~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE (I.E. CURSING) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Junior year was a weird year for the both of them. They didn’t have as many classes together this year, and their lunch times were different.

Jongdae still had lunch with some of his old friends, but Yuji was alone. She mostly stuck to Jongdae and his group of old friends, which soon became her group of friends. But she’ll be ok, Jongdae thought, she’s good at making new friends.

Yuji started talking to her lab partner in her physics class, and they got along quite well. Her lab partner was more open and daring than Jongdae expected when he first met her. He was supposed to meet with Yuji at their local café, but he didn’t expect a second guest as well.

“Jongdae, this is Boram, my lab partner I’ve been telling you about,” Yuji introduced. Jongdae shook her hand and did a quick mental judgement of her. She had dark red hair, and smelled like smoke.

Boram's face showed that was unimpressed and zoned out during his and Yuji’s talk about the latest happenings between their group of friends. As soon as Boram got to speak about her life, she became loquacious and attention-grabbing. She seemed to have a wild and dangerous life. Boram went from one crazy story to the next, all involving drugs and scandalous hookups between her friends.

Jongdae felt grossed out by all the things that happened in Boram’s stories, but they apparently amused Yuji, and even got Yuji to laugh. Jongdae was apprehensive of Boram’s influence on Yuji, and felt worse when Yuji interjected to Boram’s story with her own details.

“Wait, Yuji, when did you go to these parties?” Jongdae exclaimed. She never mentioned anything to him about this.

“Oh, I’ve gone to a few these past few weeks. They’re so fun, you should come along sometime!” Yuji replied.

Jongdae remained stunned throughout their hangout in the café. Yuji drank and did all sorts of illegal activities these past few weeks, and he didn’t even know.

“I’m getting sick of this joint. Should we bounce?” Boram asked.

“Sure.” Yuji smiled at Jongdae. “You ready?”

Jongdae nodded, and followed them out the door. He watched as Boram took out a box of Marlboros and handed one to Yuji. She offered one to Jongdae, but he declined. He walked along the sidewalk with the girls as they smoked, until Boram said she had to leave.

“I didn’t know you do all that stuff,” Jongdae commented when Boram was out of sight.

“Yeah, it started when I ate lunch with her and her friends for a second time after class. But she’s not pressuring me, don’t worry. I kind of like it.” Yuji trashed her finished cigarette and was just walking around with Jongdae.

“What’s so good about it?”

“It feels nice. I like it. Everything’s calm and exciting at the same time,” Yuji responded, almost defensively.  She checked her phone. “I think my mom wants me home.”

“Okay, I’ll walk you back.” As they headed back to her house, he asked, “Are you coming to Baekhyun’s house this weekend? We’re having another Smash hangout. You can bring other games if you wanna.”

“I can’t, I promised Boram that I’d go with her to Woohyun’s party this weekend.”

Woohyun is also bad news, Jongdae thought. But he didn’t want to bring that up to his best friend since she seemed so excited.

Yuji didn’t show up to class a few times, but Jongdae stopped texting her about her whereabouts, since she didn’t respond anymore.

Yuji twiddled with the cigarette between her index and middle finger, watching the end of it glow a dull orange. She flicked off the ash at the end before bringing the cancerous evil back to her lips.

Jongdae’s eyes fixated on the ash that fell onto the chilly pavement.

The windy bits of autumn had finally reached the town, the leaves fleetingly changing colors. It was the perfect weather to wear a beanie and a hoodie without sweating profusely in the heat of the summer or the shivering in the brisk icy winter.

“Ugh,” Yuji muttered after blowing a puff of smoke.

“What is it?” Jongdae glanced up at her, at her unkempt hair, at the way she rolled her eyes after he said that.

Yuji didn’t say anything for a moment. She kept her eyes on the swaying trees ahead of them. She leaned her head against the brick building they stood against.

“You know what’s frustrating? By the end of the day, no one really gives a about you. You can talk to people as much as you can, remember little things like that event they went to last weekend or maybe their dog, and have decent conversations. But do they honestly care? No. They really don’t.

Sure, they are stoked whenever you’re fun, you’re cool, and everyone loves to be around you. But they won’t hesitate to leave you when you’re at your worst. They can act like the most trustable people in the world, but eventually, you see the pattern. Like maybe they tolerate you or something. You can be surrounded by people, but you’re really just lonely.

No one actually cares about you.”

Jongdae was silent for a few moments, just staring at her. “I care about you,” he responded.

His words seemed to fly over her head. Perhaps, she didn’t think he did by her look of disbelief. Jongdae caught that expression briefly before she returned to her stoic, buzzed demeanor.

“Yeah?” She flicked the ash off the cigarette again.

