eeeek im sorry it feels like i've been away for ages ;-; my exam results come in real soon so i guess ive been a little pre occupied, plus my health has been a little meh (nothing too bad so dont panic  im not going anywhere! <3) as usual this is unedited poop im very sorry i literally havent even re read over this and it was written between 11pm and 1am so it's very poor but i hope you enjoy it anyways :) 

stay safe and lovely as always <3333333333

Jongin’s throat is dry and his heart is doing the mambo in his chest.

It’s his one year anniversary with Kyungsoo and Jongin has something very very special planned. He’s going to propose.

Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol and Taeyeon and Tiffany had got married sometime that year, and the idea of Kyungsoo standing at the altar and taking Jongin’s name forever just—just makes him smile.

Kyungsoo had said he didn’t want anything too fussy for the anniversary, but Jongin knew he was a secret romantic at heart. For this reason, Jongin organised a meal for them to eat on the rooftop of his—now their—building, just like the very first time Jongin had confessed his feelings for the elder.

It’s irrational to be nervous, Jongin knows, because after all it’s just dinner with Kyungsoo, something he’s done many a time and the conversation is unlikely to be much different.

Despite this, by the time the clock is striking seven Jongin has butterflies in his tummy and shaky hands as he and Kyungsoo stroll up to the rooftop together. The ring in his pocket (which Kyungsoo had pointed out on a shopping trip once) suddenly feels extremely heavy and Jongin is desperately hoping Kyungsoo won’t want to hold his hand because his palms are starting to resemble the Pacific Ocean.

The meal is as usual, delicious (Jongin is blessed enough to be very close friends with Lee Taemin whose boyfriend is Choi Minho, probably the most renowned chef in Seoul.)

The stars are out for Jongin and Kyungsoo again, fighting against the light pollution to stud themselves into the blackened sky. Jongin takes courage from their resilience and makes a mental note to try and be as bold, before mentally scolding himself for being idiotically romantic and acting like stars were people. He shakes his head and finally looks up from his meal.

Kyungsoo is watching him, head tilted to the side. He is smiling curiously, eyebrows raised calmly. “Are you ok?”

Jongin nods hurriedly, swallowing his mouthful of food harshly and wincing as he feels it force its way down his throat. “Yes yes, I’m—I’m fine.” He says quickly, dabbing his mouth with a napkin and forcing a smile onto his face.

Kyungsoo leans back in his chair. His eyebrows furrow for a second before smoothing out and his expression becomes neutral. “Ok.”

Jongin knows Kyungsoo can tell something is up. He doubts he can actually guess what he is planning, but Kyungsoo knows him well enough to tell when he’s on edge about something. The elder can usually pinpoint Jongin’s anxiety even when he’s masking it professionally at business meetings, so in his current state he must be glaringly obvious.

Mercifully, Kyungsoo picks up his knife and fork again and asks Jongin about his day at work, not pressing the matter further.

***

By the time Jongin and Kyungsoo have finished their meals, Jongin is feeling far calmer. He’s almost fooled himself into thinking this is just like another everyday meal with Kyungsoo; nice food, beautiful company and sweet, loving conversations about each other’s days and other meaningless but light topics.

They move from the dining table they were seated at in favour of grabbing a drink and standing leaning against the railing around the edge of the rooftop. Jongin is getting flashbacks to the first time they were in this situation, the first time he’d confessed to Kyungsoo, the first time he’d kissed him when they’d both been sober. (Not that he regretted the drunken kiss at all. That was freaking brilliant; he’d just rather their first kiss was more romantic and fairytale-esque.) The memories bring fondness to his heart and more fluttering in his tummy.

Kyungsoo looks stunning tonight; as he does every night (and every day) Jongin has seen him. He wears casual clothes, his hair styled up for the wind to run its chilled fingers through and his skin almost translucent under the pale moonlight. A small half-smile graces his lips as he observes Seoul beneath and around him, his side profile striking as ever. Jongin wonders what he did to deserve someone like Kyungsoo. Sure he might be handsome ish, but Jongin still has many reservations about himself physically and he frequently frets over whether his grumpiness can be too much sometimes. Despite everything, Kyungsoo still loves him for who he is, and Jongin is overwhelmed with how much he loves the smaller in return.

He doesn’t realise he’s been staring at the side of Kyungsoo’s face until the man’s lips quirk up into a grin and he turns to look at him. “You’re staring.”

Jongin blushes and looks down at the edge of his glass sheepishly. “Sorry.”

Kyungsoo huffs a small laugh, looking downwards. “Why are you sorry? You’re my boyfriend, you’re allowed to stare at me whenever you like.” Kyungsoo shudders briefly after saying that, the cold air finally getting to him a little.

Jongin smiles tenderly and shuffles across to him, standing behind Kyungsoo’s small frame and wrapping him in a back hug. He rests his chin on Kyungsoo shoulder and Kyungsoo nestles back into him a little, warmth spreading through his bones and across his chest. He can feel Jongin’s heart hammering between his shoulder blades and smiles. The younger is hiding something, he knows it, and Kyungsoo guesses he will just have to wait and see.

