With Jimin standing in front of me, anticipating my response, the feeling of emptiness slowly faded away, leaving me speechless behind with teary eyes, unable to move or speak. He wanted to be my friend? No. If he knew what kind of sick twisted life I was living he would keep his distance. I didn’t want his perfect life to be infected and damaged by my imperfect one. He deserved better.

Feverishly, my head shook from side to side as my jittery and shaky hands found their way to my face, covering the ugly scenario. Jimin took one step forward, determined and ready to say whatever he wanted to say in order for me to stop my obvious rejection and accept his offer being his friend but stopped abruptly when he saw me step away without hesitation like he was a merciless criminal. A glint of guilt and sadness flashed through his eyes before being replaced quickly by anger. I could see how the frustration in him was growing as he ruffled his hair desperately with his hands. He couldn’t understand the situation, I didn’t blame him though but it was for the better.

“We can’t Jimin.” It was barely a whisper. “We can’t be friends.” I spoke up a little more determined. The words burned and stung through my throat. Incapable of looking him directly in the eyes, my gaze flickered downwards. I was feeling so small and worst of all weak and exposed. Slowly, Jimin was peeling me like an onion, layer after layer, until there was nothing left but me.

His lips formed a straight line when he determinedly tried to look for signs, an explanation for my retraction.

“Why Minjae? Don’t you get tired of lying to yourself all the time?” He scoffed with a short sad smile. I could feel his judgmental burning glare and even though I was avoiding his eyes, it was the worst feeling in the world being looked at like this.

I was about to speak up, starting my speech of defense but was interrupted when a voice from behind changed our focus from each other. My eyes widened when I saw my little brother held tightly by one of the teachers from his institution and it was far from kind and happy facial features I was met by. I had a feeling what this was about and it wasn’t pretty.

“We can’t let this continue Minjae. Nobody came to pick up Minhyuk after school. Again!” Minhyuk was blanc, unaware of what to do with himself as the short haired middle-aged woman had a firm but gentle grip around his hoodie when she raised her voice.

“We’ll have to call the authorities, I’m sorry.” No. No. No. This wasn’t happening. They couldn’t take Minhyuk away from me, he was the only sun in my life and without him I would be ruined for good, shattered into million of broken pieces which could never be fixed. Suddenly, my feet were taking me closer to the woman and Minhyuk, tears streaming down my face. I was a trembling, crying mess.

“No, please. Don’t do this. It won’t happen again. I promise.”  I pleaded, begged her with all the powers I possessed.The woman just shook her head with an unreadable expression on her face. Clearly, a great big fat rejection.

“No, Minjae.” She gave me a short sad smile as her grip tightened around Minhyuk. My Minhyuk. My arms should be around him, securing him the way she did. Not her. No one but me.

“I’m sorry Minjae, but it’s for Minhyuk’s own good. A boy in his age shouldn’t be experience the things he does now. Nor should you.” She spat.

The tears were burning as they kept falling and if I was able to do so I would’ve stopped it because now, Minhyuk was crying too, affected emotionally by the entire situation. She didn’t have to clarify how bad a sister I was, I already knew. I forgot everything about Jimin who was observing the situation with empathy written all over his face. He had witnessed my weakness and it was unforgivable. I had exposed myself, worst way possible but I couldn’t act cool, not now.

“Just let him go please.” My voice was groggy, my sight blurred from the previous fallen tears. My arms were heavy and exhausted when I reached out for Minhyuk. The woman was hesitant at first but finally decided to let go much to my delight. Minhyuk ran into my opened arms, instantly captured by my tight embrace and he was staying there. The tears came back, this time with even more pressure as I sobbed into his soft hair.

“Don’t cry n-noona.” He cried out lowly. His smaller hands patted my back in comforting and a little smile appeared on my face. In that moment, I realized what I’ve just done. I cried in front of Minhyuk. I showed him my vulnerability when he needed a sister who was strong, a strong sister to take care of him and look at me now. A pathetic whining girl, obviously with no brain.

“I’m sorry, I won’t cry anymore.” Liar. Of course, it was pure bull I fired at him. Of course. I would just wait until loneliness drew upon me before I hurt myself physically as well as mentally, tears creating a carpet of wetness down my face without his or anyone’s knowledge. To be honest, I craved for being in that state right there that moment I held my body close to his, close to losing him.

The woman was slowly exiting, although her gaze was carefully studying the two of us. Obviously, she saw my devastated condition and decided to flee and leave. For now.

“If I don’t see any progress in the near future, I know exactly which number to call and I won’t be hesitating one second.” After the harsh and warning shouts, the woman stomped away, her pace getting more and more vague with each step.

As soon as the haunting sound of heels had left my mind, I sighed in ease and relief that I was able to breath again after her departure. The fear of being separated from Minhyuk was placed in the very back of my head, hopefully not coming out for a good anytime soon.

“Minjae..” . I totally forgot everything about Jimin’s presence. Not thinking twice I withdrew myself from Minhyuk, the fear erupted quickly once again. Now when he knew I was nothing but a scum with scum parents, would he finally leave me alone and stay away, letting me die in my own loneliness? I hoped so.

It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t nervous. Hell, I was seconds from collapsing if my respiratory soon didn’t find a way to let me breath properly again. It was when sudden anger arose, anger towards myself which I unknowingly threw right back at Jimin because I had no one else to blame for my pain.

“Go away. Haven’t you seen enough?!” I hissed out between gritted teeth, pressing Minhyuk closer, surely displaying a lion in defense, protecting its cub. My face was a mess, tears streaming down, I could barely see.

Jimin frowned, throwing his hands up in self-defense. He looked genuinely hurt by my words. Carefully, he tried to take a few hesitant steps forward but my strong gaze warned against it. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just run away from the awkward scenario happening right in front of him? Of course not. He had to stay and watch me beg, watch me cry and watch me being humiliated and the worst part of it was that he didn’t even make fun of me or laughed mockingly. He just stood there, frozen to his place with that gaze as if he truly cared and felt sorry for me.

“Don’t.” I mouthed at him and his confused glance changed into a sad horrible one as his head hang low. He sighed in a defeated manner loud enough for me to hear. For a short moment, I felt guilty but I buried the thought six feet under just as quick.

“Minjae..” The way my name left his dry lips, made my stomach flip over and over endlessly but I had to fight against it, ignore the pleasant feeling. He opened his mouth, ready to speak up but no words could be heard. His lips formed a grim line as he combed his wild hair with his fingers, obviously frustrated. The tensed muscle in his jaw was significantly visible and in any other situation I would’ve found it deadly attractive.

I turned my head away, burying my face on top of Minhyuk’s hair, whispering sweet nothings and promises, knowing I was too embarrassed to look at the guy behind me. He saw way more than he should’ve seen.

“Look, Minjae I - …”

“NO!” I snapped, rushing right up in his face with a pointing finger. The only way to blow off steam was by putting up guards, keeping him away from my emotions.

“I know exactly what you’re thinking and go on. Do it! Go tell all your sweet friends how Minjae’s life is a ing mess. Go tell them, how much of a loser I