Darting his eyes from left to right and right to left, Luhan was embracing his knees and swinging back and forth. His eyeballs were burning from all the salty tears and he had troubles to let enough air into his lungs. The nurse was cleaning up the vomit while Luhan would rather have died than crawling away from the safety of the table. Another nurse slowly dared to make her way to him, stabilizing her torso with both elbows.

“It's okay, you are so, so brave. You are trying enough. You are enough.” she talked with the maximum of softness in her voice, trying to make eye contact with the scared boy.

Yes, Luhan was scared of everything. He simply wanted to disappear.

His fragile body was shaken by loud sobs again, swinging and moving hectically and without the tiniest bit of control.

The nurse next to him breathed out, eyeing him in worry, knowing that there was no other solution.

“Give him his meds...” she simply ordered the other two nurses.

Immediately after the needle was stabbed into his vein, Luhan felt an sudden calmness running all over his body.

Shortly after, of course, he passed out.

-

Luhan did not dare to look away and miss something important. He feared that an important movement, a detail or even a glance could go unnoticed. His eyes were glued to the perfect existence in front of him. It was already late in the evening but he didn't have troubles to find and admire every feature of the other.

He was endlessly grateful. Of course, his circumstances were miserable and yes, he was getting worse by every second, but he was grateful. Luhan felt lucky to have the chance to share a room with a godlike human being. So beautiful, elegant and pretty.

Watching him closely he noted down his thoughts, as always.

He is starring at the ceiling, what is he thinking about? I should talk to him and ask him if he is okay... but he wouldn't like me, would he? Ugh... He is so pretty, how is he even allowed? Look at that face. He is so perfect...

It was his dream that maybe one day, he would talk to him.

Before closing his notebook he flipped through it, found the word “Sehun” written on the first page with big, fancy letters. He drew some other hearts around it, before hiding the little book under his pillow.

Sehun...

Since the first day, since the one time they had talked and introduced to each other, Luhan always had that wonderful name in his mind. He had put his name away, hidden and locked in his heart, always saying it when the other wasn't around – he surely didn't want to seem creepy.

He wondered if Sehun liked his name. Lu Han. A Chinese, simple but pretty name. Maybe not quite like the owner, Luhan bitterly thought. He wasn't pretty, he wasn't simple... but he grew up Chinese.

Luhan lied down, copying Sehun's position, starring at him in admire. So endlessly pretty.

At some point he knew he had no chance. Sehun was perfect, Luhan was a wreck. There was no possibility for Sehun to even look at him.

But hey, he was allowed to dream, wasn't he?

Whenever Sehun was around, Luhan's body was out of control. He was trembling, is heart beat fastened, and sweating like he was standing in the Sahara in the middle of summer.

Sehun made Luhan forget. Forget the reason why he was here, forget about everything that had happened, forget about himself. The last was the most important for him. Luhan couldn't stand himself, he hated himself and it was always scary to be alone with himself.

He was grateful that Sehun was there. Existing, breathing, just being there.

-

“Jagi, aren't you happy?”

Kyungsoo wanted to puke, to scream, to cry, to punch him in the face, but he couldn't. His mom and his dad were watching them, with soft happiness.

A faked little smile and short head shake was everything he could do. Jaejoong looked at him with softness in his eyes and a big smile on his lips.

Kyungsoo hated him. He hated sitting next to him, in his arms, thousands of miles apart from the person he actually wanted to be with. He felt like crying, running away, surely not just sitting here with a stranger which should become his husband soon.

“Excuse me.” he mumbled, freeing himself from the stiff grip, leaving the living room and the people in there.

With fast steps he walked into the bathroom, trying his best to not cry out loudly. After closing and locking the door he made his way to the sink and splashed cold water at his face, trying to clear his thoughts.

I'm sorry Jongin, it was for the best. He thought, already feeling his throat tensing and hot tears collecting in the corner of his eyes. He had reached his lowest but the worst thing about it was that it wasn't even his fault. He wouldn't forget the angriness in his father's face. He wouldn't forget the pain in his face after being slapped several times and, even worse, in his heart.

“You will never see him again!”

Kyungsoo breathed out, looked up and blinked about a thousand times to hold his tears back.

What had he done to deserve all of this?

He didn't want to marry that tard. He wanted to be held by Jongin and hear his soft voice, see his wide smile, his happy eyes. He needed to smell and touch him. He wanted to hear Jongin laughing when Kyungsoo dropped a dumb joke. He missed all of him with his whole heart.

But for now, he had no other option. It was an arranged marriage. Kyungsoo's life had been determined in the same moment in which his parents knew they would have a son.

Everything had been determined. His school, his friends, his hobbies his studies, his husband, hell even the place he would be buried if he were dead. So it was absolutely not in their interest when Kyungsoo got to know Jongin.

ing companies. ing business. ing marriage. ing life.

“Babe, are you fine, I'm worried.” someone knocking the door interrupted his mental rent.

ing Jaejoong. Kyungsoo sighed before replying in a faked, lovely voice.

“Of course. Don't worry.”

Kyungsoo hated how his father could do anything with his ing money. He had threatened, if he talked to Jongin one more time, Jongin would be dead.

Of course his father had already arranged some hitmen. He had no other choice than breaking up with him.

Jongin, how are you doing? Please take care of yourself, because I can't anymore...

He thought before finally leaving the bathroom.

______________________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading! ♥

Haha after years another update, sorry I really had no motivation.

If you have any requests (e.g. pairing or scenes or moments or insiders or whatever) don't be afraid to tell me :3!

Oh and tell me if you find mistakes tehe. Btw - would anybody like to be my beta-reader xDDD?

I hope you guys will reach any goal you want to! Have a nice day ♥