Having Kyungsoo in his arms often helps to relax Jongin, but now it’s doing anything but. The more he stands their enjoying holding the elder, the more time he is wasting by not getting down on one knee and proposing. His mind races with thoughts of his year with Kyungsoo; the good points like moving in together, meeting Kyungsoo’s family, seeing their friends get married, business success. Jongin also thinks of the bad points, the confusion and hurt right at the start, the meaningless spats they’ve had on occasions, the goodnight kisses they’ve missed, the time they’ve wasted not speaking to each other and the nights not spent in each other’s arms due to anger, jealousy or a mixture of both.

Jongin wouldn’t change anything. The good points have been made all the more better by Kyungsoo being by his side, and the bad points have only served to strengthen their relationship and make them realise how they can’t possibly cope without one another.

He has to do it now. He has to propose right now or he’s going to chicken out. Don’t be a wuss Jongin. He can almost hear Shy Beef or whatever his name is yelling at him to ‘JUST DO IT!’ and Jongin inhales sharply before stepping back from Kyungsoo and dropping onto his knee.

Kyungsoo turns around at the loss of Jongin’s heat, a pout evident on his face until he regards Jongin’s position, his jaw drops. “Jongin?”

“Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo. My Kyungsoo. I love you. I love you so so much. You are the most beautiful person in the world to me and I still can’t believe that I would get the chance to even be friends with someone like you, never mind actually date you and hold you in my arms and get to love you.”

“You’re the cleverest, sweetest and most caring person I know, and I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if you weren’t by my side. When you first met me, I was a stupid arrogant little rich boy. I treated people like dirt and I didn’t give people who weren’t like me a chance. I was a fool. I spilt coffee on you the first time I spoke to you, and I yelled at you. I’m sorry for that, I really am, and I’m glad that you could give me another chance when it turned out you were going to be the matchmaker for my dad. You’re forgiving, and that’s yet another reason why I love you.”

“I still remember the way you held me tight and soothed me when I accidentally blurted out I was gay, even though I’d been so horrid before. You always make me feel like I’m special, and I’m wanted. I know I always moan and complain and bring it up, but since mum died no one has been there for me like that. You went along with my crazy plans, you let me drag you from your apartment and make you look at boats with me on cold afternoons. No matter what I was doing, you always came with me and did it with a smile.”

“You found my dad happiness and then stood by me whilst I took over the business. Even the small things; the cups of coffee brought to me, the soothing kisses, the songs you sing me at night, every single thing you do for me keeps me strong and makes me feel like I can get up in the morning and do my job properly.”

“You set your own company up and you made it successful on your own. I admire you so greatly for that. You’re always so kind to your staff, and you treat them like equals. You don’t push and shove to get your way and you’re kind and empathetic.”

“Even the small things about you drive me absolutely crazy: the way you hide your face behind your hands when Baekhyun and Jongdae tell rude jokes, the way you laugh with Jihae and your eyes crinkle up, the way your hair is all messy in the morning, the way you rub your eyes with the back of your hand when you’re tired the way the first thing you do when you come home is give me a hug and kiss, the way you—the way you do everything.”

Jongin shakily puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out the ring. He had actually had a really good speech planned out for what he was going to say when he proposed, but his heart was miles ahead of his head and it was making his mouth move of its own accord.

Jongin looks up and meets Kyungsoo’s tear filled eyes. The elder’s hands are clamped over his mouth and the tears and streaming down his face. Jongin isn’t sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but he carries on anyway.

“What I’m trying to say is Do Kyungsoo, I love you more than my own life and I can’t see us ever being apart for the rest of my existence, so will you marry me?”

Kyungsoo removes his hands from his face. He opens his mouth to speak but all he can seem to do is let out a loud sob and collapse into Jongin’s arms, burying his face into his chest.

Jongin’s own tears are falling now, his arms shakily enfolding Kyungsoo and holding him close. “Is that a yes then?”

Kyungsoo lets out a cross between and laugh and a sob. “Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes Kim Jongin of course I’ll marry you. Yes.”

Jongin sighs in relief and hugs Kyungsoo so tight he’s sure he’s probably hurting him but he can’t bear to let go. He gently slips the ring onto Kyungsoo’s finger and Kyungsoo sniffles gently when he observes it sparkling.

“You picked the one I liked.” He mumbles.

“Of course I did.” Jongin replies as he nuzzles his lips into Kyungsoo’s soft hair as his tears roll off his cheeks, a grin so broad on his face it’s nearly painful. Kyungsoo laughs and cries and smiles in his hold, his own grin vibrant and stunning.

Jongin eventually leans down and they share a soft chaste kiss, their smiles making it hard to kiss for long. Jongin wraps Kyungsoo’s hand in his as they turn to look out across Seoul again.

Jongin smiles wider (if that’s even physically possible) and lifts their entwined hands up to the sky. He tips his head back and yells “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!”

Kyungsoo laughs and joins in. “WE’RE ENGAGED!”

“I’M GOING TO BE A MARRIED MAN SOON!”

“KIM JONGIN IS MY FIANCÉ!”

“AND DO KYUNGSOO IS MY FIANCÉ!”

“YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO BE MY HUSBAND!”

“I’M GETTING MAAAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD!”

Neither of them cares if they wake any one up or cause a disturbance. Far from it, they hope the whole city will hear their professions of love.