hand. She kissed it. “It’s okay, they weren’t true. But I had to act the part of my rank and of my accomplishments, so I put up a really tough image and I was kind of that scary upperclassman that made some of my subordinates piss themselves.” I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. I guess I could see it, but I preferred Tiffany as a ball of fluff instead of an intimidating sailor. I almost couldn’t imagine it. While I was very happy that she was finally telling me everything about her life, she wasn’t really answering my question either.

“What do the things on the back mean?” I asked her and she sighed, shifting around uncomfortably before speaking. I just wanted her to be honest with me.

“For the past couple of decades there have been an increasing number of terror attacks in the United States by these Islamic terrorist groups like Al Qaeda and ISIS. Those people are evil, power-hungry, and destructive.” That sounds extremely familiar to me. Yes, these people sound like my father.  “Recently, ISIS’s efforts have been extremely threatening and hostile towards, not only America, but other places like France, Turkey, the United Kingdom, Southeast Asia, and a ton more. They’ve been doing things like bombing in crowded, distinguished landmarks in order to maximize injury and death. The current president of the U.S is kind of crazy but he made a good enough point to initiate a joint attack to stop the group’s antics with an old alliance called NATO.” Yi once talked about NATO, how it was established after World War 2. She took a moment to swallow, as her story was getting harder and harder to confess. “My rank is originally CMC, or Command Master Chief Petty Officer, but our alliance, NATO, has declared war and now I’m a Fleet Master Chief Petty Officer.” That’s what the acronym on the back stands for, FMCPO. Damn, she wasn’t kidding when she said she flew up the ranks, that sounds like a really high position.  “NATO has coined the ship I’m supposed to be stationed in as ‘Project 899’ which is set to be filled up with American and NATO sailors and soldiers to be under my command. With other high-ranked and qualified sailors in an arrangement of ships, subs, and other nautical squadrons, we make up the Crescent Fleet which was created and finalized in the year 2020.”

“You’re in command of your own fleet?” It’s been quite a while since I had last gotten involved in a war, and that landed me on this island, but I remembered how hard it was to strategize and choose appropriate commanders for different forces. I had to think of our strengths and cooperation, as well as their ability to successfully carry out their responsibilities. Then there was also the unforeseen variable: the reaction of our opponents. It’s hard work to know who was capable in command. Was Tiffany actually capable of following orders, leading others, and making life or death decisions on the spot? I felt my jaw drop just looking at her in this new light. She smiled shyly at me, cupping my cheek. But she’s so gentle…

“We’ve digressed; military leaders in NATO decided to send a tri front attack. Recent additions to the pact, India and Australia, are offering their launch bases for NATO’s first wave. The main forces would come from Australia to draw out ISIS and once they entered the Arabian Sea, those in India would join. My fleet is counting on theirs to push the extremists back into Syria. We’re the third prong of attack. Once they’re backed into Syria, we’d come through the Mediterranean Sea and hit them in the side. Leaders expect me to be able to send the fleet to bank on a possibly hostile Lebanon and head amphibian forces to Syria, since I am a SEAL. At that point, if ISIS won’t surrender, they’d have no choice but to back into Turkey, which is an old NATO member, who will be aided by Greece and Bulgaria. Once they realize they’re circled, it’ll be over.”

The strategy wasn’t bad. NATO seemed to have a large reach around the world, giving them a lot of flexibility. If they projected enough forces in the first wave, they could be able to put pressure on ISIS. I had a map somewhere, given to me at the beginning of my exile, which changed over the years based on boundary changes and liberations and whatnot. I studied the changing world when I got really bored. If the image that I had was right, it could work. But I also knew that there was another way for ISIS to escape, and that was into Asia. If they pressed their forces quickly and firmly, it could keep their soldiers from escaping. I looked at Tiffany, who was still staring at our hands. “Do you like being in the Navy?”

“I like the fact that I can protect people, but it is hard. It’s tiring, I needed a vacation.” Am I her vacation? The thought hit me like a slap in the face. She needs to go back. I may not know much about terrorists, but I knew enough about tyrants and dictators. ISIS sounded like my father and that was enough to make me hate them. It sounded like they’ve been pretty hostile for a while too. My cousins and I were fed up with our parents controlling everything without thinking of others, so we fought. I guess Tiffany and the rest of the world felt the same way, they were done with being afraid. Not only was she supposed to lead, she was supposed to protect. How can I make her stay when she has such a noble calling? But as my hands started shaking, I realized I couldn’t deal with her leaving me. How can I live without this face by mine? I gulped. This isn’t good. I just asked myself how I could live without her. That can’t happen. I jumped up and headed straight for the door. “Taeyeon?”

