You were six and the biggest thing ever was being invited to a classmate’s pool party in a leafy suburb in the middle of summer.  You were standing by the pool that was shaped like a chunky L, just near the section with the dotted line for the diving board, when you were accidentally pushed in by the boys playing tag.  You didn’t swim so much as drown slowly.  Every frantic of your arms and legs kicking out desperately in an attempt to pull yourself up and out of the water was futile, every breath you tried to take made you swallow the chlorinated water even more and within seconds you were fully submerged.  Then ever so slowly, painfully, silently everything faded away. 

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The sun beamed down unmercifully intensifying the white walls and pillars in the area.  The bright light shined off the still water as you stood a few inches above it.  You stare at it and it stares right back at you.  The chlorine was already beginning to tickle your nose from where you stood and it felt like the blue water was starting to taunt you.  For a while you stood with Chansung in silence.  You were definitely not enjoying yourself as opposed to him, but for some reason you couldn’t get yourself to move.  Slowly, you turned your attention to Chansung who stood on your left with his blue and white striped swim shorts on, his hands resting on his hips and his messy hair moving with the wind as he wears a silly smile on his face looking on to the water.  “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”  You stared him straight in the eyes.

He shakes his head with his eyes closed as he flashes his foolish smile.  “I am trying to teach you how to survive.  You should be grateful.  And don’t be scared of the water.  It’s the stuff that helps you float.”

“It’s also the stuff that could kill me.”  You clutched your white cotton robe close as you tried to lean forward to peek at the depth of the pool, your toes curling trying to maintain your foothold.  “Besides can’t you teach me that on shallow waters?  This is like a thousand feet deep!”

“It’s just two and a half meters and definitely no kiddie pools.”  Chansung let out a chuckle.

Your shoulders dropped with a sigh.  “Then can I have those little inflatable thingies.”  You gestured around your waist.

“No floaters either.”  He stared at you incredulously.  “What are you, five?”

You rolled your eyes at him.  “But I can’t swim remember?  I’ll drown in there!”  You touch your hair bun nervously.

“That’s why I’m teaching you how.  I still can’t believe Tom never thought you how.”  He outreached his arm to offer his hand and support.  “Anyway, I’ll be your inflatable dolphin.”  He puffs his cheeks. 

“Because Tom knows I don’t want to die by drowning.”  You reached his hand and gripped it tightly.  “Besides, I don’t need to learn how to swim.  This is useless to me.”

“Of course you do.  It’s a necessity.”  He faces you.  “What if Tom comes and pushes you out to sea because you can’t get over him.”  Your lips narrowed to a thin line as you shot icy daggers at him, but didn’t let go of your deathly grip on his hand.  “Alright, alright.”  He laughs.  “What if…I push you out into the sea because you can’t get over Tom?”

You let go of his hand with a scowl.  “I’m not doing this anymore!  I’m going home.”

Chansung catches you before you could go and laughs a loud.  “I was just kidding.  But you do need to learn how to swim.”  He smiles, but looked more serious as if trying to coax a child.  “Take the plunge with me.”  He urged.  “Dive into an unexplored place.  Embrace the feeling of the new world around you…with me.”  He saw the hesitancy in your eyes and placed a finger beneath your chin to tilt your face up.  “I promise I won’t let you drown.”

His soft smile and calm sureness was proving to be what you need to make up your mind.  “Fine.  How can I say no when you’re beginning to sound like an ad campaign.”  You sighed in defeat, your own smile lessening the glare you gave him.  “But if you –“

“I won’t.”  He cuts you off and smirked, gets a running start and dove straight into the pool causing a huge splash.  A few moments more and his head bobs up the water pulling his hair back with a huge smile.  “Come on!  Just let the water flow around you and everything will come naturally.  I promise nothing bad will happen to you.  I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”  He flicked some water in your direction.

“Alright already.  I’ll just remove my robe.”  You walked over to the lounger and began to untie your robe with you back facing the pool.  Chansung was swimming back a little further and missed hearing you move back to the side of the pool.  “Hwang!”  You called out to him as you readied yourself to enter the water.  Chansung’s head shot up and then froze in breathless shock.  His eyes wide and his mouth agape.  You had on a turquoise green bikini with eyelet lace details over a white lining.  This wasn’t the most flesh he had seen on a girl before, but it was the most exposed body parts he had seen of you.  “Is everything okay?”  You asked worriedly.

