The hammock was swaying slowly in the breeze.  The humid air was carrying the heavy scent of the damp earth and growing things and every once in a while you could hear the sound of the birds calling back and forth.  Tom’s fingers slowly trailed up and down your spine as you lay across him, your head resting over his heart.  Both of your feet stuck out over the edge of the hammock.  Repeatedly you would rub a foot against one of his.  Other than that, you seemed perfectly content to just lay there.  This was the most relaxed you have been your entire week.

“So I’ve decided we’re spending our honeymoon on a European cruise.”  Tom s his arm over your waist.

Your head tilted slightly to see his face.  “But I’m gonna get sea sick.”  You pouted at him.

Tom reached to flip your bottom lip with his finger.  “My dad would tell me if I pout, a bird would see it and assume my lips are giant worms and it would swoop down and eat it.”

You looked up at him in horror.  “What a horrible thing to tell a child.”

He took a lock of your hair and twisted it slowly around his finger before he tucked it behind your ear.  “So I never pout.  So don’t pout.  And don’t worry darling, you’ll be fine.  It’ll be like Titanic.  We’ll be like Jack and Rose, enjoying the beautiful horizon with the ripples of water below us.”

“We’ll drown like them!  I don’t even know how to swim, remember?”  You shuddered as your mind began to cook up vivid images of horrific ways one could die in water.  “How could you use an example like that?”

Tom emitted a chuckle.  “Darling, I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”  He holds your hand tight in his.  “But if you don’t want a cruise, then we won’t.  Where would you like to go?  I’ll go anywhere with you.  I’m never going anywhere without you.”

 ----

Keith Urban’s ‘Tonight I wanna Cry‘ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmO1u3ONYg8) plays softly as you were sitting in your office clicking on your laptop from the proposed new posters of 2PM to your wallpaper of a picture of you and Tom in a hammock.  Pausing briefly to your wallpaper you had a tightened expression of disdain, a tear slowly wanting to escape your eye.  Tom was even more giddy than normal when you took that picture together.  His smile could always have the ability to fade everything else in the background.  Now you wonder how something so beautiful can cause you so much pain.  “Never going anywhere without me huh?”  You whispered with sarcasm as you tapped your nail on his picture.

There has been no word from Tom, he hasn’t called, hasn’t texted, nothing at all.  It was as if you never existed to him at all.  You took a day off after the supposed wedding and then came right back to work the next day not caring about the little talks that might be shared behind your back by everyone who witnessed your most pitiful moment.

Three knocks and the door opened to the six boys who were quite surprised to see you where you supposed to be.  “Good!  You guys are here.”  Trying to sound as lively as you could, you quickly wiped the tears that were threatening to fall as you pretended to rummage something out of your drawer.  Your gaze travelled back to the boys who kept staring at you like they had seen a ghost.  “What?” 

“What are you doing here?”  Wooyoung exclaimed, almost dropping his iced latte as he walked in, his large eyes expressing his genuine shock from seeing you.

“Last time I checked this is still my office.”  You tapped on the nameplate sitting at your desk and then leaned back on your chair with a slight smirk evident on your lips.

Junho sat on an empty chair.  “Actually, I thought when we got a message to be at the PR room, we’ll be meeting with someone…else…other than you.”  He said awkwardly.

“Why?”  A rather puzzled look appeared on your features.  “I haven’t resigned and I don’t remember being fired.  So, I’m afraid I’m still your publicist.  If you boys got a problem with that, I suggest you take it up with the boss.”  You smiled.

“Yeah, but after what happened I thought you’d be…”  Wooyoung paused, blinked and blankly stared at you for a good few seconds unsure of how to finish his statement.  “You know…”  He avoids your gaze like a child hiding behind his latte cup.

“At my honeymoon?”  You cross your arms over your chest. 

“I guess you don’t know either.”  Wooyoung whispered and then continued to sip on his drink, his eyeballs looking in every direction other than on you.

The silence was deafening and uncomfortable and you felt regret the moment you said those words and made things awkward for everyone.  There was a huge elephant in the room that you once again had to push out, it’s been happening quite often with people since your cancelled wedding.

“No, I think what we all mean is, are you alright?”  Nichkhun said his head tilting to the side as he looked at you with genuine concern.  It was touching, but it was sending you to the verge of tears once again.  You hated that look, the ‘I’m so sorry your life is *ucked up’ look.

