Perched atop the dresser chair holding on to the giant bubbles Blabla cat doll with a deathly grip you found yourself feeling so bad as you gazed at Chansung standing bleary eyed, shirtless and barefoot in the middle of your room holding a slipper.  His hair was a mess with a day’s worth of stubble on his face.  Apparently, you shouting at the top your lungs was not enough to fully wake him up, but he came running to your rescue nevertheless.  “Sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night.  I know you’re jet-lagged and all.”

Chansung gave you a sleepy grin as he ran his hand through his hair setting it even more askew.  “No worries.  That’s what the man of the house is for anyway.  Besides, it’s not often in this day and age that a man gets to protect a woman from wild animals.”

You arched your eyebrow up at him.  “Chansung, you do know that you’re here to catch a bug, right?  It’s not some dragon or something.”

“But it’s a scary bug, right?”  He looked under the bed.  “And some roaches tend to fly you know.”  You shivered with the thought.

“A bug that shouldn’t be running around in your apartment in the first place.  Do you have a roach infestation?”

“Must’ve come from the balcony.  I think I left the door open when I did the laundry earlier.”  You were about to respond when you saw the bug’s antennae and then its head peering out at the side of the wardrobe.  You clapped your hand over your mouth and pointed, your eyes wide in terror.  “Oh there it is.”  He exclaimed in delight as he hit the dreadful creature with the slipper, took a piece of tissue paper and calmly took it to throw in the trash.  It seemed so simple, so simple and ridiculous that you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks for overreacting and not doing it yourself.  You stayed up on the chair as he carried it to the trash out of your room and only stepped down when he came back in.  “It’s alright now.”  You put your hand in his as he helped you down and he pulled you into his arms.  “You’re all safe.”  He smiles at you warmly as usual not minding your dramas and insane episodes in life.

“Now sir, what do I owe you for saving my life from a wild animal?”  You teased in your best British impersonation.

Chansung tugged at the neckline of the huge red cola shirt you were wearing. “You could give me my shirt back.”

You looked down guiltily at the shirt you had stolen from him a while ago.  It has now become your favorite shirt to sleep in.  Your eyes slowly rose to his and a smile spread across your face.  “Now?” 

He tightened his arms around your waist.  “I could take it forcibly or you can just take it off.”

You stuck out your tongue at him.  “Not a chance.”  You said before he picks you up and tossed you over his shoulder as he headed for his bedroom with you screaming and throwing a fit.

----

The strong bitter aroma of ground coffee beans drifted in the air soaking into your clothes as you sat on the table by the window that looked out into the empty street.  Nothing much has changed in that cafe, the coffee was still good, the pastry cases were still tempting and the sunlight filtered in the windows are like droplets of gold, illuminating specks of dust and changing them into stars and galaxies.

The café was mostly empty and quiet just like it always is after the busy noon.  It was the perfect time for people like you.  Wooyoung who was sitting two tables away recognized you in an instant and smiled.  He picked up his coffee and his half-eaten strawberry cream cake and transferred to your table with light steps.  “Coffee refill?”  His eyes slid to your empty cup as he sat down.

“Nope.  One’s enough for me today.”  You shook your head and covered your cup with your hand.

The corner of his lips quirked up.  “By the look on your face, I think you need more caffeine to deal with whatever it is you’re trying to figure out.”  Wooyoung took a sip of his own mug.  “You should try this.”  He pushed the plate of a half-eaten cake to the middle of the table.

You lips curved at an attempt at a smile.  “What, no lecture?”

“No, not me.”  Wooyoung shook his head and stabbed a piece of the cake with his fork to feed you.  “Besides this will make you feel better than any talk I could give you.”

You took a bite of what he offered and smiled.  “I took a break from work…a long break.”   Your eyes widen as the flavor spread in your mouth.  “This is good.”

“I’ll miss you.”  He takes a piece to eat for himself.  “Although I bet someone might miss you even more.”