“What?  Yeah.  Of course.  I’m fine.”  He rubbed the water of his face and attempted to banish the dark thoughts that circulated his mind.  “Jump in already.  I’ll catch you.”  He said and you did as you were told before you could even allow your mind to think or to fear or to even realize that Chansung was a little far from where you’d land.

As soon as you hit the water panic set in real good.  There was nothing for you to hold and your feet could not find a solid landing.  You suddenly began to twirl, twist and turn your body around like a cat on fire, flapping your arms and kicking your legs desperately, but everything was doing no good for you.  “Chansung!”  You yelled as your head comes up momentarily.

“I’m here.  I’m here.  You’re alright.”  Chansung lifted you with both arms and held you to his chest before you get completely submerged.  

He was watching you cough, breathe, cough, wheeze and breathe again in his arms.  “Chansung.”  You whispered as you latch your hands together behind his neck.  “You son of a –“  When you looked at him he had this smile on that was beginning to irritate you more.  “What are you smiling at?”  You furrowed your brows at him.

“You called me Chansung.”  His grin was getting wider.  “Not Hwang, but Chansung.”

“Well, don’t get used to it.  You said you won’t let anything bad happen to me and I almost drowned.”

“But you didn’t.”  He mused. 

“How many have you taught swimming before?”  You nervously asked as you glanced at him and then back at the water.

“You’re the first.”

“Oh good.”  You roll your eyes at him.  “Now that explains why I almost drowned.”

“Don’t worry this time you’re in the right hands.”  He lowered his voice as he spoke.  “You don’t get hurt with me.  I promise.  I’ll be right beside you.  All you gotta do is call my name.  CHANSUNG.”  He enunciated.  “It sounds good when you say it.”  He teased and you unlatched your hands behind his neck to hit him and slipped out from his grip only to sink again. 

“Okay, okay, okay.  Calm down.  Grab a hold of me.”  Chansung catches you before you could go under.  “I –“  He stops talking as he realized that your proximity with him has increased.  Chests pressed firmly together, your arms draped around his neck, his strong arms grabbing a hold of your hips and your legs wrapped around his waist, your cloth covered core nuzzling snugly against his.

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and attempted to speak again, but finding no words that could justify the feeling he could sense stirring on his stomach and into his lower half.  You look at him and your breath hitched in your throat as you felt the faintest sensation of his breath hit your lips.  You were indeed too close, his lips was a whisper away from yours.

And then it happened. 

He leaned in and gently touched your lips with his and then quickly pulled away.

And then silence.

You weren’t sure if the kiss had been intentional or an accident or something that just occurred in the heat of the moment.  You weren’t even sure if he knows it actually happened or if you’re actually the one day dreaming.  Everything happened so fast that it all seemed a blur.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence and holding on to each other, you conjured up the courage to speak and let your legs down off his waist.  “You still wanna teach me how to swim?”  You smiled weakly to break the awkwardness.

“Of course.  Of course.”  He answered as if he came back from where his mind has wandered off.  A part of him hated himself to have to let you go, a part of him hated himself for being too bold.  “Ready?”  His brows raised as he looked at you, slowly letting go and holding on to both your hands and softly gliding with you through the water.  “If you feel like you’re going to fall, just grab a hold of me.  Trust the water.  Trust me.  Okay?”

“Uhm.  I will.”  Three deep breaths and you prepared yourself to explore the new world you have stepped into.

STEP 6:  Try out new things.

Redirect your passion into something new and exciting.  A way to forget about old memories is to build new ones on top of them.  Go out and do something you normally wouldn’t do to keep yourself occupied while you recover from a breakup.  It will help you feel better about yourself, distract you from your pain for a little while and keep you from dwelling in sadness and forming negative patterns.  It will also build up your self-esteem by helping you to develop a new skill.

By immersing yourself in new experiences, you’re taking back your life and living it according to your own terms. From here on out, it’s all about you.  Doing it your way, on your time, on your own rules.