This chapter contains a topic that might be sensitive to some, so trigger warning. 

Chapter 8

When Hyuna awoke, she was slumped comfortably into the couch with Jiyong’s jacket still wrapped snugly around her frame. She attempted to move her legs before realizing that they were trapped in a blanket- a blanket that she had definitely not put there.

Glancing around, she realized that the sun was peeking through the blinds, it’s lights cascading down into the house, giving it an ethereal morning glow, despite the chilly fall season. It must have been early morning with the way the sunlight danced with the shadows of the house.

Hyuna didn’t remember falling asleep. She had found herself lying on the couch with Jiyong sitting at her feet, a silence so strange that neither of them quite knew what to say. The air around them was awkward and somber. Not even a knife could have cut the aura that had settled around the two idols. He was most likely mulling and she was listless. The last thing she remembered was staring at the plain white ceiling, refusing to look at the man who seemed to already know too much about her, yet still nothing at all.

Throwing the blanket off of her, Hyuna sat up and began to slowly stretch. Her limbs no longer felt like led and her brain didn’t feel as if it were about to explode out of her skull. Though her cheek ached and was still slightly numb, she felt better- not exactly great, but Hyuna could say that she definitely didn’t feel as if she was going to drop dead any moment.

Spotting a pink post-it note on the coffee table she reached over for it, curious.

I hope you didn’t mind me going into your room to grab a blanket. You looked really cold and were still shivering. Didn’t want to wake you up when you looked like you hadn’t slept decently in ages. By the time you read this I hope you feel better than you did last night. Don’t forget to take your medicine! I know you say that you don’t care, but I do; so please take care of yourself and get plenty of rest!

- Jiyong

Hyuna couldn’t help the slight upturn of her lips at the note. Jiyong was an annoying and nosey guy, but despite that, she found herself heading to her bedroom to put the note safely in between the messy pages of the journal that she used to write her lyrics in.

After placing the note safely within the confines of her journal, she took a shower, wiping off the makeup she had fell asleep with on last night. Throwing a simple outfit on and covering and covering her sickly appearance with several layers of foundation, she then headed to the kitchen. Reaching up on her toes, she opened a cabinet for her hands to eagerly wrap around a familiar comfort. Hyuna felt herself relax considerably as she poured the familiar white liquid of vodka in a glass.

When she tilted her head to down the liquid in a few quick gulps, she didn’t expect the bile to suddenly rise to the tip of her tongue as the alcohol hit her stomach. Roughly slamming the glass down on the table, Hyuna hurried to the sink. The alcohol she had just swallowed burning as she emptied the contents of her insides  into the sink- which was nothing but stomach acid.

Gripping both sides of the sink, she slumped as she began coughing so violently that her eyes watered. Her insides burned at the taste of the lingering stomach acid. Shakily wiping , Hyuna opted to drink a glass of water instead of vodka.

She was anxious. Not because she had just thrown up, but because she had been finding it increasingly more difficult to drink every day. Hyuna was a mess. She was rarely sober, and found more comfort in an empty bottle of vodka than a friend. She hated being sober. She hated being able to acutely feel every sensation. She hated being reminded that even though her spirit had left her long ago, her body was still alive. She welcomed the numbness that drinking brought her, but now every time she drank her body seemed to recoil like it had touched fire.

Jiyoon had accused her of having a drinking problem in the past. “All you do is drink. You drink more than you eat,” she had accused angrily. “You used to love food, Hyuna-yah. What happened to stashing cream puffs in the van and emptying my wallet on fish cakes? What happened to dragging Sohyun out late at night just to eat at street vendors? Nothing used to get you up and running like three bowls of jajangmyeon after an exhausting day of performances and interviews, but these days you’d rather down poison than ramen. We all used to have to hide food in the dorms because if we left it in the fridge we knew it would go missing the next day. Now I don’t see you open the fridge unless it’s for a can of beer.”  

Sohyun had summoned the courage to speak up with Jiyoon in the room confronting Hyuna. “We are all very worried, unnie.” Tears had formed at the corners of her eyes and her lower lip had trembled.

It had also been one of the only times Hyuna had shown anything but detached, silent anger. She had erupted like a molten volcano in all shades of red, and she spit her words like lava that had met the ocean currents. She was like a glacier that had begun to collapse at Jiyoon’s words. And when she had left in a fit of monstrous rage, slamming the door behind her so hard that it shook the walls, none of the girls had ever talked about it again.