“He said he likes me.”  You tap your finger on the table.

“Which one?”  He playfully asked and you stare at him incredulously making him laugh.  Wooyoung leans an elbow at the table, purses his lips and gives his ever famous wicked smirk.  “I think Chansung’s in love with you.”

“He kissed me too.”

“Well, that’s good.”  His nose crinkled as he nodded repeatedly.

You sighed and rested your forehead on your hand keeping your eyes shut.  “And I kissed him back.” 

“I see you’ve had an exciting few days.”  You felt your face heat at the laughter in his voice.

“I also had a talk with Tom the other day.”  You looked up and to see Wooyoung trying with his best effort to keep a straight face on.  “He showed for the first time after walking out and he apologized and I forgave him…”  Your words dragged on.  “…somehow.”

“I heard as much.  I was there when they told Chansung they saw you with Tom.  He just completely blew his top off.”  He snorted.  “He must’ve made a big deal out of it.”

“I…I slapped Chansung.”

“He probably deserved it.”  He clears his throat and took another sip of his coffee.

“I don’t think he did though.”  You looked at him, biting your top lip to keep from laughing.  “But you’re really not giving me any advice, are you?”

“Well you’ve been pretty busy…I can tell you that.”  His smile can be best described as mischievous.  He arches one eyebrow at you in speculation.  “Do you mind if I ask you something and you answer me truthfully?” 

“Go ahead.”

“Are you going back to Tom?”  He rubbed the inside of his cheek with his tongue as he waited for a reply.

“Don’t be stupid.”

He leans back, one arm folded across his chest as his hand his chin.  “Then do you like Chansung?  And you know I mean like as in love…as in in love…with hopes of creating a relationship with him that’s more than just friends.”  You struggled to find the strength to be honest and you nod your head as you back a strand of hair behind your ear refusing any eye contact.  “Then why are you moving away from him?”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”  You cradled your cup in your hands, surprisingly it was still warm despite its emptiness.

“But you are hurting him like this.”  He bit back an angry retort.  “I don’t know if this matters to you at all, but he really does like you.  He chatters about you non-stop when you’re not around.  To be honest, it’s a first seeing him like this and I don’t know if I should be glad or angry because of it…it’s amazing if you think about it, because you could make him feel so happy at one point and then make him feel so miserable the next.”  You found yourself unable to meet Wooyoung’s gaze.  As a friend to Chansung, you figured he might be angry, frustrated to say the least.

“I can’t.  What if it doesn’t work out?  What happens to our friendship then?  What if I end up hurting him or worse, what if…”

“Have you ever realized your what ifs are what’s hurting the both of you more right now?”  Wooyoung whispers as he leans forward.  “Maybe you should stop thinking of what ifs or what would be…and start thinking of what is and what’s right now.”

There was silence for a long while as you let Wooyoung’s words sink in deep within you.  He was right and you’ve known that for so long, but somehow the fear of losing a friend seemed greater in you.  “Thank you for confirming my idiocy.”  You replied in a soft voice to match his.  “And to think just a few minutes ago you said you won’t give me advices.”  You laughed bitterly.

Wooyoung leans closer, holds your hand and with a faintest whisper spoke.  “Stop being a coward and start being brave.  You used to be brave.”  He smiles as he taps a finger at the back of your hand.   “All those things you’ve been running from for the last few months you need to embrace.  Stop running away from Chansung and go be with him, with him, not just next to him, but be with him and love him back.  We’re all starting to miss the brave you, you know.”

“It was easier being brave when I didn’t know what the consequence of failure was.”  You sighed.

“You have to believe that love exists again.  The real kind.  The kind that wouldn’t fail.  The kind that’s brave enough to go on despite getting hurt.  The kind that would only get discovered if you would give it a chance.”  He spoke so softly that you had to lean in closer.

“Why are we whispering anyway?”  You too spoke quietly.