You took a deep breath and turned to your laptop.  “I’m fine.  Thank you for the concern.  Really.  But that’s not why I called you here today.”  You fumbled through the files on your desk.  “I need your approval or suggestions, whichever the case maybe, for the new set of posters.”  You handed them a few copies that were prepared beforehand.  Like usual, the boys flipped through the pages and you waited in anticipation for their comments, rubbing soothing circles on your desk with your fingernail.

“You know what, this is all fine.  Any of these could work.  We’ll send you emails on the feedback.  In fact, we could just let someone in your team handle this for you.”  Taecyeon said in a detached tone.  “You should rest.  Ummm…”  He struggled for words and noticed the dark circles under your eyes.  “Sleep.  I know this -”

“I don’t like any of it.”  Chansung suddenly said from the corner of the room, dropping the samples on the table with a bit of indifference.  “Maybe, you could make a few more samples, something a little livelier than these.  Colorful, you know.  It just seems too dark for the concept and the group’s kind of done with the dark brooding image.  Did you even listen to the tracklist for these?”  He looked at you as if you he wasn’t judging your work, but you, making you adjust in your seat as you began to listen.  “It just doesn’t match at all.  You’re losing your touch?”

“Chansung!”  Minjun called out and directed his attention towards you.  “You know what, Taec’s right and Chansung’s an arse.  We’ll discuss this, gather our reviews and email them to you or to someone in your team.  You should take some time off.  You haven’t taken a break in a while.”

“This is how we usually discuss things with her, right?  And time off to do what exactly?”  Chansung shot you with a questioning look, his lips quivering in a crooked smile.  “It’s not like she has a love life to spend the days off for.”

“Yah!  Chansung!”  Junho’s tone was pierced with anger.  “What the hell is wrong with you man?”

“Ooookay.”  Wooyoung turns the vowels into a melody careful to keep his voice low.

“Guys, enough alright?”  Nichkhun tried to pacify everyone.

“I’m just saying…”  Chansung persisted.  “If she takes the time off, what will she do?  What will you do?”  He looks back at you, his beautiful face scrunched up in a scowl.  “You’d look at his pictures?  Wait for his call, his text, his email?  Has he even?  Or play sad songs in the background and think about what went wrong and what you could do to change it?  So are you just going to program your mind like that?  Wait till you give in to contact him?”

“Chansung, you’re getting way out of line.”  Taecyeon’s voice was louder.  “She just got out of a breakup, give her some slack!”

You felt like your life was a joke, a horrible joke gone totally wrong.  You were a mess and you were affecting the people around you somehow.  “Guys!  Shut up!”  Your voice came up as an uproar.  You never really knew how much energy it took to raise your voice more than the normal speaking level.  You’re not the type to shout out loud, it was never really in you.  The small action you took was so draining and your throat stressed as the words floated out, but it also felt relieving like a huge brick was lifted off of you, at least for a while.  “You speak as if I am not in the room.  What’s wrong with you guys?  Fighting over something that doesn’t concern you isn’t very like you.  This-“  You point to your heart.  “-doesn’t concern you; however, these does.”  You lifted the samples for the poster up.

“Sorry.  And this isn’t really fighting.  We just talk over things like this, you know.”  Junho’s voice felt thick and constricted.  “We’re just…”

“You’re a friend…to all of us.  So, we’re really just worried about you.”  Nickhun said.  “So that means that concerns us too.”

“And I’m not concerned about her?”  Chansung spoke quietly.

“No one said that.”  Minjun answered, his voice a little lower, raking his fingers on his hair exasperatedly.  “But it’ll help if you’re not so insensitive.”

“Here we go again.”  Wooyoug whispered and then began to make slurping sounds with his straw, mostly air from his empty cup.

Chansung took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.  “It’s not my intention.  I’m sorry if it all came out wrong.”  He rubs the back of his head with his hand.  “I mean, I know there are a million and one reminders of Tom in your life that would haunt you day in and day out, so all I wanted was for you to take your mind off of it, slowly, little by little…off of him.  You’re done crying and now you need to keep yourself from thinking of him.  I guess what I really wanted to say was…don’t hurt yourself on purpose like that.”

“Then next time try saying it nicely you little-!”  Taecyeon said with a laugh and hit Chansung behind the head.  “You’re making us all tense.”

“Did you have to hit me?”  Chansung asked as he grabbed the back of his head.

“Do you want us to hit you harder?”  Junho teased and Chansung shook his head and averted the other boys’ stare.

