read the foreword.

 

 

 

Eyes, Nose, Lips.

 

+

 

“I’m made up with Kiko, we’re back together.”

You said it with to me without a slight smile, I know you’re happy but you tried to hold it. Because you know… it will break my heart.

“I’m happpy for you.” I said.

 

Half of YG family knew I had a crush on you since long time a go but you only see me as your little sister, as the girl version of yourself. i’ve been trying to change my image but I can’t help it, I didn’t make myself to be so similar to you, we’re just happened to be similar, I am like this even before I knew you, and this is what makes me fall for you.

I see myself in you.

I know you know that I like you more than friends, but you pretend that you don’t know, because you don’t like me that way.

First time I knew you have a girlfriend, I thought you’d set a space between us, but you didn’t, you keep looking for me like before, you tried to convince me that we’re best friend and I start to believe it.

Yes, Jiyong and Chaerin is best friend, or more like siblings.

And then you broke up with her, saying that she never understand you the way I do. You keep comparing me to her, says I’m better, and that makes me feel the old feeling back again.

But then you said those words.

 

So, now here I am, sitting on a plane to LA without telling you, to start my new life. Ever since I sign contract with Scooter Braun, he said I could work from Seoul while preparing 2ne1 comeback album, but then we have this little problem with Bom that made her has to be in hiatus for a year and without Bom, there’s no comeback for 2ne1. So I took it as my call, I need to leave Seoul.

I need to leave you and our memories behind.

“Chae… still typing? Why don’t you take some sleeps?” Bom asked me.

“Later, unni.” I smiled, “you’d stay in LA for few days before New York, right?”

“Maybe only one or maximum two nights, Chae, my cousin will come and pick me in LA tehn we’ll leave to New York. As I said before, I will do my ‘self reflection’ in New York. Visit me often, okay?”

“Why not in LA with me unni?”

“I can’t be seen with any 2ne1 member just yet, Chae.” She said.

Somehow I pittied her, all the news seems to cornered her and when she finally accept the decision YG made for her, I feel my heart broken.

“Still writing your diary to Jiyong again?” she asked.

I smiled a little, “this will be the last page, unni, there will be no more Jiyong.”

“You deserves someone better.”

“Thanks.” I said.

 

+

 

Bom and I bowed to Lydia, she’ll be the one who took care of me while I’m here.

“Anyeong haseo.” Bom bowing politely.

“Hi…” Lydia smiled at us. “Bommie, I heard about your unfortunate event, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s alright… I need rest tho.” She chuckles.

“Hi, Chaerin…”

“Heard so much about you, unni, just rarely see you.” I said.

“Don’t be so stiff, Chae-ah… I also hear so much about, I almost think we’re bestie since Teddy and Jiyong always talked about you.”

Hearing his name still make my heart hurts.

“YG also often talking about you, another golden kid he has beside Jiyong.”

I smiled, “that exagerated too much unni.”

“You know that song, R.O.D? Jiyong was so noisy when said that you should be the one who perform it with him, I didn’t mind because I can’t always go to perform that song anyway… since then I got curious about you. But after a while, I know why YG, Teddy and Jiyong loves you so much.”

“Unni… stop it” I chuckles.

“Hey, have you eat something?” she asked.

“Uh… we’re eating at the plane…”

“I’m gonna cook pasta for you. You want?”

“We’re fine.” Bom smiles.

She look at me after Lydia disappear to the kitchen.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m fine, unni, I can’t stop people from talking about Jiyong in front of me, anyway, people who don’t know will only know that we’re close.”

Bom patted my back.

I didn’t realize that Lydia was standing near us, turns out that she went to the kitchen just to take some glasses for us.

We’re standing with an awkward atmoshpere between three of us.

“i… uh… I didn’t know that i shouldn’t talk about Jiyong.” Lydia said.

“No, unni, no, you can talk about him whenever you like, its just…” I couldn’t explain it without telling her everything, right?

Bom didn’t say anything.

“Unni, let’s talk later, now do you want me to help you cook the pasta?” I asked.

 

+

 

So, that’s my first day in LA. You haunt me. Even when I think i could start a new life here, one thing I forgot is that I still related to you whenever I’m going. Lydia brought me to one of the best studio recording in LA, she introduces me to some producers and all they said to me was.