When Hyuna had finally collected herself, her phone rang.

Digging her phone out of her pocket, she faltered when she saw the caller ID. She didn’t know why she felt so antsy staring at the name that lit up her phone. Taking a deep breathe and clearing , she answered.

“What do you need, GD sunbaenim?”

“Hyuna-ssi! How are you feeling today? Are you busy?”

“Clearly not busy and still alive and breathing if I’m talking to you,” she replied snarkily. Gone was the mumbling and stuttering embarrassment Hyuna had been the night before. Her tone had returned to its competent icy state, and her tongue was quick.

He laughed, seemingly relieved. “Well if your sarcasm has returned then you must be feeling alright.”

Alright wasn’t exactly the word that Hyuna would use, but she ignored it. “Look, sunbaenim. I don’t have time to sit around and chit-chat with you all day. So please get to the point of why you called me.”

“Ah, right. Sorry. I was just wondering if perhaps you haven’t eaten yet? You must have slept all yesterday since you weren’t able to arrive at the studio and you quickly fell asleep once again when I got there.”

Hyuna couldn’t help but feel a little apologetic to the fact that she had made Jiyong wait for such a long time and then just fell asleep on him when he had been nice enough to show up to her house just to accommodate her. But that’s just what she hated. He was nice. Kim Hyuna didn’t do nice.

“I haven’t eaten yet,” she answered honestly.

Hyuna could practically hear his smile through the phone.  “Great! Wear something comfortable and warm, it’s cold outside. I’ll be there in twenty.”

She opened to protest, but the line had already gone dead.

When Hyuna locked the front door behind her as she exited the house, she found Jiyong leaning casually against his car wearing a simple wool jacket and a red scarf. He smiled widely when he saw that she was wearing the jacket he had left with her the night before.

“4minute prefers style over warmth for our public image. I don’t have anything really warm to wear. If I did, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this,” she explains cooly.

Jiyong pushes himself off the car, approaching her. Hyuna notes the look of self satisfaction and the amused glint in his eyes.

She glares, “if you have something to say then spit it out.”

He shakes his head, the corner of his lips twitching. “It’s nothing. Just that you look so tiny in it.”

Glare intensifying, Hyuna huffed. “I’ll just-

“You look cute,” he cuts her off. “You look cute wearing things like this.”

She opens , only to close it again. Flabbergasted, she puffed out her cheeks, not quite sure how to respond to such a compliment. It wasn’t as if Hyuna had never been complimented on her looks before. She was an idol after all. She was complimented by fans on a daily basis. But when Jiyong gave her such a simple compliment, she felt flattered. Her pulse quickened and her she could feel all the blood rush to her face.

“Your face is red. You must be cold,” Jiyong pointed out, oblivious to the fact that it wasn’t the cold which made Hyuna’s face scarlet. “You don’t handle this weather very well, do you?” he joked. “Here,” his hands fumbled with the scarf on his neck. When he finally gets it free, he reaches around her to wrap the scarf firmly around her neck.

“What are you-

Once again, Jiyong cut her off, pressing the scarf to . “I handle the cold really well, it’s okay. You’re the one who’s sick anyway. You need to keep your body as warm as possible,” he lightly scolded as he pulled her hood up to rest snugly on her head, covering her face from the biting fall wind.

Hyuna scolded herself for feeling so bashful. This was not how Kim Hyuna was supposed to act at all. She was a woman of few words and many harsh glares. But Jiyong had become bold. He smoothly cut her off when she was about to curse him out, and took care of her when she didn’t want to be taken care of. Frankly, she wasn’t quite sure how to react.

Hyuna nearly blanched in surprise. “What is this?” she deadpanned.

Jiyong smiled in satisfaction at her reaction. “What’s with the face?” he teased. “You’ve never eaten barbeque before?” he walked through the door before she could snap his head off.

For a moment, she stood there. It was an old, run down restaurant. The outside was shabby and the letters of ‘Hwayong’s Barbeque & Grill’ were rusted and chipped. The famous G-Dragon, the man who was a millionaire and could have broughten her to any five star place he wanted to, had taken her to a neighborhood restaurant that was clearly struggling to stay afloat.