“Yeah,” he affirmed.

The wind burned out the cigarette. Yuji clucked her tongue, reaching into her pocket for a lighter. She struggled for a few moments; a look of panic reached her face when the lighter wouldn’t work. When it did, she released a sigh of relief, ready to return to the dim numbness and serenity once more.

Yuji didn’t hang with him much after that. Maybe she texted occasionally to tell him something new or to check what’s up with him. But at this point, it felt awkward. Jongdae felt like they weren’t on the same wavelength anymore. Their conversations weren’t as natural and easy-going as they used to be.

Jongdae ended up spending more time with his other friends, who were initially confused with his constant presence. Even then, there was this emptiness in his heart.

Is this what it’s like? Is this how friendships die out? He’d be lying if he said he didn’t really care that much about Yuji anymore, since she didn’t seem to feel the same way about him. He still kept tabs on her wellbeing whenever he saw her in class or in-between periods.

Yuji’s new group of friends hung out with older kids, some probably in college. Jongdae clung on to the hope that Yuji would leave them soon, because she seemed to become more miserable and bitter the more she hung out with them.

Yuji ran into Jongdae as they both were leaving for school. "Oh, Jongdae."

"Yuji. Are you heading out with Boram?" Jongdae's expression was glum.

"Not today. I'm going home. Mind if I walk with you?" 

Jongdae brightened. "Sure."

They walked side by side in silence, shivering under the brisk wintery air. Yuji spoke first. "What have you been up to?"

"Um, I went to the festival in the town next over with the gang! You know, Yixing, Baekhyun, Minseok, and Kyungsoo." 

"Must've been so fun," Yuji muttered. She recalled scrolling through her social media and seeing photos from it and consequentially felt hurt for not being invited.

"We also got a dog at home."

Yuji stopped in her tracks. "What?"

"Yup, a few months ago actually," Jongdae continued, "It was for mom's birthday since she always wanted a pug."

Yuji bit her lip. She's missed so much. Her eyes began to water. "What'd you name it?"

"Pug." Jongdae laughed, secretly hoping she would too. "My sister got to name it, and well, she got inspiration from the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's."

Yuji became silent.

"What have you been up to?" Jongdae faced her but her hair covered her side profile from him. 

"You know what, I think I forgot something at school. I'll see you later." Yuji ran the opposite direction. 

"I can walk with you!" Jongdae called to her. 

"NO!" Her voice cracked.

Jongdae watched as her figure became smaller and smaller until she was gone.

“Just try it for a bit. Don’t you want to see what it’s like? It’s not too bad.”

“No, Yuji,” Jongdae repeated for the 5^th time. “I’m not interested in smoking weed or tobacco or anything.”

Yuji scowled. She was trying to be a good friend and invited him to more social events that she went to, but he wasn’t willing to live a little, it seemed. “I don’t see what the big problem is! You complain to me all the time about how we don’t hang out and then flank whenever I make plans!”

“It’s not that I reject all the time to hang out, you just don’t offer anything that would be appealing for both of us to do. Going to parties or hanging out with those people isn’t everyone’s idea of fun.”

“Those people? What the is that supposed to mean? Why are you trashing on my friends?”

“Your friends, huh? Did you forget I’m also your friend? A friend who’s known you longer and better than anyone else? I guess that means I don’t mean that much to you,” Jongdae argued.

“Don’t change the subject, you prick. You know what? I’m so sorry that I’d rather hang out with people who aren’t as boring as you are!”

Jongdae stormed off.

“Jongdae! I haven’t seen Yuji around lately!” Mrs. Kim greeted her son as soon as he opened the door.

He ignored her and hurried up the stairs.

Mrs. Kim lowered her head, her mind filled with worry and sadness.

Jongdae glanced around the room, clutching his phone in his hands as music blared through his eardrums. Familiar and unknown bodies danced sensually to music. The distant and pungent smell of weed hung about in the air. Alcohol was distributed everywhere; everyone’s hands, all over the counters, bottles upon bottles littered the floor. Jongdae kicked them as he plunged through the crowds, looking for that one person who texted him at 2am asking if he could give her a ride back home.

She’s lucky that this guy’s house is pretty well known in the area. Jongdae felt uneasiness being wedged in such a position, but he soldiered on towards the back part of the house. Multiple fellow classmates were seen passed out or passing along a pipe in the back corner.

“JONGGGDAAEEEEEE!”

Jongdae whipped around just as Yuji collided onto him. “Boy, oh boy! I haven’t seen you in this kind of place before! What brings you here?” She gave him a drunken smile and waved to a few girls not too far off behind them at the kitchen counter. “Don’t you worry, girls! I’ll get him much acquainted.” She sent them a wink. They giggled.