‘your song with Skrillex was so dope, and your pal GD is sick! Both of you like the swagest asian I’ve ever met.’

‘oh hi CL, wow… been expecting you since many people already talking about you, can’t wait to see GD too, will he be here soon?’

‘Oh you move here alone? I thought you and GD will have some kind of unit and take over US together.’

Yeah, CL and GD is like one person.

 

I close my laptop and reach a book, suddenly my phone rang.

Jiyong.

“Hello?”

“Hi, what time is it now in there?” you asked.

“Oh I’m fine thank you.”

You chuckles, the sound I love so much. Damn you! “Sorry, I was asking so I will know whether I’m disturbing you or not.”

“Oh, its 11 pm, oppa.”

“Oh great, are you gonna sleep soon? Or you’re outside getting ready for partying with some new friends?”

“I’m about to sleep.” I said.

“How’s LA?” you asked.

“Uh… great, its spring so its great.”

“Tell me everything.”

“Why?”

“Cause I wanna know.” You said.

“Oppa… you have a girlfriend, stop calling me okay?”

“Girlfriend? Oh we broke up.”

“Again?” I am not happy hearing this, you’ve been on and off for too long.

“This will be the last, we’re tired and she’s seeing somebody new.”

“And you’re okay with it?”

“Why not?”

“So you call me because you’re single now?”

“Chae you’re my best friend, can’t I call my friend?”

I sighed, "Of course."

"You mad at me?" you asked, pretended like you have no idea why.

“why can’t you understand me just once? I need to get away from you.”

“Chae, look, I’m sorry… but I really need you as my friend, why can’t we just be friends?”

I paused.

“We were friends, just not anymore... You know why…” I said.

"Chaerin..."

"I tried to be friends with you, i just don't see you as friends since the first time."

“Chae, you don’t like me that way, trust me, you just see me as your brother.”

“Oppa, just end it, okay?”

“I can’t say goodbye to you, Chae, you didn’t even telling me you move to LA, and I tried not get angry to you. How can you be so selfish?”

“What you’d call yourself if you call me selfish?”

I hung up the phone and open my laptop.

 

Just say goodbye to me.

Don’t act like you don’t know my feeling. So stop wasting my time and say goodbye. When you said it, I promise I will let you go forever. I will never look back, I will never try to hold into you…

 

+

 

“Chae… wake up.” Lydia knock on my door, “we have practice today, remember?”

I open my door and she seems surprise to see my face.

“Your eyes are swollen, Chae, is everything okay?”

I remember last night I was crying.

“Oh my God…” I covered my face.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

 

Lydia decided that we don’t have to come to the practice but instead, she brought me to a nice brunch place.

“Diplo just text me saying that he’ll back home tomorrow for a week before another tour and ask me if you wanna come to his dinner party?” Lydia sked after we ordered.

“Yeah, sure. Its been a long time not seeing him.”

Lydia type a message in her phone, “Done, we’ll go to Diplo’s party tomorrow.”

I smiled.

 

+

 

I was so glad to see some familiar faces including Tablo and Soojoo at the dinner with Diplo, Sonny and some other friends.

Lydia and Tablo seems to talking about something important, they were sitting on different table and keep discussing.

“Hey hey, enough working!” Sonny patted Tablo’s back.

He laughs, “Got a project from mr. CEO, man.” He said.

“What’s that?”

“Re-arranging Taeyang’s song.” He said.

I sat beside Lydia, “Eyes, nose, lips?” I asked. When I moved here that song is been releasing and became hit.

Tablo nodded, “Yeah, that one, Chae.”

“Tell me more.” I said.

“see this.” He show me his tablet and there’s AKMU singing the song in a cuter way.

“Cute.” I said.

“YG wants me to make another version and Lydia also make another version.” He explains.

“Singing the song?”

“Not only sing, Chae, for me, I made the rap, it will be full rap, and for Lydia, she could make whatever she wants.”

I turned to Lydia, she sips her beer.

“What will you make, unni?” I asked.

“Hmm, I gotta understand the music first, Chae, then look for the story to fit the lyric.” She said.

“Does it has to be sad like the original?” I ask.

“However the tittle should be ‘eyes