“Welcome!” an ahjumma greeted as Hyuna opened the door, bell chiming.

“Ahjumma! Bring us the usual, please!” Jiyong called as soon as they had sat down. “You’re not a vegetarian or anything, right?”

Hyuna didn’t know what the ‘usual’ was, but she definitely didn’t want it. “I don’t need you ordering for me,” she answered icily, taking off the jacket and the scarf.

“It’s pretty warm in here, isn’t it?” he ignored her, taking off his jacket as well.

“You’re annoying,” she bit.

Leaning his elbow on the table and resting his chin on the palm of his hand, Jiyong smirked. “I know.”

They entered a standoff, with Hyuna practically shooting daggers at him with her eyes, and Jiyong amusedly staring back. Just when it seemed as if neither were about to back down anytime soon, the ahjumma approached them with a large plate in her hands.

“Jiyong! It’s been quite awhile since you’ve been by! My husband has been asking when you were going to be by to eat some meat again,” she exclaimed cheerfully, setting down a large plate of uncooked beef in front of them, along with two normal sized plates. “Aigoo, my husband said that you were looking thinner on TV but you’re even thinner in person!” she practically cried, pinching his cheeks. “You haven’t been eating a lot of meat lately have you?”

Jiyong couldn’t help but laugh at the old woman’s antics. "Sorry, ahjumma. I will definitely eat more.”

When the ahjumma’s eyes found Hyuna sitting awkwardly across from Jiyong, she gasped. “Aigoo! Is this your girlfriend? I think I’ve seen her on TV before. She’s much prettier in person,” she complimented.

Jiyong practically beamed. “She’s just a good friend of mine.”

Hyuna bowed politely, muttering a “thank you” even though she would much rather be strangling the man across from her.

“Aiish! You’re so much thinner than Jiyong! You haven’t eaten a lot of meat in a while have you?” Gently placing a hand on her shoulder, the ahjumma smiled. “Please eat well. I’ll leave you two alone now.” Flashing one last kind smile, she went back to serving other customers.

Hyuna glowered as soon as  the ahjumma was out of earshot. “Since when are we friends?”

Jiyong, who had already started grilling the beef, looked up. “We’re not?”

He was teasing her.

“We’re not,” she repeated dryly.

“Then what are we?” he asked, attention once again focused on cooking the meat as a smile played at the corners of his mouth.

For a moment, Hyuna hesitated for some odd reason that she couldn’t fathom. “Nothing,” came her one worded answer after a moment of nothing but the meat sizzling being the only conversation between them.

“Really? Because I think of us as friends.”

“Don’t tease me,” she spat callously.

Jiyong chuckled, “but I’m not.” Placing the cooked meat on a plate, he set it in front of her. “Eat,” he ordered. “You must be starving.”

“I’m not hungry,” she denied, only for her stomach to betray her by a loud growl. Jiyong was right, Hyuna was definitely starving in the most literal sense. She didn’t remember the last time she had eaten a proper meal, and she felt nauseous and lightheaded at the warm smell of the meat.

“Why are you so nice to me?” she blurted.

Jiyong raised an eyebrow, “what do you mean?”

Jaws clenched, she resisted the urge to jump over the table and shake him by the collar of his shirt.  “Don’t play coy with me, GD sunbaenim. Everyone know’s that I’m a massive . Everyone avoids me. It would be easy to just meet up at the studio and not contact me outside of work, and yet you go out of your way to take me to an art museum, to buy me medicine when I’m sick, and to take me out to eat at a shabby place. Why are you like this? It’s annoying and I don’t understand it.”

For a moment, Jiyong leaned back and said nothing. He simply stared at her with an unreadable expression, seemingly contemplating her words deeply. “Hyuna-ssi,” he leaned forward, gaze intense, “you’ve got a good heart, it’s just accompanied by some bad habits.” Once again, the mocking smirk that she hated all too much, graced itself on Jiyong’s face. “Quit trying to get rid of me. It’s annoying and I don’t get it,” he mimicked her earlier words.

Once again, Hyuna found herself speechless. Speechless because no one had ever told her that she was a good person, and irritated because Jiyong always knew how to get under her skin. He always knew how to get her flustered and confused and she hated it.

"I just want you to leave me alone."

"Do you really?"

She didn't answer him.

