Days past by and just as I thought it couldn’t get any worse, my parents decided to make my life even more miserable. The hits, the profanities, the physical terror, it became an everyday thing and it hurt. It hurt so badly but I worshipped the pain since it made the thoughts about a certain boy go away. I was kind of thankful for that.

Sitting on my bed, alone as always, I stared at an empty sheet of paper where the letters  should’ve been. Instead of letting my mind wander around the literature universe like it was supposed to, it circulated around the fresh and newly made cuts on my forearm. I did so well this time. They were pretty and neat, just how I liked them. They made me feel special and alive.

My adoration was disturbed by a hard, determined knock on my door. Reacting promptly, I jumped out of bed, traces of fear and discomfort slowly starting to appear on my face.

“Minjae! How come there’s nothing to eat in this damn house!??!?” Because you haven’t bought any you bloody psychopath. If I roared my thoughts out loud, I would’ve been as good as dead. Maybe I should try it one day.

Groaning in annoyance, I removed myself from the bed, much unwillingly as I opened the door.

“What?!” I answered back in a bothered tone. My father was standing right in front of me with flaring nostrils and it was just a matter of time before his hand would create a nice colorful bruise on my cheek. Stupid mouth.

Taking one step closer, he lifted his hand rather high and smacked my face with the back of his hand just as expected. Clearly, he didn’t like being challenged that male chauvinist idiot but I hated to admit that his punches were quite good. It was at least what my jaw told me.

“Talk to me like that again and I’ll ruin that pretty little face of yours for good, do you hear me?” He threatened, his eyes penetrating my soul in a warning manner.

What was wrong with people trying to act dominant around me? My parents, students at school, heck even the local authorities liked to control everything.

“Yeah.” I answered back monotonously just to please his wishes. As much as I wanted to refuse and be a stuck up kid, I had to think about my appearance. People would ask too many questions if I showed up with a black eye or with my body covered in bandages. I couldn’t let that happen.

“Good. Now get your out of my house and buy some groceries.” Not wanting to discuss the topic further, he smashed dollar bills down my palm with force, provoking me to flinch in pain.

He could buy his ty food himself. In situations like these I detested him the most. Arrogant, egocentric, jerk, grim and a first class . Oh the things I wouldn’t say if I got the chance.

Putting on my worn out converse, keeping my glance focused on the door gap I secretly hoped that none of my parents would come running to me for some minor detail. Often, when they did it always ended with a slap or two. Nothing I wasn’t used to but today was one of my bad days. My emotions would get too carried away and the last thing I wanted to do in this world was to cry in front of them. Never, ever ever and ever.

I quickly removed my focus from the little chink to the room to my left. The reason why I persevered my existence. The reason why I sometimes smiled.

Minhyuk was sprawled on his bed, deeply concentrated with the cartoon on the screen. He looked so carefree, so oblivious to the world surrounding him. It was better that way. I just had to forget that he was growing too, getting older, wiser. Someday he would be aware of our lame, miserable lives and perhaps feel as useless as me.

Waking myself up from the little nightmare, I grabbed the nearest jacket  I could find on the coat rack before I left.

Fortunately for my patience, the amount of people buying groceries that day was limited. I almost had the entire store by myself. The store was boring. Dimmed lights, same items and the too clean OCD-influenced setup, past by my sight as I grabbed some bread and threw it in the cart. Strolling down the empty hallways with the screeching carrier in front of me, I didn’t pay much attention to the goods I picked out. But my instincts told me to grab the necessaries and I guessed I followed the lead, doing the motion with few concerns and reflections.

I didn’t know for how long I was trapped inside the store, unaware of my surroundings until another annoying sound of a wagon rolling caught my interest. And here I was, thinking that I didn’t have to act like a normal rational human being. Well, you know what they say. Put on your best mask, the show must go on.

Initially, I pretended not to notice the other customer roaming around the hallway on the other side but just as so many other attempts in my sad life, I failed.

I failed so hard when I saw the last person on earth I expected to see in this very moment. Park Jimin, studying a package of crackers was right there. Right in front of me, completely unaware of my existence or so I thought. As if I said that out loud, he looked my way. He didn’t move nor did he flinch. He just stood there, his eyes cold and expressionless, reminding me of how awful a person I was. The more he stared, the more guilt panged in my chest.

Out of breath in shock, I managed to look away as I exhaled in secrecy. Viewing me as weak and helpless was not an option. It was enough I perceived myself that way.

Closing my eyes, I did the impossible and walked away. The action was more difficult than predicted.

Trying to force my mind into cooperation and distraction, I emerged a random hallway, bluffing my grocery purchases by picking out different items I never ever would’ve considered choosing anyway.

In the beginning it worked just fine. The declaration on the organic chamomile tea was quite a good read but the stupid little devil inside of me lurked my tempted soul. My eyes kept flickering upwards into his direction, controlled by unknown forces within me or that was at least what I tried to convince myself.

This was an utterly new feeling. When did I ever start to notice small and indifferent details about anyone’s appearance? I never started. Not until this day.

The way his thick orange brownish hair disheveled when his fingers shamelessly combed through it could ruin even the most self-restraint and conservative female existing. And the worst part of it was that he didn’t do it on purpose. It was an innocent act, performed by logical reasons and not by the desire to satisfy stupid creepers like me with the sight. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

His somewhat flat nose, plump lips and crooked teeth. Even the small flaws turned into something incredibly attractive inside my head. Simply just perfect.

The chamomile tea in my hand didn’t get near as much attention as I initially planned. Heck, I couldn’t even remember the color of the box.

Park Jimin had the ability to put all my rational decisions and consideration on permanent standby and he surely didn’t need any inlets nor preparation to do so.

Just as I thought I had the sight of him, he vanished. Discovering he wasn’t a part of the display in front of my eyes anymoew, I panicked a little. Curious and confused, I walked around myself in circles, wondering where he could be. Yes, I was definitely lost in the boy. It was wrong. It was dangerous. It was everything I didn’t want or need in the complicated life of mine but the unchartered feelings were so inviting, exciting and stomach-tickling I couldn’t say no. If these stupid emotions made me do dumb things like chasing a guy around in a grocery store, so be it. If it made my insides swirl in pure ecstasy, I would definitely do it.

Frantically, searching with furrowed brows, my curiosity overruled any other instinct and moved my legs forward. I was almost past the corner until my luck busted. As falsely