So I had been writing this for nearly an hour when the site decided to completely close on me and lost everything I wrote.. I had pored ideas and feelings into it with so much effort but after I lost the story I had to rewrite it from memory…. Which means this is probably not going to be as good as it was the first time I wrote it… Sorry! I had planned to post this before the end of July T.T

Hanbin¬

​I woke up this morning to find an empty space in my bed once again where bobby was sleeping. I couldn't understand this feeling creeping up inside of me. What is it, is it loneliness? is it emptiness? is it darkness? I am not sure why but it feels so cold. all I know is I am engulfed entirely in the darkness when he is gone. It usually ends up being consumed by warmth every time he stands by my side though. Now that he’s not here I can't hold back the fear deep inside of me.

Ever since I found out about my father being involved in some stupid embezzlement crime I feel like I am nothing but a burden. I know how others feel about me debuting too, saying that because of what my… father did that I should be punished by not being allowed to debut with the rest of the group.

I can’t choose who my father is! I can’t control his actions and what he does, hell I haven’t even spoken to my father since I joined YG… I was not able to visit my family since my schedule was constantly conflicting with what my parents had to do.

I just want this day to be over already… Going on this show is going to either a hit or miss, and today does not feel like a good day.
 

Running man

I looked for bobby when we got there but couldn't find him, of course I ended up having a panic attack and had to ask one of the stylist noonas for a freaking chill pill. Pabo, you can’t even handle being on your own for a few minutes, what kind of leader am I.

Eventually I fell asleep only to be woken by bobby who yanked me from my chair to tell me that recording was about to start.

Throughout the duration of the show I tried to stick as close to Bobby as I could. I would find him leaning on my shoulder or even found myself constantly looking over his. Grasping for his hand for comfort and reassurance. By the time we got to the talent portion of the show to choose or partners I felt at least a little bit at peace.

Bobby and I had prepared our dances in advanced and I desperately wanted to be partnered with someone who I could get along with, someone who already likes me… Song Ji Ho! Well honestly I wanted to be Bobby’s partner but turns out each guest was paired with one of the original cast of Running Man. Bobby never left my side completely, we talked now and then. When we had a break from recording I got to meet, speak and even take pictures with the members and other guests of the day's show. Bobby was still with me even then. By the time it ended we were dead beat tired and I desperately wanted to go home. Bobby made sure to say goodbye to each of the members for the both of use as I went straight to the van to fall asleep right after I got in.

Bobby’s POV

    I worried about today, perhaps more than I should have. During the ‘Of Course’ game no one really attacked hanbin and thankfully they didn’t bring up his father. I felt extremely relieved yet hanbin seemed a bit surprised at how weak the original x-man members were. He expected them to bring out something for a one shot K.O.

    Every time B.I was away from me I could feel my heart beat faster. I tried to remain calm and I was happy he got used to the way the show was going and gotten closer to everyone but when he stopped talking to me I was boiling inside. Can he just take a moment to look in my direction, to appreciate my presence? I did not come here for myself. All I needed was recognition. Could he tell me that he was thankful that I came. Can’t everyone just stop grabbing at him and ughhhh! J=

    ‘Look at me, look at me, JUST LOOK THIS WAY’ I yelled inside my mind. I felt my veins popping out from my neck. My face felt like it was on fire. I am so freaking childish.

I looked up one last time and finally hanbin was by my side again, he grabbed my shoulder and leaned over to whisper, “are you okay? You turned red.”

“Eh. No, hehe I am fine don’t worry about it.” I felt my anger fly away and felt rather embarrassed that I was angry in the first place.

    After they finished recording I pushed hanbin into going ahead telling him I would tell everyone else goodbye for the both of us. I shortly left after him and found him in the van fast asleep. I got in and placed hanbin’s head on my shoulder.

“He fell asleep even before I started the car. That must have been a heck of a day to tire this boy out. Ey Bobby!” Their manager said.

“Ne Hyung ^^” Bobby said giving one of his radiant bunny like smiles.

Hanbin woke up a few times on their way back to the dorm, after the fifth time Bobby made an attempt to get his friends attention.

“B.I.”
“ye”
“Can I talk to you at the dorm?”
“ye”

Eventually they arrived at the dorms and hanbin got out and was the first one in the door. After grabbing both their things Bobby followed in not to far behind.

As I was taking off my shoes I heard a thump and a crash I ran after B.I to find him in the living room. He had fallen asleep.. I mean he literally fell on the ground however he was completely asleep. It was something you would only see in a game like Sims!

I ended up carrying B.I into our shared room and gently placed him on the bed, I covered him up and left the room to shower and to change into some pajamas. ​When I came back I found him as he was when I left him, the moonlight shrouding him in light that enhanced every bit of his features. His extremely small face, his sharp chin, he was perfection in his own way. His hair entirely stuck to his head from sweat and messy from the wind. His extremely cute plump lips the jutted out from smacking and his lips as he slept.

For once can he rely on me. I know i am not able to do what he does, he does everything perfectly. But I would give it my all. 200% effort no giving up. No matter what I would end up being the one to look for you. Can you just look for me, look at me… something.