Lips pressed in a thin line, Hyuna quickly averted her gaze. Angrily stuffing beef into , they ate in silence.

Four days passed and there was still no word from Siwon. No text, no calls, no nothing. The bruises she sported had faded into various shades of brown and yellow, and bags under her eyes weren’t as prominent. Though her skin still looked sickly, she no longer looked like death. Hyuna hadn’t had much time to be wasted on the kitchen floor either. Jiyong called every day and forced her to hang out with him, with a lot of complaining on her part. She still went anyway.

They ate at street vendors and family restaurants that probably had loan sharks chasing them. He never took her to high class places. They did simple things together, and in those times Hyuna felt as if they were really just two normal people and not idols.

She had also been willing to finally show Jiyong the lyrics that she had written for her comeback and he had smiled brightly at her, saying that they were brilliant. She also had finally complied with the soundtrack he had composed and his lyrics as well. Her attitude was still foul and she was still arrogant as ever, but even though Hyuna hated to admit it, the stupid guy was growing on her. Being around Jiyong no longer instilled a sense of dread in her.

“You’ve been hanging around G-dragon sunbae a lot lately,” Jihyun had commented offhandedly one day. She had demanded girl time with her friend, and now the two found themselves at a spa, leaning back into comfortable chairs with face masks on.

“Well, I am working with him,” Hyuna responded bluntly.

“But a little birdie has told me that you two hang out a loooot outside of work,” Jihyun teased. “Are you two dating? Because I would totally be o-

Hyuna shot up, shooting daggers at her friend. “Yah! It’s not like that! It’s not like I have a choice. He basically forces me to hang out with him. It’s annoying.”

Jihyun snorted. “Someone can force the almighty Kim Hyuna to do something? He should teach this poor unnie his tricks.”

Hyuna sighed deeply, falling back into the chair dramatically. “I hate you.”

Jihyun laughed airily. “I love you too, my stubborn lil dongsaeng.”

Just as Hyuna’s lips curled to reply snarkily, her phone rang.

Whipping the phone angrily to her ear when she saw name flash on the screen, she practically growled. “What!”

“Woah, are you alright?” Jiyong asked on the other end.

She sighed, “yea. I’m fine. What do you want?”

“You busy?”

“GD sunbae-

“Oh my gosh! Is that really G-dragon sunbae?!” Jihyun practically screeched, snapping up out of her chair.

Jiyong chuckled over the phone. “It seems my question has been answered. When are you not busy?”

“Can’t you just leave me alone for a day? Being around you all the time is annoying.”

“WE’LL BE DONE IN AN HOUR SUNBAE. YOU CAN COME GET HER THEN. WE’RE AT RIVERSONG SPA. BY THE WAY I AM A HUGE FAN. CAN I GET-

Hyuna practically threw an entire bowl of cucumbers at Jihyun to get her to shut her up. She was practically fuming at her friends antics.

“Don’t bother coming,” she threatened.

“I’m already on my way,” he said.

The line went dead.

Jiyong kept true to his word. When Hyuna and Jihyun left the salon, he was once again leaning against his car, smiling the same stupid smile. Jihyun had pushed the cold women towards him, giggling like a schoolgirl as she made her escape.

“Hyuna,” he waved.

“Don’t speak to me so informally,” she gave him a dirty look.

“Don’t speak to me so formally,” he retorted.

“I only speak casually to people I consider my friends,” she shot back cooly.

“Aren’t we friends?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because, I don’t like you.”

“But why? I’m handsome and cool, aren’t I?” Jiyong put his hands to his cheeks, fluttering his eyelashes.

Hyuna couldn’t help the snort that escaped. Hands flying to , her eyes widened and they both froze. Shocked.

“Did you just l-

She quickly cut him off. “I did not.”

Jiyong was persistent. “No, you totally just la-

“Shut up, sunbaenim.”

His eyes glinted in mischief. “I won’t ever mention it again if you stop speaking so formally to me.”

She could feel her left eye twitch in irritation. “Fine.”

Jiyong raised an eyebrow.

“Fine, Jiyong-ssi,” she hissed through gritted teeth.

“You can do better than that,” he teased.

“Do you want to die?”

He smiled, “where do you want to go today?”

Jiyong had taken her to go bowling, which Hyuna had complained incessantly about. “I hate sports. This is boring,” she had whined. To which, Jiyong had promised that he would make it a fun experience for her.