“I need some air.” I ran down to the beach.

I grabbed the bottle by the neck and chucked it back out to sea, getting a clear view of the graying clouds. It was just a desperate, desperate urge to be human. I always got it at the end. I hate living forever, forced to watch everyone I love die. I started crying and buried my nose between my knees. A modern world’s war would no doubt cost lives and I was so scared that if I sent Tiffany back she would only die from enemy fire. Does she still want to stay? Would she stay with me? I can’t let her die, I can’t. Numerous claps of thunder only made me cry harder as my body became a storm of turmoil. I have to let her go, right? Her cause is selfless; this must be a complete test of my self-control. She has been willing to die for the protection of innocent people; she’s one of the best people I’ve ever loved. But…but I don’t want her to leave.

It felt like rage but I wasn’t angry, it was just a wave of feelings. I wanted to be anyone but myself. I wanted to be human, just so I could live with her as an equal, so I didn’t have to live if I didn’t want to. I wanted to be Lee, so I could do more for Tiffany in her deployment and so I could watch over her. I wanted to be Nero, the true war god, and send her luck in her military affairs. I was so useless. What would a clear sky do for her? It means nothing where she’s going. The wind started spinning everywhere, nearly deafening me, and I tried to calm down but how could I? I knew that Tiffany had to leave me, I always did, but I also hoped that she would stay. I hoped that the true decision was to let her be with me. But she can’t and if you want your family to trust you again, you have to accept that. I wanted to scream, so I opened my mouth and tried to, but the only thing that came out was another booming cry of thunder. This won’t do…at this rate…

Peter and I were fighting about the number of people I loved the day he died. He was obviously upset at being the 8^th, like Tiffany was upset about being the 9^th, but he blamed me for it. He said it was my fault that I fell in love too easily, that I let everyone get under my skin. I mean I guess it could be true. But I couldn’t help falling in love. It wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t spend my life with someone. It wasn’t my fault that my feelings weren’t controllable. I hated how he blamed me for it. He forced me to get angry, he brew up a storm inside of me before running out. I was so upset that night. Lightning stretched out everywhere, creating shards of glass on the beach and toppling trees. That got me worried so I tried looking on the beach before heading into the jungle.

He was barely alive when I found him. I threw the tree off and cried so hard, because he’d already been impaled. Blood was everywhere. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t heal him, I wasn’t Celeste, so I sobbed. It wasn’t the ideal way to say goodbye. He pulled the butterfly knife out of his pocket and gave it to me with cold hands. For when you get angry, play with it, use it, don’t act out. I couldn’t hear if he blamed me for his death or not.

____

The sun was going down and Tiffany already came out twice to warn me about the weather, but I wasn’t afraid. I pushed her away and she was probably upset about me reacting the way I was. She hated whenever we didn’t talk, but it was ironic considering she hid so much from me. I’ve never met someone with that profession. Yes, Alex was a military leader, but that was in his time where war was the only solution and his empire still existed. Lomeli was an explorer turned militant, but that only happened out of violent retaliation during his religious missions. Tiffany was the first person I met who fought for other people and not for herself. She was so different on so many levels. How will I bounce back after all of this? If I did gain trust from my family and was released from my banishment, would I be able to be the powerful, stable pillar that they needed in their current crises? But they’re counting on you to be, even if you don’t think you can, you have to. You said it yourself: it’s time to be strong. Yes, there was no stopping it. Tiffany will leave me. I will need to take a position with my cousins. All that matters is being strong and dealing with it. I have to, because I live forever and taking her for myself would be too selfish.

I came back to the house after a few more minutes, prepared to send Tiffany back to ia. I stepped inside and saw that she was pushing around her food with a fork; she looked up and pushed herself from the table. “Bill made it…but I can’t eat…” she walked over and hugged me, tightly, hands around the waist and up my back. Oh my God, she’s making my heart burn. Before I could stop myself my hand swept into the back of her hair and the other wrapped around her waist. I held her, tightly, and felt the way her head rested on my pounding heart. As if it’s the last time. I stepped away for a moment, closed my eyes, and kissed her lips, getting a thrill when she kissed back. It’s the last time. Oh my God I shouldn’t have thought that. Our kiss felt bitter and it caused a deep ache to resonate in my chest until I pulled away. When my eyelids didn’t feel like lead anymore, I opened them and found her big brown eyes staring back at me. Rip it off like a bandage.

“You’re—.”

“Taeyeon, I don’t want to leave,” she interrupted and I blinked. “I want to stay here, with you, forever.”

​A/N: If you guys have questions or just wanna talk about anything 

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