Tears bubbled up in your eyes as you heard the sincerity in their voices.  Yes, they’re your friends.  You almost forgot about that.  “I know.  And I appreciate the concern guys, I really, really do.  Thank you.”  You sighed.  The red on your face deepening in color, trying to hide your embarrassment behind an awkward smile.  “Now…”  You cleared your throat.  “If we’re all done talking about my personal life and the mess that is my love life, get out of my office.”  You grinned and they smiled back.  “I need to work.  Get busy.  Just send me your comments, what you want, how you want it…well, you know the drill.  And don’t hold back just because I got stood up on my wedding, alright?  The pity parade really doesn’t help.”  You stood up to send them out the door.  “Now out people!”

“Alright.”  The boys answered almost in unison.

“Let’s grab dinner later?  Everyone’s coming, right?”  Nichkhun asked as they move out the door into the narrow hall.

“Maybe.”  You stood up and waved your hand to send them off except for Chansung who stayed and sat on your desk.  “Not going Hwang?”

“Mad at me?”  Chansung said in a faint voice.  Your nose crinkled as you nodded repeatedly in response and he raised his eyebrows in disbelief.  “Really?  Still?  Why?”

You sat next to him on your desk with your arms crossed over your chest.  “Well, let’s see.  There’s the calling my work subpar, insinuating that I’m not doing my job and discussing my private life in public.”

“I didn’t mean to.”  His voice soft and warm.  “I just got pissed.”  His voice was getting softer, so soft you could barely hear him talk.  When he took too long to continue, you nudged him on the arm roughly and sent him a questioning look, which Chansung averted.  “Well, you were depressing or should I say you were making yourself depressed.  You were playing sappy heartbreak songs, looking at his picture, probably waiting for his call, maybe –“

“Looking at his picture?”  You arch an eyebrow.  “How would you know?  Besides I’m not.”  You dug the heels of your stiletto on the floor.

“Oh please.  I’ve seen your wallpaper picture before.  Tom was like this.”  He imitated Tom’s smile.  “And you were like this.”  He imitates you and that sent you in an uncontrollable laughter.

“Don’t… do… that.  It’s weird.”  You tried to say in between laughter.

The laughter slowly dies down and he began to side eye you.  “Anyway, has he made contact with you?”

“No.”  You shook your head, eyes upfront, but the curl on your lips still visible.

“Do you want to contact him?”

“No.”  You shook your head again.

“Do you want him to contact you?”  He was drawing small circles on the floor with the front of his sneakers as he questioned you.

A sigh passed through your lips.  “I don’t think so.”

“Miss him?”

A smile tugged at the corner of your lips and you looked at Chansung.  “Not right now.”

Chansung returned that smile as he looked in your direction.  “Really?”  He nudged your arm and a wide grin appears on his pale face.  “So, you’re not mad at me anymore, right?”

You managed to properly shoot him with an angry glare and then you stared at him with silent indignation and then slowly and succinctly flicked your finger at his forehead.  “Now, I’m definitely not.”  You chuckled as he massaged his forehead with eyes shut tight.  “Oh no, wait.  Maybe one more would completely pacify my anger.”  You joked and raised your hand, but Chansung was fast enough to hold your hand before you could launch your next attack.

A flicker of something danced behind Chansung’s eyes and he looks to where you were both connected.  Your smell like honey and cinnamon was amplified in such close proximity.  He wonders if his hand will still smell of you after he leaves.  “Fine.  I won’t do it again.”  You stifle a laugh, a grin pulling at your lips as you removed your hand from his.  “I’m not mad.  Not at all.  Not right now.”

STEP 2:  KEEP YOURSELF BUSY.

After a difficult breakup, it can be hard to think about anything else. You may stare at your phone waiting for a call or a message, have trouble sleeping as you try to figure out what went wrong or change your daily routine to avoid an awkward encounter with your ex.

One way to avoid post breakup blues and thoughts about the former love of your life is to keep yourself busy.  The mind will not think if you do not give it time to wander.  Keep yourself constantly involved in different types of activities.  Pick up those activities that you love doing or would have loved to try doing.  This will remove your focus from the hurt to the things that can make you more productive.  It will help cause a diversion for your mind and would keep you away from thinking or even trying to contact your ex.

Amping up your productivity is one way of proving to yourself and everyone else that you can move on from your past relationship.  Now is the perfect time to focus on achieving your goals you might have put on hold in the past.  Staying busy is a great way to pull yourself out of that post-split slump.  Find something that you love or will love to do and redirect your energy towards it.  It will make you happier and help you to move on faster.