If the walk home was a nightmare, the confrontation I was met by later on was the epitome of hell. Instantly we stepped inside the apartment my father pushed me against the plain wall with force and lectured my apparently disgraceful behavior. Oh, the irony.

“When did you start hanging around boys?”

My empty stare was focused on anywhere but his ugly face. His breath was tingling my sweating skin and though I did my best it was impossible not to draw in the awful stench of alcohol and poor hygiene. I tried to shut out his damaging words but it was becoming a difficult challenge to do so.

“But then again, I'm not that surprised.” His words pricked my curiosity as my glare wandered up to his face, much against my will.

“You are just like your mother.” I felt my lip quiver in a mixture of upcoming anger and anxiety and I knew what that meant.

“A stupid who’s spreading legs for every male -” I writhed out of his grip before he could continue stabbing me with his degrading persona. Pushing him out of the way with tears blurring my sight I hurried to my room and locked the door as soon as it was closed, not bothering looking back.

Slowly and weakly, my tired body slid down the door as the wet drops were streaming down like a running waterfall. I hugged my bend legs to my chest burying myself into my knees, hoping that the universe consuming me for once would do me a favor and leave me alone.

I was shaking and trembling, considering the worst. Was it now I should give up the fight? The fight that had given me nothing but downturns. Was it now I could finally obtain the peace I’ve never had? Should I do it? It was easy. Simple. Quick.

A few cuts here and there and it would be over in no time. The words would be gone, the pain would go away and my parents would disappear for good. A dream scenario I could only wish for.

I looked up, the shiny blades catching my eyes immediately as they were lurking in the window sill. They were talking to me, telling me to come closer. Use us.

I heard it loud and clear. They were tempting me, seducing me to grab them and do the deed that was so easy to perform and I almost fell for it. I almost fell for it until pictures of Minhyuk.. and Jimin surfaced.

If I’d done it, sparing my life for the unfairness in this world I would’ve left my defenseless brother behind.

What would his fate be? Who would take care of him? I could never let myself do such thing when I was perfectly aware of the damage it would cause. I was a coward.

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t content my agony one way or another.

My arms weren’t the only thing scarred that night. My soul received more to its own multiple collection.

~~

How could I face Jimin after what had happened? Sitting in class, nervously tapping the table with my thumb I couldn’t stop thinking about the possible consequences of yesterday’s happenings. If he didn’t see me as an outcast before it was guaranteed he would see me as one now. That was a normal reaction and I didn’t blame him. Who would want to be seen with someone like me? A nobody?

Exactly. No one would and I didn’t expect him to either not even after his queries of a friendship.

I didn’t care if he said he could read me like an open book because I knew it was a lie. That’s just something you claim when you want to get closer to a difficult stubborn wretch like me.

Nobody knew me nor my story and it had to stay that way. Call me dumb, call me ignorant but it was for the best. If I stayed away from people and they stayed away from me there was a possibility that rumours weren’t spread more than necessary.

Every time a new person entered the classroom my eyes feverishly moved on their own accord without taking my mind into consideration. They were searching for one specific person and when he finally showed up they widened when he acknowledged my presence with a timid nod before moving down to the very end of the room. It resulted in Kim Jisoo endorsing her usual seat beside me. She barely smiled when she sat down and I awkwardly mimicked back before focusing on the now entering teacher who rapidly told us to get started with our school project which I of course had forgot everything about.

In other words there was no backing out. I had to face Jimin sooner or later.

Students were casually gathered in their respective groups and there I was, confused about whether I should approach Jimin or not. My short fingers were feeling itchy and I had to make a decision. Fast.

Not long after I defeated my pride and launched my chair backwards, grabbing my stuff in the progress. Turning around I almost stumbled backwards losing everything from my arms.

Inches away, too close, with limited air between us, was Jimin.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He reassured with his usual hallmark smile.

I waved him off, still stunned about our proximity. I was on alert, expecting a comment or an opinion about what he’d witnessed yesterday.

“You didn’t. It’s okay.” I answered weakly clasping onto the books in my arms with my dear life.

Nothing. Nada. Niente. Zero.

It was like it had never happened. I was very confused. Was he playing with me? Should I be worried? Did he have a sneaky plan he would perform later on? I didn’t know what to believe. But I certainly didn’t believe that he would keep quiet with what he knew.

It had never happened before. Why now? Why him?

“That’s good.” He smiled awkwardly unaware of his cute tripping with his feet. When he sensed that I didn’t exactly had a reply he was quick to ease the upcoming sultry atmosphere.

“I wondered if we should go to the school library. The audio level there is much more bearable. I can’t even hear my own thoughts with all this noise.” He joked looking around slightly and I returned his grin.

That was something we could agree on. There was nothing like working in a stocked class room with students doing anything but the work they were appointed to do.

Jimin was quick to let the teacher know our plan and before I knew it I was walking besides him, heading to the library with a very odd mood consuming us.

I peeked at him from time to time, observing him as much as I could without getting noticed. His entire body language revealed that he was pondering about something. Obviously he wanted to ask me about yesterday but nothing came out of his mouth. I waited and waited.

Nothing and the hurting tension in my shoulders decreased a bit by the realization.

There was not a single person in the library much to my luck. I didn’t need the futile attention. It was enough being Jimin’s partner and getting those creepy stares in class from several girls who were able to kill for such opportunity.

“This seems like the perfect spot.” Jimin signaled to the table in front of us before sitting down. I followed his movements, situating myself on the opposite side.

It was still awkward. Very awkward.

We unpacked our things in silence, the only sound heard was our breathing and the rustle of books and notebooks.