“Yuji, what’s going on? C’mon, let’s go –”

“Hey! Let’s go to a more private area,” Yuji interrupted, yanking him by the arm towards the bedrooms down the hallway.

“Yuji, what are you doing? Let me go!” He released her tight grip on his arm, and she wobbled in her spot, feeling lightheaded.

Yuji continued swaying as he asked her so many questions she wasn’t registering. And then she had that feeling back in her gut. “I need to go,” she garbled, and she staggered into the nearest empty bathroom and went straight to the toilet.

Jongdae ran after her, entering right as she hurled. He held up her hair for her, facing away to prevent him from vomiting himself. He grabbed some paper towels for her and helped wipe as soon as she lifted up her head.

“I don’t want this,” she sobbed, leaning away from Jongdae. Yuji covered her face with her hair, hiding her haggard appearance from her old friend. “I don’t- I don’t- I just can’t –” she stuttered, unable to finish a cohesive sentence without gasping and crying.

Jongdae scooted closer and cradled her in his arms as he hushed her, gently her tangled hair as she cried into his shoulder.

As soon as she calmed down, Yuji looked up at Jongdae and cleared . “I’m so sorry...” she whispered hoarsely.

Jongdae leaned over to flush the toilet and snatch some toilet paper for Yuji to wipe the tear streaks off her face. “Why are you sorry?”

Yuji leaned against the bathtub, staring at the ground as she wiped her face, and sighed. “For abandoning you, for not talking to you in so long, for…being like the way I am now. I messed up.”

Jongdae took a deep breath. “You’re right. You ed up.” He noticed her wince, and added, “I hope you’re sober enough to mean this and remember this conversation.”

Yuji’s heart panged at his cold tone, but figured she deserved it. She laughed forcefully. “Well, if you knew me well enough these past few weeks, I am indeed sober. I am always sober after I throw up. But I don’t expect you to know this, and I hoped you never would. At least not now.”

Jongdae softened seeing a few more stray tears run down her face. “I know,” he murmured.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this. You probably already think badly of me, and I didn’t want to prove it with this.”

“Yuji, you’re still the same girl I know.”

“You don’t mean that,” Yuji countered. “I’m different now. I’m doing all sorts of things that disgust you, so don’t lie to me and tell me that you still respect me.”

“But I do!” Jongdae exclaimed. “I don’t care if you enjoy smoking or doing drugs every now and then as long as you still talk to me! I know you like to try new things, but if there’s one thing I know, you don’t like doing this all the time. You may be adventurous, but this isn’t your lifestyle!”

“You wouldn’t want to hang out with me anymore, I’m garbage.”

“NO, YOU ARE NOT,” Jongdae fought. “Stop putting yourself down like this. Is this why you stopped talking with me?”

Yuji sniffled. “I didn’t think you would want to since I don’t keep up with you guys anymore. And I’ve changed, so I’m not someone you would want to be around anymore. So I just stuck with them,” she croaked.

Jongdae held her face in his hands. “Look at me Yuji, look at me.” He waited until she calmed down a bit before continuing. “You are more than you think you are, okay? You are brilliant, strong, kind-hearted, valued, and irreplaceable. There’s no one else I’d rather have as my best friend, got it? I don’t want you to ever think that I wouldn’t want you in my life, because I’d choose you over any of those other losers in the world. I’m blessed to have you in my life, and I’d be dumb if I hated you over some bad choices.”

Yuji cried seeing Jongdae’s watery eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?”

Jongdae sniffed. “Who knows, maybe you saved someone in your past life.”

They both laughed joyfully, wiping their own tears. The tension between them dissipated.

As they fled the scene, Yuji mumbled, “Sorry I woke you up for this. I know this is somewhere you don’t want to be, especially at this time. I’ll pay you back or something.”

“Yuji, I will be here for you whether it’s 3pm or 3am. Just call me and I will come no matter what. Don’t ever think that I’ll ever regret being here for you.  You’re still my best friend, even if I may not be yours.”

Yuji threw her arms around Jongdae. “Of course you’re still my best friend. I may have screwed up a bunch of things, but I will make things right again.”

“Of course… if you do want to do something to make up for it… My heart is always won over with food,” Jongdae joked, wrapping his arms around her frame.

Yuji chuckled and lightly flicked him in the back of his head. “I’ll buy you 100 meals, idiot.”

This is my longest chapter yet, guys! A whopping 2,755 words D: Double than usual. So sorry, but make sure you check the previous chapters if you've missed them! I've been updating them so that I can meet the deadline for the contest! Thanks for reading and subscribing! And a special thanks to my upvoters: shesamytheu, Memorize, and CellyWelly! Just a couple chapters left! :)