He hadn’t lied. Hyuna wouldn’t call it enjoyable, but she definitely didn’t hate it. She didn’t smile whenever she won against Jiyong, but was no longer pressed in a firm line. She had suspected that he let her win, to which he had laughed at and admitted that he had only bowled twice before in his life. She didn’t quite understand why he had taken her to go bowling if he was so bad at it himself.

Hyuna had been having a decent time the past week with Jiyong, so when she arrived home and flipped on the lights, the last thing she expected was a drunken Siwon staring angrily at her with bloodshot eyes.

“Where have you been?” he demanded.

“Where have I been? I’m not the one who’s been missing for nearly a ing week Siwon,” her tone was chilly, bewildered that he even had the nerve to ask her such a question.

He let out a sarcastic laugh. “So while I’m gone you’re out till ridiculous hours?”

"It's only 1am. You're overreacting."

“Today’s your day off. You rarely even leave the house on a day off.”

“I was with Jihyun.”

The anger in Siwon’s bloodshot eyes was palpable. “That’s funny, because I’ve heard that you’ve been hanging around that guy G-dragon a lot lately.”

She blinked, “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

“You’re seeing him, aren’t you?” he accused.

Hyuna rolled her eyes, walking past him. “You’re drunk.”

He grabbed her arm, roughly tugging her back. “Don’t walk away from me!”

“Yah! Let go of me!” she glowered, the explosive rage that she had held back for too long oozing out into the cold atmosphere around them. “How dare you out of all people accuse me of such a thing! Weren’t you the one ing some chick in the bed we share! Weren’t you the one who broke all of your promises!”

Siwon stiffened, his grip tightening. “Why bring it up again? I thought we moved past this,” he says.

“No, you moved past it. Of course you did,” she scoffs. “You aren’t the one who’s heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces, you aren’t the one who spends every single night paranoid that you’re with her again, you aren’t the one-“ she catches her breath, “who has to try to kiss you without tasting her lips on yours.”

And suddenly Siwon has turned into a raging forest fire burning everything he touched, and Hyuna is slammed to the floor with blackness creeping at the edge of her vision as he pins her to the ground with his hands constricting tightly around her neck.

“I love you!” he yells drunkenly, voice cracking. “I love you more than anything else in this world! I made a mistake!” his hands tighten around her neck, as her own struggle to pry them off. “I made a mistake and yet you treat me like a monster! I’ve done everything for you!”

“S-Siwon, I c-can’t bre-

“No, shut up!” he shakes her by the neck violently. “Shut up and listen to me!” his breathing is harsh as he removes one hand from her neck, the other still holding on firmly. “If you think me to be such a monster then I guess that I should act like one, right?” his free hand fumbles drunkenly with her leggings.

Hyuna goes rigid underneath him. “Siwon, no,” she whispers, fear clouding her mind. “I don’t want to.”

“Shut up,” he growls, tearing her leggings off. "Shut up and just listen to me for once. Shut up and just act like you still love me for tonight.”

His lips hungrily smashes down onto hers, as he kisses her painfully. Hyuna can taste the blood. She can taste the blood and feel the pain.

She can’t breathe.

The ripping sound of her shirt causes her to bite her tongue painfully.

And all she can think about as she squeezes her eyes shut, teetering at the edge of consciousness, is how she wish that she had kept shut.

And suddenly, Siwon is off of her. He is standing over her with an expression of regret and anger. He breathes her name, yanking roughly at his hair, his bloodshot eyes holding back tears.

And then he is gone. He is disappears the way he always does.

And Hyuna is left trembling on the ground, gasping for air in nothing but her undergarments. She doesn’t cry. She never does.

Curling into a ball, she hugs herself tight as if it’ll keep her together. As if she can keep herself from breaking.

I’m stupid. I’m so stupid.

It’s the only thing she repeats in her head like a mantra as she shakes uncontrollably.

In that moment, she wished that she were dead.

Wow, this really is the longest chapter I've written. Over 4000 words. I hope you all enjoyed reading it, because I had a lot of fun writing it. There's nothing I enjoy more than GD and Hyuna bickering. I'm not good at writing fluff, so I hope I wrote the scenes between them well. 

Thank you for reading! Upvotes and comments are greatly appreciated!