“There’s a certain fellow trying his best to eavesdrop on our conversation.”  He motions with his eyes as he smiles mischievously.  But before you could look to see, you find Chansung pulling a chair to sit in between you and Wooyoung, taking Wooyoung’s hand forcibly away from yours.

“I was going to hold it in, but it was disgusting.”  You watched as he works his jaw from side to side.

“What?  Disgusting?  What is?”  Wooyoug said taking offense.

“You shouldn’t hold his hand.  You don’t know where it’s been.”  Chansung turned to you and you could see Wooyoung wanting to retort, but settled for just looking Chansung up and down before cutting his eyes at him making you laugh.  “So I heard you’re leaving for a while.”

“Uhm.”  You nodded.

“With Tom?”  Chansung spoke nonchalantly.

“Did everyone get stupid overnight?”  You your hair back in frustration.  “Now, why in the world would I do that?  I just needed some time to think….alone.”

“About Tom?”  Chansung said as he took Wooyoung’s cup and drank from it.

You rested your elbows on the table and sighed loudly.  “No.  About things in general.  About me mostly.  I need a vacation.  I just need to take my mind off of things…off of…”

“Tom?”  He rotated Wooyoung’s cup in his hands over and over as he watched you avoid his stare.

“Again?  Tom?  Tom again?”  Wooyoung took his cup back from Chansung and set it down in front of him with painstaking precision and then crossed his arms over his chest to look at Chansung judgingly.  “Are you in love with Tom?  You keep blurting out Tom, Tom, Tom.  Seriously dude.”

Chansung took a deep breath and then let it out.  He brushed his fingers against your wrist for a moment.  “When will you be back?”  His smile was a bit forced.  It still hurt that he knows the thing you are running away from wasn’t Tom, it was him…but at least he understood why somehow.

“I won’t be gone too long.  I have a job here I can’t afford to lose.  I have a place here I need to pay for.  I have you here and you too.”  You made sure to look at Wooyoung’s way too.  “I just needed the vacation I should’ve had when my wedding was called off.”  You grabbed Chansung’s face and held it still with a warm smile on your face.  “I’ll be back.” 

“Right.”  He nods his head in your hands and managed to smile…to really smile.

“Do you want me to leave you something?  Just to assure you that I’ll be back for it?”

“No.  I’m not a little child, you know.”  He shakes his head.  “Rather…remember that red shirt of mine you stole?”

“No.”  You feigned ignorance awkwardly and let his face go.

“Of course you do.”  Chansung took your face in his hands just as you were to avoid his eyes.  “I want that back as soon as you get back.  So make sure to hand it to me as soon as you’re back…as soon as you’re back.”

“Ahhh seriously…what are you guys doing?”  Wooyoung looked on annoyed and cut his eyes at you both.

STEP 10:  Believe

The painful truth is that there is no way to guarantee that a relationship will last.  Even if you think you have taken the necessary steps to assure that it will, something might still go wrong in the end.  Your next relationship might fail again and you might get hurt again, but I suggest you don’t give up, cry it off, laugh it off, dust yourself off and then start all over again until you get there.  Keep in mind that love and lasting relationships are still a possibility in your future.

Life is often filled with making mistakes and taking risks that don't always pay off and could sometimes even mean ending up getting hurt, getting hurt so bad that trying again would be an awfully scary thing for you to do.  But if you didn't go through all that, you'd have nothing but regrets.  Mistakes are there to learn from and failure gives you a chance to do it all over again, only better, tougher and wiser.  Remember that everyone goes through bad experiences in their lifetime and a breakup and a heartbreak shouldn’t spell the end of your love life.  It is simply a period, in which you put romance on delay, like a postponement of your love life.  Plenty of people with relationships that last the rest of their lives had their hearts broken by another person once or more times first before they found their true love.  They found true love after all that and so you can too.

So, don’t hinder yourself in finding the right person for you, don’t stay scared in a corner hiding away because of a lost love, because of a failure at making love last…instead allow yourself to believe…believe in love and relationships again.